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About AnonAgno94

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  • Birthday 01/07/1994

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  • Gender
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Music, running, walking, hiking, weight lifting, writing music and stories, reading, cooking, playing video games
  • More About Me
    I'm a young woman just starting her full-time career post-college. I've recently separated from Christianity after a 22-year relationship. Now, I don't really know who I am, but I know I have a lifetime to figure it out.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

Recent Profile Visitors

618 profile views
  1. OCD, anxiety, depression ahhh

    Thank you so much Margee. I am watching now. I appreciate the response and the share.
  2. OCD, anxiety, depression ahhh

    I hope it's not too late to respond to this. Here I am sitting home alone this evening trying to shut out the anxiety I have felt, due to my OCD, black-and-white thinking as well. I couldn't help but resonate with your original post here. Lately my OCD has been revolving around work. I graduated college less than two years ago (the exact time I became an agnostic, now atheist). I started my job just after losing my beliefs and struggling to have confidence in myself or in my work. Now, 1.5 years later, my confidence has gotten much better, but my black and white thinking is still plaguing me at times. Recently, I've started working with a new coworker who's difficult to deal with and who sometimes makes derogatory comments in the workplace, which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells working with them. So this week, it's been the thoughts of, "Oh, you didn't think of this a week ago? You're awful at your job and undeserving of the promotion your team feels you should have." Blah blah, negativity, negativity. I usually try and talk out my racing thoughts with people around m e, but this weekend it's just me, and I hate when it's just me. I feel the main cause of my thinking obsessive and negative thinking patterns stems past the religious indoctrination I experienced and is more because of the emotional trauma I endured as a child, thanks to my emotionally immature parents. All in all, here I am on a Friday evening, feeling lonely and isolated. I've had a hard time making friends where I live now, 4 hours from home. Of all my friends back home, only one has visited me so far. Plus I've made plenty of trips home to see them. This year was better than last year, but it's been a very challenging road overall. Not that I would ever have the guts to hurt myself, I find myself thinking many times how I just don't care to wake up anymore. I keep searching for, "What's the point?" So hang in there, from one struggling ex-Christian to another. Positive thoughts your way.
  3. It's been a while. I hope all is well on here. :)

    1. LogicalFallacy


      Hi Anon


      I'm well thank you. How are you?

  4. It's been a while. Still working each day to figure out who I am. 

    1. LogicalFallacy


      I hear you. Some days I'm really confidant of who I am, what I believe etc, other days I feel pulled in all directions by differing opinions. Leaving religion does leave its mark. Before we could just ground everything on a book - even if we interpreted that book to suit ourselves. Keep working on it :)

    2. Geezer


      Leaving your faith is a process not an event. It takes time & the road out of religion is bumpy with lots of potholes. Hang in there.

  5. This will be my first Christmas as a secular agnostic. Let's see how this goes. ;)

    1. LogicalFallacy


      Whoo! It's my first Christmas as an atheist and I'll be sharing it with my fundy family. Yee hooo.

  6. Struggling with nightmares some nights and waking up feeling restless. :/

    1. LogicalFallacy


      It should pass in time. Remember to meditate before bed to clear your mind. It's not a magic cure, but over time, if you do it consistently it will help.

    2. Travi


      I had a very funny (in hindsight) nightmare involving Satan that came after I gave into lust for the first time with an ex-girlfriend. As LF said, try to clear your mind as much as possible - and just relax when you can. Hopefully it will pass and you can rest soon!

  7. Emotional Difficulty As A New Ex-C

    @yunea - I can relate with what you said about making choices based on "god" and then realizing they might not have been the best for you. I'm glad to hear of the progress you've made and where you are now. @moho - Thank you for the encouragement @fuego - love the name! Thank you for the response. I know my pastors had pushed Bible studies on me more than actual counseling when my anxiety/depression really flared up last January. And of course, that was when I learned that a lot of Christians say that anxious Christians just aren't trusting "god" enough, which only worsened my anxiety at the time. It was a very difficult period for me. Overall, I'm doing better this week. Last Thursday evening I had a really difficult breakdown that lasted through the night and into Friday morning. I went to a painting class on Friday evening, though, and started tapping into my creative side this past weekend with regards to painting, and that's been therapeutic for me as of late. I'm also trying to get back into writing music and pouring out my struggles into that.
  8. How long should I wait before I hear back from Administrators regarding my emails, submission attempts, etc? Haven't heard anything for weeks. :(

    1. Fuego


      You can PM WebMDave from the toolbar at the top of the forum. Looks like an opened envelope.

    2. AnonAgno94


      Thanks! I just did. :)

  9. Emotional Difficulty As A New Ex-C

    @midniterider - I really appreciate your suggestions, and I also like what you said about the "Jesus" wisdom. I'm currently trying to listen to my intuition knowing it's just me now and not God. Thank you for the kind words and understanding. @geezer --- WOW 47 years! I must read about your story if you have shared so on here! I intend to stick around. Thank you for the direction and understanding. @mwc - Death/grieving the loss of a loved one has been how I can best describe what I feel at times lately. I also consider what you said about "drawn back in." At times I wish I could just get swayed back in, that "god" IS real and it's a dream. After all, I'm not necessarily keen on the idea of simply not existing when I die. But the reality is I would rather struggle in truth than live easy in ignorance because to me, I feel religion is the easy way out of living life. @TrueFreedom - I like that quote. I'm going to be reading through more of those testimonies. I appreciate the encouragement. -@Logicalfallacy - Yes it would be good for us to offer support for one another during this period. I too feel like my deconversion possibly started last January 2015 once I stopped going to church because of a lack of support in dealing with my anxiety/depression. It just took over a year and meeting an intelligent, well-rounded secular humanist to snap me fully out of it. Though in late April of this year the deconversion fully started to occur. You're not alone. -AnonAgno94
  10. The Last To "turn Away"

    Thanks - I got the inspiration for the name after listening to many logical fallacies from those in my church. It kind of reminds me of what not to do My church is all hellfire and brimstone. Everyone but those in the church is going to hell... and now me too. Heaven? Pfff reserved for a very few chosen few, like very very few. I'm of two minds about worrying about the mental anguish you (And I) may put our friends/family through. I understand you completely, and do wonder how this will affect my family when they are told, however at the same time I think we need to think of ourselves. Is not telling your friends/family going to help or hinder you and your growth? What if they find out through other channels? Will they feel betrayed and hurt that you didn't tell them straight up? So I think there are a number of considerations to think about before deciding whether or not to tell others that you no longer believe. One thing I have heard an atheist say about him "going to hell"... and this might have been to his mother on the subject, he said to her, don't worry, according to the Bible you won't remember anything of this life anyway so you won't know I'm burning in hell. So that could be another way to approach the subject if it pops up. Keep on connecting! Logical @LogicalFallacy- My boyfriend is constantly pointing out logical fallacies. He's even had me read the wikipedia page on them to start being able to point them out more frequently. Just last week on Facebook I saw a Christian friend post a meme that said, "So you'll believe what someone today says happened 10 million years ago but you won't believe what witnesses say happened 2,000 years ago?" I pointed out in a straightforward comment that logically speaking, based on that meme, I should therefore be even more likely to follow Islam since it was even more recent in time than Christianity, among other factors. Of course, my comment was promptly deleted to hide any evidence that true logic had actually been applied to that meme..... What you shared about hell is quite interesting because my home church was Bible-based and taught a version of hell that was apparently dark, cold, and absent of everything "god"-related or "good." I also understand what you mean about the two different considerations regarding "coming out" as an atheist. I was telling my roommate tonight that I'm quite sure once I get back on my own two feet as an Ex-C, I'll be quite vociferous about my change in beliefs. I have conflicting views as to whether I should care what others think of me, but also that I don't want to live my life in a false identity. When I was having panic attacks over the thought of my atheist boyfriend going to hell, he also told me about passages in Isaiah that spoke about heaven, and he tried to comfort me by saying how when I died, I wouldn't even think of him because I would be with "my god." Quite the similarities here! It's nice to keep meeting people across the world who get it and are on a similar path that I am on. -AnonAgno94
  11. Hi everyone - I'm new on here (AnonAgno94). I'm not sure if somebody already started a post like this, but I was curious: when you left Christianity, how was your healing/grieving process? I'm curious because I lost religion only a few months ago, and I was extremely devout. I mean, I was the Christian young adult whom people looked up to and admired for their passion and courage. I would go to church every Sunday and break down and cry because Christianity was my one solace in my unstable life. Now, since recently de-converting, there are times when I struggle with extreme anger, extreme sadness, confusion, deep fear of death, some depression and numbness, anxiety, and so on. Just last night I woke up in the middle of the night and broke down crying and freaking out for four hours over petty situations, mostly all stemming from my recent de-conversion. I've even had thoughts that question even my own existence as a human being and uncertainty about what my life's purpose is anymore. I haven't contemplated carrying out a suicidal attempt, but honestly at points I've really thought about it and understood why someone might consider it. So I'm curious of others' experiences with extreme emotions and how they coped. Thanks - -AnonAgno94
  12. Feeling a bit emotional today and aloof, but glad it's Friday.

    1. RealityCheck


      There is nothing wrong with aloofness. A person needs intermissions from social interaction.

  13. The Last To "turn Away"

    @TABA - Thank you for the reply! It's been super encouraging to read others' stories on here and realize I'm not alone. I've been having an emotionally difficult week dealing with my de-conversion and feeling spiritually alone, so everything I've received on here so far has encouraged me tremendously. I admit when I first lost my beliefs, I did feel such freedom in the person I wanted to become, the beliefs I wanted to hold -- it was like I was reborn into the reality that was around me, not the spiritual falsehood I had been taught previously (I'm more or less a secular humanist/agnostic right now -- still trying to work that out though). I even got so courageous as to cut my hair super short and try something different about myself. My boyfriend has been supportive as have a few other people in my life, one who in partiular was from my home church and is now an agnostic. They tell me it gets easier with time, and I'm hoping that to be true. Looking forward to connecting! -AnonAgno94
  14. In Deep

    @Chilledmilk - I'm encouraged to hear that this site can be some comfort to you right now. I recently deconverted but fortunately had been out of church for a little while. I can't imagine how difficult it might be to be in a relationship where faith is an integral part and church involvement is important. A few months ago, I was a devout Christian dating a secular humanist/atheist. Now I'm an agnostic still dating the same person (thankfully). I actually almost ended our relationship months ago, however, because of my deep fear of my boyfriend going to hell. It made me lose sleep, and it gave me such anxiety I couldn't even eat. He worked hard to see us through that time, though, and supported me through everything despite my fears. I won't go into a lot of detail of how we reached where we are now, but I am thankful that he didn't let me end it just because of our faith differences and my anxiety. I hope the best for you in your relationship with your wife. I read other stories online of couples who had married in the faith and then later in time one of them de-converted. In some cases, it gets very difficult, but some manage to work through it. I saw some earlier comments suggesting adding questions you could ask your wife while reading the Bible. Honestly, when I was still a devout Christian, my boyfriend would gently ask me questions here and there to get me to think critically about Christianity. I had never met someone before who asked me the questions he had asked, like how I knew "god" was real, etc. Looking back now, I'm glad I had someone challenge me gently in my beliefs because eventually those questions helped me "wake up" in terms of my sense of logic and realize that I was only believing what I had been taught my whole life, but that I had never actually questioned it. There's no one right way or wrong way to handle this. It's good you did find an outlet -- sometimes if you bottle up something that deep, it might eventually come out at a not-so-good time or in a not-so-good way. There are a lot of people on here to talk with about it and you can express yourself here openly and anonymously. That's one of the reasons I finally signed up -- I'm struggling meeting people like-minded and am trying to rebuild my identity. Sending positive vibes your way! -AnonAgno94
  15. I'm quite new to this site! But I appreciate the support thus far. :)