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Mothernature

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About Mothernature

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    Doubter

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  • Interests
    Learning more about life
    Nature
  • More About Me
    In a family crisis

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I don't know anymore

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  1. Has anyone heard of this group or know anything about it? It's with Jon Bjarnastein. Sounds like a cult to me. This is the latest calling of my delusional husband and I'm just trying to figure out as much as I can about it to know where he is headed next. Thanks
  2. Yes, you've got that right. The troubles are around his crazy/harmful ideas of faith and my difference of opinion and how to work together to raise the kids. I almost welcome the idea of divorce! That sounds kind of good right now. However, I couldn't stand to be apart from my kids and I don't think a judge would deny him custody so we'd be looking at 50/50 I think. That is the only thing holding me back. That and because I want the kids to stay at the school they are going to, so I don't want to have to move and I don't think he'd willing move out. So, I am stuck here for now, for my kids. I'm sorry to hear that all that time in counselling was harmful rather than helpful. It shouldn't be that way. I'm happy that you and your children were able to get away from him! How are you guys doing now? Fortunately, my husband is good with the kids. Or maybe that's unfortunately as it would make it easier to leave. It's more his ideas with religion and the indoctrination that I feel are harmful to the kids and cause me a lot of emotional stress. If he so much as raised a finger to my kids or myself I would be out without hesitation. Yes, I would agree. My area of the country is a little more liberal, so I don't think I'd get a fundamentalist counselor here anyway. I was thinking the same, try a session and see how it goes. I can always choose not to continue with that person. I think when I'm ready I will call around and see what I can find out before booking with any one particular person. I wonder if they'd disclose what religion they are when I call to inquire about an appt. We have already been pulled in different directions and I think those differences are irreconcilable at this point. I feel like as long as I'm around, my kids will see that there is more than one side to religion and I can intervene when he is purposely answering their questions with a biblical flare and one sided mind. I hate even going out and leaving the kids home with my husband b/c I'm always concerned about what he is trying to convince them of and how to undo it. And yes, I was worried about the counselor trying to pull us in one direction but I was hoping that the counselor would be neutral, just having a background knowledge about how warped religion is and how brainwashed a religious person can be and how to pull them out of their stupor. Am I asking too much? Yes, I'm seeing this is probably what I feared. I may try to find someone who doesn't actively advertise as a christian counselor but has experience in working with differences of religion. That must be possible. Thanks for all the advice. I'm not even sure yet that my husband would go to counselling, but I hope in the future he will.
  3. I spoke briefly with a counselor about my family situation and she actually recommended that I may be better off to go for marriage counselling with my husband to a Christian counselor. She thought they are better trained in what his beliefs would be and so would be better able to assist. I believe if the counselors are registered they have to be neutral and would not try to sway either in either direction. Any experiences with this? I am not concerned that I could be swayed back into Christianity as I know too much to go back and my husband is too brainwashed to even hope that he would ever convert, so I am wondering if it actually would be better to go the Christian counselor route.
  4. Aghhhh! I just want to scream and make this all stop. When I talk to my kids about what their dad has been doing and telling them it drives me crazy. He makes them pray loudly in the car every day before school. They told me if they are quite he gets upset and he prays more loudly trying to get them to join in. He tells them heaven is made of gold and diamonds. Apparently he is showing them pictures of places around the world where miracles supposedly happened. He makes them do the hail mary and tells them they can have anything they want if they pray properly then jesus will give it to them. This puts me in a panic when I hear my kids talking like this. They are too young to be brainwashed so badly. I try to convince them otherwise, but I'm sure my explanations are not great for their young age. How do you compete with stories like that. Love of children, animals on a boat, peace in heaven, healing just like that, singing songs, jesus scooping them up and taking them to heaven. Aghhh. When I talk about the flood and how it killed all the people and other animals on the earth, that's not happy news. That's not enjoyable to hear about, so how are the kids going to listen to me??? I try to explain that different people can have different beliefs, but how do I tell them their dad is crazy. I don't want to talk badly about their dad but I don't want them to think that kind of behaviour is normal! Oh how I wish this would end. I just want to raise my kids without all this bullshit. Apparently he told them that I am christian, I just don't show it very well! I think I have better morals than most christians, so I'm not sure what he's talking about, must be the crazy praise part!
  5. Hi, I was watching some youtube videos the other day and found this one very interesting and helpful to my deconversion. I hope the link works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7mWKfuuGSs Another one I liked, a little long with frequent commercials but if you can sit through it, it covers a lot of information on the bible "Christian dilemmas- the secret history of the bible" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FXdMkFomBk Hope this helps others as it has helped me!
  6. Thanks for all the advice. You guys tend to keep things simple and clear, and help me to see differing points of view, whereas I tend to catastraphise the situation. There is some good sound advice in your words. Thanks.
  7. Well, I haven't written a lot on here, but I read constantly, just not logged in. This site is very helpful. I am happy to say that I have not been to church since September and am feeling better because of it! My husband still goes and there is constant tension on Sunday morning. We haven't discussed it as I feel that would be a breaking point for us. It will come up at some point but I'm holding off for now as I continue to read and learn. After the last scandal with the Catholic church I told him I just couldn't support them anymore and would not be attending. There is still the issue with the kids. I have been letting them go with him every other week (thinking if we were divorced that would be how it would work anyway). He's not happy about it but we have avoided major yelling matches at this time. First communion is this year for one of my kids and my husband has already signed up for it. Not sure how to handle that. I would want to be there for a special ceremony but don't want to support it. Also, my child will probably be more excited about going to church to have a special celebration, which will work against me, but I'm hoping it will be short lived. Religion sure knows how to hook and keep people. Also, circumstances worked out so that we've switched the kids to a public school instead of catholic school, so I'm really happy about that. The other hard part is answering the kids questions. I've been telling them that mommy and daddy have different beliefs and that they can make up their own mind. However, when they ask if something is real, like angels, and they are getting two different answers they are confused by it. I'm not sure how this will affect them long term. My husband can answer with authority b/c he really believes it and I always go with the evidence but it's not as nice or comfortable or firm, so not sure I'm winning that one. I don't like the idea of them thinking one of us is right and one of us is wrong about everything, so I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with those situations, without coming out on the bad side. Any advice is always welcome! Thanks
  8. Sounds like things have really improved for you! That's great news to hear. What did you find that worked to help your wife come around and to save the marriage? What advice can you give me on getting my spouse to see clearly? Thanks!
  9. Hi, my caution is just with having kids. Opinions become stronger and the drive to instil their faith in their children seems to be greater. Since you are past that stage, then I'd say see how it goes but be prepared for the relationship to change. My husband was Catholic and a regular church goer but then he abruptly changed for the worse. He would say that your boyfriend is not truly a Christian since he doesn't follow the Bible to a "T". Kids are involved in the mix so it is very difficult. Conversely, a friend of mine is a very liberal Christian married to an atheist and they have good communication so their relationship is working out well. Everyone is different. As long as you can discuss important life decisions and events then you'll be on the right track. Good luck with your decision and let us know how it goes!
  10. Thanks everyone for your comments and reassurance. I feel somewhat better about it now. I really do appreciate hearing your experiences and there are some great ideas here that I will put to use in this battle.The kids do still believe in Santa and magic so I shouldn't be too concerned yet. Although my husband himself has turned into a fundamentalist we go to a Catholic church as that is his background so regularly we just go on Sundays. He wants the kids to be more involved as they get older. I'm hoping to stop going altogether but feel like I can't yet. I would rather them go to the Catholic church which so far is not pushing the doctrine of hell rather than the crazy fundamentalist churches and if I stop going then he could take them anywhere! I often wonder if it's better for them to go to church as kids, as they might rebel as teenagers like midniterider said and turn away from religion at that time. I guess part of it is the stage I am in too, still full of anger so I hate hearing people talk about Christianity. And my husband will not respect other beliefs so that is tough. He is more than 100% convinced of his beliefs and feels he has to teach them to his kids. It's like he feels it's his duty. I've been starting to point out that different people have different beliefs but in their eyes their Dad is right about everything. It drives me crazy. Anyway thanks for the feedback and help in bringing me back from my panicked state.
  11. Help I don't know what to say to my kids. They are asking about death and heaven and my husband is telling them nonsense from the Bible. They are all excited b/c heaven is made of gold. And b/c they go to heaven and then come back to earth again in human form just like they are today. He makes it sound so exciting to them that they are happy to think about dying. They are too little to really understand so I can't explain about the history of the Bible and they don't have the patience to listen to an explanation. And my little one is so excited to tell me what he knows. How do I handle this? I need to engage them but think this is all nonsense. They want me to be proud when they show me pictures they've made or tell me that they prayed for me or that Jesus died for us and rose again. I want to dismiss it but that would be like dismissing them and I can't do that. How do you handle this??? The whole situation makes me cry and makes me angry and anxious. I just hate it. If I tell them these are just stories made up they either don't believe me or my husband will get angry and I don't want to have a shouting match in front of the kids. Suggestions on how I can cope with this please as I feel like I'm losing it and I can't keep crying every night. My husband is so sure of everything and so has that confidence which gives him credibility. If I say things like no one knows what happens when we die and I don't have concrete answers, then I lose credibility and they just go to him for answers. This really sucks. Any ideas?
  12. Looking forward to listening to this. I'm currently reading Jesus interrupted and find it fascinating.
  13. Welcome. I'm sorry you've been through such a tough time and glad you found this site. Hopefully things will turn around for you and some positivity will come your way. I find this site very helpful and you will find people that will listen openly.
  14. Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm sure my husband suspects my deconversion so hopefully it won't be too much of a shock for him. It's the kids and the fallout I'm concerned about. Time will tell.
  15. I'm sorry for your loss. I too think you dodged a bullet. It may hurt now but would only be worse if discovered later in your relationship. I'm in the throws of it now and it is complicated once kids are involved. Growing up I thought it was ridiculous that people had been told to marry one of their own but I see things from a different view now. If she is a liberal christian it could work, but a fundy or someone who is that devout does not have room for compromise. Things will only get worse. Sorry. I hope you can work through your situation. All the best.
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