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Everything posted by LostinParis

  1. For me, sleep is elusive. I’ve tried everything, including an overnight sleep study to investigate a possible physical cause, sleep restriction therapy, and a sleep psychologist to investigate an emotional cause. Diagnosis: I have psychosomatic insomnia. And the stress of being a single mum of three, running a business. Add peri-menopause for some extra fun. Insomnia is common amongst us creative types. Intense dreams stem from rich imaginations. Let me know if you find an “off” switch.
  2. It’s like breeding kittens for the sole purpose of torturing them.
  3. Do you mean god is purposefully deceiving us? Then god is an asshole and not worthy of your worship. When I was a Christian I would pray to god to protect me from Satan’s deception. However I was told that my prayers were no guarantee of protection - ultimately it was god who decided whether or not I was protected. So if I am unable to protect myself from being deceived by Satan, then it is god’s responsibility, not mine, if I actually get deceived by Satan. What a mind fuck.
  4. It’s strange how what once made sense to us as Christians now seems ludicrous once we lost our faith. Even when I was still a Christian I would sometimes wonder why it seemed I need a degree in theology to understand god’s message. I agree with @Myrkhoos that Christian theology is elitist. Doesn’t god want us all to be saved? Why allow the bible to be so confusing and vague? Why not make clear instructions for his wishes? It’s unreasonable to expect us to decipher it. This problem has led to the slaughter of countless Christians by other Christians. Surely god could have predicted this mess?
  5. What conspiracists and creationists have in common is not just a suspicion of science, but “teleological” thinking patterns. A belief that there is a purpose or intent behind every event. “Everything happens for a reason”: https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/theres-a-psychological-link-between-conspiracy-theories-and-creationism-101849
  6. I read an article about neuroscientists stimulating particular areas of the brain to induce “out-of-body experiences” and other hallucinations. Our brains are capable of wacky stuff. I’ll try to find the link to the article.
  7. Bingo. An irrational fear, indoctrinated into you while you likely were too young to listen critically. I wasn’t raised with the flames and torture type of hell, but rather a “separation from god”. This repackaging of hell to make it more palatable is in some ways worse because it’s not so abstract. We all know, whether we remember or not, what it felt like to be separated from a parent when we were very young. This fear of abandonment is an evolutionary survival mechanism. We are the product of thousands of generations of the most anxious children. We trusted what our parents told us was true. Children are gullible. This has been exploited by religion. It’s so abusive. I’m too angry to be scared anymore.
  8. Eternal Dalmatians sounds more like heaven. Cool thought exercise.
  9. Christianity offers us certainty. I had to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty. Would you live your life any differently if there were no god? No heaven or hell?
  10. For me, not knowing became easier over time. Very uncomfortable at first, but now strangely liberating. I don’t think we can possess absolute truth about anything. This may all be a dream. I may be just a brain attached to a computer inside the Matrix. Who knows? Who cares?
  11. When I was a christian I experienced several “miracles” which I now in hindsight regard as coincidence, confirmation bias or “counting the hits and ignoring the misses”. Sometimes “I don’t know” is the best (though unsatisfying) answer. Also, I lied and exaggerated as a christian in order to “bring people to god”, which is how I justified this to myself.
  12. Lots to discuss with my christian friends, thanks guys!
  13. Is this true? I often hear this statement from christians who insist that without Judeo-Christian values we would be worse off as a society. As if believing in god for the sake of tradition will prevent us from becoming morally bankrupt or something. How best to reply?
  14. I was taught that god created us “perfect”. But then we messed that up in the Garden of Eden. Now we humans are like a cake that has been baked in a dented cake tin.
  15. My religious friends would simply say that Alexa and her family will be rewarded in heaven for their suffering. Praise the lard!
  16. Would you live your life any differently if there were no heaven or hell? And no god to send you there?
  17. Predictions of presidents being assassinated were found in the story of Moby Dick: https://www.dartmouth.edu/~chance/course/Articles/assasinations.pdf In this age of computer science we are able to find “secret” codes in just about any text. The bigger question is, why would god wait 2000 years to reveal bible codes to us? The information was without value to people living in previous millennia. If god has an important message for us, intended to be understood, then why make it so difficult for us to understand? Why does THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE have a problem communicating with his creation??
  18. Similarly, christians told me that “We cannot possibly understand the mind of god”. But they know for sure that he hates homosexuality.
  19. Thankyou for sharing your story @Salemite. I’m crying softly in my car. Your story is my story. (Except I decided to divorce my fundamentalist husband as he was incapable of change). I also have regrets. I didn’t pursue my career so I now have a low income and 3 kids. I didn’t save much for retirement either (I am 47). I subjugated my own needs and now I am paying a high price. I buried my dreams. I treated my needs as being less important than the needs of my husband and kids. Why did I do this? I was a “good” child, in a religion that starves girls of their individuality. I learned to comply and obey. I was scared of my shouty, controlling mother, so I learned to fit in and not make a fuss. Putting my needs last was a survival instinct. Thus I chose a controlling, christian husband. My psychologist said that we often choose relationships that feel familiar to us, rather than what is healthy for us. I made decisions based on not upsetting my husband. I loathe conflict so I kept the peace, kept my mouth shut. Change seemed too scary. However I eventually outgrew this survival instinct. My fear of having regrets propelled me forward. I realised that I was ruining the one life I may ever be granted. I didn’t want to end up bitter and resentful. You sacrificed a lot to raise emotionally healthy humans. Nobody can put a price on that. And now you feel guilty for what you want and doubt your right to aim for anything more satisfying. But you can’t care for others well unless you care for yourself too. You must put on your own oxygen mask before you can help your kids with theirs. I agree with @DanForsman about being a role model for your kids. Do you want them to grow up thinking that your situation is normal? Would you want your daughter to be in a situation like yours? I agree, playing the victim keeps us feeling stuck between the past and the future. But who is actually holding you back? Is it your husband or yourself? Are you still “giving” him control over you? You seem to be grieving your dream but there is still time to find a way to make your dream happen. Everything you want is on the other side of fear...
  20. We are tribal creatures, it’s in our DNA. There was likely an evolutionary advantage for us to stick together in groups and cooperate. Also, Christianity encourages black and white thinking, eg. insider/outsider, us verses them, you are either saved or unsaved, with us or against us. Tribalism may have helped humans to survive this far, however it may ultimately destroy us.
  21. Is it a bizarre bible code? A vague prophesy available to us only now, 2000 years later, in the age of computer science?
  22. LostinParis


    “We long for a parent to care for us, to forgive us our errors, to save us from our childish mistakes.“ ~ Carl Sagan You are enough.
  23. I’m sorry that you have such a steep hill to climb. It’s not fair. My son is 18 and has Aspergers. He doesn’t have any close friends either. His father was verbally abusive, but when things turned physical I left with him and his sisters. I should have left earlier, I worry that he is damaged psychologically, he now has bad anxiety. He refused to speak to his father more than a year, but has recently been in contact. He has set up firm boundaries and the relationship is now on his terms. His father is desperate to be back in his son’s life so is on his best behaviour. My son had a girlfriend for a while, she is on the spectrum too. Unfortunately she is also an evangelical christian and declared that there will be no sex before marriage. My son is an atheist and is probably 95% penis like most 18 yo males, so he broke up with her. Perhaps you can find a girl similar to you? There are lots of online “Aspi” groups. You seem to have a lot of self awareness and insight. Emotional intelligence is something Aspies usually struggle with, but it’s an essential skill for good relationships. You should be proud of your determination to complete your studies, in spite of all your challenges. “Be kind to nerds, chances are you’ll end up working for one”. ~ Bill Gates
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