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About milesaway

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  • Birthday 04/07/1986

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    Music, books, movies, video games, Calvin and Hobbes, old school Nickelodeon, spending time with my family and friends, and surfing the 'net.
  • More About Me
    I can't reconcile any of what people have done (to me, to family members and in general) in the name of their superstitions and what they say they believe. And i never will.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    nope. those days are long gone.

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  1. happy new year, everyone!

    1. LogicalFallacy


      same to you!


      Watch the prophesies start to get mentioned with the resolution against Israel.

    2. Margee


      Happy New Years to you also milesaway!!


  2. First off, it's ok to miss Christianity. Maybe what you miss more is the community aspect, but whatever you miss about it, it's all ok. It's also understandable that you miss it. After all, the work in terms of making friends and finding a community was done for you, and also it offers some kind of certainty in a world of unknowns. Christendom is often known for demonizing other religions or those who don't identify with any religion by sending us the message that it's Christendom or bust. Remember that it's a scare tactic, and a tough one to unlearn. I would suggest building a life outside of church, because it looks as though that's what your world revolves around at this time. That's very common for those who had church as a major figure in their lives. As a heads-up, some of us lost people we considered friends during our deconversion process, myself included, but hopefully you'll luck out and any friends you made in church will still be there in your life post-religion. The upside here is that you get to define spirituality for yourself, if you decide to keep that as a part of your life moving forward. Keep whatever makes sense to you, and leave the rest behind. You now get to live your life on your terms, not those of some belief system. There's no pressure to label yourself anymore, because whatever label you identify with now may feel differently a year or two from now.
  3. What I experienced goes way beyond "quirks." That's like calling a blizzard a light flurry. I know what happened to me, and I don't care who chooses to doubt it or ridicule it. That says more about them than it does me. I'm sorry that you came across toxic churches during your years in christendom, and at the same time happy that christendom seems to have treated you far better overall than it ever treated me. I wish my experience was a whole lot better than it was. I wish all of us who came from toxic environments at the churches we attended had better experiences there. Nobody's disputing there aren't good churches somewhere out there. I'm sure there are, and in that case, good for them. They can continue being the change. Unfortunately the toxic ones overshadow them every time. Depending on the denomination, they support some pretty bad things, and if they're healthy churches, they condone it through guilt by association. I couldn't live with myself knowing that, so there was another reason I left. I wasn't doing things or going to places that squared with my values, and when I walked out those church doors for the last time, I felt at peace. The reason why I felt at peace and have ever since that day is because I chose to act in accordance with my values. Looking back, maybe that's part of why at least some of the people I met during my rodeo with religion acted like they did, including church leaders. The otherwise decent church leaders are the ones I feel for, because they're living a lie and basically between a rock and a hard place. Based on my experience, I haven't met one single church leader that doesn't end up toeing the party line at the end of the day. Nothing could ever get me to go back to another church ever again. I've seen enough of the ugliness behind the mask. I took the bait, and found out the hard way that it was a trap. I don't care who runs the church, how progressive and forward-thinking they are, or how many people attend the services. I can't even bring myself to set foot inside my polling place, so I vote via absentee ballot. Church and I are done forever, and the good news is that it isn't the only game in town anymore.
  4. I'm late to the party, but here goes. I left for many reasons, not just one. First, I gave church my best shot, and I found it sorely lacking, no matter which one I tried. It didn't take long before I got nothing out of the sermons or the services. Second of all, the toxic environment at each one I visited was doing nothing for me. I figured maybe it was just that one rogue church, but every one I visited turned out to be like that. The extents to which they sucked vary, of course. I got to thinking one day at the last church I visited during my rodeo with religion, that if they didn't think twice about treating me like shit when I'm not even formally a member there, then what was to stop them from treating my kids the same way when I have them? Nothing. Then I realized that my future kids deserve better than being raised around adults who needed kindergarten concepts spelled out for them such as being taught how to be a good person, adults who saw nothing wrong with coddling abusive jerks while throwing the people they mess with under the bus, and adults whose companionship and pseudo-friendship has been and will always be conditional. After a comparatively minor incident that turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back, I tied up the remaining loose ends I had left, and I left that hellhole once and for all. That was around this time 3 years ago, and even though it's still pretty recent, it feels like it was all a lifetime ago.
  5. happy new year, everyone!

  6. happy holidays, everyone!

  7. Good. If people there start treating you like shit when you're not even a member of their church, you walk away and write them off. I promise, you don't need community that bad.
  8. No judgment here either. Some people leave christendom for the religions they grew up with, others choose a more general spirituality as they understand it, and some choose the path you're taking right now. Who's to say you won't change your mind later on? We all have the right to do so anyway. Stay true to yourself, and think critically in whatever you choose to do. More importantly, if you get any weird feelings from a church, take it as your cue to bail. You don't have to put up with toxicity for the sake of belonging to a community.
  9. finally upgraded my phone. clean slate, fresh start.

    1. yunea


      Hey, me too! High five!

    2. AndrewTomlinson


      I did that recently myself. Had been living with a dumb phone until a couple of months ago. :)

    3. milesaway


      high five! yeah, this was long overdue, and the old phone was kinda tainted with bad memories.

  10. i totally forgot it was Easter today. no wonder my neighborhood was a ghost town.

  11. Welcome to the site! We all take different paths to get to where we are now, some are more common than others, but we all ended up here somehow. I actually grew up irreligious, but religion got its claws in me for a few years. Christendom wasn't kind to me at all, to say the least. In a way, I guess irreligiosity chose me in the end. The good news is, you get to spend the rest of your teen years free of religion. You've got some good critical thinking skills, and those are kryptonite to any cult leader or member who may try to recruit you and groom you for what's to come down the road.
  12. I'm so sorry they treated you that horribly, Rach. It doesn't surprise me, though. Christendom tends to be a social club created by the privileged and for the privileged. Remember that their behavior had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. The praise and acceptance was the bait, and then they showed their true colors once you were a part of their social club. It's the age-old tactic of every abuser and snake oil salesman. The way people treat others is a reflection of how they feel inside, and those people must have really felt awful about themselves. However, it's no excuse for taking it out on others and lashing out at them. Their behavior was wrong back then, and it's wrong now. I get it. I never once found the friendship and acceptance I was so desperately looking for at the last church I attended. I was never going to find it, and the reason why is b/c they were never capable of giving it to me. I wanted to be like them so bad. I wanted them to like me. They only came around when they wanted something, otherwise they ignored me, disrespected me and pitied me. It was one of the catalysts behind my departure, among other things. I felt like I wasn't good enough for them, and it was in the past year or so that I realized that they weren't good enough for me! It's the same for you and anyone else who's been screwed over and kicked around by their former church communities: THEY weren't good enough for YOU. Any relationship with them was contingent upon things you had no control over, and what they had to offer you was worthless. True friendship and true love is only contingent upon the other person not treating you like crap, putting you in harm's way or disrespecting you. You may have been tolerated in your old church community, but here, you're accepted and celebrated.
  13. Welcome. I'm glad you found us. I spent 3 years in religion, and while it's peanuts compared to the time you spent in it, leaving was painful all the same. If it were up to me, I would have stayed. But I couldn't. I couldn't go through with joining a religion so morally bankrupt. I didn't choose this, instead it chose me. There were people I talked to at the last church I visited, and I really liked them. I considered them friends. I looked up to them. I admired them and wished I could be like them. I thought there was something wrong with me. Of course they only came around when it was convenient for them, and couldn't be bothered otherwise, and sometimes they were outright rude and disrespectful to me. I still liked them, though. When I left that church once and for all, they all vanished into thin air. A couple of them called me a month later, trying to guilt trip me into coming back. I ran into another one at the store about a year or so ago, and she looked at me like I wasn't even there, or like I was so beneath her. This was the same one who called me her friend the first time we met! Be prepared for the possibility that you may lose most, if not all the friendships you made while you were attending that church. Some people here lucked out, but a lot of us found this out the hard way. Church relationships seldom last, because church does the dirty work for you when finding and creating relationships, and they tend to be very shallow ones at that. Hard times and upheavals like this have an ugly way of showing us who our true friends are. It will hurt a lot, but in the long run, their loss is your gain. They gave up on a true friend who would never have given up on them.
  14. happy new year, everyone!

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