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knightcore

Spirituality
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knightcore last won the day on May 16 2018

knightcore had the most liked content!

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About knightcore

  • Rank
    Strong Minded
  • Birthday 02/24/1994

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Drawing, Reading, Writing, Video Games
  • More About Me
    Pretty gay, pretty pagan, pretty open. I don't like to deal with gods anymore than necessary. If you ever need to let off some steam I always have an open ear!

    Aspiring hairstylist and educator, I'm not on a whole lot because I barely have time for myself these days.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Who knows

Recent Profile Visitors

2,240 profile views
  1. I went through this with a lot of former missionary friends once I left the church. At the end of the day, the majority of them still respected me even if our dynamic shifted a little. If this person is really your friend, they’ll accept and love you for who you are, but there probably is gonna be a little bit of adjustment for both of you.
  2. Change will not happen without being vocal which is what she's doing. You can educate people all day long about who you are at the core, but at the end of the day you have a lot more at stake than they do. Constantly explaining and educating takes a toll emotionally and sometimes anger comes out, that's normal. Sometimes people don't want to be educated. And sometimes it's not my responsibility to tell people why I or anyone else in the LGBT community deserve common decency.
  3. I'm rarely on here anymore but just wanted to say I finally graduated cosmetology school today!!!! Some of you were keeping up with my progress so I wanted to update :)

    1. Realist

      Realist

      Congratulations on that!

    2. buffettphan

      buffettphan

      That's great news!  Congratulations!

    3. DestinyTurtle
  4. Finally put in my two weeks at my shitty job!! I am SO excited. And I'm about a month out from finishing school!!!!!

    1. TABA

      TABA

      Good for you!

    2. Riven

      Riven

      Yay! I'm sure that feels soooo good!!

  5. Much easier said than done. But you're right. I really don't know if it is anymore. I'm mixed parts happy and miserable when I'm there but whenever I get home the depression hits like a 16 wheeler. So logically no it's not worth the grief. Also seeing that last sentence really hit me hard even though it's something I've told myself often.
  6. I think what really stings is that my dad especially has always been hard on me and been vocally disappointed in my grades, college, and general choices even before I came out. But he is always highly supportive of one of my brothers. It's really obvious who the favorite is with him.
  7. I do think they love me I don't think that part is a lie. But I do definitely think that the definition of love is distorted. Also I'm not sure it's being withheld so much as forced? Like when I talk to my dad I can feel the strain of him trying to be normal and not talk about anything related to my being transgender. But I also feel like it will only be forced as long as I play along. I know they don't see it as transactional because they've placed all of that on me. If I ever decide I want to break off that's on me and not them because they're going to love me regardless even though they don't accept me. They've made it really clear that if there ever is a rift in the family that it will be because I break off and not them and therefore that's my fault and not theirs. I was talking to my friend this morning and described it as playing hypothetical chess with myself, but against them. Because all the choices are on me and they're refusing to play but they're still the opponent. Every move is my fault because they will only take a passive role.
  8. https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality I've taken this or a similar test regularly over the years and i ways get INFP which should be a shock to absolutely no one. Always a mediator!
  9. I've already tried that and it really doesn't work. I think I came off too weak honestly. But you're really right at the end of the day I can't force values on them and I think that's why I'm so resigned at this point.
  10. I've been thinking about this since I woke up and saw it and I don't... know that they do. This may sound like a silly revelation to have but they don't really? Except for being able to see my siblings? It's just understood that I go to church when I'm home out of "respect" but if I ever don't my dad throws a fit for the rest of the day and is impossible to be around. Is manipulative behavior leverage? But I guess there isn't really like. A solid reason to go home, or to put up with all of this other than obligation. This is genuinely a lot to think about and I'm glad you phrased things the way you did.
  11. Yes I'm going to talk about my relationship with my parents again because apparently all I do on here is to pop in and give encouragement and then complain about my parents after I go and visit them. That said I really hate that my parents can be so actively hurtful to me but still be like "oh but we always love you". Not to mention that they also are like "God still loves you too". It's just this whole mentality that even though we're both hurting each other we still need to stay close. I really hate the God aspect because every time I go to my parents church I feel like I hear the pastor's yearly sermon on how bad those deviant homosexuals are. God obviously does not want me in his church and never has. In a lot of ways going to my parents house feels like going to church. I know I'm welcome but not as a member of the family really. I can go through all the motions but I'm still othered and not a part of the congregation. I can pay alms but not join. There's just a huge barrier between us and it's never talked about anymore because they've already made their stance clear that I'm not their son and never will be. It's honestly so bad that when I finally got home and my roommate called me my name I was caught off guard because I hadn't heard it in four days. My parents refuse to even call me the nickname I've asked them to use, which is an abbreviation of my deadname. They used to have no problem with it but now that it's a compromise they won't do it. I think it wouldn't be so bad if my dad didn't go out of his way to identify me as a woman constantly. Either by calling me his daughter or just flat out asserting it constantly. My mom will at least just call me her eldest. But despite all of the ways that I am constantly disrespected they love me and I love them. In most toxic relationships you can ease out eventually but it feels so much harder with family. I don't really know where this rant is going I'm just intensely sad right now, I know this is much less thought out than my usual posts but my brain is all over the place. I'm tired of people telling me my parents will come around because genuinely no one knows that for sure. And from what I know about my parents they won't and when one day I finally break off from them they'll blame me for it and expect an apology. My parents are so so deep in their faith that nothing is going to pull them from it. Not even me, which hurts as well but that's life I guess? Not being enough has always been my greatest fear and that's probably going to come true.
  12. I dumped it all on my dad on the ride to school one day. I don't recommend that approach at all. It was emotional and explosive and reactionary on my part. If I could go back and do it again, I would write a letter like I did when I came out as transgender. The best way to break your parents' hearts is with distance for you both to process in my experience. That way they can't guilt you immediately while you're still vulnerable. It gives both of you time to think things through and not hurt each other more than necessary.
  13. I have a good one. My freshman year of college I had a roommate who had a service dog. At first I was like yeah okay, she's a survivor with PTSD I understand and service dogs are trained so it shouldn't be a problem. Boy was I dumb. I learn not only is her dog not trained, but she just bought the paperwork online to get it fake certified. I was still like okay this could be okay. Nope. Dog had zero discipline, was still basically a puppy. A list of things that this little shit did include: Getting on MY bed on my side of the room and her doing nothing about it when I wasn't there. (I had to train him not to) Pissing on the floor because she didn't take him out. (Forced her to clean it and had to leave the room) Chewing on notes. (Had to clean that up) Puking under my bed and on my computer charger. (Cleaned it because she wasn't there) Shitting on my side of the room. (FINAL STRAW) She was an awful roommate aside from that and I wound up switching rooms before the semester was over. Couldn't take it after the shit. All of that said though, I absolutely hate people who fake service dogs because it makes it all the harder for people who actually need service dogs in order to function. It's selfish and thoughtless and I wish there was a simple solution but at the end of the day people like my roommate are the reason we can't have nice things.
  14. @older I am so incredibly sorry, that is absolutely heartbreaking. I hope the service isn't terrible, I can't imagine trying to grieve a tragedy like that with fundy overtones everywhere.
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