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AriTheApostate

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Posts posted by AriTheApostate

  1. Even being an atheist I still find I struggle with spiritual topics. Although, I personally find a naturalistic world view comprehensive (meaning no souls) it bears little comfort. However, I still cling to it. I'm not Richard Dawkins so I suggest finding a spiritual path that fits you. So long as you harm no one else of course. If you find it in a belief in souls so be it.yellow.gif

  2. I just read all of the replies, lol you guys.

     

    Uh, kosher is not something that Christians do. There's even a more lax set of rules in Acts 15 that they're supposed to follow (though since Christians eat rare steak, they don't even follow the rule against blood). Nonetheless I kept kosher by default since I'd been raised vegetarian, and continued to do so after converting.

    I know the majority do not however I have sat through a sermon on keeping food laws and such. (I fell asleep.)

  3. First off hugs to everyone! You guys are awesome. cloud9_99.gif Second of all, I want to apologize for not getting to this sooner I was under the weather and I had mid-terms that took up a lot of time.
     
     

    You do exist, Ari, and I for one am glad. You are a valuable human being, and I'm sure there are people in your real life (not just here) who appreciate and love you. I am also thankful that you have chosen to rant about this here. That says a lot about the good folks here, that you feel at least safe enough to unload this burden in a safe place. And you are safe with us. No judgment from me!
     
    Are you seriously concerned about conversion therapy being forced on you? By whom? That could be real for you if it comes up, and that would suck big time. Please stay strong and let us know if there is any advice we can give to help with that. I don't know the legal issues or your age or living status (with parents?), but I will offer support if I can.
     
    Where are you in your deconversion process? Christianity and its guilt, fear, and judgmental attitudes (in the name of "love" and "saving your soul" and all that garbage) can really embed itself in your psyche. No wonder you are feeling depressed! So many of us on this forum have dealt with that part, and we will help you on this journey if we can. I can assure you that it gets better as you peel away those layers of junk from your thought processes.
     
    Hang in there, sweetheart! Keep us posted on what is going on with you. I can speak for others here when I say that we care and want to help ease your burden. Keep in touch. No rant is too shocking, no question is too silly.
     
    Peace.

    Actually, yes, this is an actual concern for me considering the church I'm affiliated with supports gay-therapy. Typically, if you come out as gay/queer/some other families, of the evangelical streak, will at the very least try and get the youth to "pray the gay away." 
     
    I should disclose I do live with my mother who isn't very kind about the gay-issue. She's nice to the gays but not so much about letting them into heaven and such nonsense.
     
    Understandably, a lot of people, myself included, are prone to bend to the familial pressure and go ahead and subject oneself to this sort of therapy to appease family. For me, specifically, I'm worried about having to go to therapy unwillingly. However, I found out that since I'm 18 they can't force religious therapy on me unwillingly. Nor am in any danger of reviving such treatment if I were committed (no facility that is licensed and can hold me offers any sort of therapy of that nature). 
     
    As for my deconversion process I have to admit that I maybe try too hard at church and at home to act "christian" however I may be trying harder than necessary. dry.png 
     
     

    Hey there.
     
    It's been a while (quite a long one, I believe) since I posted, too, but I just wanted to post to say you're not alone. There are many of us out there, and not everyone hates us, though I'll admit that a lot of people don't really understand - but you get that about a lot of other things, too, right? For example, I see that you listed as one of your interests "learning German". I bet a lot of people don't get why you would want to do that (btw I do, I love German smile.png ). Does that make it any less valid as something you like to do, as something that is maybe a small part of who you are? Don't think so. Even my awesome boyfriend whom I love to death and who loves me just as much doesn't always really understand - but he does know that my bisexuality is part of who I am, and he knows he loves all of what I am, or else he wouldn't really love me to begin with.
     
    Being in the closet sucks. A LOT. It's dark and lonely in there and every single little remark that MIGHT JUST be about you hurts like hell. If coming out of it does not put you in physical/emotional/economical danger, I'd likely to encourage you to do it. It's very, very hard, but so worth it to not have to hide who you are around the people you love. And you might be surprised by the reactions of people you know as homophobic when you put a face on an abstract (to them) phenomenon like homosexuality.
     
    Only you know if you would be in danger coming out (though as I said, from that closet, everything usually looks worse than it is). How old are you? Do you still live at home? Could you potentially take care of yourself financially? I was fortunate in that I did not really start struggling with this until I was almost out of my parents' house, but if you are younger, that might be a problem. I can't really give you more advice without knowing a bit more about your situation.
     
    Please know that you're NOT alone. And you'll be okay, in the end.
     
    Big creepy internet hugs!

    Big creepy internet hugs for everyone! yellow.gif And well, I suppose it doesn't.

  4. excl.png [Warning-Queerness, homophobia, bipobia ahead.] excl.png

     

     

    I haven't done much on here for a very long time and when I am on here I don't say much. So, this calls for an ill-conceived miniature closeted-queer rant at one a.m. It doesn't help that I've been needlessly numb and uselessly depressed.

     

    So, yeah I'm one of those dirty, slutty, HIV spreading, cheating, just-confused, presumed-to-want-a-threesome bisexual, doesn't REALLY exist bisexual. My god I hate being bisexual. Literally, everyone despises us. Straight people can't "deal" with us(a given) and neither can the LG community. Don't believe me here have a video:

     

    I feel like I've been smacked in the face by the people who I thought would understand. Honestly, this Gold-star lesbian BS. (in other news I dislike GSA)

    I just...

    Whatever...

    Never mind.

     

    I mean the fetishizing is bad enough from straight culture. I now feel rather isolate. Damnit

     

    Although, I'm still a closet case I'm still painfully aware of everything. I'm aware of what would happens to me if I did decide to come out and date out side of straight-evangelical male expectation. I run the risk of being completely shut-out and/or getting coerced into conversion therapy.

     

     

    I don't particularly want to know what my cousin who is (I'm pretty sure) homophobic/lgbtqi-phobic and is a future marine and could easily hurt me. (though I maybe paranoid.) 

     

    I don't know why I'm talking about this I just feel disgusting.

     

    If you need me I'll be in my closet. mellow.png

    • Like 3
  5. I understand the feeling completely, no matter how hard I try I get the feeling of having to be a shiny happy christian all of the time. And I can't ever seem to relax around people that often anymore. Christianity seems just like such a huge part of my identity that, even though I'm comfortable with the atheist label internally it just seems rather off. Like it is not a label that belongs on me. I felt strange while I was searching for some new spirituality that I was just thieving someone else's clothing just so I could feel alright again. Unfortunately, I have no answers to fix the clothing issue. I still have to dress as one so...

     

    Well, if I could make a suggestion: perhaps you could try finding some sort of interesting piece of jewelry(like a shark tooth), or start carrying around a messenger bag that's quirky maybe that would help a little bit?

  6. Do exactly what you want to do, within reason and with good planning, and it will all work out.

     

    Thirty-two years ago my friends and I graduated from high school.  I went to work right away and saved money.  My mom died when I was 18, then I decided to go to college and I paid for it myself, between what I had saved and what I still earned at a decent part-time job I was able to keep after working for 18 months.  I never had to take out a loan.  Life has gone on with all its ups and downs, and I'm just fine.

     

    One good friend went to college because his parents wanted him to.  He became an engineer because his parents wanted him to.  He had wanted to work a while after high school, but didn't because of his parents.  He graduated very high in his class, got a great job, is married and has kids and has a very nice life.

     

    Another good friend started college with a high-paying technical job in mind, urged on by his parents.  After a year, he came out of the closet, told everyone he was gay, changed his major to what he truly wanted (way more liberal arts), changed universities, spent a semester in Germany and one in Paris, and went on with his life and all is fine.

     

    What does any of this mean?  We all chose different paths for different reasons, but in the end, it's worked out for all of us -- nothing perfect, but nothing truly awful.  It'll work out for you.  The only thing I regretted is that after age 18, I never had my mom to argue with any more.  I'd give anything to have a day to talk with her, argue with her, go out to lunch with her, let her meet my husband and kids, show her where I live, anything.

     

    After my mom died, when my friends would complain about their moms and talk about their arguments, I'd be jealous.  I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.  I'm trying to say ENJOY WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOUR MOM!!!!  Enjoy the good times, enjoy the arguments, enjoy when you make a plan and get ready to move out and tell her and she freaks on you!  Enjoy it while you have it!  Your mom argues with you and freaks on you because she is THERE and SHE LOVES YOU!!!  I am very envious of you!  And maybe she's a little misguided in her wanting to control your life and all, but that's ok.  You have a wonderful, imperfect mother who is alive and in your life!  

     

    Do what you want.  Love your mother back in your own imperfect way.  Practice Skyping with her until she's comfortable with it.  

    Tell her you appreciate her concern.  Tell her all your plans for making your college years a success, and how you will keep yourself safe and be able to pay for things.  Promise you will ask her advice when things goes wrong.  

     

    Make good plans, stick to them, let your parents know what you are doing, do it yourself, and go and do it and still keep a relationship with your parents.  Whether they want it or not!  Once you're out of high school, you're an adult, so be an adult and do what you want.  No need to be defensive with your parents.  When you get to Germany, keep in touch with your parents, tell them how wonderful it is and invite them to come and visit you and you'll show them around!

     

    Parents aren't perfect.  When both my kids got out of high school, I supported whatever they wanted, but it is a strange feeling knowing they're adults and you're suddenly just . . . old and unnecessary.  I think this is when lots of parents start doing the clinging thing with their kids.  Help them grow up, too.  Assure them you'll miss them.  Tell them you will go out of your way to keep in touch. 

     

    Good luck!  I envy your young age and freedom and all your wonderful experiences you will have!

     

     

     

    You know I really appreciate this forum for all of the good people on here. I mean I seriously can't think of many places that you receive such thoughtful responses. ^_^ My sincerest condolences about your mother, I lost my father when I was young and I definitely do not want to completely loose my mother over life choices/religion/anything in this universe she is the closets family I have in this world. I swear no one has done more for me than my mother. Although, I don't enjoy arguing with my mother I'd rather have her lecture me than no contact at all. My mother is invaluable to me and I appreciate her wisdom even if we don't agree on very big fundamental things.

     

     

     

     

    Keep us posted as things develop.

     

    Here's a development, I just hit a wall with learning German big time. It may or may not have to do with me being somewhat severely dehydrated these past few days.(without realizing it) Anyway, with anything water is your best friend. Drink lots of it.

     

     

    Great advice here. I would also add that very rarely will a mother cut off her daughter so even if you do go to Germany, your mom is likely to still welcome you home when you come to visit.

     

    Also, it is unhealthy for a parent to cling to their child at this age. Her fear of you leaving is most likely more about her than it is about you. 3 of our 5 kids have left the nest and we're only a couple of years away from the last two moving out. I understand the anxiety that this causes parents but we know that we want our kids to make their way in the world. Lots of parents have trouble with this though.

     

    If you do move to Germany, just be sure to stay in touch with your mom frequently. This will help to alleviate her anxiety. Even if she is one of those to hold a grudge and doesn't respond at first, be sure to send frequent emails anyways. Just trust me on this one.

     

    Also, I've discovered that separation has forced us to see our kids as people and not just as our kids. It's been pretty great going through this process. Hopefully your mom will be mature enough to let go a little and allow you to make your own success and mistakes.

    I can't imagine my mother out right ignoring me, forever. I can't imagine not keeping in touch with my mother even if she really doesn't want me to. If she doesn't like skype she can't say no to e-mails! Oddly enough I noticed my mother simply let go of my sister after my sister moved out but, she let her know when she didn't like what she was doing. It's was somewhat interesting to observe. 5 kids wow big family. :-)

  7. The church I currently attend teach that women MUST submit to their husbands as the church. They are quick to say it does not make the woman inferior. Right. However, every male treats me as if I have permanent brain damage because I have ovaries. Actually , now that I think about it Paul's words were a catalyst to question the validity of the bible in the first place. Thus I went down the rabbit hole of bible scholarship and history.

  8.  

     

    I also wonder . . . because women are generally more passive in romantic relationships, women are generally the ones who wait to be asked out, and who wait to be called again after a date.  Men PROMISE to call again after a date, and women generally believe them.  Then if the man doesn't call, what woman has never made some excuses for the guy?  "He's really busy right now."  "Maybe he's sick."  "Maybe his parents are in town right now."  I actually had a female friend who, at age 40 -- FORTY!!! -- who, after dating a guy for a month or so, when he quit calling her, she said, "Maybe he was in an accident!"  When I pointed out that hospitals have phones and everyone has cellphones, she said, "Maybe he overturned in a ditch and NOBODY'S FOUND HIM YET!"  I tried pointing out that no way was that true (he would've been missed at work, etc), and she got MAD at me!  She actually got TEARY as she explained how the car could be overturned and he was still barely alive but unable to get out and get help.  (Spoiler alert)  He was perfectly fine.  He didn't want to go out with her any more, so had quit calling her rather than call her to break up.

     

    So . . . there was Mr. Jesus.  And he was a wonderful man!  He said beautiful, poetic things, he never made uncomfortable sexual demands, he was there to help you out -- he provided wine from water when needed, he healed people, he fed people, he calmed storms (for really wimpy disciples/fishermen), HE WAS THERE FOR YOU and HE LOVED YOU and HE WAS PERFECT.  HE SUFFERED FOR YOU.  He said you would LIVE WITH HIM FOREVER IN HIS MANSION THAT HE MADE FOR YOU.  Then he died, but came right back and said, "I'll be back SOON FOR YOU!!!"  . . . . two thousand years go by . . . . Women make excuses for men.  Women make excuses for Jesus.  "A thousand years is but a day to Jesus."  "Jesus is coming back soon!  Prophecy is being fulfilled every day!"  "Jesus will be back because JESUS LOVES ME!!!!"    

     

    Give it up, ladies (and gentlemen).  Jesus broke up with you.  He didn't come back because he didn't have the balls to say to your face he wanted to break up.  He was hoping after the, oh, first fifteen hundred years that you'd catch on.

     

    Or maybe, just maybe, he was never real.  And preachers have taken emotional and financial advantage of that urge in people to trust and take someone at their word, mainly women, to make excuses when the man (Jesus) makes promises then breaks them.

     

    Thank you for reminding me I'm not dating in High school. Too much of the waiting around. (Would it destroy the universe if I said I asked a guy out? And wasn't passive. This seems foreign to most of the the know universe.)

    Hm. I also read somewhere that women are more drawn to religious things for social and biological reasons. Wish I could find where I read it though. Can't really say why.

     

     

     

    I also wonder . . . because women are generally more passive in romantic relationships, women are generally the ones who wait to be asked out, and who wait to be called again after a date.  Men PROMISE to call again after a date, and women generally believe them.  Then if the man doesn't call, what woman has never made some excuses for the guy?  "He's really busy right now."  "Maybe he's sick."  "Maybe his parents are in town right now."  I actually had a female friend who, at age 40 -- FORTY!!! -- who, after dating a guy for a month or so, when he quit calling her, she said, "Maybe he was in an accident!"  When I pointed out that hospitals have phones and everyone has cellphones, she said, "Maybe he overturned in a ditch and NOBODY'S FOUND HIM YET!"  I tried pointing out that no way was that true (he would've been missed at work, etc), and she got MAD at me!  She actually got TEARY as she explained how the car could be overturned and he was still barely alive but unable to get out and get help.  (Spoiler alert)  He was perfectly fine.  He didn't want to go out with her any more, so had quit calling her rather than call her to break up.

     

    So . . . there was Mr. Jesus.  And he was a wonderful man!  He said beautiful, poetic things, he never made uncomfortable sexual demands, he was there to help you out -- he provided wine from water when needed, he healed people, he fed people, he calmed storms (for really wimpy disciples/fishermen), HE WAS THERE FOR YOU and HE LOVED YOU and HE WAS PERFECT.  HE SUFFERED FOR YOU.  He said you would LIVE WITH HIM FOREVER IN HIS MANSION THAT HE MADE FOR YOU.  Then he died, but came right back and said, "I'll be back SOON FOR YOU!!!"  . . . . two thousand years go by . . . . Women make excuses for men.  Women make excuses for Jesus.  "A thousand years is but a day to Jesus."  "Jesus is coming back soon!  Prophecy is being fulfilled every day!"  "Jesus will be back because JESUS LOVES ME!!!!"    

     

    Give it up, ladies (and gentlemen).  Jesus broke up with you.  He didn't come back because he didn't have the balls to say to your face he wanted to break up.  He was hoping after the, oh, first fifteen hundred years that you'd catch on.

     

    Or maybe, just maybe, he was never real.  And preachers have taken emotional and financial advantage of that urge in people to trust and take someone at their word, mainly women, to make excuses when the man (Jesus) makes promises then breaks them.

     

    Thank you for reminding me I'm not dating in High school. Too much of the waiting around. (Would it destroy the universe if I said I asked a guy out? And wasn't passive. This seems foreign to most of the the know universe.)

    Hm. I also read somewhere that women are more drawn to religious things for social and biological reasons. Wish I could find where I read it though. Can't really say why.

    Hey Ari, did he go out? I got asked out once. Thought it was pretty cool but then she let me buy all the drinks and I remember feeling kinda swindled and stupid. Had she demanded sex I would have probably just walked away[yea right]!

    No. He flat out rejected me. To be fair he said high school relationships were pointless. We are still on good terms and I like to tease him. (As far as I know he still doesn't have a girlfriend.

     

     

    Just talking in general about relationships.  When I was single, I asked bunches of guys out if they were too slow for me.  Ha ha ha!  I paid if I asked them out.

     

    But in general, the Jesus relationship seems to match up to the "typical" relationship where the guy quits calling and the woman makes excuses.  Come on, we all know the excuses for why Jesus hasn't come back yet!  He was in an accident, of course!

     

    Of course! He crashed his white horse getting here from heaven. :P

  9. The Greek root word for witchcraft is "pharmakia" from which we also get the word "pharmacy." Perhaps the injunction against witchcraft was, in fact, a "don't do drugs" message.

     

    Then again, the Apostles were guys who talked to someone who raised the dead and healed the sick. How is that not witchcraft?

    So the books the former witches burned were books on what possibly might've been just stuff for medicine and how to properly use cannibis?

  10.  

    I assumed that divination was verboten. Is it allowed now? I came across Driscoll a long time ago and I wasn't surprised. I swear this guy is going to end up on the news one day. Actually, I've run into this before just not in church. Honestly, I think Christianity is just society approved witchcraft in a lot of ways.

    Which is funny since in Acts, Paul wholly condemns the practice.

  11. I also wonder . . . because women are generally more passive in romantic relationships, women are generally the ones who wait to be asked out, and who wait to be called again after a date.  Men PROMISE to call again after a date, and women generally believe them.  Then if the man doesn't call, what woman has never made some excuses for the guy?  "He's really busy right now."  "Maybe he's sick."  "Maybe his parents are in town right now."  I actually had a female friend who, at age 40 -- FORTY!!! -- who, after dating a guy for a month or so, when he quit calling her, she said, "Maybe he was in an accident!"  When I pointed out that hospitals have phones and everyone has cellphones, she said, "Maybe he overturned in a ditch and NOBODY'S FOUND HIM YET!"  I tried pointing out that no way was that true (he would've been missed at work, etc), and she got MAD at me!  She actually got TEARY as she explained how the car could be overturned and he was still barely alive but unable to get out and get help.  (Spoiler alert)  He was perfectly fine.  He didn't want to go out with her any more, so had quit calling her rather than call her to break up.

     

    So . . . there was Mr. Jesus.  And he was a wonderful man!  He said beautiful, poetic things, he never made uncomfortable sexual demands, he was there to help you out -- he provided wine from water when needed, he healed people, he fed people, he calmed storms (for really wimpy disciples/fishermen), HE WAS THERE FOR YOU and HE LOVED YOU and HE WAS PERFECT.  HE SUFFERED FOR YOU.  He said you would LIVE WITH HIM FOREVER IN HIS MANSION THAT HE MADE FOR YOU.  Then he died, but came right back and said, "I'll be back SOON FOR YOU!!!"  . . . . two thousand years go by . . . . Women make excuses for men.  Women make excuses for Jesus.  "A thousand years is but a day to Jesus."  "Jesus is coming back soon!  Prophecy is being fulfilled every day!"  "Jesus will be back because JESUS LOVES ME!!!!"    

     

    Give it up, ladies (and gentlemen).  Jesus broke up with you.  He didn't come back because he didn't have the balls to say to your face he wanted to break up.  He was hoping after the, oh, first fifteen hundred years that you'd catch on.

     

    Or maybe, just maybe, he was never real.  And preachers have taken emotional and financial advantage of that urge in people to trust and take someone at their word, mainly women, to make excuses when the man (Jesus) makes promises then breaks them.

     

    Thank you for reminding me I'm not dating in High school. Too much of the waiting around. (Would it destroy the universe if I said I asked a guy out? And wasn't passive. This seems foreign to most of the the know universe.)

     

    Hm. I also read somewhere that women are more drawn to religious things for social and biological reasons. Wish I could find where I read it though. Can't really say why.

  12. Whoops!-- I thought I had posted this yesterday. Now I have to rewrite it. -_-

     

     

     

    That is pretty opposite. It's funny you mentioned Skype, my mother thinks Skype is neat but, she has a slight adverse reaction towards learning new technology. XP

    The whole living at home for a long while freaked me out hence, this overseas thing. I just really do not want to be emotionally/psychologically stunted through college.

     

     

    I might be more accustomed to Skype since I use things like video chat, email, etc. to communicate with colleagues around the world.  You should show your mom how to use some kind of video chat application sometime.  It's not a particularly steep learning curve.  And most smartphones have very simple apps for this sort of thing.

     

    As for being emotionally stunted, it's good that you've got some foresight on this.  College is when most people transition from being children to adults (a lot of college students actively choose not to make that transition, but that's a whole other story).  You learn a lot of essential skills, like how to manage your time and go about daily tasks that your parents used to do for you.  Living at home would definitely not be healthy.

     

    I'm not sure I want to recommend that anyone go into debt.  But I know a few people who took out college loans, and now have gainful employment that allows them to easily pay them back.  If you pick a major that leads to a job (i.e. not art history, English, music, poli sci, etc.), this might not be a bad option.

    It took my mother a long while to learn how to text but, that might've been because she didn't want to learn how. I'm sure with the help of my sister, we can get her to learn how to use skype.

    I don't like the idea of taking out loans either. I may have to though. But on the bright side I figured out that I can work part-time with a student visa! Yay! I don't know why I thought I couldn't. Though I should try to earn as much money as I can here so I don't have to work *too* many hours that it gets hard to focus on my studies.

  13. Welcome! Doesn't feel better to finally tell your story and say that you're not a christian? I'm glad you found your way through Christianity! I can identify with the anger bit. It is completely understandable to come out of a vicious lie angry. Feel free to say anything that is on your mind. When you finally KNOW hell is not probable, all of your fear will go in time and the troubles of being anxious about will eternity eventually leave . ^_^

  14. If there is one thing I have learned from my current college struggles, it is that I need to do what I think is best for me and me alone. Where do you want to go to school? Germany? Then do it. Make up your mind and be firm about it. You don't want to do something to make your mother happy because you will likely regret that decision. It may make her happy and make her feel secure but it probably won't make you either of those things.

     

    I thought my parents would hate me for wanting to transfer to a public college from my Christian one, but when I was firm and explained my financial position, they didn't like it, but they understood and so that's what I am doing. And I realize now that that is all I needed to do in the first place. It is going to make me much happier.

     

    As you take this gap year and college gets closer, you'll start to feel more strongly about what decision you will make. Everything will become more clear.

     

     

    Hm. Perhaps when I've passed TestDaF I'll be able to be assertive. Though maybe even before hand because I can't just suddenly leave for a different city to go take a test. Bah. I need plan a little more thoroughly. I know what to it's just that I need to perfect my German to do so. *head desk*

     

     

     

     

    I can understand that your mother might be worried about you leaving. You will be in another continent and timezone and she might not help you if you are in trouble. if that is the reason why she is upset (even if she doesn't explicitly say it) you should tell/show her her that you are reasonable and dont need her protection. maybe you can do an internship in germany or somewhere else abroad so you get to know how it is to live in another country and your mother realizes that you can take care of yourself. :)

    I might want to think about moving in with a friend for a while or at the very least stop acting so co-dependent. I'm not so sure going off on an internship is the way to go right now. I'll think of something though.

  15. You go wherever you feel is best for you so you CAN function.

    And if your mum/mom gives you a hard time at first I'm sure if you stick to your guns your mom will come around later on.

    You can reassure her you can hop back to UK when you are on school breaks. Holidays etc.

    I can give you both perspectives, one as a daughter and as a mother.

    I left home at 17 and did my own thing. That's 30 some years ago! Parents may not have liked it or agreed and we weren't really the closest due to dysfunction in our family but we have remained in contact and are ok. I now live in the USA. They still live in UK.

    I have two sons. One is 27 the other 22. As much as I would love my sons be close by to me, not necessarily living at home. ;) I have not been the guilt trip mother type as I know they need to spread their wings and find things out for themselves.

    I don't know if it's different for sons and daughters and mothers. maybe parents are more protective over a girl. Not sure. I don't have any girls.

    But I'm pretty close to my sons and it has been heartbreaking at times especially with my oldest living very far away but I've not put guilt trips on him. Of course I tell him I miss him but I want him to be happy and do what he thinks is best and the funny thing now he is older he says he wants to move closer to us (me and his dad, brother) now and is working on it. :)

    I hope you choose to do what you want and not worry. I would hope Your mother will adapt and will get use to it.

    Good luck.

    Lol. I live in Texas. Sorry the UK bit was a parroted remark from my teacher when I asked about gap years. Wait 17 is that legal?

  16. @midniterider I have an acquaintance I know via the internet. However, I hope I can make more friends via the internet. As for the finacials I'm working on it. I'm trying to save money to atleast cover tuition. I'm not sure how I'm going to cover living expeneses. I don't know how i'm supposed to work with only a student visa. I'm try to learn buissness vocabulary fast to understand things.

     

    Go!My mother tried the whole thing of keeping me dependent and living at home. First she put every possible obstacle in my way to stop me going to uni.Then when I enrolled at a university on the opposite side of the city (so I would have to move out of home), she set up my father to offer to come and collect from uni when it finished at 9 pm at night (a two hour round trip for my poor dad).I am 58 and I am STILL angry! My life was made considerably harder by having to work full-time while I studied at night (the family was wealthy enough that they could have paid for my food and train fares without even noticing the cost).The scheme to refuse me financial support through the uni years backfired on her - it made me leave home immediately!

    That is precisely why I need to plan said "escape" carefully. Granted my mother can't legally bar me from doing what I need to do still frigtfull endeavor.
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