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rach last won the day on April 20 2015

rach had the most liked content!

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About rach

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    I am Rachel. I am always looking for the truth.
    I dream of going to space :)
    The god of the bible is my enemy

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    great spirit creator

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  1. I'm horrified about "coming out." I hate being fake and sooner or later I'm going to be found out as a nonbeliever. Likely to end up without a home if that happens and I already struggle with feeding and clothing myself. My biggest fear is violence. A-parents are not emotionally stable and are very aggressive for Christ. They also would force me into Christian counseling at their church. I've been wanting to ask them to stop praying for me and stop speaking to me of Christ, but that would put me at risk of being found out.
  2. rach

    Not Doing Good

    I'm not good at coping. I work,watch movies, and read books.
  3. Things are not going well at all and I am in a very depressed condition once again. In bed all day today and haven't stopped crying. The spiritual atmosphere at home is at a fervor and it is very detrimental to my fragile mental state. A-mum is preparing for the most important event of the year for her, which is a Christian religious conference, so she has to spend a lot of time (many months actually) preparing materials and then she will act as teacher for a part of the conference. I am in too fragile a condition to deal with this right now. Everywhere I go in the home there are open bibl
  4. Thanks for writing this. I am an adoptee too. Racially from a people group that "the Lord" doesn't seem all too fond of. My adoptive parents always meant the best for me and I know that. But they did get involved in the popular program of the eighties, "growing kids god's way." My miserable lot! The fundamentalist community taught my parents to break my will as well. My memories of childhood are heatbreaking and I don't even ever want to think about it. My will was already broken! I had already lost my beloved family and was traumatized beyond recovery and still am coping with profoun
  5. I make job arrangements with whoever it is that contacts me. Often that is a man. It seems like women a lot of times don't like me, don't trust me unless they're lesbians. I don't know why but straight women are usually pretty harsh with me and I tend to keep my distance. I'm very shy so usually the only person I want to talk to is the one that approached me for the job. I am a professional and I despise that clients sometimes treat me like a whore just because I am a woman. I have never, never ever had any sexual anything with a client. It's strictly business for me. So perhaps other
  6. A day in the life. A day in the life it's been. As I've told you guys before, I work as a maid in people's homes. Well let me tell you about a common fucked up scenario in the life of the independent female worker. A man contacts me about working in his home. When it comes time, I give the man a call-back. To see if he is still interested in hiring me, and for a meeting in which we would go over the details of the job. And so I call the man. And his wife answers the phone. Ok, fine. "Hi this is Rachel I'm calling for _______" wife: "RACHEL?? wtfomg?? Rachel who?" "I'm Rachel the
  7. He's doing it. The bastard is doing exactly what I expected. I made it clear that there will be no relationship not now, not ever. There will be no sex. I made a firm decision that we should not be around each other at all. But he is playing on my emotions. Making me feel like I missed out on the best thing I ever could have had. Sending sad break up songs. Daughtry "Over You." The Script "Nothing". The sad thing is I read recently in a magazine about a celebrity called Sarah Hyland. She was interviewed about her ex and how she broke up with him because he became abusive and violent
  8. What do you do though when the physical + emotional magnetism is there in spite of when you know "this is not going to turn out well".
  9. You are really wise about relationships, miles. I hope that my intellect can rule my emotions on this one because I am so easily led by emotions. My emotions say "sleep with him" and make him feel good, and give him a chance, but my brain says "stay away."
  10. "heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss" Ewwww. And how the hell does that happen? "In the secret in the quiet hour I wait, only for you I want to touch you" Ahh! We used to sing that in my sunday school almost every week. Maybe I was too young because I never realized the sexual innuendo. Apparently nobody noticed because we sang it so solemnly. Oh no I can't believe we were singing that! I think it would be hilarious to become the first writer of honest Christian songs and try to get churches to sing them. "Gonna Fuck You Up" (that's a song about Job), "Burning it Down" (
  11. Human, he is Christian as far as I understand. Firm Christian. I know what you guys are saying is totally right and in my head I know I am not responsible for his feelings. But when I ignore him or turn him down then I feel guilty. Like I hurt his feelings and made him to feel no worth. Why do I feel guilty about it? He has a lot of good qualities which I would like to encourage in him and maybe someday he could have potential to attempt a relationship, but maybe never. If he is not going to deal with his emotional problems then the answer is never.
  12. So I slowly find out about a crush that a severely emotionally troubled man might have on me. This is a man I mean, in regular life I mean not on the internet. And I have absolutely no problem with "emotionally troubled" individuals because I know myself to be the most emotionally troubled person I've ever met. But the difference between me and this guy (I'm going to call him, for a nickname, Trouble), the difference is that I know myself to have serious problems and I know my limitations and everything, and so I don't push too far. I stay away from serious relationships because I am manic
  13. I always get accused of turning my back on Love, Hope, Freedom and Joy. Which apparently are only to be found in Christ. When in fact my whole reason for turning away from Christ was that I realized if I really wanted Love, Hope, Freedom and Joy, I need to travel in the opposite direction that the Christians are going. I really don't find love and joy in the thought of a god that butchers his son for me, or in a son that embraces his father after the butchering. The idea is so abhorrent it makes my skin crawl. Love isn't supposed to be covered in blood. There has got to be something bett
  14. God is always there? What is that even supposed to mean? When people are trapped with serial killers or burning buildings, god is there? Makes no difference whether his presence is there or not, because he will do nothing.
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