Jump to content


Regular Member
  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

320 Excellent


About Insightful

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    orange county CA
  • Interests
    Learning, Loving
  • More About Me
    38 year old male
    3 year crisis of faith
    Ended early 2015 with shift to agnosticism

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

Recent Profile Visitors

977 profile views
  1. Totally! I loved CC back in the day. Not that I think all ex-Cs were never true believers, but even as a true believer myself back then, i always wondered about Derek!! The rest of CC sang more "Christian" stuff and his was more secular... In fact, I remember him having a solo album sold at my local Christian bookstore with a "explicit lyrics" label!! ("I am a whore, I do confess...") Anyway, I digressed! As i wrote to my brother in law when I shared my deconversion with him: I think perhaps the saddest aspect of the post Christian experience is that believers only have negative categories to put us in - deluded, self-deluded, deceived, confused, lost, bent-on-sin, knowingly rejecting, etc. They do not have a category for "believed with all his heart, lived out his faith as fully as he could, found his belief system to be faulty, fought with all his might to hold onto his faith, finally, out of honesty and humility and for the sake of integrity, walked away in tears, but remained a good man who lived a noble life, did much good, and added much love and kindness to the world he left behind."
  2. So sorry for you. 9 yrs is a long time that you 2 have shared together. I agree with the others - red flags for sure and lots of problems ahead. Seems wisest to move on... But I can't imagine the pain you must be going through.
  3. 6 years post-faith, I still sometimes get the urge to pray... What I do is just say my thoughts out loud, knowing that I'm talking only to myself. Depending on my mood and what's going on, sometimes I'll go through some "I'm thankful that______" statements. I might have some "I'm angry that_______" statements, or some "I wish/hope that________" statements. It gives me the chance to emote, express, vent and hope... All while understanding that it's just me talking to... me.
  4. Hi Moby! Welcome. For me it was the cumulative weight of unsolvable theological / biblical problems that I kept trying to ignore. For many of the problems I encountered as a Christian, I was able to convince myself with hermeneutical gymnastics into thinking they weren't problems, or at least they weren't big enough problems to Rattle me. But some problems just couldn't be explained to my satisfaction no matter what length I went to rationalize them. One by one they piled up until the cumulative weight was too much. I remembered feeling like I had so many problems that required faith to accept. But then I began to wonder what evidence was providing me with the faith in the first place to be able to accept all the problems on faith... Ultimately I realized I was only continuing on in Christianity because I kept giving it the benefit of the doubt. Until one day I asked myself why am I giving it the benefit of the doubt??
  5. Hi Serenely Blue - I haven't read too many threads that you were a part of, but I did see one thread where you were treated pretty badly and I felt sad for you. Glad you're back.
  6. This gave me a little chuckle. They can always reply that the ark itself survived =P https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/05/25/us/noahs-ark-replica-park-sues-for-rain-damage/index.html?r=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnn.com%2F
  7. Oh no. I'm sorry LB. Perhaps when all the dust settles, divorce will turn out to be the better path - but it totally sucks the way it went down for you. Please keep us posted.
  8. Welcome IP! Thanks for sharing your story. I agree it's very well written. I definitely feel existential emptiness that you convey. Just going with my initial gut reaction, I would say quit your job even before you figure out what else you're going to do! I know that sounds Reckless but I feel like you're just going through the motions and kind of living a lie, supporting an organization you don't believe in, pretending to be someone you're not. Anything else, even homelessness sounds more fulfilling! ( no offense to anybody who has been homeless. I can't imagine how much that must suck). My point though is that you're spending the best years of your life left in a situation where you cannot be your fullest self. What good is any extra money you earn doing it? I'd vote for any job where you are working for a company you believe in. Sounds to me like you would be fulfilled if you were doing something that helped others - tutoring, teaching, coaching, etc? Tour guide? Museum staff? Amusement park - at least there you helping families smile.. You sound stuck and it's time to move on.
  9. Your honesty with your wife it is excellent - and whatever the outcome is I believe that Honesty will serve the both of you best. And I think it's so healthy for you to have had the courage to express your thoughts and desires. I couldn't tell by what you wrote - do you feel like this is the beginning of the end of your marriage? Or do you see your marriage continuing on but just looking a little different? I'm married to a believing wife and for a good 5 years after me announcing my unbelief I did not think we were going to make it. Finally during year 6 we have turned the corner. Our marriage definitely looks different than it once did. And that Gulf that you describe is always there. But somehow it's gotten smaller has our relationship has gotten better. The more she knows and is convinced that I still love her and I'm still committed to her and that I'm not going to run headfirst into a life of "sin" the more it gives her a chance to come out of that defensive reactive place and just forget about religious belief for a while and be in the moment enjoying one another and enjoying our lives. All the best to you.
  10. Welcome Markus! Crazy guy actually isn't so crazy, I think he hit the nail on the head. One of the most frustrating but important things to accept is that committed Christians will not and cannot understand you nor be convinced of the correctness of your position no matter how much perfect logic you use or how many facts you have on your side - that is because their belief is reinforced by many many walls of rationalization and emotional, psychological, and social necessity. I spent a good two years trying as graciously and thoroughly as possible not to deconvert those around me but just to at least get them to see then I had some very legitimate reasons for doubting. I couldn't even get that far! I agree with crazy guy learn as much as you can and have peace within your own self. This journey will require a lot of inner strength - but the good news is you wouldn't have come this far already if you didn't possess that inner strength. All the best to you
  11. Welcome Antares! I was completely surprised that I felt the same way - better about everything. While you are on the inside Christianity tries to convince you that apart from it you'll be lonely miserable etc, leading a pointless existence in a meaningless universe and filled with hopelessness.... Quite the opposite! Glad you found your way out. Hope to hear more of your story at some point.
  12. Hi Agnostic, Thanks so much for sharing. I totally get what you are saying - I'm the one who has ruined my wife's dreams for having a strong Christian husband and I battle that guilt you describe. Not guilt for landing where I do, but sadness for having to be the "problem" for those I love. And I too have been told that unbelief is a choice! Ahhh. And I totally feel you on the pseudo-humility by THEM + allegations of pride against US. I think it takes an insane amount of humility and courage to admit that we were wrong for so long, to own that, and to expose ourselves to rejection by our closest loved ones... Their worldview doesn't have a nice option for us. We're to be pitied, blamed, shunned, or converted... =( And I agree that Margee-hugs are something special! She could charge for them. Maybe the website here can add "Home of the Margee-hug" as a tagline ;= All the best to you.
  13. Totally. There is a lot that is strange about the Tower of Babel story... Like you pointed out: first, the idea that there is a physical heaven that exists in the atmosphere immediately above the Earth. Then, the idea that God was so insecure that humans would somehow challenge his authority or position. As though though the perch that he ruled from could be climbed up to by a building that was tall enough. The strangest thing to me, though, is that if the whole reason he changed the languages was to put an end to building High Towers, we have subsequently built much much taller buildings and we've even gone so far as to put a man on the moon. So the story really fails on multiple levels: - it fails cosmologically - it fails theologically - it fails logically ( that would make a cute sermon outline!)
  14. I'm so sorry PL. Our family therapist talks about "traumaversary" being a real phenomenon. I'm in a somewhat similar (but less intense) situation in which I attend to be with my believing wife. But I have to be in a good place emotionally to be up for sitting through a sermon. Like you, I try to not pay attention - accept for the funny illustrations/stories! I skip communion. On days when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed or discouraged, I skip service and hang out at the church's coffee shop (which has great coffee!) I think that with time, the intensity of those PTSD type experiences should hopefully diminish. Good for you to declare a break from church for now. I'm glad you have sufficient voice and self-care!
  15. An approach that I have learned to take with Christians is to NOT tell them about all of my best evidence against Christianity until/unless the reach a point when they are honestly questioning/seeking. Otherwise, if they encounter even the most convincing airtight arguments when they are not in a place of openness, they will devise a rationalization that satisfies them in the moment, effectively rendering that argument useless (for them). Better to save all of our awesome arguments until the door of their mind is open - then the arguments will be fresh and effective. Key to my deconversionwas encountering arguments I hadn't heard as a believer in my time of reevaluating my world view - I hadn't yet immunized myself against those great thoughts...
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.