ag_NO_stic

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ag_NO_stic last won the day on April 18

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About ag_NO_stic

  • Rank
    Authentic Pastafarian
  • Birthday June 6

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Food. Life. People. Laughter.
  • More About Me
    I am Jess. My name's a good start.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Damn good sandwiches elicit "hallelujahs" from me.

Recent Profile Visitors

2,128 profile views
  1. Thanks for this, I know I have the capacity to let others manipulate me with emotion. And, as you already know, that will continue to come with time, I've only gotten stronger since I left my faith. I'll continue to do so with people like you in my life!
  2. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this. You just expressed exactly how I feel, but it's a lot easier to cut out in laws than to be where you are. I can't imagine, even my husband didn't make me feel that way when he was a Christian. Thank you so much, sometimes just knowing someone else understands and sends hugs can lift you up. You echoed exactly what I was just telling my husband about courage, that is also how I feel. You got this, I'm so sorry the one you feel this with is your spouse. Hugs
  3. Thanks for this, I'm trying to....consider the source....of their hurt. I really do understand them, I'd be upset too if I were them. I just looking for understanding anyway, and acceptance. Hugs in return, thanks for the encouragement
  4. I'm sorry you're looking at rough seas ahead then, it sucks because it doesn't have to be this way. But you know, it helps to know I'm not among here. The more isolated you are, the worse it can be. Thanks for your encouragement and support. EDIT: ((hugs))
  5. Haven't seen this yet, not sure what you're talking about, but will watch soon!
  6. Appreciate your feedback. It's just such a bummer.
  7. I'm doing my best to move forward and not let them hold me back or be shamed into doing what they want. It's so sad. Thanks so much, disillusioned, I so appreciate your encouragement here. Appreciate the hug too
  8. Oh, all hugs are welcome, you know that. There's just a thing on this site about Margee hugs lol, I'll take all the hugs I can get, every one helps. Thanks for your feedback. I'll keep you updated as things happen of course, but all I can do is leave them to their own beliefs and carry on with my life. Just so painful and unnecessary if they could just see it.
  9. I believe I knew somewhere that you were engaged and to be married soon, congratulations! I'm so sorry to hear the rest of this news. I feel like you and I are in a similar boat and it's a really shitty place to be. Maybe, deep down, I said something that they'll think about, but I have no plans to apologize for where I am or how I got there or how we will raise our children. I truly dread that conversation with every fiber of my being, I am prepared to make a very painful (and ultimately unnecessary) choice to cut out my entire family if they try to indoctrinate my future children. I wish they could see what dickbags they are sometimes lol. Best of luck to you and thanks for the encouragement, truly. Keep us updated!
  10. You have been a wonderful friend to me, RC. I would count that as a gain! Also, most people on here I've interacted with I would consider a gain. Other than that, I'll be very honest with you all, I am surrounded by the religious and don't often make a lot of friends who can connect with me in this way. But I'd love to use this opportunity to highlight what I have gained that is not necessarily a relationship: 1) How I view people, on the whole, has transformed. I have connected with a few people, still religious, who I can be VERY real with and also accept others for who they really, truly are. It's amazing what happens when you stop judging seeing people as bad, evil, sinners or viewing them as competition for "best christian." I celebrate in others' successes, I love to learn about who they are and what makes them tick, I genuinely try to help people instead of just "praying for them and moving on," etc. I don't know that I can say much for all my relationships, but I truly believe others would say I'm a better friend to them now than I was as a borderline self-absorbed christian. 2) I have gained a sense of wonder and humility that I never had as a christian. When you think god made the world for you, what else do you do but overlook all the beauty?! When you literally believe the sun (son) revolves around you, what do you expect but to literally not consider the vastness of the universe and how minuscule you are in comparison. I gained perspective on how much we know and, yet, how little. 3) How I view myself has changed. This is the biggest one. I have really dark days, yes, but the majority of them are spent undoing all the "you're screwed up and deserve hell" talk in favor of things that reinforce self-confidence, self-esteem, self-appreciation. I have spurred forward creatively, I have made great strides in my marriage, I love people better than I ever did as a Christian.
  11. Hi, all. I hope everyone is doing well today. Today, a major bummer is the source of this post. For those of you not all the way in the loop, Mr. ag_NO_stic was still a Christian (not too fundamentalist) when I started down my path of deconversion in early 2017. I was really worried about where life was going and how we were going to work since I love him and didn't want to end things based on religion. That was a couple years ago and, after taking some advice from this site, things have calmed down since. My husband is no longer in the Christian camp, though he's not nearly as far as I have come in my opinion, and doesn't feel a need to label his beliefs in general. We are so happy together, honestly. Sounds all good now, right? Cue his parents. They just came over for dinner Sunday night and a VERY unplanned conversation on religion came up. I usually try to skirt around it, it's never worth it. We were discussing conversations we weren't looking forward to when our children come into the picture. Apparently, his parents still thought he was a believer and it was news to them when he defended a few of my comments. They are now devastated, his mom started sobbing, wouldn't look at me and said "This is what I was worried about when she started going down this road, that she would drag you down this path with her." His dad just looked grim the whole time. I started crying too, they said all the usual shit, "You're choosing this doubt, this is a CHOICE," "If you are unchurched of course you will go down this road," "the bible is FACT," "make an appointment with our pastor," and it ended with them essentially being happy that the conversation happened because "it is an answer to your prayers." It hurts so much because they have no idea how traumatic this has been, they think I don't understand their position (as usual), and they were essentially gaslighting us by trying to make us out as the arrogant ones (for deigning to question god) and them the humble ones (for their submission to Christ) when it's so obviously the opposite. Nothing I said even got through. I said a whole bit to them and got, "Regardless, the bible is fact." It is the most maddening thing to look at their condescending concern when I know how little they know about their faith. Y'all, my heart is so very heavy. Not because I have been swayed, but because I am very susceptible to guilt/shame (thanks mom and dad) and I feel like the scum of the earth. Not for "being wrong," mind you, but for clearly being the reason their son is "going to hell now" in their eyes. I know it's their beliefs, I can't control that, but I hate it all the same. I am the kind of person who wants everyone to get along, everyone to be happy. Family is family. I try to be a good person and I want so badly to be openly accepted as their daughter-in-law. I'm sure they will be kind to me, but I feel they will never truly rejoice in our marriage as long as I am agnostic, it will be an elephant in the room. I just want to be left alone, is that so much to ask? Thanks for listening, I love you all.
  12. Oh no, I hope you don't have to face that either. Here's something you can tell your children: "I don't have to answer to a god, so I will respect how you want to raise your children until they are asking questions for themselves and then we can talk about this again. Please don't cut me off." I am concerned that my parents answer to a deity FIRST, my dad has made his priorities clear, and I think they would ignore our rules to "evangelize" to my children which will royally piss me off. If they want to talk about god being love or "loving one another" and "God loves you" or appreciation for "creation" that's all fine with me to an extent. As soon as hell, sin, and "being saved because you otherwise deserve to burn" nonsense comes into the picture, they're gone and I REALLY don't want to have to do that.
  13. I completely agree. I probably shouldn't have been surprised at all, I just still was! lol I guess I figured others would leave when they discovered a lie too....
  14. That is simply terrifying, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Again, I'm glad you're safe though.
  15. I haven't lost many because before I left the church as many people knew I was going through "doubts" and was praying a lot. I think many of the people in my life who know think I will be back after I have "figured things out" with god. For example, my husband and I don't have children yet, and I get the "Ohhhh just you wait, when you have kids so much will make sense." I don't think they realize that I have stepped away in such a way as to not be able to come back. I might even have to ask this site for advice in the future when kids are more real, I think it's going to piss off a lot of people when I don't change or raise my child to believe they deserve hell or need a "savior." I foresee a really tough conversation happening with my parents if they don't respect our rules about preaching at my children, because I will cut them out if I have to. The thing that has surprised me the most is, if I get put in a position where I have to confront my "not religious" label directly as opposed to be silent or dance around it or whatever, I have had more than one person admit to feeling the same way. It's crazy, I wasn't prepared for that!