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About Mothernature

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    Learning more about life
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    In a family crisis

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I don't know anymore

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  1. Mothernature

    Update left church

    Thanks for all the advice. You guys tend to keep things simple and clear, and help me to see differing points of view, whereas I tend to catastraphise the situation. There is some good sound advice in your words. Thanks.
  2. Mothernature

    Update left church

    Well, I haven't written a lot on here, but I read constantly, just not logged in. This site is very helpful. I am happy to say that I have not been to church since September and am feeling better because of it! My husband still goes and there is constant tension on Sunday morning. We haven't discussed it as I feel that would be a breaking point for us. It will come up at some point but I'm holding off for now as I continue to read and learn. After the last scandal with the Catholic church I told him I just couldn't support them anymore and would not be attending. There is still the issue with the kids. I have been letting them go with him every other week (thinking if we were divorced that would be how it would work anyway). He's not happy about it but we have avoided major yelling matches at this time. First communion is this year for one of my kids and my husband has already signed up for it. Not sure how to handle that. I would want to be there for a special ceremony but don't want to support it. Also, my child will probably be more excited about going to church to have a special celebration, which will work against me, but I'm hoping it will be short lived. Religion sure knows how to hook and keep people. Also, circumstances worked out so that we've switched the kids to a public school instead of catholic school, so I'm really happy about that. The other hard part is answering the kids questions. I've been telling them that mommy and daddy have different beliefs and that they can make up their own mind. However, when they ask if something is real, like angels, and they are getting two different answers they are confused by it. I'm not sure how this will affect them long term. My husband can answer with authority b/c he really believes it and I always go with the evidence but it's not as nice or comfortable or firm, so not sure I'm winning that one. I don't like the idea of them thinking one of us is right and one of us is wrong about everything, so I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with those situations, without coming out on the bad side. Any advice is always welcome! Thanks
  3. Mothernature

    Wife Update

    Sounds like things have really improved for you! That's great news to hear. What did you find that worked to help your wife come around and to save the marriage? What advice can you give me on getting my spouse to see clearly? Thanks!
  4. Mothernature

    Advice from the unequally yoked club

    Hi, my caution is just with having kids. Opinions become stronger and the drive to instil their faith in their children seems to be greater. Since you are past that stage, then I'd say see how it goes but be prepared for the relationship to change. My husband was Catholic and a regular church goer but then he abruptly changed for the worse. He would say that your boyfriend is not truly a Christian since he doesn't follow the Bible to a "T". Kids are involved in the mix so it is very difficult. Conversely, a friend of mine is a very liberal Christian married to an atheist and they have good communication so their relationship is working out well. Everyone is different. As long as you can discuss important life decisions and events then you'll be on the right track. Good luck with your decision and let us know how it goes!
  5. Mothernature

    Help! What to say to kids against a fundamentalist

    Thanks everyone for your comments and reassurance. I feel somewhat better about it now. I really do appreciate hearing your experiences and there are some great ideas here that I will put to use in this battle.The kids do still believe in Santa and magic so I shouldn't be too concerned yet. Although my husband himself has turned into a fundamentalist we go to a Catholic church as that is his background so regularly we just go on Sundays. He wants the kids to be more involved as they get older. I'm hoping to stop going altogether but feel like I can't yet. I would rather them go to the Catholic church which so far is not pushing the doctrine of hell rather than the crazy fundamentalist churches and if I stop going then he could take them anywhere! I often wonder if it's better for them to go to church as kids, as they might rebel as teenagers like midniterider said and turn away from religion at that time. I guess part of it is the stage I am in too, still full of anger so I hate hearing people talk about Christianity. And my husband will not respect other beliefs so that is tough. He is more than 100% convinced of his beliefs and feels he has to teach them to his kids. It's like he feels it's his duty. I've been starting to point out that different people have different beliefs but in their eyes their Dad is right about everything. It drives me crazy. Anyway thanks for the feedback and help in bringing me back from my panicked state.
  6. Help I don't know what to say to my kids. They are asking about death and heaven and my husband is telling them nonsense from the Bible. They are all excited b/c heaven is made of gold. And b/c they go to heaven and then come back to earth again in human form just like they are today. He makes it sound so exciting to them that they are happy to think about dying. They are too little to really understand so I can't explain about the history of the Bible and they don't have the patience to listen to an explanation. And my little one is so excited to tell me what he knows. How do I handle this? I need to engage them but think this is all nonsense. They want me to be proud when they show me pictures they've made or tell me that they prayed for me or that Jesus died for us and rose again. I want to dismiss it but that would be like dismissing them and I can't do that. How do you handle this??? The whole situation makes me cry and makes me angry and anxious. I just hate it. If I tell them these are just stories made up they either don't believe me or my husband will get angry and I don't want to have a shouting match in front of the kids. Suggestions on how I can cope with this please as I feel like I'm losing it and I can't keep crying every night. My husband is so sure of everything and so has that confidence which gives him credibility. If I say things like no one knows what happens when we die and I don't have concrete answers, then I lose credibility and they just go to him for answers. This really sucks. Any ideas?
  7. Looking forward to listening to this. I'm currently reading Jesus interrupted and find it fascinating.
  8. Mothernature

    The danger of Christianity

    Welcome. I'm sorry you've been through such a tough time and glad you found this site. Hopefully things will turn around for you and some positivity will come your way. I find this site very helpful and you will find people that will listen openly.
  9. Mothernature

    Timing of telling family and friends

    Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm sure my husband suspects my deconversion so hopefully it won't be too much of a shock for him. It's the kids and the fallout I'm concerned about. Time will tell.
  10. Mothernature

    Old topic, new casualty

    I'm sorry for your loss. I too think you dodged a bullet. It may hurt now but would only be worse if discovered later in your relationship. I'm in the throws of it now and it is complicated once kids are involved. Growing up I thought it was ridiculous that people had been told to marry one of their own but I see things from a different view now. If she is a liberal christian it could work, but a fundy or someone who is that devout does not have room for compromise. Things will only get worse. Sorry. I hope you can work through your situation. All the best.
  11. Mothernature

    Timing of telling family and friends

    How long did it take you to come out about your deconversion to your family and close friends and when during the process did you do this (or in retrospect when would you recommend doing so)? I know it's different for everyone but would like to know some of your experiences and what you recommend. Thanks!
  12. Mothernature

    A letter to my parents

    Well done. I wish you the best of luck with your family. Hearing people like you come out gives me hope that I'll be there soon. Thanks.
  13. Mothernature

    if you speak it, it happens - the dark side

    I'm a bit late to the topic, but wanted to mention how interesting this is. My husband believes this idea which is utterly absurd to me. Anytime he is sick, he claims he is only "dehydrated" and if I mention that someone might be getting sick he scorns and replies "don't say that" and I swear he is praying away the "evil" words under his breath. He was dehydrated for 3 weeks recently!😃 The information on Norman Peale is interesting! I may have to print that and leave it out somewhere for him to find!
  14. Mothernature

    Grace before meals

    I'm getting tired of hearing grace at the table and I'm a bit bitter about it. I want to add "and thanks to me for making the dinner, for choosing healthy foods that will sustain you, for shopping for the food needed to make the dinner and for working to make money to pay for the food that you see before you!" One of these days it's going to come out. And my MIL wanted to remind me to thank my husband for installing a new appliance. Maybe I should include that during grace. Thanks to God for getting our new machine to work! It would have been easier to have someone install it so I wouldn't have had to be the one to point out obvious mistakes which made him have to redo it and I wouldn't have had to bare the brunt of two fighting kids on my own again with no thanks what so ever. But for now I'm holding my tongue. I'll see how I feel tomorrow before responding to her. Sorry for the rant just feeling ticked off.
  15. Mothernature

    Jonah and the whale

    Do you have a link to the origins of this myth? That would be interesting to read about!