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About Snotpin

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  • Location
    Arnhem, the Netherlands
  • Interests
    Rockmusic, Fantasy/SciFi, Outdoors, Football (soccer ofcourse), religion, healthcare
  • More About Me
    Raised in warm reformded protestant family. Happy believer till my teens, had what I thought it was a -moment with god- thing. Married early, got tensions in church, divorced, got loads of crap with former friends and family. Started new life. Got depressed. Got wondering. Still am wondering. Few days ago made the call and let it all go. I feel free but lost.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Remains to be seen. Apart from that: rock music :)
  1. Hello guys, well, with much interest I've been reading around here lately. First of all I'd like to let you guys know that English isn't my native language, so if you see some weird stuff, I beg your forgiveness (you know how to by now I recon). As far as I know religious life is kind of different over here at this side of the Atlantic. Religion is not that big as it was before, Traditional churches are having a hard time for a long time now and new ways of (very) charismatic 'stuff' is finding it's way. I tell you this because being a christian over here is not what it's like to be a christian over there, at least that's what I think. I think in the US your leaders, neighbours, teachers and what not use or abuse their choices 'with the bible in hand and hearts' so to speak. Over here it's just your thing, except for some regions. Most of the time people beg not to bothered by some old fashioned beliefs. The entire culture is very different due to the weight of religion being very different. Well that's that. This is where I live, the Netherlands. Home of the free, sort of... Being raised in a christian family, happy believers. Both my father and mother did stuff for church, us children had to attend church twice on sundays, go to youthclubs on mondays and wednesdays. Weird as it may sound, it never felt as a burden. It felt ok. Safe. I really cannot remember that I ever was threatened with Hell or something, no. Just God is good, mercy by the blood. Mercry from what I didn't really get tho. Believing was normal. In my teens my parents started to send me to camps (in the weekends or a whole week in the summers) hoping I would become a 'living' christian, you know the thing, with the spirit and so on. Those camps had the famous 'Revival Nights'. Us youngsters called them cry-nights. I was around the age of 15, I gave my heart to jesus and went the hardcore christian life. Yes things got different for me. My friends respected me and my choices. Basicly because I stayed myself. I did not change. It was until 10 years later I started to wonder if it wasn't just the whole atmosphere that was created at those Revival Nights, not by spirit but by men. I married young. Was the way it was supposed to be. Was happy for a while. Until I started to wonder a lot. By that time I became a youth-leader, together with my wife. The guys were very enthousiastic because my wife and I were just so 'normal' and close to them. I found it very hard to just tell them what they should hear, so sometimes I didn't. At church on sundays I just could not sing along, I felt sick if I did. When I told some of the 'elders' and the pastor they were happy with my honesty but at the same time 'my heart was not open'. Right. It was as open as it could be but things just weren't working out for like they supposedly did for most others. My wife and I started to struggle as well. She kept believing the way she did. I went discovering. Long story, short version: we devorced, I lost a lot of friends, and the guys from church must have thought to see a demon whenever i accidentally ran into them at the mall or wherever people meet. It made me leave the city. I started a new life, way too fast, and holy shit, the girl I barely knew got pregnant. Great. I was happy. Two months before my daughter got born I had to leave the house. Turned out to be a women with a borderline personality disorder. My daughter is now 4 years old. I've seen her about 6 times. After that my life went even further downhill. I tried to be the nice guy, hung on to my beliefs. But everything remained silent. Of all the questions I got, non were answered. I haven't been to a church for years now. But until recently I called myself a christian. Why? Because that's me. I just could not see myself being a non believer. The thing that pushed me over the edge lately? I do not believe in a angry god. I believe he is love. But why all the crusified stuff? Something so cruel ... and 'we' celebrate that? I see so many friends and some family devoting themselves to churches and it simply doens't make any sense anymore It hurts to see them finding another way to keep their faith valid. Why would you believe in a bible that was written (maybe inspired) by people?? Why trust the guys that decided what book is holy and what is not? It leaves so much to interpretation. That is just bull.. I'm sorry. I now find myself free. Not from any chains. I didn't feel held back or something. Somewhere and somehow I do hope I am wrong. Just an example: my parents. They live a good life. i admire them. As far as I know...they are saints. The most honest people I know. They will be heart broken if I tell them. Yet I know it doesn't make any sense. I understand people need something to find relief. But why fool yourselves? Now at least I can start living to my potential instead of falling back into a maze of comfort. I made the call last week after my (cristian) girlfriend told me to just let go of it. I am very thankfull for her, and her words. Six months ago I wrote this song. The wheels were already turning it seems. You've got to lock and load and fire You've got the speed to get much higher Run away, there's nothing left for me to say Come with me, there's got to be an answer There's got to be a way Finally I see who did this Roman ways to peace and glory Do you smell the dirty secrets Take your gun It's time to shoot it You've got to lock and load and fire You've got the speed to get much higher Trinity, a higher math society Feed the poor There's got to be victim There's got to be a God You've got to lock and load and fire You've got the speed to get much higher You are my friend, my friend a ****ing liar I am happy I got myself free. But now what? Thanks for this place by the way. The stories around here are encouraging. I just abused this Testimoies Topic to say hell-o See you!
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