mich

Regular Member
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    44
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About mich

  • Rank
    Doubter

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    The wrong place
  • Interests
    freethinker, healthy eating, music, teaching, homeschool
  • More About Me
    i have always looked for the truth in life. The best education, the best healthy diet, The best religion....The truth about life. so much of which i was deceived for most of my life. Music helps me get through my day. Would love to talk with others on a similar path.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    the unknown god, if he exists

Recent Profile Visitors

533 profile views
  1. mich

    Divorce

    Oh, No. Absolutely not. He is drenched in it. Many generations of his family. He won't even consider that it might be wrong! Oh, I see what I said in a previous post about him deprogramming. I just meant he has always believed that the man is in charge, and though HE hasn't deconverted, I have, so he will have to work with me as I will not walk under him anymore. Beside, maybe, we'll see. But not under.
  2. yes, I had to twist a LOT of things in my son's and my life story, just to try to make god look good.....
  3. I am learning to. I have definitely been at suicide's door several.times.over.the last few years, even b4 my deconversion. My son's story was just so very horrible, i felt as if god had forsaken us. And i was trying to do everything so perfectly, trusting and pleasing god. I had to just twist all the ugly details into something 'pretty' like 'god knows best', or 'His plan is perfect' or 'All things happen for good to them that love the lord' etc. And then when i deconverted and had a new set of thinking skills, reality hit me in the face of what really happened. I trusted in an imaginary safety net! A living nightmare to say the least. But i try to tell myself that we were all victims in this evil game called religion. I was told that god loves my children even more than me! Anyway, i do try to take care of myself. There are things that i have to do to keep my anxiety at bay...exercise, eating well, breathing. I have realized that i have to happen to life, rather than just letting life happen to me.
  4. Sorry for the delay~~ It is a very long story. (so long, I am writing a book). In a nutshell...I remarried after 9 years of widowhood. My son was 12. At 15, he became very sick with a rare seizure disorder. We did take him to the hospital ( which was actually taught against at church!). Traditional med could not help him and wanted to do a hemispherectomy. I opted for alternate treatment, as I didn't want half his brain removed. He was getting better, and better. In the meantime...he and his stepfather didn't click very well. One evening when he was 17, his stepfather spanked him (not very hard at all). But it got turned into a mountain, and he was taken from my home and ended up living with my mom and stepdad. Well, they took over his medical decisions ( they didn't like the ones that I had been making.) So he ended up having a hemispherectomy at age 18. He nearly died then. Meanwhile, I am praying for god to work all this out. At first, my mom instinct kicked in and TOLD me that one day I would need to know that I did EVERYTHING within my power to get my son back. At first everything I tried just backfired. No progress whatsoever. Just more damage. And then the 'conditioning' from church took over my mind. Turn it over to god. When you turn something over to god, leave it there. He doesn't need your help. And, as it seemed, everything I tried at the time turned out rotten, I thought god wanted me to let him take care of it. So I prayed. My husband moved me 500 miles away. I was subjective. I prayed. I waited. Patience is a virtue, they said. I prayed and waited. Keep peace, they said. I prayed and waited. And in 2011, at the age of 25, my son passed away, in the midst of a huge family crisis...So, I trusted in an imaginary safety net. (I became aware of this in 2017, it nearly killed me). I can see so much that could have been done over the years....but I was just praying and trusting and waiting. My son could have lived with the right treatment. He was getting better. But my hands were tied, others were making the decicions, and I thought god had it all under control and was working it all out....How stupid is that? And people can't see the dangers of religion......
  5. mich

    Divorce

    Better, thx. Sorry for the long delay. I have a hard time getting through the holidays. Things are currently ok. He is working with me, not standing in my way of doing what I feel like I need to do, learning to walk beside me as opposed to being over me. Maybe he just needs some deprogramming time.
  6. Yeah, and that part about forgiveness....some things are unforgivable.
  7. mich

    Divorce

    Thank you, i would love to be able to contact her. I'll have to check out her book. My hub is not physically abusive, but brainwashed into certain ways of thinking. He can't seem to understand my dire situation. He just looks at me like i am crazy when we do have serious talks...and i guess i look at him the same way....
  8. mich

    Divorce

    I have a couple of old friends that i dug up from the past that i talk to occassionally, it helps but i was out of the real world for 30 years so it is hard
  9. There are so very many... But smoke coming out of his nostrils (god)and fire coming out of his mouth and horns coming out of his hand...whoa! And then of, of course, the verse that tells us who created evil.. 2 samuel 22:9 Habakkuk 3:4 Isaiah 45:7
  10. And, ironically...god is not the AUTHOR of confusion....so how did he AUTHOR a confusing book?
  11. The stupidest and most dangerous thing that i did was to trust in prayer. Turn it over to god, they said. He won't let you down, they said. He doesn't need your help! they said...And now my son is dead.
  12. mich

    Divorce

    One of my problems, that i am slowly working through, is caring what everone else thinks, not wanting to hurt him, and the children, and not wanting people to think bad of me...but it's really too late for that...i lost my previous friends and family due to my behavior based on the beliefs, and when i left the church a year ago (after 30 years), i lost that community.....
  13. mich

    Divorce

    Thanks. I didn't consider that option. Yes, he keeps very close tabs on the money, and unfortunately my whereabouts.
  14. mich

    Divorce

    I want to be out from under this roof when he finds out that i want a divorce. But, someone had told me that i couldn't leave first or that would be counted as abandonment on my part and go against me in the divorce. I have my 2 youngest children 12 and 15 who i would want to take with me. I want to make it as smooth as possible for their sakes. I would ultimately be going to my home state, 500 miles away. I do plan on getting a lawyer, just wasn't sure what to expect. I guess hearing anyone else's divorce stories might help.