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Everything posted by Salemite

  1. Fuego, thanks for your response. There are old remnants of the past ways but most of it is entirely gone. I am not willing to leave my marriage of 25 years mainly because I believe in change (would never have thought I would be agnostic 10 years ago!). I think it takes time to change the way we see ourselves and the world around us. I love him and he loves me. We are working towards a more equitable relationship. We talk a lot about it. I think it is hard to leave an old system behind that served him so well and made him feel good. Eugene39 thank you for your kind words. I a
  2. I deconverted about 6 years ago along with my husband (I know...we were fortunate to have done this together). We have been married for 25 years and I can say we are good friends and have built a decent life together. I am female (sorry for what seems like an irrelevant detail; this will be more relevant in a second). The deconversion process was a long and hard one but I don't have regrets. I currently am agnostic and comfortable with it. I came from a pretty conservative background (brethren), homeschooled etc. and many of my family members are in full time ministry to this day. I am ac
  3. I agree with the statement that a Christian Marriage (especially amongst conservative Christians) in general does diminish a woman's sense of identity. I am a smart capable person (I am a woman) and graduated form the University with a BS in Chemistry, Summa Cum Laude. I was offered a free ride to get my doctorate but was made to feel horribly guilty for not staying home, taking care of my husband and having kids. I caved and did just that. I felt like it was "God's will" that I serve my husband. I was his helper and it was pretty clear that if I decided to have kids it was an abomination
  4. SilentLoner--I don't think women ever get abortions on a whim (such a horrible weighty decision). I know the conservative/right wing folks definitely like painting it as women just not caring or flippant about the whole thing. I just think that a fetus that can survive outside the womb should not be treated inhumanely by taking his/her life (of course, I can understand under very specific circumstances having a late trimester abortion (mother's life is at stake or baby won't live anyway if carried to term)). Some of these abortion procedures seem barbaric and inhumane (we as a society shoul
  5. I am female, completely understand the plight of women being pregnant when they are not ready, and the biological situation that unfairly burdens women with the consequences of conception. This does not absolve women from being compassionate and being respectful of life. Where does personhood begin? I think there is certainly some grey territory here especially right at conception up to the 1st trimester. A bunch of cells coming together is not a conscious person and aborting at this point could no less be considered murder than one scratching one's skin and having living human cells fall t
  6. Thank you for your responses of encouragement and empathy. It really is helpful. My parents' responses to a lot of what I said makes me even more convicted than ever that organized religion is such a great deception and ultimately not good for humanity. I am grateful to escape all the negativity that the brethren christianity brought with it....judging everyone, constantly talking about how we are so evil and not worthy of anything good, how everything on the planet is going down the tubes, how no one is a "true" believer, and spending endless discussions over minutiae such what songs mee
  7. I had a 3-hour discussion with my parents the other day, who are missionaries by the way. My dad said he feels like I am an adopted daughter and that he doesn’t know where I came from (thanks dad; some apples I guess do fall far from the tree). My parents for the first time asked me what I actually believe (after a year or so ago that I said I had serious doubts about the inherency of the Bible). I stated that I was a hopeful deist/agnostic at this point. My mom and dad both said they are shocked that I came to this conclusion and that I must not have ever really been a “true” believer. I
  8. Yunea, I totally get where you are coming from. That is why this website is so helpful because there are many here who came from conservative, Christian backgrounds where the Bible and God dominated most of our conversations and how we approached life. To deconvert from this is painful. The only way someone who came from a liberal background or who never was religious to begin would understand would be to liken it to something that involved similar devotion, care and affection. Maybe they would understand it if you likened it to a life long friendship that you had with someone only to brea
  9. Hang in there! Having been raised much like you in a conservative Christian setting, liberal Christianity is a hard to embrace. Our upbringing makes it nearly impossible to enjoy or partake in any other form of Christianity. I've thought about attending a liberal church but most liberal churches are full of people who haven't read their Bible's much and so embrace God with great freedom and think the Bible speaks of love only. There would be a whole other level of frustration in attending these meetings I'm afraid. Making good friends takes time and requires that you initiate and inves
  10. I have struggled with similar regrets/anger over my past. I mainly feel screwed out of a childhood. So many things I was denied...a decent education, friends, music (no rock, any music with drums, ect), couldn't even wear my hair down (had to have it pulled back with a barrett b/c if not I was too sexy...yes you can laugh), couldn't hold hands with a guy till I got engaged (I broke that rule...geez!), no TV (so every time I went to a friends house I was transfixed by their television to the point that friends didn't want me to ever come over), and could never attend any parties (unless it wa
  11. You speak truth Fuego. Totally agree with you. I laughed out loud when you said "and of course Jesus never bothers to tell them." Sometimes keeping it real isn't always best. Although, I tend to lean towards hard core "tell it like it is" I have lived long enough to know that timing, how it is said, and when it is said are key when interacting with my fellow man. And maybe not saying anything at all can be wise as well. Thanks for sharing how you handle FB. Best wishes to you!
  12. Deva-- I agree. Not sure I can do the liberal thing. I feel like my parents completely screwed up that option for me. I see how some of my friends view religion and because they don't take it all to seriously and don't really read their Bibles much, church is just a great place to meet friends and hear a positive message. I guess I won't know unless I try it but I have a feeling that I will feel the same way you do. Margee--I read your extestimony and loved it! Feel the same way!! Postivist--Thank you for your kind words. What I meant by the "baby" is the morality, love, and frui
  13. So true Mikey101! The Christian apologetic books do more to damage to the one questioning than convincing anyone of the truth of the matter.
  14. Thank you for your kind words! This is one of the only place I feel like I can openly share my thoughts without offending anyone. This past summer (2014) is when we decided to no longer attend church. I feel really fortunate that my husband and I have done this together instead of separately. I can't imagine the pain of not having your best friend walk this with you. He struggles with leaving the faith more than I do. He had a huge emotional attachment to it. I did as well but because my whole life was built around the faith I think I saw it more for what it was. Everything was abou
  15. Why oh, oh why didn't I take the blue pill?-- My painful exodus from Christianity “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” ― Epicurus My deconversion has been painful and agonizing. It doesn’t seem like a choice that I have made. Truth dictates what you believe and if what you once believed to be true is exposed for untruth continuing to believe just isn’t an option. You either chan
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