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About 4EverFree

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Vancouver, Canada.
    Brought up in Northern Ireland
  • Interests
    Reading, writing, movies.
  • More About Me
    Indoctrinated from birth
    'Saved' at age 17
    Walked away after 7 years of desperately trying to make that work
    Stayed in limbo for a long time thereafter, and just now trying to finally move on

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No clue
  1. I have a much stronger sense of self worth since leaving religion. Being taught all ones life that we are fundamentally flawed, all the good things we do in ourselves are worthless and we are nothing without christ.....well that teaching took its toll on basic self esteem. I finally got to the place where I genuinely felt that I was a good person, inherently and by nature, and I didn't need to feel ashamed anymore. Coming to that basic realization was so exciting, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops at first. That allowed me to build my own path in life, take responsibility and believe
  2. Totally identify! I also spent years fearing the 'depart for me into everlasting fire, I never knew you' proclamation at the end of it all. I bounced between asking forgiveness for being a 'doubting thomas' and then overdoing evangelism efforts to prove how on fire I was for god to constantly recommitting my life to god, working myself into deeper sense of disgust at my sins, just in case I hadn't appreciated how unworthy and hell deserving I was in the in the first instance. It's totally toxic and and I have minimal tolerance for any of it now. From a conservative legalistic background,
  3. Just wondering did anyone here grow up or worship in churches that referred to people making false confessions at all? The sect I was born into was very dogmatic and closed with growth mostly from reproduction. It was always a big event when someone ‘got saved’. Families within the fellowship would call from home to home to pass on the good news. Every now and again though there were some folks who were said to have professed to be saved but ultimately a short amount of time showed that it was just a ‘false confession’. These folks were considered sincere of heart who had desperately wa
  4. What sovereignty?? How can god be sovereign and let 270 teenage girls be taken hostage in nigeria? Do you honestly not question his sovereignty in light of what happens in the world? Why would god sit back and just watch injustice happen to innocents if truly sovereign? Blaming 'satan' for such atrocities does not even begin to resolve these questions.
  5. Lots of memories…..i grew up in this sect/cult so quite familiar with the mindset. I never managed to get my head around the ‘many are called but few are chosen’ teaching. If salvation was truly offered to ALL, why did jesus refer only to ‘many’. Plus it seemed sick to offer salvation to the ‘many’ given that only a subset was actually ‘chosen’. To me that always suggested 3 camps - the chosen elite, the unlucky pre-damned folks who weren’t even ‘called’ and those that while they received an invite, the offer wasn’t genuinely extended as they hadn’t been chosen. O this doctrine makes so
  6. While these may technically be considered a cover, they would probably evoke another transgression such as being 'worldly' when god calls people to be separate. At least that's likely what my parents would have preached to me, were I ever to have been brave enough to propose that!! Sometimes I so wish I could go back in time so I could enjoy making these suggestions as an innocent child......
  7. I grew up in a tight brethren sect where it was and still is the norm for females to have their heads covered (with the long hair as is also mandated). It's dumb acceptance as most of these things are. The passage in 1Corinthians indicates that a woman dishonours her 'head' when she prays or prophesies uncovered. Yet, the same woman is told to be learn in silence and ask questions from her husband at home. Begs the question why she needs to bother covering in mixed gatherings given she won't be participating anyway. I always thought this practice was (deservedly) dying out, interesting
  8. Aiyana, I think most or many of us who have traveled this journey have encountered similar situations. Like you, at the beginning of my deconversion I recall confessing my state of unbelief to a christian friend who immediately responded that any peace I was feeling in this new place was due to satan deceiving me. This response is so automatic, it's so deeply ingrained in christian belief it is almost unavoidable. At these early stages you will find yourself doubting your actions frequently, lots of 'what if I'm wrong thoughts' so don't worry - its not easy weeding out deep-rooted brainwas
  9. Hi Ralet. So much of your experience resonates with my own. I too all to often felt like I was standing at a closed door and wasted years wondering why God didn't appear to be answering. Now i am still baffled that I even wanted that door to be opened as I see christianity for what it truly is. While i wouldn't call myself an atheist (yet), I realize that god - if he exists in some form - certainly isn't connected or bothered with humankind and their daily lives. It was such a relief to stop blaming myself and my supposed lack of faith and simply realize that a personal god is simply an d
  10. Hi Tollo I'm in exactly the same place as you right now re how you view christianity and christians. It's a long hard road trying to build up a healthy self esteem outside all the learned brainwashing and toxic christian messages that have been drilled in over the years. And I admit that I'm pretty intolerant right now to folks trying to share their religion with me or those around me. I think this is just a stage though and figure that once more time has passed, I'll be less bothered by. For now, its kind of a healthy anger for me as it indicates that part of me is truly offended by it
  11. Welcome to this forum truthseeker4. Childhood indoctrination is very hard to get rid of - sometimes I think that metaphorically i'm just using weedkiller, rather than actually uprooting the weeds properly. Just keep in mind that it takes patience, sometimes hard to find when you just want to have dealt with things and cleared up your confusion, but like anything it is a process. Through time you will find whatever truth is right for you, in the meantime you have come to a safe place. Welcome.
  12. This is one of the areas that I also question. Given the great tribulation that is apparently going to befall the world, it baffles me when Christians openly say they are looking forward to the 2nd coming. While I know that family members/friends may feel tortured in fear of souls of their loved ones being lost, nevertheless, they still openly affirm their desire for god to return. How they can admit to wanting this to happen given what they believe will be unleashed upon the world through god’s ‘righteous’ judgment is beyond my understanding. I could NEVER wish for that type of har
  13. Hi NoFaithX7 There is so much pain in your message. My heart goes out to you. It is so difficult going through this wilderness and trying to find other (real) support systems rather than a concept of god. I does sound to me like you are pretty seriously depressed and I would very much affirm with others on here, that meds cannot hurt things. I was previously in a very dark place and resisted meds for a couple of years. I finally gave in and gave them a try and while they didn't magically solve the problem, what they did do, was give me a little more hormonal balance which was just enough
  14. Hi everyone Thanks for being so open – it helps so much to know how people have journeyed along this issue with so many struggling with the same challenge. Overall, I’m hoping that I’ll get to the same point of acceptance/forgiveness, due to feeling for the limitations of my parents’ own situations. They were similarly brainwashed and are unable to take the religion blinkers off, and in so many ways their lives have suffered, even if they don’t realize or acknowledge that. I guess that once I get to a fuller appreciation of that, it will help me balance/accept my own feelings somewhat.
  15. NOT having a good day unfortunately and here is the only place I could think of posting. It kind of feels sad that I end up posting to unknown people on this site rather than feeling comfortable with sharing with people I know, but here it is. I’ve been so affected and harmed by my upbringing, my parents church and their choices, I sometimes think I will never get to the stage of getting rid of the anger and hurt I have built up inside. I feel guilty having these thoughts often as my parents loved me in their way and never wanted any harm to come to me but their toxic religion scarred me
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