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cb1500 last won the day on February 21 2020

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About cb1500

  • Birthday 03/14/1997

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    Cars/trucks/automotive stuff, engines, landscaping, camping, roadtrips.
  • More About Me
    Religion is a major source of anxiety and fear in my life, and the deconversion process hasn't been easy for me.
    I've been an Ex christian for a few years, and for a few reasons. One reason is that I finally decided to look into the teachings of the Bible, and have found them to be either complete nonsense, or horrifying. I was also convinced by religious teachings, that I had committed and "unforgivable" sin, and that I had no hope. It was when I came to the realization that nothing about God makes any sense, that I was willing to let this Christian nonsense go. I am disgusted by religion, especially Christianity, and the hypocrisy that goes along with it.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. For me, therapy and medication has helped a lot, along with researching the true history of the bible and recognizing all of the errors. I'm doing much better now than I was, but it still pops up every now and again. Medication helps keep the panic attacks from happening. Recovering From Religion has also been very helpful. Trying to reconcile hell doesn't really help me at all, it actually makes it worse. It really sucks because I know it's all BS, but the indoctrination seriously messed me up. One of the things I'm trying is to associate the religious threats and fears with something nonthreatening. Thanks again everyone for the helpful replies. I'm still here, but I've been doing better which is why I haven't posted in a while.
  2. Thanks for the links. I actually have been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I will be joining a program to get help with it within the next few months.
  3. Thank you so much for the kind words. I've been feeling a lot better lately. I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through this, but it seems like I have.
  4. Thanks. That's what I miss the most too. We started having trouble getting along a little bit before the religious shit became an issue, but that is what really divides us now. Just another reason to dislike religion.
  5. Just wanted to give a little update. The therapy and medication is definitely helping me stay positive. The intrusive religious thoughts seem to be getting less frequent and extreme. Unfortunately, I just had an argument about religion with my sister. The conversation started with us just trying to understand each other and get along better, but it ended up turning to religion. I tried really hard to be respectful, but she started using the same tired old apologist excuses, and it just went downhill from there. It would be really nice to get along with her better, I just don't know. Religious fundamentalists genuinely freak me out. On the plus side, I didn't have a major panic attack after the conversation like I would have before I started therapy. That does not change the fact that I still have a really strong negative reaction towards religion.
  6. Thanks. The past couple of days have been pretty good. I also just started therapy, and even the first session helped get me into a better mood. The sun came out today for like the first time in almost two weeks which helped as well. The last two weeks were just pure garbage, and I hope I never go that low again. I'm glad to hear that you, and so many people on here have been able to get over this fear. It's amazing how many helpful resources there are these days for people like us dealing with this crap.
  7. Well, I just got back from the group meetup. The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset. One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see. I don't feel quite as alone anymore.
  8. Yeah, you're right. I kind of have a hard time expressing emotions like that. Not too long ago, I probably wouldn't have even considered going to one of those groups to talk about anything, and I would have kept it all in.
  9. Not a problem at all, I will gladly share how it goes.
  10. I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about it, and I'm going to start surrounding myself with as many like minded people as possible. I just joined another atheist/freethinker meetup group that's local to me.
  11. My group meetup for Recovering from Religion is tomorrow, but I'm just feeling really crappy tonight. I'm extremely terrified about the blasphemy thing again and just feel stuck and hopeless. I don't really know what to say or why I'm posting this, but I'm honestly ready to just break down crying. I nearly passed out last night from a panic attack.
  12. I will certainly let all of you know how it goes.
  13. Thanks for the new replies. I was feeling a bit better for a while after the holidays, but the anxiety came back strong over the last week. Next Monday, I'm going to a Recovering From Religion group meetup ( which I'm nervous about since I've never been to anything like that), and my doctors appointment is a little over a week a way. I'm so sick of feeling like this and having two conflicting "voices" in my head. Agree 100%. I wouldn't be going through any of this If I wouldn't been taught that garbage to begin with.
  14. I was actually thinking about genesis yesterday. It certainly is comforting to realize that the entire bible falls apart without genesis and "original sin" being valid. This is a big part of my issue right now. My job involves landscaping and snow removal (I love being outside), and business has been really slow lately. That is giving me way too much time to think about this kind of stuff. Friends haven't been around, and there just isn't much going on right now. Thanks, I will definitely keep coming back. Nothing worse than feeling alone, and I really appreciate these replies.
  15. The way my teachers would go back and forth between saying "god loves you" and then mention the punishment of hell was extremely confusing, and probably traumatizing. Also, being reminded a million times of how "unclean" we are by teachers and pastors did quite a bit of damage to me. I'm hoping the medication gets rid of the intrusive thoughts. The last couple of days have been a little better at least. Exactly. There's nothing loving about it. I remember feeling pretty disturbed when my religious teachers would try to justify what happened in that story. Yeah, my mechanical interest started with lawnmowers at a very young age. I remember a time when I was trying to figure out how a certain type of automatic transmission works, and I absolutely couldn't fall asleep until I understood it completely. That's part of my problem I guess, not knowing something bothers me way too much. Honestly, messing around with cars and other mechanical stuff is probably what keeps me sane and distracted from other worries.
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