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About Xiana

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  • Birthday 12/10/1987

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    Nature and animals, art and culture, good FOOD and beer. Here to share support with post-traumatic-god-disorder issues.
  • More About Me
    My name is Christiana. I grew up evangelical, went to bible college, then left religion in January 2013, 3 years after graduating.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No way, Jose!

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. I realized earlier this evening that tonight is the eve of my 5-year deconversionversary! I just pulled out my old journal and read through pages and pages of the stream of consciousness, questioning and mental gymnastics leading up to it, when everything finally came together and the ecstatic joy, and the aftermath of figuring out how to "come out." The last four years or so have been lived in pleasant complacency and normalcy after all the dust settled and don't really think of things much anymore. I haven't posted here in a while! As much of a wild ride my deconver
  2. This changes everything!!! I may have to crack open my dusty old bible to read through with this new twist.
  3. This is a goodie.. apologies if it's been shared before! http://thegoodlordabove.com/twitter-bot-replaces-god-joel-osteens-tweets-dick-god-responds/
  4. I've never had a religious conversation at work in the 4 years that I've been there, even though I work at a Christian-based organization (which is open to all faiths/no faiths in employees and clients) that regularly practices prayer and devotions at staff meetings and such. I usually just keep quiet when coworkers bring things up, and have never been overtly asked my beliefs. I try to avoid one on one conversations with those I know are more religious. In my case, I think a lot of Christians pretty much just assume that I too am Christian because I am a warm and kind person, and don
  5. Yes, very very well-said GraphicsGuy! I've had fragments of thoughts like that, but you helped solidify them. What a great reminder. SparklingPhoenix.. I agree! In Christianity, it totally does come back on you being stubborn and holding anger when you don't forgive. Like it should be instant.. That's messed up. I don't think it's humanly possible to do that, with or without god. And if you do or think you have, you probably haven't handled your feelings in a healthy way. Situations like ours, with family members hurting us, need so much time. You go through it in different stages. I
  6. By the way, the vulnerability thing.. I understand! I found this forum when I was in a very emotionally distraught state, looking to hear from people who might understand what I was going through, and my very first post was about my sexual insecurities, and was very vulnerable! I thought about deleting it many times, especially since I felt like it wasn't well-written because I was so emotional and dwelling in irrational thoughts. Believe me, this is a very accepting, supportive, and loving community from my experience. I've been very blessed in my short time here! Everybody has their s
  7. Becks, Welcome! I had an experience like that one time that I can only explain away now by hypnotization or hallucination.. something in my brain to give me an extrasensory experience. When I was a teen going through a lot of angst and inner-turmoil, I went to see Benny Hinn do one of his revival/healing shows or whatnot. It was my first and only experience with revival/healing shows. I was searching for some kind of message or healing from god, and was reacting in a very emotional/spiritual way to his words. At one point, he told the audience to stand and reach up their hand to go
  8. Personally, I think the "forgive and forget" mantra is just bogus. If someone who has hurt you has made an honest and genuine attempt to correct their ways or express their regret, I think forgiveness is just a way for you to recognize that, for them to know they've been heard and recognized in their change, and for you to allow yourself to heal. However, I don't think you can ever forget. With some hurts, it's difficult to restore the amount of trust or respect you had for someone before whatever happened, so you have to go forth with a new understanding about them and perhaps a different w
  9. That's tough, happyheretic. Fortunately, I haven't experienced that kind of scrutiny from anybody yet.. I'm really not sure how I'd handle it. It sounds like your family using confirmation bias (looking for explanations to questions that match up with your beliefs) to give an answer to why troubles would happen to you. Maybe they don't realize they are doing this? Maybe they should be reminded that you had tough times even when you were a Christian? Maybe they should be reminded of the great victories and blessings you've had as atheist. You're right about the pressure though with try
  10. It's definitely a struggle to relate with my friends and family that still have god. Mostly, my struggle/frustration comes from knowing that they're smart people who should be able to figure it out... an "if I could do it, they sure can, but why aren't they?" kind of thing. It distresses me a bit to see them not realizing the potential life they could have if they opened their eyes. In a way though, that actually makes me relate back with their belief.. they wish the same things for me with their beliefs. The only difference is that they feel distressed that I'm going to hell, and I feel di
  11. Positivist, your post made me LOL. I love your silliness! I very much agree!
  12. I SO RELATE. I went to bible college because in high school I was groomed to think I would be a great missionary (I loved language, culture, tutored ESL students, was friendly and sensitive, etc.)... I'm grateful for the experience because it ended up being the catalyst for waking up and finding my own truths (atheism), so I wouldn't do it differently, I guess.. Ideally, it would have happened sooner though and instead of spending wayyy too much money for a 4-year degree at a private school, I would have gone to a technical school, or maybe studied forestry or horticulture, and used the extra
  13. Hi ConscientiousObjector! Welcome. You are in the right place.. I haven't been here long, but the support I've felt from others has been nothing short of incredible. Be proud of yourself- you are making a choice to live honestly, and that's a very brave and honorable thing. It's wonderful that you have the support of your husband, use each other for strength as you navigate any difficulties that may come by coming out. As far as coming out, I chose to write a letter to those who were closest to me and to the most brainwashed of my friends (you can find a link to that in my signature), an
  14. Thanks Blue Elephant! I found the board when I was in a moment of emotional distress that only an ex-christian might really understand, and was blown away by how thoughtful and supportive rhe people here were. Now I'm having so much fun exploring and thinking/learning! Nice meeting you!
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