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Murkywater

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About Murkywater

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    Female
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  • More About Me
    A mom, wife, daughter looking for support

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    ?
  1. Hi all. For some background to this post, see my story here. My crisis/loss of faith is fairly recent (within the last few months), so much of it is still raw. I'm slowly becoming more intellectual convicted of my newfound beliefs - or lack thereof - but I still have a ways to go emotionally. I still come across apologetic arguments, emotional experiences, religious references or the like and feel twinges of confusion, longing, guilt, sadness, fear, etc. I hate that these triggers are everywhere and feeling like I'm the crazy one for not being able to believe it. I'm still having some
  2. This is true. He is most certainly a more optimistic, positive person than I am and very rarely stressed out. His ridiculously positive outlook and general happiness and contentment is one of the things I love about him. I know that should make things easier for me - for example, his willingness and desire to not force anything (like going to church) on me. But I am very much the opposite of him. He is looking out for me and somehow staying positive; meanwhile, I am torturing myself over how I might be hurting him and also mourning my own losses. However, you make great points on bla
  3. Hi sdelsolray. I have to say I'm a little frustrated by the word "allowing" in your question. It's much, much more complicated than that. The least of which perhaps the simple fact this is my husband's job. But while it now remains a main point of contention for me, this is kind of a secondary issue as Human said above. Am I thrilled about it? No. I am not at all sure to handle it, but I do know I don't plan to tell my kids that museums with dinosaur bones are wrong on their dates, that carbon dating is misleading, and starlight doesn't really travel millions of lightyears to get to us.
  4. Today presents one of those big crossroads. I appreciate any encouragement as I sit here in tears. This morning my husband and kids are going to church and, for the first time, I am not. The thought of going has been giving me anxiety for weeks. (As I mentioned a few days ago, we've managed to avoid the dilemma of going to church the last several weekends.) I didn't want to ask my husband about what we were going to do today. Yesterday was not great. In addition to other stressful extended family things going on, we've been having daily conversations about faith and religion and my st
  5. Hi again. So my husband is the principal with a lot of control over curriculum and such, but not enough to change to anything that doesn't include a young-earth creationist worldview. We're still overseen by this small church which is part of a small branch of conservative evangelicalism. I would like if we could explore some other church options that are more of a compromise in this area and it's something I've been looking into. Unfortunately, we now have a pretty big gap between us. Compromise at this point still means significant concessions on either of our parts. A lot of peopl
  6. Thanks. This is similar to what my counselor said to me. The real challenge is that while a desire to please my husband, family, friends, kids, community is there...it's not JUST that. They are spiritual longings I still have myself...things I value/valued and/or appreciated like having a close community, shared family foundation and values, faith-based traditions, personal "transcendent" or meaningful experiences (based in prayer, meditation, or whatever you want to call the personal side of faith), and some of the other "good" things people associate with their faith or God. (Not that C
  7. We are both familiar with this chapter and agreeably helpful in this context for my husband. 1 Cor 7:14 is an especially interesting verse. It's interesting to me that this was included to address the earliest churches in which new adherents were subscribing to new teachings when a person's spouse may not have yet taken to this new branch of Judaism.
  8. I will add that those conversations with my husband are usually just him listening. I greatly appreciate and love him for that and letting me just talk. I know it's not easy for him. He will usually sometimes still try to persuade me like he did more often in the beginning (the only important thing really being belief in the saving life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, the rest now just gravy to him), but he knows that only makes things worse for me and triggers my anxiety. Obviously he is struggling a lot himself. He goes to work now with this big burden. He feels his job which he love
  9. Thanks for the latest replies. I've avoided coming for a few weeks because I'm not doing well. Depression. Anxiety. Obsessive addiction to researching and reading about religion. About other's faith journeys and transitions...science vs. faith...quantum physics...cosmology...theories on origins of life...physics of time (theory of relativity, time perception)...materialism...other religions..."progressive" or liberal Christianity...neurological reasons for belief...refutations of new age spirituality...history of the early church...diversity within the church on different traditions and d
  10. Ironically, I'm pretty sure that most of us would LOVE the idea of a truly loving god. This sort of sounds like a backhanded way of saying that you're just mad at god or just want to sin more or something. I know. It really does suck. This is why you really need to invest in some other friends who have had similar questions. While it's true that he is facing a lot of change too, the fact is that he still has the church as a source of support. He can open up about this in a small group or with an elder or whatever. I'm guessing that for you, the VAST majority of your friends and famil
  11. Well, from my religious background, I still see how the church views it as a symbolic/significant/meaningful tradition...focusing on self-sacrifice, humility, humanistic values, if you will. If I didn't go, yes, there would be annoying questions. Ironically, I have less issue with it than I might have before. Back in the day I had this OCD issue of thinking blaspheming thoughts during communion which became like the "don't think of a pink elephant" and all you can think of is a pink elephant kind of thing. (It's interesting how mental issues latch on so deeply to religion.) I always knew
  12. Thanks for sharing your experience, illusion. This was also helpful as your thoughts and story mirror much of mine. I'm interested to hear how things have gone for you having your kids in Christian school. (Does it happen to be YEC curriculum...?) My husband asked me why it's hard for me to go along with it or why I can't just accept his beliefs and that he wants to teach them to our kids. (i.e., what harm is it to me if they believe in Creationism?) I told him it's difficult for me for a few reasons. I first stress that's there's a lot of good about our church, faith, community, reli
  13. This is monumentally helpful. I did start looking at the Secular Therapist Project, but also really appreciate your other recommendations. Thank you so much.
  14. Again with the quote not working, sorry! Ellinas, on 07 Jul 2014 - 12:13 PM, said: The best I can think of for you is to try to see it as a social club with some weird rituals. --> This sounds almost exactly like the way some colleagues of mine were just describing the Catholic church
  15. This sounds almost exactly like the way some colleagues of mine were just describing the Catholic church
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