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About Diddlyboop

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    Henderson, NV
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    Video games, butterflies, my puppy
  • More About Me
    My name is Amanda, but you can call me Mandy. I recently de-converted and ugh, chasing the leftover fears from religion away has been more than exhausting. I hope by getting to talk to everyone here, the remainder of them will be gone forever.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Did you mean dogs? I sure love my dog.

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  1. It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been lurking and all, and I still can't thank you enough for your insight and letting me know that no matter how hard it gets, I'm not alone. Things have gotten a little better. That being said, I feel doomed because it's everywhere I look. I admit to overreacting over the little things but I can't help it. Christianity and its apologetics are everywhere and they always send me into a panic no matter how hard I've researched or what I've seen. I know it's not true, I know I'm not going to burn, but the past of fire and brimstone nags on in my head and sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to fully recover. I unfollowed a lot of Christian friends on Facebook. Love them, but the posts about Gawd were freaking me out. A friend I haven't yet unfollowed posted some conversion video that got me freaking, so I went to GodlessPanther's "Christianity is Creepy" to make myself feel better since he discusses lots of those things in the series. Checked the comments of the first one and was about to feel better until some apologist was spouting off about how deconversion stories usually involve biblical illiteracy or over-simplified bible comprehension and I nearly lost all the rationality that had been flowing in. They're everywhere! It's inescapable! No matter where I look, someone is spouting about how bad I am and others are and how we need Jesus back in our lives, and I feel like I'm trapped. Even though I'm never going back to my old faith, I feel like I'm also never going to stop being scared.
  2. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    Yeah, it was pretty thick fog but I figured even that could be just plain coincidence. Seriously, priorities, God! People dying of cancer or pretty pictures... ehhhhh, pretty pictures.
  3. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    On Facebook I have a lot of Christian friends, and unfortunately a lot of posts in my feed are like this, which is the reason I rarely go on myself. But a pastor I follow has all sorts of posts about miracles he attributes to God. For example, on his recent trip to Italy, it was extremely foggy and he wanted to get pictures when it was brighter, so he asked God to make it brighter outside. According to him, in less than five minutes, the fog was gone and the sun was out, giving him more proof there was a God behind it all. Now, I don't know how long on average it takes for fog to clear up, but even if I were to take on his stance and immediately consider it Gawd's work-- why does God spend time doing little things like clearing clouds when he could be ending world hunger?
  4. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    I really wish I could just calm down from all this. It's a pain. Dx As you say, it has been talked about and debated a ton. I feel guilty for even bringing it up here and making you guys probably beat a dead horse. But that's the thing, there are so many different sites debating the thing. So many debunking it, so many more promoting it as authentic and "debunking the debunking", so many different answers that instead of not caring anymore I just panic. But thank you all for taking the time to talk to me about it, regardless. ;u;
  5. Gosh, um... so I don't really know where to begin with this. I suppose I just wanted to vent because these past few months have been absolutely miserable and exhausting for me. My family has a history of anxiety and depression and various other mental disorders -- thankfully, I only picked up the anxiety and depression but... well of course even that's not really good. They picked up in intensity when I got older, but I do believe it's safe to say that RTS and my already previously existing mental issues are going hand in hand right now. Ever since I began to leave the fold, my entire life has just been ruined by fear and paranoia and sadness and just... utter hell for me. I know it's supposed to get better with time, and it does feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one that's made this groundbreaking yet, in mine and many cases, traumatic decision. But that's the thing, it's exactly that to me, my decision and the religion I was indoctrinated into in general. Traumatic. My first few months of coming to terms with this, I literally worried myself physically sick by developing an anxiety-caused eating disorder. I stopped eating. It took a toll on my health and I'm still recovering from that now, but thankfully, I'm back on track with my meals. It's the mental hurdles I can't seem to get past. I'm going to see a therapist, I already have medication, but that alone can't get rid of it because my past is still there. My residual fears are still there. Christians are all around me, my own family claiming to respect my decision and then proceeding to point out "evidence" of their faith to me. And I know it's important to be rational. I know this is pathetic of me. I completely and utterly hate myself for it. But my anxiety spikes every time I even see a hint of religiously inclined things now and sometimes I'll say I'm over these petty fears and then it'll come right back, worse than before! My mind tends to hyper-focus on things now. I don't know why, as I certainly don't enjoy feeling terrified all the time, but when religious arguments come up all I can think of is the worst, and the worst, and the worst -- my head reminds me of it all day. Constantly. Repeatedly echoing the current thing that has me miserable. I'm sorry... I know there probably isn't a real 100% solution to this, I just had to vent. I had to get it out there. I feel worse than I ever have in my whole life, and damn it, sometimes I wish more than anything Christianity and religions like it that do this to people didn't exist.
  6. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Eep! Thank you so very much! That has made me feel a whole lot better about this whole ordeal. I'm a ton less worried now...
  7. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Thank you all! Sorry for being such a worrywart. Most of the arguments for it I spoke of came from a debate over the shroud on Amazon. ^^´ No doubt the atheists on there are kicking ass though, as well. It's just that no matter what is said, the Christians are hanging on tight to it...
  8. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Woops! Honestly, I need to get more used to how this site works. But wow, I didn't even know about that prophecy. Thanks a ton, you've helped even more!
  9. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Sincerest apologies on my part. ^^; I didn't mean to change the subject. But thank you, everyone.
  10. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Yeah, it really never made much sense to me even when I was Christian... in fact most of the time I was wondering why God had such a scary place planned anyway, if he was so loving. Hell (pun intended), it wasn't even just, either... Either way, I'm sorry for dragging the thread off topic. But I am glad you guys have been so helpful ;u;
  11. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Well, I'm definitely feeling a lot better about the whole hell thing, at least. If nothing but nothing is waiting for me, I'm totally cool with that. I mean.. I don't know how the whole burning would work anyway if I can no longer feel physical pain, but -- eh, why bother with the mental gymnastics if you know it's a crock fear tactic developed by cruel men anyways? To be honest, though, the thing that honestly has been making me feel more comfortable with my decision has been reading about death. There are all sorts of near-death videos claiming to show proof of an afterlife, though all of them differ on the details... But my father, who is still a Christian, told me that he's flat-lined 3 times and there was nothing at all. Reading of similar nada experiences makes me feel a lot better. I hope that's not terrible sounding -- I promise I'm not some evil girl taking pleasure in people dying, it just makes me a little more confident that there will be nothing waiting for me when I go.
  12. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    ... Well. That just extinguished my fear of hell pretty quick. I thought Hades was some sorta scary torture chamber. Woops..
  13. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    I didn't know that Jebus mentioned Adam or Eve. And as for the whole acceptance of evolution, my head just rationalized it as "oh, well the first likely massive group of humans developed and that's when sin began. ... right?" Even then I was still confused. I didn't really believe in original sin as a concept, though. I thought everyone was born fine and the moment something bad happened jEBUS. Now, I'm much relieved to know that Jesus himself never even said so much as Hades, or Tartarus, or anything. He only ever mentioned a freakin' dump. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't that crazy over-the-top Revelations book mention Hades? I think that was the only book of the bible that mentioned Hades specifically, but even then it was a dime-a-dozen sort of writing at the time and apparently was quite politically aimed as opposed to divine.
  14. Shroud Of-- Please Stop

    Oh gosh. Said Christian in the Dillahunty video did bring up the haemoglobin as part of the authenticating evidence -- hearing your take on that has calmed my nerves, even if only a little bit. ;u; Thanks, guys, feel free to keep the help coming if you wanna. Obviously some of you are a lot more science-y than I am. XD