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About LostinParis

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  • Birthday 12/29/1972

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    Travelling, gardening, swimming, sewing, cooking
  • More About Me
    Heathen. Former Catholic. Unequally yoked. Potty-mouth.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    hell no

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  1. My husband pulled this same crap on me 3 years ago, which was 19 years into our marriage. We are divorcing now. It’s impossible to live with a fundamentalist, every conversation turns into an argument. I strongly advise you not to have children with your bf, they will be in agony listening to you argue about how to best raise them. He will fret about their salvation, and you will become the enemy.
  2. Woah that’s amazing. I hope your good mental health continues. Wish my husband would discard his beliefs.
  3. My husband had his first psychotic episode 2 years ago. I blame the fundamentalist religious beliefs with which he was raised. Did your psychotic episodes include religious hallucinations? My husband began to experience demons and was convinced he was going to hell. He believed there was an invisible war going on between two invisible kingdoms over his invisible soul. It was bizarre to watch. He spent a month in a mental hospital on meds (thank goodness for Australia’s free health care). With Satan lurking around every corner, and god as a giant survelliance camera in the sky, it’s no wonder that many of us became crippled with anxiety and danced around the edge of sanity. My husband still clings to his faith, and is fighting against his rational nature. Cognitive dissonance is not psychologically healthy.
  4. The original sin doctrine was invented to shift the blame from god onto humans. It’s an excuse for god’s inaction on the suffering in the world. A myth is a story that tries to make sense of the world. Many religions and ancient civilisations have their own creation myths and explanations for suffering in the world, eg. inherited sin via reincarnation.
  5. It’s like breeding puppies for the sole purpose of torturing them. Congratulations for asking yourself these important questions. Perhaps you can gently ask your friends too?
  6. That's distressing news, I'm sorry this happened so suddenly. I recently found myself homeless for a month, but with three kids. We stayed at hotels, friends' houses and with relatives. It was a surreal time. Which direction to do want to go from here? If you want to reconcile with your wife and return home then perhaps you can ask her pastor to convince her. Alternatively, you could spend some time apart until the anger subsides. A separation can become a catalyst for change, a time for great personal growth for you both. You now have an opportunity to live in line with your values, instead of burying your dream and watching your life go by. Change is scary when you don't know what's coming next. It's easier to cling to the familiar that embrace the unknown.
  7. Sometimes we need to choose courage over comfort. Thank-you for sharing your story, it is marvellously well written.
  8. Wow, great insight. I bet you are a great songwriter! Thank-you for sharing your story, it has helped me an awful lot. I have recently separated too.
  9. This contradiction annoys me the most. God gave us our rational minds and set up the rules of the universe in such a way that evidence-based decisions are the most reliable way for us to understand reality. But when it comes to religion we are expected to switch off our brains or we will be punished.
  10. My husband was good with the kids when they were young. As they became teenagers and questioned the faith and refused to go to church, he morphed into an angry, controlling father. The kids and I are doing well. My daughter made a comment about how peaceful things are now. What a relief! No longer do we need to tip-toe around my husband in order to protect his feelings so he doesn't fly into a rage. In hindsight I should have left much earlier. Is your husband verbally abusive? Does he talk negatively about you to the kids? These things work in your favour should you decide to separate. It may give you some peace of mind to explore your options with a divorce lawyer, with regards to custody and financial support. I found it so difficult to choose courage over comfort. The familiar always seemed less scary than the unknown.
  11. Why didn’t you consider changing to one of the many Christian denominations who accept that the bible is flawed? Eg. Catholicism, Eastern Orthodox?
  12. My husband was seeing a Christian counsellor for around 6 months, to help him with anger management. This was supposed to improve our marriage, however it made things worse. She actually recommended that my husband remain living under the same roof as our son even after he was violent with him. In my opinion she was not neutral. Prayer fixes nothing. We are divorcing now.
  13. Wow Theremin Trees is great, thank-you!
  14. Thank-you @dobokdude for sharing you story, it is so similar to mine that I cried after reading it. The last few years of my marriage to a fundamentalist man has been unbearable. My deconversion impacted him badly, he would fly into rages, yelling and intimidating me and my atheist son (who has aspergers). He bullied my son verbally, then began shoving him into walls if he argued back. My husband would then cry, apologise and promise to change. The climax came a couple of weeks ago when my husband grabbed my son by the throat and pinned him against the wall. This resulted in my son crying hysterically. I waited for him to leave the house then I packed up the kids and we fled to a hotel. We are still homeless but at least everyone is safe. His priest has been in contact with me, urging me to reconcile, because everyone is capable of change. Because Jesus. I explained that I no longer belive in Christianity, but felt terribly guilty about breaking up our family. You have helped to cement my decision to divorce, for the sake of my kids. I just want peace. My kids deserve nothing less. I’m sorry you had a shitty childhood. It’s not fair. I hope you can find peace and stability. Thanks again.
  15. Thank-you all for your support, you have helped me to stay strong for my kids. I still haven’t filed a police report, I will be keeping that up my sleeve until the inevitable custody battle and division of assets. I have a lawyer, psychologist and lots of support from friends. I no longer consider my husband a threat physically, he is very apologetic and has agreed to an 18 week anger management course. In the meantime I am not letting him see our son. My son doesn’t want to see him either. He has high-functioning autism and is seeing a psychologist to help him deal with the trauma. It has been 2 weeks since the separation and I’m feeling suprisingly calm. I just want peace. My kids deserve to live in a peaceful home. It feels scary but at the same time wonderful to finally take control of my own life.
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