pitchu

Maybe "socializing" in xianity; "connectedness" in nature?

Happy Heathen Anniversary, Randi... and many more!

Welcome to the forums, 2Honest, and keep writing down those thoughts. You write from the bone marrow. Good for you.

Just think: there are eight young human beings who might someday be able to say, "I'm so lucky my mom decided that her life and mine were worth living free from fear."

Welcome to the site, and thanks for offering up such frankness -- you've certainly had a hard journey.

Welcome to the forums, Hercules. I appreciate your story and I could almost hear the Finnish lilt as I read your words.

Welcome to the forums, honeybee, and I hope you'll continue to find this site a safe harbor.

I understand this, Trapped. But... Do you think that maybe some people, sometimes, must first be "reached" by emotion (even if it's nothing more than the feeling of trust) before they can be convinced by logic?

Okay, Trapped, here's a little true story for you. My dad was ordained a Pentecostal minister at age 19 in Arkansas, in the year 1927. He married my mom shortly thereafter and began to build a reputation as a revivalist (his sister once told me, in her rat-a-tat Arkansas accent, "Your father was the most called in seven Southern states."). So they were a dedicated couple to the wildest, wooliest manifestations of their cult, until Dad began to think. The "Thinking Flaw" got him bad, and Mom was, evidently, very much as you describe your wife. One day Dad told Mom he was going to take her to a movie in a movie house far enough away that nobody but the two of them would ever have to know they'd entered the House of Satan. She protested, wept, flung herself hither and thither and only succumbed to his argument that she was required to obey him in this. They went to the neighboring town, with Mom sobbing all the way. He purchased their tickets at the little booth, took my mother's arm, and as he guided her through the theater's doors, she fainted dead away at his feet. He scooped her up, propped her against himself, walked down the aisle like that, deposited her in a seat and sat beside her. It was a Charlie Chaplin film on the screen, through the playing of which my mother sat rigid, breathing shallowly. When it was over and they'd exited, the family story recounts Dad as saying the following, "I dunno 'bout you, but I saw nary a sign of Satan, an' if he was, he's one funny bastard." It took more years for Dad to leave the ministry, but he eventually did, and he died an atheist. Mom was always a loving wife to him, but her Christian uncertainty and trepidation never completely left her. Maybe, in some cases, that's the best that can be attained. I share this with you hoping that it might suggest a means, a way, a method to reach your wife which isn't necessarily talk. Would it, for instance, be possible for you to take her in your arms in the middle of the kitchen floor and hum a tune while averring as how you're not dancing, only swaying, and there's no Biblical prohibition against swaying...?

Welcome to the site, kclark. What an Odyssey! Your obvious unique experiences and gifts seem to me to mark you as one who will offer your own brand of greatness to the world... and after all, isn't that what "good Christians" would want?

"Thinking" as flaw. Yeah, I guess I'd blocked out that core element of the True Believer's arsenal. At least her assaults on your mental activity are evidence that she knows, and has probably always known, that she chose to marry a man who might one day present a challenge. She may see you headed for hell, Trapped, but at least she can't claim it's because you've been duplicitous.

This is a strong point. If and when the dam against communication should break, and should she feel that you've betrayed and misrepresented yourself to her, it might be well to remind her that she's always known you as a man whose (God-given?) mind is constantly at work -- assessing, comparing, investigating; and that you have no choice in that process. You cannot shut down your mind, and you would not give your beautiful wife the ugly gift of pretense.

This broke my heart, as I'm sure it did yours.

Welcome to the forums, Trapped. You might do some key word searches to find some of the many threads here which, over the years, have dealt with exactly the family dilemma you describe ("unequally yoked," for example). Unfortunately, it's rare that someone deconverting discovers that his/her spouse has secretly been doing the same thing, though I recall a couple of instances. At any rate, it's terribly painful, and there are many here who know that pain all too well. Thanks for your beautiful writing, and I wish you the best in tending to both your family and your rationality.

Well, c'mon... who can let a nice big space go to waste? *************************** Paul, if you were turning away from being a drunkard you'd have these kinds of episodes, only they'd be alcohol-related. The same with any pattern or addiction that's being replaced by a healthier one. So, yes, get good sleep and don't overtax your ability to juggle/present/apply all these issues. Take some time out just for fun, too, okay?