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About AnonymousCoward

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    Washington, USA
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  • More About Me
    Exploring Ex-Christianity

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    What does this mean?

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  1. Having been out of Christianity for just over a year, I had always rolled my eyes when the topic of religious trauma syndrome came up or how bad religion is. I had understood that many people had not had the good experience with Christianity that I have had with some having all kinds of abuse, but I felt that was problems with the abuse itself rather than religion. I thought that for people like myself, religion was mostly a neutral to maybe slightly bad thing, but definitely not anything that needed to be labelled "trauma". I recently discovered the Godless in Dixie blog on Patheos and ha
  2. Thanks everybody for the advice. I can see now that I'm not being logical. I think the truth is that I just miss it. I found myself listening to worship music all day today. I'm not sure if it's nostalgia or "the grass is always greener" effect but I find myself just longing to go back. I'm not sure if it's better to fight my feelings or just to go and hope that a long, boring sermon about how I'm going to Hell will end all desires I have of going back.
  3. Thanks everybody for the replies. @CeilingCat That's sad. I can't say my situation is quite that dire. I still maintain Christian friends (although the relationships are dropping off more and more) and I still keep in touch with friends I've made in the various cities I've live before this one (although none of them know I've walked away). I can't say anything would keep me from running into a church in your situation, but I'm happy for whatever gives you strength. I hope things turn around soon. Good luck with your move! @Sheerbliss "You sound kind of cerebral and serious--wh
  4. I lost my faith almost a year ago (and stopped attending church about 10 months ago). During that time, I felt I had a decision to make. I was reasonably happy as a Christian. I had believed my whole life. To no longer be a Christian would mean stepping out into the unknown. As I thought about my choices, I started thinking what remaining a "Christian" who no longer believed would look like. I realized it would mean no longer being real to my friends. I realized it would mean never getting involved in a relationship (I could never start such a thing on a lie much less carry on with it).
  5. Hi all, I'm going to be home with my Christian family for a couple weeks over Christmas and this will be the first time I'm there since I told them about my deconversion. I have a feeling I'll be asked to read some random apologetic books while I'm there and I figured rather than being difficult and refusing, I can broaden their horizons by accepting on the condition that they also read books that I give them (which I believe they would accept). Now since I sort of convinced myself out of Christianity without really reading anything opposed to it (and haven't found it worth my while to
  6. I still tithe - only not to the church, but to secular charities. In a world that has given me so much (if you're middle class in a western nation, chances are you are the 1% or close to it) I feel the need to give back. The problem with giving to the church is that it's so self-serving. The majority of the money given to the church is there for the benefit only of those who attend or work at the church. Now, I feel there are a world of possibilities for positive change I can make in this world by giving money to improve the world.
  7. Less about the time spent together before marriage (which I think has no correlation with marital success rates [citation needed]) and more about the preparation part of it. I think a lot of people go into marriage not knowing what to expect. When you're dating, you're infatuated with the person you're dating, you don't see how you could ever have eyes for another and then a couple years into marriage, your spouse suddenly isn't turning you on as much as some other people you meet. Are you willing to stay committed, or do you think something's wrong with your marriage because something natural
  8. You're not choosing randomly. If I climb a mountain, I can figure out what kind of person I'd like and not like to have with me that gives us the best chance of accomplishing the goal. Same with getting married. After a year+ of dating, you should have a good idea if this person is willing to make the same commitments you are. You need to discuss these things, discuss these possibilities, discuss the commitment levels before getting married. Of course, picking the right 50%* was much easier when it was she loves Jesus, therefore she will stay with me forever. *As was alluded to earlier
  9. As a never-married Twenty-Something male just getting out of Christianity, I'm a fan of marriage. You can say that it's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything, and if two people love each other, they'll stay together forever anyway, but there's something about officially recognizing a commitment to stay together for life that I just love. When you marry someone, you become family. If your spouse gets sick, injured, depressed, etc, you stick with them even though it might be more fun at that point to go elsewhere. The thing is your spouse will do the same for you. I just think tha
  10. I still follow the Gospel Coalition, which is formed of pastors and churches who ascribe to new Calvinism. Nowadays, I like to read the blog entries and find the faulty logic. In the latest entry, it's not so hard. http://thegospelcoalition.org/article/answering-alternatives-to-the-resurrection This pastor apparently dug up a blog post from 2009 and essentially answers every alternative to the resurrection with "There's no evidence," while ignoring the fact that there's no evidence for the resurrection either. It was statements like these that kept me in the faith for so long
  11. I was taught that my future wife would much prefer that I'd only ever been with her rather than the first few times to being good due to experience.
  12. Thanks everybody. I'm starting to think my theory on why I can't come out is wrong. I just had a ministry support raising call from someone I knew in college. Going into it, I wanted to just say, "actually I've walked away from Jesus," but I couldn't do it. Wanting to be accepted had nothing to do with it. Having not talked to this person in years, I didn't really care whether she was judging me or accepted me. The call started and she mentioned that she remembered my prayer requests from the last time we spoke before I moved away and I was touched. I'm having trouble figuring out why I do
  13. Having only left Christianity recently, this is a tough question for me for two reasons: 1. Since I'm still figuring out how to live life as a non-Christian, I often feel my life would be better even now if I just "faked it" and headed back to church. 2. It's hard for me to imagine what the 20+ years of my life as a non-Christian would have looked like given that I'm still trying to figure out what one day of life as a non-Christian looks like. I do wish I could look at a parallel universe where I was not a Christian. That said, at this point, I can't honestly say I regret much of it.
  14. If you're curious about what the Bible actually says about this, read Romans 4 (with some more in Galatians 3). Essentially, Paul says that Abraham was justified by faith credited to him as righteousness. You could extend that argument to anyone else in the OT time frame who had faith. I was generally taught that Christ died for the sins of both those who came before and after him (salvation can travel back in time!), but after reading the text now, it doesn't actually say whether Christ played any role in "justifying" Abraham. Therefore, the Bible's official view is that Abraham was saved by
  15. As a never-married male who was probably in the same kind of church as you/your husband is/was, I may still be able to provide some insight. Going to a bunch of Christian "men talks", we were told that we were responsible for the family (with great power comes great responsibility type thing). Anything going wrong was on us. It's possible that your husband is blaming himself for you leaving the church and is feeling the weight of every little thing he did "wrong" on his shoulders. He's probably going strongly in the other direction to try to make things "right". I don't know what the solution
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