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About MikeT

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    Brought up pentecostal

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Anyway, an update on this. A few weeks ago, I managed to do something similar to Fuego. When I was waking up I felt the pressure on me and was about to call on the man from Galilee when I instead said to myself "I don't believe in this." The gap of a few second between saying that to myself and actually waking up was a terribly lonely feeling. I still had the doubt that I may be being attacked or have some medical situation and that the inability to call on the name was a more vulnerable situation to be in. So, I guess praying in that context just hides the true fear which is being alone and vulnerable. So, about a week ago a lady I met then told me about a talk she had heard on this kind of stuff. Apparently sleep paralysis is a common thing and has led to many folklore myths in many cultures from Vietnam to Canada. See here So I guess I should have Googled this stuff. Anyway realising the points I made in this thread made it into my subconscious and were there before I woke up is something of a victory.
  2. Nicely told, Fuego. I particularly like your description of the light and saying the man from Galilee's name through paralysed muscles. It always comes out as a murmur. I think the ability to confront things or become aware of your dream and stick with it is a determined quality. I believe part of the reason I wake up straight away when realise I am dreaming is that I fear being in that dream world, probably because of the bad dreams I've had in the past. The last time I realised I was dreaming I did not have the conscious awareness of what is fiction and fact. In my dream world even an awareness I am dreaming does not make the blurred lines any clearer between religious conditioning and demons supposedly pinning me down so I can't move. Partly it could be giving into fear on my part. I was told from a young age that dreams could be altered or influenced by demons so I guess I fear the world of dreams by default. Trying to engage your full capacity for thinking when being fearful in a dream probably has its difficulties but may also be a choice I make.
  3. ASMR works for certain people, but I don't get the feeling other people describe. Rainfall sounds can give me that sensation. I have listened to ASMR just to hear guided visualisations but not for sleep.
  4. Just a note on this. I sometimes listen to youtube videos of rainfall to help me sleep. A few nights ago I fell asleep lying on my back with both headphones in my ears. I woke up to one of these dreams that would usually have turned into a fear based / demonic type dream, but this time I had no fear. The dream and sensation of waking didn't feel like it was associated with fear. I can only guess that the sound of the rainfall interfered with the way my mind usually processes the feelings associated with sleeping in an uncomfortable position and dreaming. Not practical all the time, but it seemed to have a positive effect.
  5. For sure. I just think my particular situation is an emotional numbness which leads me back to therapy again and again. I suspect if I was more emotional I would have less of a need for it. I live on my own. I'm not stuck for places to cry.
  6. That sounds so good. What I'd give to cry and never see a therapist again.
  7. I would say 'Awwwww' but for a guy who doesn't cry I feel to macho for that.
  8. I've always thought it's unhealthy not to cry. There is something in my psychology where crying is linked to my relationship to my father so I don't do it. I hate that I feel retsrained in that way. However I am surprised how easily talking to a therapist can make me upset and close to crying. It seems the only thing that puts me into contact with my emotions is other people. On my own I am numb emotionally. Talking to a therapist about parents, and bereavement can lead to me feeling upset. I never actually seem to cry though. I always resist the physical urge to actually let go and cry. I just intuitively know I would feel great if I could cry.
  9. I might try replacing the man from Galilee with Santa or someone else. Great idea! Thor sounds like a convenient God to use instead. That sounds like a brutal dream. It reminds me of a "close range" dream my dad had when he was bayoneted through the chest and pinned to the ground.
  10. I find it frustrating that I have developed a cavalier and even principled position in my daily life against the religion I was brought up with over the last 15, but can still wake up from a dream under the belief that I am being attacked in some spiritual way, and then find myself calling on the man from Galilee to help me out, which in my dream world seems to be the only option. Usually this is a situation where I am sleeping in some strange position, either lying on my back or when I don't have good circulation and therefore feel uncomfortable in some way. In my dream I perceive there must be a spirit pressing me down against the bed, and calling for help seems like the best option. Does anyone who has grown up in a pentecostal or other extremist church get dreams that they are unable to shake off? I would hope that if I was angry enough or frustrated enough in my waking hours that I would then find some way to bring some conscious awareness into my dreams but am not sure if this is possible. It seems even if I have some awareness I am dreaming and need to wake up that only the fear part of the brain seems to be operating.
  11. Not to hijack someone else's thread, but I emailed admin with the same question and was sent a password. However, I can't even see the sexuality forum. I had read about it when I done a forum search on the term "dating" and found a thread from a few years back. Am I unable to see the sexuality forum due to the small number of posts I have on the forum?
  12. I grew up not far from a family whose teenage daughter wanted to be a boy. She was the nicest kid, but the area was kind of deprived and it seemed obvious that part of the reason for her turning out that way was that her mother had taken hard drugs over the years and was a bad role model. I never seen her dad as her parents were not together. It was her mother who told me that she was now a "he" and that the condition was gender dysmorphia. She told me the girl was going to get hormone treatment at that time. To my memory she was about 12 or 13. Instinctively I am weary of terms like "mental illness" as they can equally apply to issues of sexual shame, which many of us brought up in religious backgrounds will be familiar with. Is it not possible that there are a multitude of issues behind someone wanting to be a different gender and that in some cases bad parenting and negative beliefs the child has picked up from interacting with their parents will be the cause of that person wanting to change sex as they get older? I suppose there may be mental health issues, and the worst thing is that some people can grow up in a dysfunctional family but not fully realise what effect that has had on them until they are in their twenties. I don't think transgender campaigning should write off mental health issues as a possible cause. It would seem to be irresponsible to campaign in that way if they are doing so.
  13. This one was used against me by my parents from time to time. In fact they would be very unreasonable to the point of winding me up and then would quote this scripture when I finally snapped and reacted. I was told by another young person in the church back then that there is another scripture which warns against provoking your children - probably Ephesians 6:4 from my Google search.
  14. Ha, I used to hear that one quite often. "God saved us a parking space". Sometimes he even saves parking spaces at the hospital car park, but still can't be bothered to heal people in the hospital. Talk about working in mysterious ways.
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