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About LostinParis

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  • Birthday 12/29/1972

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    Travelling, gardening, swimming, sewing, cooking
  • More About Me
    Heathen. Former Catholic. Unequally yoked. Potty-mouth.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    hell no

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  1. Thank-you @dobokdude for sharing you story, it is so similar to mine that I cried after reading it. The last few years of my marriage to a fundamentalist man has been unbearable. My deconversion impacted him badly, he would fly into rages, yelling and intimidating me and my atheist son (who has aspergers). He bullied my son verbally, then began shoving him into walls if he argued back. My husband would then cry, apologise and promise to change. The climax came a couple of weeks ago when my husband grabbed my son by the throat and pinned him against the wall. This resulted in my son crying hysterically. I waited for him to leave the house then I packed up the kids and we fled to a hotel. We are still homeless but at least everyone is safe. His priest has been in contact with me, urging me to reconcile, because everyone is capable of change. Because Jesus. I explained that I no longer belive in Christianity, but felt terribly guilty about breaking up our family. You have helped to cement my decision to divorce, for the sake of my kids. I just want peace. My kids deserve nothing less. I’m sorry you had a shitty childhood. It’s not fair. I hope you can find peace and stability. Thanks again.
  2. Thank-you all for your support, you have helped me to stay strong for my kids. I still haven’t filed a police report, I will be keeping that up my sleeve until the inevitable custody battle and division of assets. I have a lawyer, psychologist and lots of support from friends. I no longer consider my husband a threat physically, he is very apologetic and has agreed to an 18 week anger management course. In the meantime I am not letting him see our son. My son doesn’t want to see him either. He has high-functioning autism and is seeing a psychologist to help him deal with the trama. It has been 2 weeks since the separation and I’m feeling suprisingly calm. I just want peace. My kids deserve to live in a peaceful home. It feels scary but at the same time wonderful to finally take control of my own life.
  3. He had a mental breakdown a couple of years ago and was in hospital for a month with psychosis. He was obsessing about going to hell. He refuses to take medication or see a doctor because... you guessed it... religion. Since his breakdown he often fles into fits of rage, but only recently has this become physical. He has shoved my son a few times in the past but this time he had him in a chokehold against a wall. My son is 16 and an atheist.
  4. Update... Well it’s not great news. My husband became violent, hurt my son so I left with all the kids. We are hiding in a hotel. I have some money and a plan. Divorce is on the cards. All will be well. PS. Religion is a giant pile of suck.
  5. Because they didn’t have enough faith. Or because they had selfish motives for praying. Or because their prayers are not consistant with his divine plan, etc.
  6. That’s heartening to hear. Have her beliefs shifted at all in the last 7 years?
  7. You’re right, perhaps I just need more patience. His beliefs have in fact shifted considerably since my deconversion 2 years ago. He no longer believes in a literal Adam and Eve. He now believes in evolution. Hurrah! On the flip side he now has this kind of flexible, impenetrable belief that allows him to ignore the contradictions, eg. “There are many paths to god”, meaning that all religions may be worshipping the same god.
  8. You guessed it, my husband was raised in a very patriarchal household and he carries some residual patriarchal attitudes on a subconscious level. Our daughters are strong, independent thinkers. He admires and encourages that in every situation except church. They must stay silent and comply with the rules and dress feminine. I loathe conflict and in the past have kept the peace by complying with his wishes, especially with regards to how we raise our children. I paid a high price; I became depressed. Since my own deconversion a couple of years ago I have been standing up to him more often. It feels wonderful to find my voice again, after all these years. My husband and I had a calm discussion today about his warnings about hell. I spoke about how much his words hurt me and he apologised. Our 16yo son recently announced he is atheist. He has Aspergers and a very rational, unemotional way of thinking, Similar to Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. No doubt our son’s views were the catalyst for his recent preaching about hell. I calmly asked my husband today how he could possibly be blissfully happy in heaven with the knowledge that his wife and son are suffering in hell for eternity. He was lost for words. I’m hoping he will think about this paradox. If heaven exists then there can be no hell.
  9. Thanks @MOHO Fingers crossed that this phase only lasts a couple of months like Mrs Moho. There is no abuse, the hell comment is by far the worst thing he has said. Can yelling be considered emotional abuse? Marriage is hard
  10. Bingo. He has a polarized view of the world, eg. good vs evil, saved vs unsaved, you are either with us or against us. How exactly do you think religion and repressing/denial of problems are connected? This is a fascinating concept.
  11. Writing a letter is a great idea. When I try to discuss any topic involving religion it inevitably ends up in a yelling match. If I question him about his religion he views it as a personal attack. I will focus on discussing my feelings only.
  12. Wow I’m impressed by your strength. My husband has declared that he will NOT see a secular therapist. One time I dragged him along to a secular marriage councellor but he kept his mouth shut and denied everything. He says he felt ambushed.
  13. Good advice, thank-you. I have thought about this endlessly, all the possible consequences of leaving the marriage. It will be ugly. Apart from the religious bullshit, ours is a good marriage. Too good to leave, too bad to stay...