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Blackleo85 last won the day on December 9 2018

Blackleo85 had the most liked content!

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About Blackleo85

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
  1. Hello, I have had a forum account here for 2 years but forgot about it and only recently looked up the website since life circumstances has me living with my parents till I get a vehicle. Reading the stories here has inspired me and made me so thankful I walked away from the religion. Over the course of the last 3 years I have given church and the bible many chances. I even asked Jesus to come into my heart and make me new several times. Nothing. So after 2 long years of seeking I am done. God either has me stuck on his list of people going to hell and he has hardened my heart and ignores my parents prayers to change me, or maybe God doesnt fucking exist! What does exist is cold beer, friends, hitting the gym, playing computer and video games, eating amazing food, smoking weed, finding a life partner, etc etc etc.
  2. Oh yes I have narcissistic Christian parents. I was the bastard child in my family as I did not obey them like my siblings who were basic sheep like my parents wanted. I was abused physically and emotionally for over a decade by my dad, while my mom did nothing and even encouraged it in some ways. As an adult now it is clear to me they think less of me since I do not share their religious beliefs, the other siblings who all have the same religious beliefs get a much different behavior from my parents. They get access to family cars, internet, etc. I am not trusted. They claim they do love me but its not the same love they give their other kids. I am done with them. They have 6 kids not including me. I cant even cry anymore I am too numb at this point.
  3. Hello Meowmix! I am also a Navy veteran who joined while running away from an abusive family environment. I was always a total outcast in church as far back as I can remember, while my sisters and brother were in the "cool crowd". I hoped things would be different in the Navy but was let down. I was never bullied because I argued and went Donald Trump on anyone who gave me a hard time so people left me alone. I found few friends however and kept to myself. You are so right in your conclusions and I send you so much love!! I am so sorry you were bullied, you would have been one of my friends if I had worked with you.
  4. I left the church for a number of reasons. Grab some beer and pizza. 1. I do not make friends with church people, at least not the fundamentalist Christian types I was raised around. We have nothing in common worth starting a chat. 2. The whole worship thing makes no sense to me. I would never want anyone to worship me, and anyone who demands worship is not someone I respect or love, they are a narcissist at best. 3. Churches have the same basic routines.....start with worship, announcements, offering, sermon, and closing song. Its expected and boring. Churches are all about keeping the pews loaded and ppl happy so the money keeps landing in the offering plates. 4. I see many evangelical Christians as one dimensional and its hard to conneft with them on any of my interests so I no longer go to church.
  5. Before I get into my story, I just want to send a warm hug to all of you brave and wonderful people here. I consider you all dear friends who have been through much to leave Christianity. I have been reading a few stories today and my heart goes out to you. Yes, that is me. I am the 2nd oldest of 7 kids. My name is Jonathan and I have 5 sisters and one brother. As of this writing I am 33 years old. My childhood is a mixed bag. I do have early memories of being close to my siblings and playing games and just being normal kids who played and were human. Those were when I was like 5 or 6. All of us were homewchooled by our mom, and as the years passed and more kids were born, gradually mom found teachers who tought other homeschoolers. My siblings have only ever known the church for social interaction and friendships. From the time we were little kids to even today, church is their entire social life and all they know. Our parents started the religious indoctrination early, they had us reading the bible and going to AWANA as kids, memorizing verses, singing Christian songs and so on. I just went along with it without ever really believing in it despite hundreds of times being pressured by friends and family to accept Jesus as my savior. I just never felt anything, and I sure never felt safe from hell. I played along tho, raising my hands and closing my eyes during worship at church and saying all the christian things. Several times during childhood and when I was a teen, after "getting saved" again my parents showed me a love I longed for, but I had to act as a Christian to get it. My siblings lost who they were to become the Christian my parents forced on them, and I am still angry about that. I have lost all real connections with my siblings they only care about their religion and winning souls to Christ....I do wonder who they could have been if they had been able to be themselves. I kept my personality intact, but it came at a high price. I was abused daily for almost a decade by my dad, in the form of verbal and physical abuse. Spankings which left my ass bruised and bleeding, and he would beat me for half an hour or more at a time after he got home from work. He would then lecture me for another hour and that was telling me how ashamed of me he was, what a sinful son I was, how God was upset I wont just obey my parents...etc...then he would end it all by telling me he loved me and he would want a fucking hug. As I become a teenager I cared less and less about church and God and more about drinking, sex and exploring what else was outside of Christianity. That was just the opposite of my siblings by this point were strongly glued to church and had only church friends. I always felt like a fraud in church acting like I was saved, and I was glad to join the Navy and leave so I didnt have to keep pretending. Its been 10 years since I was in the military and I havent been to church much since. I see myself as apatheist now, i want to focus on forming relationships with the people around me, not on imaginary shit that sounds nice but there is no evidence for. I am the only one in my family who has anything but 100% interest in evangelical Christianity. I have 0% interest and its very lonely for me especially since I am single and dont have my own family. I just want to buy a bunch of land and live on it, thats what I am working towards now. I am a seeker so I am not closed off to spiritual experiences. I have been researching Gnostic Christianity and in my view, its likely the correct version of what happened and the Christian bible is a collection of lies. As I have no way to know either way I spend most of my energy on my life and making friends.
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