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Everything posted by cb1500

  1. For me, therapy and medication has helped a lot, along with researching the true history of the bible and recognizing all of the errors. I'm doing much better now than I was, but it still pops up every now and again. Medication helps keep the panic attacks from happening. Recovering From Religion has also been very helpful. Trying to reconcile hell doesn't really help me at all, it actually makes it worse. It really sucks because I know it's all BS, but the indoctrination seriously messed me up. One of the things I'm trying is to associate the religious threats and fears with something nonthreatening. Thanks again everyone for the helpful replies. I'm still here, but I've been doing better which is why I haven't posted in a while.
  2. Thanks for the links. I actually have been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I will be joining a program to get help with it within the next few months.
  3. Thank you so much for the kind words. I've been feeling a lot better lately. I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through this, but it seems like I have.
  4. Thanks. That's what I miss the most too. We started having trouble getting along a little bit before the religious shit became an issue, but that is what really divides us now. Just another reason to dislike religion.
  5. Just wanted to give a little update. The therapy and medication is definitely helping me stay positive. The intrusive religious thoughts seem to be getting less frequent and extreme. Unfortunately, I just had an argument about religion with my sister. The conversation started with us just trying to understand each other and get along better, but it ended up turning to religion. I tried really hard to be respectful, but she started using the same tired old apologist excuses, and it just went downhill from there. It would be really nice to get along with her better, I just don't know. Religious fundamentalists genuinely freak me out. On the plus side, I didn't have a major panic attack after the conversation like I would have before I started therapy. That does not change the fact that I still have a really strong negative reaction towards religion.
  6. Thanks. The past couple of days have been pretty good. I also just started therapy, and even the first session helped get me into a better mood. The sun came out today for like the first time in almost two weeks which helped as well. The last two weeks were just pure garbage, and I hope I never go that low again. I'm glad to hear that you, and so many people on here have been able to get over this fear. It's amazing how many helpful resources there are these days for people like us dealing with this crap.
  7. Well, I just got back from the group meetup. The people there were nice and supportive, and It was really good to be able to talk with people who have the same mindset. One of the group leaders is a former minister who's now an atheist, so that was very interesting to see. I don't feel quite as alone anymore.
  8. Yeah, you're right. I kind of have a hard time expressing emotions like that. Not too long ago, I probably wouldn't have even considered going to one of those groups to talk about anything, and I would have kept it all in.
  9. Not a problem at all, I will gladly share how it goes.
  10. I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about it, and I'm going to start surrounding myself with as many like minded people as possible. I just joined another atheist/freethinker meetup group that's local to me.
  11. My group meetup for Recovering from Religion is tomorrow, but I'm just feeling really crappy tonight. I'm extremely terrified about the blasphemy thing again and just feel stuck and hopeless. I don't really know what to say or why I'm posting this, but I'm honestly ready to just break down crying. I nearly passed out last night from a panic attack.
  12. I will certainly let all of you know how it goes.
  13. Thanks for the new replies. I was feeling a bit better for a while after the holidays, but the anxiety came back strong over the last week. Next Monday, I'm going to a Recovering From Religion group meetup ( which I'm nervous about since I've never been to anything like that), and my doctors appointment is a little over a week a way. I'm so sick of feeling like this and having two conflicting "voices" in my head. Agree 100%. I wouldn't be going through any of this If I wouldn't been taught that garbage to begin with.
  14. I was actually thinking about genesis yesterday. It certainly is comforting to realize that the entire bible falls apart without genesis and "original sin" being valid. This is a big part of my issue right now. My job involves landscaping and snow removal (I love being outside), and business has been really slow lately. That is giving me way too much time to think about this kind of stuff. Friends haven't been around, and there just isn't much going on right now. Thanks, I will definitely keep coming back. Nothing worse than feeling alone, and I really appreciate these replies.
  15. The way my teachers would go back and forth between saying "god loves you" and then mention the punishment of hell was extremely confusing, and probably traumatizing. Also, being reminded a million times of how "unclean" we are by teachers and pastors did quite a bit of damage to me. I'm hoping the medication gets rid of the intrusive thoughts. The last couple of days have been a little better at least. Exactly. There's nothing loving about it. I remember feeling pretty disturbed when my religious teachers would try to justify what happened in that story. Yeah, my mechanical interest started with lawnmowers at a very young age. I remember a time when I was trying to figure out how a certain type of automatic transmission works, and I absolutely couldn't fall asleep until I understood it completely. That's part of my problem I guess, not knowing something bothers me way too much. Honestly, messing around with cars and other mechanical stuff is probably what keeps me sane and distracted from other worries.
  16. I remember being very shy and anxious as a kid for no particular reason. Lots of things bothered me and freaked me out. I also remember having a lot of obsessive compulsive type of issues. Everything had to be done a certain way, or I'd be thinking about it for a week. Most people around me thought it was silly. These days, I still constantly second guess everything I do, whether it be the wording of a text message I'm about to send, or buying the right part for a car. There's got to be some kind of chemical imbalance going on. I think the shyness may just be part of my personality. As far as drama is concerned, there was definitely some drama from my mom. She had a tendency to overreact to things. Other than that, I've always felt very comfortable around my parents. They've always been very loving and supportive, and they were never really strict. My dad takes religion with a grain of salt. My mom, on the other hand, is more religious, and made me go to church and religious schools. The first time I heard the Adam and Eve story in kindergarten, it was honestly quite scary to me. I couldn't understand why we were being punished so severely because someone ate an apple. The idea of hell was extremely wrong and worrisome to me, even as a kid. There was a period of time when I felt it was necessary to carry a bunch of religious books and junk around with me when I was in grade school. That was part of that obsessive compulsive issue that I mentioned. I hope this all makes sense.
  17. I think the idea of "this is the one true religion", which got shoved down my throat by a lot of people, is the only reason I ever believed it. The apologist arguments are just insane to me. The way they twist things, and have so much confidence in all of the nasty, ridiculous things they day. That certainly did help, and I actually felt a little more normal today. Thanks.
  18. I'll be sticking around this time for sure. Guess I had to find out the hard way that it's not a quick process. I will definitely be contacting them. Looks like they also have some group meetups which sounds great to me. The closest one is about 80 miles from me, but it's probably worth the drive. Thank you. I will be keeping in touch, and I'm really glad to have this place. The people around me are generally supportive, but it doesn't seem like they understand exactly where I'm coming from, so groups like this are very important to me. Thank you very much for the suggestions. I'm willing to try anything.
  19. Yeah, I've had anxiety issues since I was a kid, and it seems like they just got worse over time. The soonest I could get an appointment with a doctor is January 30th. Is it likely that I'll get a secular counselor that will actually understand? Amazing how mentally and physically exhausting this is. Seems to get worse in the evening which makes sleeping really difficult.
  20. Thanks guys. I get really overwhelmed by this stuff, so having questions answered by logically minded people helps. The christian apologist arguments really bother me and make my mind race. Another thing that bothers me is the idea that Jesus was a real person. As far as I know, there's no evidence for his existence, but some people think he existed as a regular person. Not sure what to think about that, if it even matters.
  21. Thanks. Your video did help calm me down a bit. I wish it wasn't so hard to get over this.
  22. Hello. I posted here a few times about 3 years ago, but I'm relapsing. At the time, I was having some major anxiety issues being caused by leftover fears from religion. After a while, I was able to put the fears out of my mind and live normally, and I was fine until last week. The doubts and fear of hell came back worse than ever, and I've been thinking about it constantly. I am absolutely terrified, and I don't know if I l'll be able to overcome this. Words can't really describe how bad the panic is, and I've been having thoughts of suicide. This all started years ago because I "blasphemed" god, which I was convinced was unforgivable. I did tons of research on it, and most Christians said that it's only unforgivable if you continually blaspheme god without repentance, but that didn't help either. I have no idea what to think, and nothing is helping. I'm going to be talking to a doctor about my anxiety issues, but I need help now. Please help reassure me that this is all nonsense, because I really can't take it anymore. Thank you.
  23. Welcome. That happened to me about 3 years ago, and led to my deconversion. It caused me nothing but fear and anxiety, as well as hatred toward religion.
  24. Thanks again for the replies. They pretty much know where I stand now due to a conversation we had a few nights ago, and surprisingly, have no problems with it. Fortunately, everyone was in a good mood during this conversation. The conversation started when my mom said how God saved all of the animals in the arc during the flood, and I replied to that by saying "which never really happened". When she tried to defend the flood story, my dad joined the conversation and explained how the story is impossible and ridiculous. Even though he is a believer, he doesn't take the flood story or the creation story literally. We talked about a few other religious issues, I pointed out several illogical religious world views, and I tried to convince my mom that her beliefs are subjective. The conversation ended after my mom said something like, "so you're an atheist now?" I said that I was, and she made a joke about trying to convert me back again. That was the end of it. No one was mad or upset in any way. I was very cautious during the conversation, and I would't have said anything if I thought it were going to end badly. Certainly a huge relief to know that they responded in a rational way.
  25. Thank you everyone who replied. After thinking about it more and reading your replies, I think I'm simply not going to talk about it with them anymore, other than giving subtle hints every once and a while, and only if they bring it up. It's just kind of hard for me to keep quiet sometimes, especially when they (religious people) say something completely illogical or ridiculous. I've given them a few subtle hints before, such as how I think the doctrine of hell is absolutely disgusting, how ridiculous I think the concept of a soul is, and how silly it is that people actually think personal success is the result of a "blessing", rather than hard work and determination. Like politics, I try to avoid talking about religion with friends and family as much as possible. My parents don't seem to have a problem with me not going to church, so that's good. I'm so happy that I found a site with people who I can actually talk to. None of the people I know personally would truly understand what I've gone through mentally and emotionally in the past few years, or understand why for that matter. Although I'm absolutely convinced that all religion is complete nonsense, I still have a lot of fear inside of me from the indoctrination. The ridiculous arguments from christian apologists and fundamentalists still scare me, and I need to continue working on that. Sometimes I get physically ill and have a panic attack over the stuff they say, or I just get extremely angry. Thanks again for the replies. -cb1500
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