Hello everyone, I thought I would share my experience with RTS. I was a very sincere believer and religion was the most important thing in my life(it's said the more sincere you were, the more you got harmed from religion, and I find it truth.) I'm sorry for appearing pessimistic but I have realized throughout 8 years of deconversion that the only way and solution to truly deconvert would be to check out what's life after death. To die or commit a suicide and know what's truly out "there".
Otherwise, it is only speculations, uncertainty, fear and conditioning-based theories. The only help and relief out there is to find like-minded people but even here in this group there are different-minded persons. Many will say religion is a fairytale but your whole being reacts to it as being real and nothing can beat this out of you.
Not all experience same issues from leaving religion. While others are dealing with only regret of lost years because of religion, loss of families or anger issues, the others are drowning in fear of possible afterlife in hell and can't get out of it no matter what. It's very difficult to beat the fear of hell out of your system, you may forget for a while but to completely erase this seems nearly impossible to me in this life.
Honestly, I'm very tired from everything, I wish I was dead or at least get a disease from which I could die. In the past I have unsuccessfully attempted a suicide couple times. Many years of panic attacks, depression, loss of hope and meaning wore me out. Over the past 8 years I have developed an umbrella of negative issues with anxiety, a binge eating disorder and various destructive behavior and thought patterns and that's because of religion.
Now I'm depressed, unmotivated, chronically fatigued, in constant discomfort, anhedonic(unable to experience pleasure) without much hope and enthusiasm, unable to feel love, living with one of my parents, unemployed, with eating disorder, feeling like I'm the worst human-being on Earth and viewing my future in a very pessimistic way, I think I will become a homeless person when my parents die. I'm a huge mess. I think my case is one of the worst cases in religious trauma syndrome. I wish to disappear. It seems I will completely recover from religion. I wish I have never read a Bible. It is difficult to deconvert because I have experienced the biggest amount of love while I was in.
I wish I could meet a person with the same issues I have because it's difficult to live when you don't have anyone to relate to in your environment because of how distinct and rare this religious trauma experience is. Looking forward to new friendships who had the same experience like I did.