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About LostinParis

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  • Birthday 12/29/1972

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    Travelling, gardening, swimming, sewing, cooking
  • More About Me
    Heathen. Former Catholic. Unequally yoked.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    hell no

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181 profile views
  1. I guess I asked for it.

    @theyownyou33 It's hard living with a fundy, every discussion seems to turn into an argument. I have given up trying to change my husband's views, it's too emotionally exhausting. Even my gentle questioning he interprets as a personal attack. He says he no longer wishes to discuss religion or science. He tells me I have been brainwashed by left-wing propaganda, and that they are trying to eradicate Christianity LOL. I admit I have been slightly evangelical about my newfound atheism (I have found the truth!) We have been seeing a marriage counsellor to try to solve our parenting disagreements. I have weighed up my options and decided to stay in the marriage for now. At least until the kids are a little older. My husband is not the enemy. I am now trying to view him with compassion. Through no fault of his own, his childhood indoctrination gave him a distorted view of the world. His fear of hell is what suppresses his critical thoughts, and prevents him from questioning his beliefs. I think religion fills an unconscious psychological need. It can provide certainty in an uncertain world. Reality sucks sometimes. Anxiety sucks. Close your mind and you will have bliss...
  2. Sh** christians have said to you

    Passive-agressive mind-fuckery! Perhaps you could ask your dad not to mock your beliefs in public in future. If he has a conscience he won't do it again.
  3. How to make your kids critical thinkers

    I usually deprogram my kids covertly, to avoid arguments with my husband. I loathe conflict. And he views everything as a personal attack. When I do challenge him in front of our kids I ask him, Is thinking rationally a sin? Does the truth have anything to fear from investigation? Would god be happy with blindfolded fear? What is holding you back? Are you afraid of what your husband may do? Are you dependant on him financially? There are many reasons for a power imbalance in a relationahip. I have to keep reminding myself that they are my kids too, and I am entitled to my own opinion. I refuse to feel guilty. I recently dragged my husband along to a secular marriage counsellor. At first he refused, demanding a Christian marriage counsellor instead. I stuck to my guns. He wouldn't budge until I told him I wanted a separation. The marriage counsellor scolded him for using emotional manipulation and threats to force our older kids to go to church with him. She told him it would backfire and they would end up resenting him. My youngest child would rather go to church with her father rather than risk losing his approval. I have told my kids that they can be forced to go to church but only they have the power to choose what to believe. As your kids are still young, you likely have more influence over them than their father. I'm sure they know you love them unconditionally no matter what they believe. You have more power and influence in your family than you may think. Next time you son says that Jesus will heal an injury you could try asking him, Do you think that's true? If you ask for his opinions it will show him that he has a choice about what to believe, and hopefully this will encourage him to think independantly. Eventually he will learn to trust his own thoughts and judgement. Are things easier now that I am out if the closet? God no. Am I happier? Hell yes. Hang in there.
  4. How to make your kids critical thinkers

    Hi @Mothernature Surprisingly, conversations about critical thinking have happened spontaneously with my kids, as situations have presented themselves. My husband is still a fundy, but I ovetheard him warning my 13yo daughter not to assume everything she reads on social media is true. I seized the opportunity to discuss the importance of skepticism and research. Earlier this year I encouraged her to choose science and philosophy as high school electives. I sometimes set up conversations which allow my kids to connect the dots themselves. I have been reading to my youngest daughter ancient flood stories such as Gilgamesh. Some parts are almost identical to the Noah's Ark story. She made the connection all by herself; the bible is just a book of stories. We then talked about how the bible was our first attempt to explain storms and floods. The ancient people thought it was god punishing them. We now have better explanations because science understands what causes rain, thunder and lightening. Encourage questions. Ask for and value their opinions. It gets easier!
  5. A brief introduction

    Hello from a fellow Aussie! The fear of hell is there to prevent us from questioning and critically examining the doctrine. Independant thinking is discouraged, we are told that all the answers to life are written in the bable. Religions dread the advance of science, in fact they are anti-scientific discovery, because as scientific knowledge expands, the dominon of god shrinks. I feel like I have missed out on so much learning, now I can't stop reading Dawkins, Ehrman, Hitchens, Harris, Dennett. I have witnessed my own family members using the bable as an excuse to treat people like shit. Religion divides us from our fellow human beings. I'm glad you turned on your bullshit-detector!
  6. Too Many Doubts, Too Many Questions

    @TooManyDoubts You're right, Christianity is a giant con job. This thought occurred to me while I was watching an advertisment for disinfectant, and the scary "hidden germs" in our home. Christianity is a classic marketing trick. Invent a problem (original sin), then sell a solution to that problem (Jesus). Now throw in some fear and you have a best-selling product.
  7. Sh** christians have said to you

    My 22 year old nephew was raised in a strict orthodox christian family. Upon announcing that he is now a trans-female, his grandmother replied, "We need to take him for an exorcism". I just can't... I don't even... what??!
  8. Madwoman

    Hi @Venividivici, Your story is errily similar to what my husband went through. He suffered a mental breakdown triggered by work stress, and was having panic attacks every night, paranoid that god was punishing him and that he was going to hell. He lost all touch with reality and was hospitalised with psychosis. My husband was raised in a fundamentalist Orthodox Christian family. He was indoctrinated about hell before the age of reason. Unfortunately he won't acknowledge that he was manipulated into believing via the use of scare tactics. In my opinion this is one of the worst forms of injustice. Could you please post a link to the German site you mentioned? I have been researching the link between religious indocrination and psychosis. I wish you well as you untangle yourself from your childhood trauma and nonsense about hell.
  9. Hi @rachel15, I too have struggled with mental health issues (bipolar II), and this was one of the reasons I delayed deconverting. I was scared that my anxiety would skyrocket and I wouldn't be able to cope with the fallout. In a nutshell, I had anxiety about having anxiety! The first few weeks after "coming out" were awful. There were many arguments with my husband, he still thinks that Satan is deceiving me. However I was suprised how quickly my guilt and fear subsided, and was replaced by a feeling of profound relief. I no longer feel like I am under constant surveilance from god, and his demands for perfection have fallen silent. I am fortunate to live in a country with a good public mental healthcare system, and access to affordable pharmaceuticals, which helps immensely. Mindfullness has also helped me, I think it's roots are in Buddhism. In his book The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins explains clearly how we have evolved from single cells. Hopefully you will gain the confidence to steer your own life without the need to rely on a sky-fairy. "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" ~ Douglas Adams
  10. Seven Years Ago...

    Hi @concerned agnostic, For 7 years you sincerely prayed and waited patiently for god to reveal himself to you. You turned over every stone searching for him, what more could a reasonable god ask for? We have been brainwashed to believe that blind faith is a virtue. The stronger our belief in god, without evidence, the more virtuous we are. Why does god reveal himself to some people and not us? It seems he has favourites. It seems god is unwilling or unable to answer our prayers. Why won't he intervene? Simple. Because he doesn't exist.
  11. A Family in Denial

    Only my husband and my family know about my deconversion. My family have been supportive. My husband and I have agreed on a somewhat mutual respect for each other's views. The battleground has now shifted to our kids and how we raise them. My coping strategy at the moment is recreational ethanol.
  12. A Family in Denial

    @rachel15 @florduh Yes I think you're correct, denial may be a form of self-preservation. If you have built your whole life around a core belief it can be frightening to even consider facing reality. I guess people make decisions based on what they feel they can cope with at the time.
  13. Lately I have been thinking a lot about the concept of denial. Now that I have left christianity if feels like I have woken from a bizarre dream. I can't believe the level of denial I was in. Why did I supress reality? Why did I wait so long to leave christianity? Perhaps it was the inertia that comes with staying at home with three small children. I had no money of my own. I felt sure my marriage would end if I explored my doubts about christianity. I remember trying to talk myself into believing. I desperately wanted it to be true. I guess we all have our reasons to stay Christian. My husband is still a christian, choosing to ignore evidence and deny evolution. He is also in denial about his father sexually abusing his sisters when they were young. In fact his entire family is in denial. For years I played along with the charade of his perfect, happy family to the outside world. Because as a christian I had been programmed with a forgiveness mindset. Because god forgives me, a sinner. So why do we choose to stay asleep? Can denial be sustained long-term? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
  14. I never thought I would be here

    Hello @NowWhat, I sympathize with your situation, I too am constantly worrying about screwing up my kids. Would you say you INDOCTRINATED your kids or did you simply EDUCATE them about Christianity? Did you instill into them the fear of god/hell so they would grow up too scared to question their faith? I came to the realisation that my husband and I were raised very differently. I was educated about christianity and he was indoctrinated. He is still a fundamentalist and believes it is virtuous to be satisfied with not understanding. SO. Lately I have been telling my kids that blind faith is wrong. QUESTION EVERYTHING. It's ok for them to form their own opinions. Well done Mom, you're doing a great job!