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seven77

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Everything posted by seven77

  1. I just got back from another meandering walk. This time I took both of my dogs. My chihuahua is antisocial and mean. I think I might need to call the dog whisperer. She growled at a stroller for like 10 min. My old terrier was so chill. I love walking with her. She is friendly and sweet. A total sniffwizard, lol. She always has her nose to the ground like a dog detective. Until she sees a person. Then she's like "heyyyyyyyyyyy! What you doin'?"
  2. I watched a show about how to make caramel candies last night. Maybe I will make some to give out around the holidays. I called my grandmother this morning. She wants to come home and cried a lot. My sister moved without telling me. Had to drive 1hr to get there because my mom left some of her medicine there and the doctors wouldn't issue a new prescription yet. And I got lost looking for her house. Their neighborhood is like a labryrinth. FML. My nephew was happy to see me. He waved and ran to the door. Gave me his stuffed Pooh bear "for g ma!" He said. Now I am trying to convince myself to work out.
  3. Irrelevant Environmental Factors: My headphones are red. I have a Family Guy sticker on my closet door. A former tenant must've put it there. I have a bottle of glass cleaner, some eye drops, an iPhone, a television remote, a stack of post-its and some mail on my desk. I have a shark figurine on top of my television. I am wearing a gray shirt and blue plaid pajamas. I shaved my armpits today. This neighborhood is good for long walks. I walked for over 2 miles today and didn't even realize it. Got lost in an Iced Earth album while walking my Jack Russell. She is old, but man, she kicks my ass when we go for long walks. Still chases leaves and barks at passerby like a pup. I'm thinking that I should switch deodorant brands. I bought some cheap brand at Aldi last week and it doesn't hold up during workouts AT ALL. There are new neighbors somewhere close by. It's a happy shiny couple and two kids. And a pug! The pug was wearing a jack o' lantern shirt-thing! So cute. I adore pugs. Kinda want one now. I need to buy dog food tomorrow. And dog treats. That means a trip to Petsmart. Blaaaaaah. I have to wear pants there. No gusta. I had 2 hard boiled eggs and some cauliflower for dinner. Yawn. Boring seven77, signing out.
  4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qoZXKHsHrs Writing to the sounds of DragonForce. Some metal fans knock them because they sing about fantasy stuff, but man, the technical aspects of their music blow me away. The guitars on this album especially are probably some of the best in metal, no shit. DF isn't in my usual metal wheelhouse. I am more of a death metal person, not so much on power metal. But DF, I will make exceptions for this album every time. I like their newer stuff, but this album is probably my favorite. Not a bad track on it. Still pissed at myself for selling my CD.
  5. This entry is going to kick off a series of entries over the next 2ish weeks. In the process of making some changes in my life, not sure where they are headed. ----------------- Reason #1: When I left my faith last time, it was due to a lack of evidence. I think that is the case for many of us here at Ex-C. Nothing special about me. Now, I find myself reconsidering faith. It is a startling notion for me to even entertain the idea of believing again. Faith violates logic and mocks reality. Faith is fantasy and a dangerous one at that. Yet I keep going back, back to a time when I did have authentic, child-like faith as spoken of in the book of Matthew. How did I lose my faith the first time? I don't need to analyze everything or even have infallible evidence of the whys and hows of it all. I just need to understand why I gave up on God back then to know why faith didn't work for me as an adult. The end of childhood is traumatic for us all. We all must lose our innocence and quit believing in fairy tales, magic, wishes that come true, happy endings for every story, heroic father figures, saviors, monsters, and mythological characters. Sooner or later, we learn that a fat white guy doesn't put presents under the tree at Christmastime, that fairies don't leave money under our pillows when we lose teeth, and that ghosts don't exist. It's life, it's reality, that these things don't exist and that wishes and dreams don't manifest without effort on our part. Faith requires childish belief all of the above and a unwavering commitment to living in a fantasy. One has to be willing to believe that the improbable will happen. That a dead guy came back to life and that by buying into this tale, we too can defeat our ends. Believers pray to their gods, petitioning them to perform miracles, heal pain and injury, take away burdens and guide us through the clusterfucks and black holes of our lives. We cry and they supposedly wipe our tears away. Gods are good imaginary friends for those who have limited imaginations, I guess. ************* I lost my childish belief when my Grandma B died. It was the summer between grade 4 and grade 5, so I would've been 10, I suppose. I shared a bedroom with my grandmother and my oldest niece whom my sister had left there at some point. I will never forget the night that led to the end of my faith the first time. My grandmother fell out of bed and landed in front of the door. I have no idea how long she laid there moaning before I woke up from my kid slumber. My niece was wailing, saying “NANA!” over and over again, pointing to our grandmother as she lie on the floor. Nikki was too scared to get out of her toddler bed with its rails even though she could and often did wriggle her way out of it most nights. I remember my dad was beating on the door, trying to kick it in to no avail. Grandma was directly in front of it and it could only open for a few inches before it hit her body. He was angry that he couldn't get to her and he yelled at me to move her. I wasn't that strong, but eventually I managed to drag her back a couple of feet so that he could open the door and get in. Her nightgown had slipped down, caught on the bare plywood floor of our room. The splintery wood dug into her tender back flesh and left raw spots. She cried out in pain and I cried because I knew I was hurting her even more than she already hurt. But my dad was yelling and I knew that if I didn't move her, he'd beat me when he got in. He was using an ax handle to beat the door frame on the other side in frustration and I could see cracks forming in the drywall as I pulled her across the floor. Finally, he got in and he and my mom took over. Mom called emergency services. In the area where I grew up, there was no 911. We lived in the rural south, several miles from a paved road, let alone a hospital. Mom wrung her hands and said that she hoped that a local would be working that night and not those “city boys” from a few counties over who didn't know our twisted dirt roads with their unofficial names and unreliable handmade signage. Things were silent as Dad tried to move Grandma off of the floor. She screamed and told him not to move her. The pain was unbearable. She asked for a cigarette and I fetched her Marlboros off of her nightstand. My dad struck a match and lit it for her, sitting there with her head on his lap, holding her cigarette as she tried to smoke the pain away. I don't remember much after that. She died a couple of weeks later in the podunk medical center in the next county over. The last time I wore a dress as a child was to her funeral. For some reason, my mom insisted that my sisters and I wear matching ensembles to the service. My older sisters are much older than me, so I ended up wearing a really hideous dress because this was the 90s and my sisters thought they looked good. I didn't wear a dress again until my high school prom and I still associate dresses with awful events and acts of fashion force perpetrated against me. ********** And that's all for today. Trust me, there is plenty more but I don't know if I can share it. It's deep shit, hard to process. A couple of weeks ago someone asked me a question and I talked a bit about my grandma B. It's a wound that I don't touch often. I suppose her death and its aftermath are part of the reason why I was in therapy for most my teens and some of my 20s. Even as an adult, I can't seem to shake the trauma that it caused. The end of my child-like innocence had begun....
  6. seven77's boring search history, in particular order: Feces Art Vomit Death Chuck Brain Is the host of Amazing Race from New Zealand? Pad Thai Cephalic Carnage Lyrics Cannibal Corpse Fucked With A Knife Blue Nailpolish I Bought Last Month The New 52 Adult Poses Spotibot Madonna in In A League of Their Own Samsara Movie Soundtrack Sharna Charlie Paso Doble Chromecast Network Issues Yellow Sun Lyrics What The Hell Should I Watch On Netflix? Rationalwiki 1001 Ways to Die Lawnmower Guy Bitch That Ate Tapeworms to Lose Weight FML Japanese Emojis How to Type Star Symbols Toqr Episodes Drama New Season of Yamada-Kun Why the Fuck is Crunchyroll So Slow? Die MF Die Who Sings It? Murdertrain Lyrics Outdoor Gym How-To Squat Tabatas Viking Metal Playlist Chihuahua Acceptable Weight Just a sampler of my boring ass shit.
  7. Close enough, anyway. Actually listening to an epic metal list. Over 200 songs. Whooooo. Gettin' pumped. Going to go lift some weights here soonly.
  8. Guess no one else is boring today??? I want you in my belly, shrimp pad thai. Why can't I have you? Oh yeah, too many fucking calories and carbs. My healthy self says no to you. But my unhealthy self wants you so hard. SO HARRRRRRRRD! And you spring rolls! And your whoring devilish red sauce! I want you too. Please? Damn it, I hate healthy. But I know that eating stuff like the above is bad for me. It causes my blood sugar levels to go haywire. I get tired, I have to take more of my meds, my cortisol levels get all screwy and then I'm all sick. Bah. HUM fucking BUG. So I'm reduced to eating preportioned meals. No more than 500 kcal per meal now and only 1500 kcal per day. Doctors orders until things get straightened out. I have to keep telling myself that I'm not going to fall over from lack of nutrition as long as I take my supplements and meds, I'll be ok. I just have cravings. MAD cravings. Today I crave Asian food. I might be back later to post more food pr0n pics of shit I can't have.
  9. It's raining. I just changed back into my pajamas. Now wearing pink plaid flannel jams with an faded green Tulane shirt. Found the shirt in the laundry room a couple months ago. Very cozy lol. I found my ugly old man slippers under my bed recently. They are hideous but sooooo comfy. I had a dream that I met Pharrell. He was very polite. We watched "Steel Magnolias" and ate Kettelcorn. I think Pharrell was my gay best friend in the dream. We painted our nails too. Mine were gold; his were black. He drew Batman logos on them because he has mad art skillz like that. My brother in law is supposed to pick Mom up around 2. Hope he's on time since I have to work this evening. Don't want to leave her here by herself. Ughhhhhhh. So sick of work. I've been there all weekend. At least tonight is the last hoorah til Friday. Yaaaaaaaaay! And I'm going to see my gf tonight. Double yaaaaaay! This post wasn't too boring, lol. Hope all is well in the ex-c world.
  10. Oh wow! I didn't know Johnny Cash did that song! I'm used to the Marylin Manson version: Anyway, the Cash version prompted me to investigate and I just discovered that the original was from Depeche Mode. I'll have to check it out when I get a chance, but now I gotta get to work. Here is Depeche Mode's version: Bonus Johnny Cash cover This time he is covering Nine Inch Nails. Original version HERE.
  11. I have been struggling with a lot of things lately. My mother's declining health My drinking problem My health problems My oldest sister's morbid depression and committal to an institution My grandmother moving to another state to live with relatives that I don't trust Extra shifts and responsibility at work The loss of two longtime important friendships back to back last month Issues with my girlfriend who is currently living 2ish hours away while attending a master's program Suffice to say, life has been pretty shitty mcshadyface in the past month or so. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to make some changes in my life. Big 'uns. What all will that entail? Not 100% yet. I have stopped drinking. 4 days with no booze. Go meh! I have also vowed to start exercising regularly and to watch my diet more closely. But I am staring down the barrel of God's gun, so to say. I find myself thinking more about God, souls, destiny and other deep shit. There are questions I can't answer and I am ok with not knowing. I don't need all of the answers anymore, don't want to lose the mystery. I have unfulfilled longings for something beyond my shitty existence. I'm ending this here tonight. Will follow up later or next week.
  12. There's a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us. Thing is, this ain't no either or proposition. We're talking about dialectics, the good and the bad merging into us. You can run but you can't hide. My experience? Face the darkness, stare it down. Own it. As brother Nietzsche said, being human is a complicated gig. Give that old dark night of the soul a hug! How...

    1. gall

      gall

      Sometimes it isn't just black and white. There is a lot of grey around us as well.

  13. My pillowcase is green. My sheets are gray. I am cold.
  14. “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” - Socrates (Supposedly)

    1. FreeThinkerNZ

      FreeThinkerNZ

      That quote was said by a book character called Socrates. Good quote anyway, I have it on my profile page.

       

    2. TrueFreedom

      TrueFreedom

      It's from “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman.

  15. Just finished cleaning my glassware with a vinegar soak to remove that gross white scummy stuff. Ugh. Fucking dishwasher is so old and it gets nothing clean. Ever. I feel that cleaning my glassware is a real achievement. Ho hum. I also cleaned my bathroom counter. I've been ignoring the counter for some time. I'm not very girly but counter is always littered with this and that. I found several old magazines under the disarray. And $2. One of the magazines had Jillian Michaels on the cover. She has a horsemanface. Too lazy to post a pic of her here. Cleaning makes me sleepy.
  16. Useless Crap Collection: 25 Mashed Potato Sculptures Chewing Gum Art The Fascinating Untold History of Jello
  17. MOAR LIFE HACKS!!! Boringest life hacks video ever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N_fN1lhubY Life hacks vid with upbeat music. ------ Food Hacks: Have some frozen waffles taking up space in your freezer? Throw those puppies in the oven or toaster oven to get 'em crisp and then use 'em as bread for a tasty sandwich. Such as: -The Waffle BLT -The Mantastic Fried Chicken and Waffle Sandwich Ever looked in your fridge and wondered what you could make without having to go to the store first? Happens to me quite often. Here's a nifty site to help with that problem. ------------
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