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About orthodoxjewishgirl

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    Experimental Cooking
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    I want to stop believing in god.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Orthodox Jew
  1. I'm a little different from most of you here but this is one of the only communities I thought might be helpful in any way. I'm an orthodox Jew. I only wear skirts and I cover my hair with a sheitl. I want to stop believing in god so much. Well, actually, I don't think I actually believe anymore. The problem is that I am so attached to keeping shabbos (the sabbath) and the holidays. They have deep meaning to me and I feel consoled by keeping them. My husband is now an atheist and has been for a while. Love is not enough. It just isn't, and anyone who tells you differently has never been married (at least not for more than a year). My continuing to keep orthodox practices and his not wanting to (I don't blame him...I just feel like I can't leave them behind) is tearing me apart inside. I am worried that our marriage will not survive if I cannot let go of religion. I used to daven (pray) three three times a day like a good orthodox girl and I have stopped. What is keeping me from giving up keeping shabbos and holidays? Why do I feel such a tremendous loss whenever I try to break shabbos by turning on a light or something? It makes me feel like my entire world is crumbling and I have nothing left....but I have my husband whom I love...shouldn't that be all I need? I need helping letting this go. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop wearing skirts and covering my hair...but the things that actually impact the way my husband and I live our life...I need to get rid of those things. I need to stop being religious. I am three months pregnant with our first child, so this is all the more important now. I know that Christianity and orthodox Judaism are worlds apart, but maybe some of you can help...
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