theyownyou33

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theyownyou33 last won the day on October 27

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About theyownyou33

  • Rank
    Questioner

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Lehigh Valley PA
  • Interests
    Music, Language Learning and PC Gaming.
  • More About Me
    Christian for 20 years that was dragged through most of the popular denominations. Now I'm an atheist.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No Gods.
  1. I guess I asked for it.

    Thanks to everyone who has responded. I have definitely been thinking about what every one has said and I'm sure this isn't the end of it. I'm going to take everyones advice and play it cool from now on. Unless she brings something up on her own.
  2. I guess I asked for it.

    I told my wife that we are too poor for God and that if he wants donations he will have to the financial harvest or whatever weird farming terminology they like to use. Thanks for sharing. I really appreciate it.
  3. I guess I asked for it.

    @MOHO Yea, I guess she's probably heard a lot about it in her time. I'm also sure that she's maybe thinking this is some sort of phase and that I'm going to switch back any minute. It's been pretty calm the last few days, but there has been a noticeable rift between us.
  4. I guess I asked for it.

    So, I hope I don't incur any judgement here. I'm so confused in my current family setting that I don't know what to do. As I mentioned in my introduction post I've severely fallen out of the faith, but my wife and kids (all under 10...except for the wife....shes 27 lol) are still in the faith. Rachel (wife) has been looking for a new church since she had a bad experience at the small fundamental baptist church she was attending. She for some reason really wanted me to go to check out this newer, more modern charismatic church with her. I'm not sure why, because she says I'm obsessed with religion and will not shut up about it (truth). So, we go to this place and its got coffee bars and computers that you use to check your kids in. They have multiple services a day and it's packed. Anyway, the pastor comes on talking about how our lives are like the sunrise to sunset and eventually we will all die and how nice it would be to have the sweet shepherd Jesus to shepherd us somewhere fancy. He then goes on to talk about King Herod and says "See, the Bible is telling you all this historically accurate stuff so you know you aren't believing in fairy tales". I made a note on my phone to my wife that said "historically accurate context doesn't validate religious beliefs or corroborate the other parts of the story". Then he later has the gall to say that Herod was a very, very insecure leader, because he killed all of those toddlers while trying to get Jesus. I made another note that said "Herod kills toddlers and is a disgusting abomination, but tots ok when God does it". I really couldn't believe that he went on that much about the toddler thing. Anyway, she asked me how the service was and I very gently and calmly picked it a part and she got so defensive out of nowhere. She starts yelling at me about how we agreed to raise our kids a certain way and that I've had beliefs in the past that I've moved on from (conspiracies and the like). I keep trying to explain to her that it's actually great that I'm constantly changing and trying to find new information, but for some reason that's a fault to her. Like, if i'm not stuck in the same ridiculous place with faith my entire life that somehow my opinions aren't valid. I went onto tell her about all the new information I've come across and she didn't want to hear it. I lost it after about 20 minutes of being berated and told her if she was a real christian than she should meet me where I'm at and look at the information I have and help me through it. She said that she would, but I don't think she ever will. Then she goes onto say that shes worried about the kids going to hell over everything and that it's better to just believe. I'm so frustrated with everything and everyone is always making me seem like a bad guy, because I won't be tortured with fear for absolutely no valid reason at all. It really took it out of me today. Anyway......maybe I should have cursed more? Not a very good rant, eh?
  5. "I Remind Myself Of All That You've Done"

    This is so true. I remember being a youngster for Christ and telling my aunt that I was going to study all the religions and learn how to fight them. She told me that I shouldn't go outside of the bible for anything. Of course we know why she said that now. Like I said in my introduction story that this highly regarded Baptist pastor simply told me not to read things if they conflict with Gods word or makes me confused. So frustrating.
  6. Tired of it all

    Hello Searching, I'm new to the forum also, but would like to welcome you! I really connect with what you're saying about feeling called or nudged back. I feel this many times a week and it seems very strong, but at the same time that same feeling which I think is divine never offers any answers to my questions. So, I've deduced that it is not a legitimate message from a supernatural deity. What a waste of time it is to nudge me back without resolving my initial concerns? Plus, a nudge alone doesn't justify a purpose for faith. I'm sorry that I cannot offer any other observations than that. I feel for you, as do I feel for myself (sad). I never did convert to another religion or practice, but I did read a lot about non theistic satanism which was interesting. I was also a christian at a young age and am only deconverting properly at 31. Feel free to talk me anytime.
  7. I can't believe I'm here

    Don't worry about the delay! I just came back from my 3rd wedding this year, so I can relate lol. I'm glad that you found somebody who is very experienced. A lot of the inpatient and partial programs here in the States are pretty good, but the regular run of the mill therapist feels like fast food to me. All of them seem really wet behind the ears and inexperienced. I'm still looking for someone who can help me with talk therapy. Before I totally deconverted I followed an online ministry and the leader of that put out a video on how mental illness was either from Satan or it was just a person using an excuse to sin. He told people that they should take the pills because of the "illuminati". It made me so mad, because you can really get someone killed with that level of irresponsible hog wash. Anyway, I confronted him on it and felt like I left him thoroughly debunked, but his views carry on today. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me. I appreciate it.
  8. I can't believe I'm here

    Hi Yunea. Yes, i know what you mean. I suffered sexual abuse in my own home, but lusting and all the normal behaviors that come with being young and eager (lol) were completely demonized. I still suffer from guilt from normal relations with my own wife. How sick is that? I'm sorry to hear about DDNOS, but I'm glad that you've found help in psychiatry. I can't believe that there are parts of Christianity that either ignore mental disorders altogether or say that it's demonic. It's funny, because Lithium has done more for me than any prayer I've ever prayed in my life. I did a few partial outpatient groups as well and found that helped a lot as well. The main focus was CBT, but DBT was taught also. Have you done anything like that before?
  9. I can't believe I'm here

    The treatment of Catholics was always confusing to me. I would find more conservative christian types who would call them a cult (hahaha!) and say they're going to hell, but then I would meet more liberal charismatic types that'd say they were all brothers and sisters in Christ and they were just a little off with some doctrines.
  10. I can't believe I'm here

    Thanks for the warm welcome. The deprogramming started with this multi-part series called my deconversion story on YouTube. It was rather well done and was more or less at the level I needed for the time. Here is the link for anyone that is interested. I will be sticking around and hopefully contributing for some time!
  11. I can't believe I'm here

    Thank you! The unequally Yoked Club made laugh out loud. I appreciate that. I really feel like my wife is taking all of the things I talk about in, but the internal conflict is a bit too much for her to bear, so she stays where shes comfortable. I understand that, I guess. Thanks for the friendly welcome.
  12. I can't believe I'm here

    Hello Everyone, I'm still a little bit shocked that I'm on a site such as this and what that now means for the rest of my life. See, I'm 31 now and have been struggling with my faith throughout my entire life, but most notably since I turned 29 did I begin to have serious thoughts that I may be becoming atheist. I was raised in a very conflicted and confused home that was quick to thrust the charismatic version of God down my throat at a young age. The interesting thing is my parents never stayed with one denomination for too long and for what ever reasons they had at the time I got the benefit of being taught by baptist, southern baptist, Pentecostal, Church of Christ etc.. Each new iteration of the faith chipped away at what I was initially taught and left me with a lot of questions. It was probably when I was about 10 or so that I noticed that some of the stories I was taught in Sunday school were changed by what was actually in the Bible. Small things like the fact that David cut of Goliath's head and so on. My parents told me that most kids aren't ready to handle certain details of the stories and even as a young boy that never made sense. Why would God's perfect word not be fit for all? As I grew older I started to get a great fervor for God and finding his mission for my life. I would go to my mother nightly who would pray over me and speak prophecy after prophecy about who I was to become. She told me that I would I would be a light unto the world and that God himself had spoken to her before she knew I was to be and told her to name me Joshua for this very reason. I was always so excited to think that God had a special plan for me. Some of the excitement was truly because I wanted to serve God, but a lot of it was because of my own ego and that I liked the idea of being more important than everyone else. So, this continued to go on over time and my mother would tell me stories about how God has protected me while I was growing up. That he stopped my biological mother (I'm adopted) from aborting me and that he's saved me from car accidents as a child. Going as far as to tell me that an entire semi truck went through our car when I was a baby. As though it was only a projection of light and not comprised of matter. This only stoked this fire that I had for this mission that I was chosen for. Desperate to hear God's voice myself I asked my mother and other authority figures how it can be done and I was met with the same answer from everyone. God speaks in a small voice and if I'm quiet enough I can hear it. This lead to me spending hours away in my room at night in silence or with sermons playing on my old tape player. Never did I ever hear a word. Yet I continued to search. Now, while I had what I thought were positive experiences with the faith (prophecy, life plan) I had also had terrible problems that plagued me constantly. One of the denominations taught that God doesn't speak at all and even more so, they taught that there was no such thing as once saved always saved. This doctrine which I had based my entire salvation on was now being torn a part (effectively) by this new teaching. After being exposed to it for only a short time it scarred me terribly. I had the worst anxiety of my life starting from that moment all the way to when I turned 29 or so. It was an agony that I couldn't describe and later had to be treated with anxiety medications. This fear and the fact that there were so many conflicting doctrines pushed me to study more. I was still obsessed, but for new reasons. I figured I need to find out what all those silly atheists are upset about, so I can help them. This lead me to all sorts of places on YouTube like AronRa and so on. Needless to say that the debunking of Noah's flood and the harsh slave loving blood lust nature of the Old Testament God blew me away. How had I missed this before? One of the events that lead to me finally starting to give up on faith had to due with this new King James Only Church I started attending a few years ago. I told the pastor how trouble I was and that the more I studied the worse it got. His answer still makes me shake my head in disbelief. He said if reading those things made me doubt my faith that I should simply stop reading them or asking questions (what? Why would God want this?). Unfortunately, it was by that time that I realized that there was no special plan for my life and lost it. There was suicide attempt with police that thankfully didn't lead to my arrest, but did thankfully lead to my hospitalization where I learned that my anxiety and delusions of grander and a lot of other symptoms were related to me being undiagnosed bipolar 1. I know that some people even here may not believe in certain mental conditions, but when they finally put me on lithium (a drug mainly used for Bipolar) my life changed. I lost most of my anxiety about hell and my religious obsession started to fade. So, here I am today. I'm learning more and more about science and evolution due to the isolating nature of my christian home school education. I'm constantly thirsty for knowledge, but I still suffer from time to time with the idea that God is real and that he is still calling to me. I do still feel worried about hell, but instead of being a bone crushing anxiety it's now been reduced to a small feeling in the back of my mind. I do, however, have four kids and am married to a woman who is still christian. While my initial turn into atheism was a big rock in the boat, she is still committed to me. That's another whole can of worms, but you get the idea. I'm here to make friends and learn anything from anyone who willing to teach me something that is demonstrable and true lol. One final thought comes to mind and it's a verse from the new testament about those who seek God. There is a passage in Jeremiah that states that you will seek me and find me if you look with your whole heart. I still think about his today, because never have I ever met anyone who searches for truth like the Atheist community and by people like myself. Yet, we find nothing...Anyway, a big thank you to all who read my story. I appreciate it.