God

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Everything posted by God

  1. God

    Greetings!

    Nah, all my subjects prefer to capitulate and laugh at what I command them to laugh at. I laugh in the face of fools like you. You do realize that I sent a bear to maul a slew of street youths for calling one of my homies bald. You shouldn't fuck with me and you better get ta laughin.
  2. God

    Greetings!

    I have an even gooder reason for my pride, I'M the LORD. Soak in the worldly pleasures and attention, son, but you being funny just means I'M funny since I created you.
  3. God has poked TheRedneckProfessor with the middle finger of justice.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. TheRedneckProfessor

      TheRedneckProfessor

      I would have thought an upgrade would be impossible for a god who is the same yesterday, today and forever.

    3. God

      God

      Not if it was always a part of my plan to begin with.

    4. TheRedneckProfessor

      TheRedneckProfessor

      Yeah.  I've seen how well your "plans" work out.

  4. God

    Greetings!

    You're here, right? Blessing enough. Work on that pride issue and we might work something out.
  5. God

    Greetings!

    Um. Motherfucker, I don't sin. I change the Bible to backtrack on my actions so it's never sin. It's all in there under the "NEW Covenant." It's okay, you'll get there. I like you, kid. Maybe I'll make you a profit some day.
  6. God

    Greetings!

    Yes, I didn't know a whole bunch of us were going to go join or I'd have picked a different user. Felt disrespectful to call myself "God" over there. I can ask to change the user if you'd like, since I don't represent you all.
  7. God

    Greetings!

    I just wanted to pop in here, rare I know, and say that I'm backing off the sarcasm and snark with William. He has been gracious. Frustrating, yes. Different perspective, yes. But he has allowed us on his site as his guests and I feel bad for how I've acted.
  8. God

    Greetings!

    See? I work in mysterious ways. Count your blessings, including that parking spot.
  9. God

    Greetings!

    Don't test me. I already promised you a good parking spot, why is it never enough with you people.
  10. God

    Greetings!

    See, that shit pleases me. If you find a parking spot later, that was me and you better not forget it either. I overlooked a starving child for you.
  11. God

    Greetings!

    I mean I don't NEED that, it's just smart. Work smart, not hard. If other people will, why should I give such effort?
  12. God

    Greetings!

    @midniterider did
  13. God

    Given your options

  14. God

    Greetings!

    EDIT: to remove rude line
  15. I've decided I'm an atheist.

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. LogicalFallacy

      LogicalFallacy

      Thumby again you have made a bunch of assertions that are simply that. So who created your complex intelligent God?

    3. Thumbelina

      Thumbelina

      Quote

      He's uncreated & the ultimate intelligent being. ...so don't worry your way less complex self about that. He provided eternal life for you; don't forfeit it by unbelief, man.

      I don't know why my statement is in quotes.

    4. LogicalFallacy

      LogicalFallacy

      So you are going to go to special pleading? Ok. Expected but disappointing.

  16. God

    Things Atheists Post On Facebook

    It's called a dildon't. I watch all y'all, and I don't like that shit.
  17. God

    In the Beginning, Mothafuckas.

    I can speak for my medamn self, thankyouverymuch. I am a god in my own mind and in everyone else's, I'm the biggest. Many even call me omnipotent. It was a play on the word "facebook," dumbass. Please see the following reference from a book you attribute to me (although you don't know if I have a face or not.) You need to learn the art of the metaphor. Numbers 6:25-26 The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' I'm no gentleman. You clearly haven't read any of the old testament. Um....no? That shit is an abomination. I got Mary pregnant, did you not get the joke? Like....I made women for men, it doesn't matter if the woman enjoys it. I definitely love myself, that's what the first few commandments are for. I really am magnificent and I wrote that shit in stone. .....myself. christ on a cracker, somebody stone this כַּלבָּה.
  18. Hello, measly creation. I've been meaning to drop in here, just had a lot going on with my wrath against humanity and all. Irma was a bitch to get going and I've got a lot going on with all those fires, trying to demonstrate my displeasure at the general midwest. I'll drop in every now and then to clarify my divine words, I know how everyone clings to them. Now, by all means, tone down the worship so that we can get shit down around here. Got any questions for me? (You better not question me TOO much, hell is hot year round...)
  19. God

    In the Beginning, Mothafuckas.

    I'm a bit of an angry drunk. There used to be more continents, but.......yeah.
  20. God

    "Christian homeschooling mother of 5?!?!

    Might I suggest teaching about me as one of many religions...? It might foster critical thinking about religion's history.
  21. It's kind of like popping a balloon....either your belief is in tact and you're in....or it "popped" a long time ago and I see through that shit. Would you want a deflated "80%" balloon? No, everyone hates those. Better bring a full balloon to my pearly gates.
  22. God

    In the Beginning, Mothafuckas.

    I'd wager on Pascal myself. Sorry if that's BASIC.
  23. God

    Muslim convert to Christianity dies

    I'm so tired of people explaining shit on my behalf, like I would offer a comment if I had one.
  24. God

    The Problem of Evil: Crash Course

    Y'all are literally the only species that cares so much about "evil" and going to such lengths to explain why a natural disaster happens, why children die, etc. Ever seen the Lion King? It's the circle of life my friend and I, for one, do not give a single fuck what happens to you. This "problem of evil" is only a problem for people who try to argue on my behalf, it's not a problem for people who don't believe in "evil" as opposed to "shit happens."
  25. I mean....I am pretty much the token narcissist. Christians run around telling people they were created for my glory and cater their only life around my whims, it's actually hard to believe sometimes. And I know "hard to believe," trust me... what with the whole gospel shit.