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kolaida

Regular Member
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About kolaida

  • Rank
    Skeptic
  • Birthday December 5

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    wasting time on the internet, playing with my kittens, disorders, watching stuff on hulu, open to trying just about anything.
  • More About Me
    Former Christian, really threw myself into the religion even at a young age. I was taught that was the most important thing in life, after all. I am agnostic, leaning heavily towards atheism. Late 20s.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Feels extremely weird to say but no, I do not.
  1. Love rainy weekends!

    1. EyesOpened

      EyesOpened

      Send it this way. I will take rain in Phoenix, Arizona. You can have my 115 degree weather for the day. Deal?

    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Ugh. I hate rain. I love sunny weekends, and I'm hoping for many of them over the summer months! :)

  2. Can't sleep at all past two weeks, sure

  3. Welcome to tne forums!! Glad you're here and, by all means, feel free to type what you need (I can get lenghty too, lol). The extimonies are cathartic! Feels good to let it out and know there are others who can relate to you!
  4. I prayed and prayed to get a university scholarship that consisted of a small class that would be easy to get to as I was in a 2 + 2 program (2 years community college 2 years unversity). I was extremely specific recalling a sermon taught about a year before about being specific in your prayers. I prayed every night for about six weeks. One day on Campus, I noticed a newly posted sign inviting people to come back at a certain time for scholarship opportunites. I went back that evening and since only eleven people showed up, we were all offered scholarships (they had fifteen to give away) to complete the next two years, our classes would be on a Native American reservation and we'd have a job afterwards. But then my mother used Christianity in talking me into moving and I gave up the scholarship opportunity even though it's what I really wanted. Even so, I'd say I just lucked oupt and was more aware of the opportunities because I'd been so focused on it and, sure, the prayers helped me focus even more so if course I'd notice and go to every class that might ge offering a scholarship. Here's an example that doesn't include prayer. When I was young, around nine, one of my sisters nearly took a tumble down a flight of stairs and I think that always made me second guess any doubts I had about God for a long time. She was in a walker (maybe a year old, less than 16 months as our other sister hadn't been born yet). I was helping mom with dinner in the kitchen, the kitchen had a door that led to the basement (concrete steps, no carpet, 10-15 steps, usual flight of stairs). The door was usually closed but this day it wasn't. My sister was curious and somehow bypassed both me and my mom and got to the door. We noticed because Mom had looked back over to where she'd been a minute ago and had asked frantically, "where is she?!" We saw her at the stairs and rushed towards her, but it was like horrible slow motion even though we weren't that far from her. We saw the walker tilt and start to hit the steps as we got there, mom just barely missing her. And somehow, as the walker did it's first little flip, my sister managed to get out, grab the edge of the second step and scream, hanging on for dear life. My mom jumped the two steps, scooped her up and we watched as the walker tumbled down the whole flight, flipping and making all kinds of noise. Twenty years later, I still remember what the walker looked like and watching as it finally hit the basement floor. Ironically, my mom only told a few friends although she insisted an angel pulled her out, she never gave any testimonies at church or really told that many people, I think she was embarrassed the door had been open in the first place. Thinking about it without a Christian lens, I'd say that my sister is incredibly lucky the first flip allowed her to fall out (kick herself out) close enough she could grab the second (or was it third, it was still close to the top) step, and it's quite a testament to human instict survival as even as a one year old, my sister knew to grab and hang on to the step. Both my mom and I were so relieved, and thanked God, but really the only way we could think to see it was as Christians at the time. How many other babies have taken a dive down stairs and not made it, how many toddlers get killed by pulling tvs onto themselves? Why are we so special? What made my sister not become one of them? I'd say it's more a testament to evolution than religion, survival of the fittest. Welcome to the forums!!!!
  5. Wow. Yes, that would upset most normal people. Seems like pre- arranged marriages are coming back into style or people are more vocal about them. You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you do, it probably won't prevent the wedding. That is frustrating. I'd be angry, too.
  6. Yes, I can't even imagine my own parents not laughing right out the church's door at that kind of thing and they enjoy going to smaller churches that preach fire and brimstone. $72,000 a year he was getting?! Plus paid tuition and paid med insurance for his family? Geeze, beginning to realize why some pastors turn out to be sleazy. And asking for 10% of the congregation's grossly income a week?!? That is just nuts, wonder how many people he really screwed over. That is one thing I know my parents would completely agree with me on, almost tempted to call them up and be like, "Did you hear about the pastor who...". It would definitely up my mom's paranoia in every sermon where money is mentioned, lol. My parents are suckers for god but when it's all said and done, they'd come back with a, "But God showed how he really wants us to spend our money.". lol I'm sorry, just in shock. I've heard ten percent before but every pastor I've heard always said it was 10% of your earnings on your check, most encouraged biweekly offerings or offering that coincided with your pay period so you might be putting anywhere from $40-$70 every other week depending on the pay. Certainly not weekly (unless you wanted to split it, $20 each week for example) And it was after everything was taken out (taxes, etc). Most people can barely afford that, most people I know have never seen 50K a year, much less 70K, good grief. He was asking for a few hundred dollars a month from everyone!! (If not more!) Anytime a preacher talks to much about money, I get suspicious (even when I was a Christian, alarm bells would usually go off). There was only one preacher I ever thought was okay talking about money, but he always outlined the amount given and the budget plans and explained where it was going to the congregation through bulletins and he didn't have anything fancy (lived in a trailer on the church lot). Money really gets me going, lol, if you couldn't tell. A thief disguised as a preacher (not anything new, but he was so..... blatant about it!!). Glad he left, I'm not one to spare a lot of sympathy on Christians, but dang, gotta wonder how badly that effected some families financially especially if they were already spread thin with kids and debt. At least some good came out of it, brought you here!!
  7. Welcome back, BlackCat! I was away for awhile, too, though our reasons are different. I had a lot of overtime at work and was working towards new goals I'd set for myself (also trying to cut back on net) and just wanted to be completely away from any hints of religion for awhile. So happy to see you're still around; those topics you created and the friendly vack and forth between you and BAA helped me a lot in my first stages of deconversion. So very thrilled you're still around and I'm happy you figured things out for yourself, sometimes going back and forth just becomes part of our journey in life.
  8. Yes, the anxiety, panic, depression is pretty common.m Like most things, time helps. Give it time and you'll soon find that you will have other goals. You'll find ways to fill the void until eventually you realize there is no longer any void there! I actually found looking into meditation (as just meditation, not anything faith based) to be helpful when I first deconverted. Actually, it still helps, but I've always had trouble focusing but I might give it a shot again. Also, that whole inner selves theory helped, too, just because it wasn't faith based, but also wasn't based completely on physical evidence (psychcology based- fogot exactly what it's called tho). I liked it just because it was different. Read a lot of just science based books, too. The emptiness will go away. Tell your parents in your own time, do whatever is best for you.
  9. I always volunteered for VBS (and Awanas). By the time I was old enough to teach Sunday School, my family had moved from small Southern Baptist to gigantic non-denominatiol and I don't think they had a Sunday School (but still not 100 sure). Anyway, I hope y'all can work out a better solution, too. It sounds like you've had a rough go. And what the heck is that preacher on? My parents always left churches that they felt were "too needy." Generally, we had preachers that just encouraged people to put what they could in, sometimes they'd have 10% sermons but they still always brought up the woman with two pennies in a positive manner. Anytime I heard a preacher pushing money too much, I just knew mom and dad's coversation on the way home would be about looking for a new church. 10% of your GROSS income WEEKLY?!? So glad you got out of that, you gotta wonder what kind of grandiose delusions that preacher has. I'd imagine most Christians would take issue with it. Very happy you're reclaiming your weekends, definitely sounds like you deserve it.
  10. As BlackCat pointed out, there is a place of peace outside Christianity, just takes a while to find because it is your journey, but you'll find it. Christianity was very much drilled into my head from birth, some of my earliest memories ate of a church, my parents attended faithfully- my parents also cleaned one of the churches we went to for about four years, lol, so we were there often. I also feel like two different people-just several years ago, I couldn't imagine life without God, now I can't imagine life believing God again, it's very weird feeling at times. I also feared falling back into belief for awhile, too. Not really sure why, but after a couple years the fear just vanished. I read a lot books and could just not envision myself ever practicing Christianity again. Welcome to the forums!
  11. Congrats! I also believed 100% and my family was fundie (also Southern Baptists, lucked out and had one progressive preacher that wasn't all fire and brimstone), but thankfully my mom wore out of homeschooling after two years! I'm positive my public school experience helped as I did befirend and maintain relationships with a couple atheists. I am truly sorry to hear about your nieces and nephews viewing you that way. It is unfortunate that all they know is their beliefs-maybe one day one will grow out of their cult based on your inspiration. At least through you, they are aware that you can grow up and come to believe something else. I live thousands of miles away from my family so have felt no real need to bring it up, I am also not as close to my siblings as I used to be. However, both my sisters have become alarmingly more and more fundamentalist in their beliefs. Then again ten years ago, I was kind of like that, too. But I was also single and had more friends. Both have settled and don't seem to have anybody out their SO and families, all of which are religious, so not getting my hopes high. I'm sure their kids will also view me as angry at God, doubt I'll go much longer without telling them. I'm very happy you're here! Welcome to the boards!
  12. Don't worry, you're not being melodramatic at all! It really is like grieving, you've lost your old life and are trying to figure out how to go on and what to do with your new life. But it's hard because you still have all those feelings from before and now asking yourself the "what could have beens" and also the,"what's going to happen now/ when I tell them?" It's easy to feel empty once you stop believing, it's as if you just dedicated years of your life to what you thought was a good charity but just found out that it's actually fraud and yiu think, "If only I'd known sooner..." Reading helped me a ton, reading others' experiences, spending time on the science forum, reading rants and replies, talking to my atheist friends (but you are right, it's hard to find former Christian athesist in those groups at times). I also had issues with OCD and depression and found therapy to be helpful. I've found it's good to set goals, too. For awhile, I felt goalless because all my former goals had been so deeply rooted in Christian beliefs, I asked myself pretty frequently, "What now??" Definitely interesting. Please make yourself at home here and don't worry about being melodramatic or not positive enough, just be who you are and ask any questions you have, we'll do our best to answer them!
  13. Yes, Yes, it is very costly being poor, LOL! Which is pretty much why a lot of us are poor in the first place, because it's an expensive place to live!! Ouuch. One week I lived off a box of dry pancakes, that's literally all I could afford then! Hahah, good times!
  14. I was pretty fundamentalist but I never got to the point of disbelieving in dinosaurs. They are just everywhere, one of my favorite computer games as a kid was a dinosaur game, you got Jurassic Parks, and all the stuff you learn in school about them. I just couldn't not believe in them. I've never actually met someone who has told me they don't believe in dinosaurs. I mean, I heard about it, but even some of the super conservative stuff I bought still said they at least thought it was likely dinosaurs existed. Good luck with her. I think someone that is that far gone has to come to in their own time.
  15. If I could have 2 more hours in a day, it'd be really nice!

    1. crazyguy123

      crazyguy123

      Imagine if you didn't ever need to sleep and had unlimited energy. Then you would have quite a bit more than 2 extra hours in a day. :)

    2. florduh

      florduh

      If there were two more hours in the day it would just make for a longer work week.

    3. NeverAgainV

      NeverAgainV

      I'd probably use them to sleep! LOL!! :D But I know what you mean. I never have enough time to get stuff done!

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