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Everything posted by greylee

  1. It's not that hard, honestly. It's more like a social tradition nowadays. Once in awhile I do feel like a big faker. I've been looking for a job, and people have been trying to help me out if they have connections, and they always advise me to pray and I say that I am. I guess I've gotten really good at lying about this. =/ I don't think I'll ever tell my family.
  2. I'm 27, but based on my life experience I feel more like in my early 20s.
  3. I just wanted to add that I think for the most part, I just want to connect with something. Yet when I try, I feel silly because i'm just one small person in the world and I think my actions don't really matter, and silly for trying to connect with something that is probably not out there.
  4. I don't consider myself an atheist, and yet whenever I try to be more spiritual, I just feel silly. Like I've become one of those new age weirdos. Plus, I'm not sure what I believe in, so whatever I do, I feel like I'm playing pretend. I guess part of it is that it's all so foreign to me. But I do want to explore the more spiritual beliefs that I have. I'm just not sure how.
  5. This is part of my problem. I don't believe in God, and yet I can't help but cringe at you saying that god doesn't want us to be intellectually honest, because I don't really believe that. In my heart, god is perfect and loving and forgiving and nothing like what people seem to think he's like, and yet my head says he's not real.
  6. Greylight, how do you adapt to pantheism? I suppose if I were to believe in something, it might be similar to that, and yet, I still have my doubts. I have wondered if when jesus said that the kingdom is at hand, he meant that it was inside of us, or when the bible says that god is love, it means that to love is to be god-like. But again, I have a hard time believing this as well because I have no proof. I envy my fiance. He was raised agnostic and he just doesn't care about whether god exists or not. I, on the other hand, am always struggling to figure out "the truth."
  7. Thank you for your replies. I suppose what makes it harder for me is that I didn't grow up being taught that I'm supposed to feel guilty for things that I do or even with a fear of hell. Having feelings like that is considered a childish/underdeveloped relationship with god; similar to a child who obeys his parents out of fear of punishment and not because they understand why their parents have ser certain rules for them. So those are things I haven't struggled with since being a teen.
  8. I grew up in a fairly religious family, and I always believed in God and he was a huge part of my life. It was my love for history that caused me to doubt him. After that I started doing even more research because I wanted to prove to myself that he was real, but everything I read just pointed more and more to him not being real. That was 7 years ago. Now I still go to church because that's where my family is, and I still like to help out with church activities, but I don't believe in God. This has always been hard for me. I believed in something that I thought would always be there f
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