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About Insightful

  • Rank
    Strong Minded

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  • Location
    orange county CA
  • Interests
    Learning, Loving
  • More About Me
    38 year old male
    3 year crisis of faith
    Ended early 2015 with shift to agnosticism

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. This idea reminds me of Eccl 9:10, my favorite book of the Bible as a non-Chistian... (and Margee's too =)) "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."
  2. I'm so glad you found someone to share your life with - someone your brain chose. I love that. Thanks for your post!
  3. Thanks Citsonga - great article and very insightful.
  4. Hey cb1500 - As a fellow anxiety disordered person, i feel your pain and Im sorry you are going through this. One thought, from experience - the things that you're worried about about right now and Afraid about right now might actually be the fruit of anxiety in your life and not the cause of it. Anxiety likes to find a place to take hold and run amok. When our Baseline anxiety is elevated it will manifest in ways like this - perseverating on a certain line of thought or idea. When we feel anxious we are feeling out of control and overwhelmed with uncertainty - so thinking about what happens after death is the perfect channel for anxiety to manifest - it's the ultimate uncertainty. Also if you're in the northern hemisphere anxiety gets worse in these lower light months. Try some bright light therapy first thing in the morning, get outside a lot get exercise, surround yourself with people who make you laugh and feel good. Take a break from punishing yourself with the task of trying to solve the ultimate unknowns of the universe. Hang in there!
  5. Thanks RNP - that's a great example my temptation is to say "Sorry you didnt get the position", but it looks like you made peace with it quickly. You have a fantastic outlook/perspective. Thx for sharing.
  6. Thanks Margee! I totally agree - Ecclesiastes is on to something... Thank you for the encouragement and reminder to change it up / break out of the rut. I really appreciate it.
  7. Thank you so much Redneck Prof - You hit the nail on the head 1,000%. YES - I definitely still carry with me an expectation of a bigger than normal life and in fact I've spent the last 6 years moving from one Quest to another that was supposed to elevate my fairly average existence into something incredible / bigger / great / more. As Christians, my wife and I started adopting orphans and my goal was to adopt 8. Even as an ex Christian, I still wanted to continue the quest as a good humanist. Having two kids was so normal and boring and not exemplary and not an extra-incredible life. But because of my loss of faith and related (and unrelated) marriage problems, my wife did not want to adopt any more children after our 2nd. I spent two to three years trying to figure out how to be a good enough husband in her mind so that we could continue adopting. As that Quest / Adventure seemed to be less and less likely, I found a new adventure in my oldest daughter who began to show incredible Talent as a figure skater. So I set my sights on Crafting a skating champion, five to six days a week at the rink, up at the butt-crack of dawn, Olympic coaches, Etc. And although she enjoyed skating, she did not have the drive, desire and determination to be an Olympic champion - and I had to accept the reality that it was totally wrong for me to force my quest for an extraordinary life onto her. After that, I set my sight on wealth. I bought 10 rental homes and four Massage Envy franchises ( in addition to the business and home I already owned). My goal was to live a very comfortable life and have a ton of money to give away to help orphans... Well the businesses have been a crap ton of work. I'm stressed and exhausted and I'm not making any more money than when I just had one business! And i pay way more in taxes too, thank you California. In business I've been stolen from, duped into WAY overpaying for a business (like 200k over) and now im facing a wrongful termination lawsuit from someone i did no wrong to... So I think I'm having to make peace with the fact that try as I may, I don't think I'm going to live a much bigger than average life. Like my previous quests this current Quest is not going do *the thing* I'm hoping it will. I'm not getting Uber Rich anytime soon, and in fact I would have had more money to give to orphans had I not invested in these businesses... You know what's funny? Putting our stories together sounds an awful lot like the Book of Ecclesiastes - which is the one truly good book in the Bible (that was probably written by a non-believer anyway). I think your advice is exactly correct - don't look for an incredible life measured by accomplishment or status, but live in the moment and string together a series of incredible moments. Thank you for that great advice. Your title of "Professor" is well deserved.
  8. Thanks TABA - I really appreciate the perspective/advice/thoughts! Being thankful is a great place to start And i love stoic philosophy - I will get myself thinking rightly again.
  9. I left evangelical Christianity 6 years ago and, once the dust settled, I became quite happy with myself and my life. I enjoyed some very successful years in my career and derived a lot of joy and satisfaction from my work. Family, although difficult (both marriage and parenting), has also generally been a source of much joy. In the past couple of months everything has become more difficult in my life. Nothing tragic but but I'm stuck in a rut in my career working harder than ever while income has gone down some. My marriage has gotten harder in many ways and and parenting has continued to be exhausting. Now that the circumstances of my daily life have become much less enjoyable, I am finding it much more difficult as a non-believer to find happiness in this "down season" of my life. Before, even if work sucked and family life was hard, I had that sense of community and belonging and felt my sense of purpose in a reality that was much bigger than myself. And, I'm not going to lie, that really carried me through the darker seasons. As an ex-C, when things were going my way I didn't miss all of that so much. Now I do. How do you guys handle periods in your life where the Earthly things that typically bring you Joy are not bringing happiness the way they used to? Have you found something like that takes the place of that bigger sense of purpose and belonging and community we had before?
  10. Hi Kd - I really feel for you right now - you seem SUPER conflicted and anxious. The best advice I can give you for this moment in your life is: IT IS OK TO "NOT KNOW" We so desperately want to resolve the conflict because it is uncomfortable. EMBRACE the uncertainty you feel right now and don't force a resolution. Allow the conflicting "truths" in your mind to coexist. Time will allow you to untangle the jumble. For now, just get to know your jumble and hold it without the urge to untangle it. Allow "not knowing" to be a PEACEFUL resting place on your journey. It's ok to not know and it's ok to spend some time (weeks months or even years) there. The key is figuring out how to make peace with not knowing. Resist all of the pressures and threats others and you are placing on yourself to find a quick solution. I have found great peace as an agnostic. I don't know if God is there or not and I am perfectly content and at peace not knowing. I have sufficient reason to disblieve the claims of the bible so I live as though it is not inspired/inerrant/authoritative. But beyond that, I enjoy the mystery of life. I don't live near you, but I'd be happy to connect via phone. Feel free to pm me. Hang in there and give yourself some space to not know.
  11. That's awesome. I'm really happy to hear that. Wishing you many many years of peace and happiness.
  12. Hi Nimrod! ( kind of feels wrong to say that like I'm insulting you!) Welcome glad to have you here! It sounds like you came out of Christianity relatively unscathed? Was your wife a Believer too? If so it sounds like she deconverted as well? Hope you enjoy the community
  13. I'm not sure how many of you still have Christian friends on Facebook/etc., but something really interesting happened yesterday. The news was all abuzz about Ellen Degeneres sitting next to George Bush at a baseball game - specifically, the very gracious way that she defended her friendship with someone very ideologically different than herself. She spoke about showing kindness to ALL PEOPLE, regardless of faith, gender, politics, orientation, etc. The interesting thing was that several of my conservative, evangelical, anti-gay, Christian facebook friends independently posted support for Ellen's comments. They took them on as a challenge - saying, basically, "Ellen is right! This is what love and friendship and kindness need to look like. And we Christians need to be like this!" I thought it was so cool because here is someone who Christianity would say cannot be a truly moral person because she does not believe in Biblical Christianity, YET she schooled the world on what true love and kindness looks like. Go Ellen!
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