Deathportal365

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About Deathportal365

  • Rank
    Questioner

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Texas
  • Interests
    Psychology, rock music, comedy, classic cartoons
  • More About Me
    I am in the process of deconverting. I have been a "lurker" and "waverer" for a few months now.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Unsure as yet, but leaning towards no!
  1. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    Ugh. That's awful. What gets me about posts like this is the fortune-cookie-like nature of it all: "No weapon fashioned against you this month shall prosper." And somehow those of us who express frustration at this kind of silliness are the ones who should be mocked, not the ones who think their Eternal Good Luck Charm is here to save the world.
  2. Thoughts

    One of the things that is becoming clearer to me as I read and think more is just how the whole religious system depends upon self-sabotage. In that way, Christianity sabotages itself, since Jesus commands that we be compassionate and caring towards others, yet in order to convince people that they need a savior, they must be convinced that they are sinful and weak, unable to exist without one. How caring and compassionate can one be towards others when they must constantly admit that they are miserable, weak wretches? Conversely, if they are able to transcend, somehow, this self-loathing position, then how likely is it that they will view others as miserable wretches? Then, what? At best, this likely leads to dehumanizing pity towards those who "don't know the good news," at worst, self-righteous superiority and condemnation towards those they are told to love as they love themselves. And, this system is set up to convince us we need saving from a fate so awful that we can't even imagine! SeaJay, I'm a new poster here, but I've read many of your posts. I may not know you personally, but I know you well enough from here to know that you don't deserve hell. You are a human being! The thing I have been telling myself lately, is, "I didn't ask for a savior, and I don't deserve hell." And neither do you! Peace.
  3. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    Same friend again. This dude is a gold mine. I've thought about unfollowing him, but it's sorta a weird situation for me. He was a childhood friend who was a hell-raiser, and I was the sheltered church nerd. I'm not wild now by any means, but religiously speaking, we've sort of switched places.
  4. Yea!! I found like minded people.

    Nice to meet you, Vee! I too am glad to be here! One thing that really resonates with me is that the people here share two points of our journeys together: the former faith (albeit different denominations) and the deconvsersion from said faith (albeit different points in the journey). I have found it lonely (not too many people officially know I have left the faith among family and friends) and it has helped me a lot to know there is a community of people who know what it's like.
  5. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    Another one posted by the same dude...
  6. Things Fundies Say On Facebook

    Saw this one today from a super religious friend...
  7. Fear of hell and suicide

    Serenely Blue, Some questions I have are as follows: if you are convinced that your life has no meaning the way it is now/has played out thus far, what would give it meaning? Is there anything that you can think of that would make it meaningful to/for you? And, can you think of a time when you didn't feel the way you feel now, or at least not with the same level of intensity? What was different about that time/those times? I wish you well!
  8. What Are You Listening To? (Music)

    I've been listening to Buckethead a lot. I think he is the most talented and creative guitarist alive today. He has a massive body of work and plays a lot of styles.
  9. Hello

    Thank you everyone for the welcome! And Margee, I am sorry for your losses too. I am always thankful to meet people who know that pain, even though my heart aches for them too. I am also glad to have met someone who has experienced these tragic events the way I have. So many people double down on their faith when they go through loss. My wife and I have been involved in a pregnancy loss support group in our city (out here in Texas) and, while I am thankful for the people in it, it is run by Christians, the literature is Christian, the memorial services are Christian...it hurts when you go to a memorial to grieve your loss and they're playing praise music and talking about how awesome Jesus is. We went to one last month and this happened. I was like, can I not just grieve and honor my children without having to give glory to a guy who supposedly watched this unfold and did nothing?
  10. Hello

    Hi everyone, I've been a "waverer" and a "lurker" for several months, but decided today that it was finally time to sign up. I want to say I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the thoughts of so many of you; they have helped me immensely, as I would say I'm still pretty early on in my deconversion journey. A brief history of my life: I was raised in a Southern Baptist household, technically not a Fundamentalist one, but I would say my parents have what I call some Fundamentalist trappings. Namely, they subscribe to a rigidity of belief that, while it (apparently) doesn't include the Rapture, it is an absolute conviction that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. My father left a church over a disagreement with the pastor because he allowed two members of the Jesus Seminar to hold a forum at the church. He maintained that because at least one of them maintained that the resurrection wasn't literal that they were heretics. Anyway...about me... I was raised to be a Christian since birth, and I was baptized at age 9. I was a Bible-drill kid. I grew up going to all the church summer camps, Vacation Bible School, went to a Baptist college for my undergrad degree, and church attendance was compulsory from birth until I left home to go to college. In fact, I missed two Sundays in a row once due to work when I was 18, and my Dad informed me if I missed a third week, I'd be kicked out of the house. All that said, I've always had a disdain for religion, even though I considered myself to be a Christian without any doubt for many years. Part of this is probably because I've been a fan of heavy metal music (you know, the Devil's favorite soundtrack) for most of my life. I could go on more about my (silly) Christian credentials, but I want to just touch on *why* I began questioning whether God is real in the first place. It started in 2010, when my best friend passed away from cancer at age 29. I had prayed fervently for him. I drove 80 miles each way to sit with him at the hospital several times. We believed he would be healed. HE believed it too. I put the promises of the Bible to the test--I asked for his healing, believing it would already be done for me/him/his family (all of whom were Christians, and praying fervently as well). It wasn't. This was the first occurrence. My wife soon became pregnant with our first child. In short, this ended in miscarriage. The date when we were supposed to go hear the heartbeat was when we found out, as there was no heartbeat. A devout co-worker brought 2 of her devout friends with her and prayed over us for half an hour. One of them spoke in tongues the entire time. Nothing happened. Then, we got pregnant again. This child was (and is!) healthy. We named him Kristian, because I liked the name. We chose to spell it with a "K" so it might be less likely that his name would be associated with the religion. Several years later, we got pregnant again. We had been trying to give Kristian a sibling. This ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. My wife was racked with guilt because she had to choose to terminate a baby which had been growing inside her. In the week between when the doctor couldn't find the fetus in an ultrasound, and the time when she found the baby in the tube, we prayed fervently and asked God for good news. Didn't happen. But again, the Bible said if you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could move a mountain. I couldn't. This was in February of 2016. In November of 2016, we found out we were pregnant again. We again prayed. My wife saw a lot of rainbows and was talking to "God" every day. She photographed some of the rainbows she saw. This, I was taught, was the sign that God keeps his promises. It also refers to a "Rainbow" baby--one born after a loss. But this pregnancy, too, ended in ectopic. We had two ectopic pregnancies IN THE SAME CALENDAR YEAR. That really led to questioning whether there was a God at all. If there was or is, surely this God is uncaring at best, if not outright cruel. My parents graciously offered to pay for us to pursue IVF. They told us to get every test possible done to ensure a healthy pregnancy. As part of this, we were able to know the gender of our embryos and could choose which one we wanted to implant. We had one girl and three boys. We elected for the girl, and the pregnancy didn't take. This isn't uncommon for IVF, but again, we prayed and acted on faith. This was the final straw for me. Christians might say I'm just angry because I didn't get what I wanted. But the conclusion I came to was this--there is no reason to believe that there is a God who is actively watching over us and intervening in our lives. Sure, pregnancy loss happens to millions of women. Sure, grief happens to nearly everyone at some point in life. But that's just it. These things happen, irrespective of the existence of a God. I pretty much came to the conclusion of the quote I've seen a lot lately (including here) about the world functioning exactly as you'd expect it to if there were no deity. I've come to the conclusion that everything is just random. Unfortunately, my wife and I have experienced a lot of grief and tragedy in our lives, but it is much more comfortable for me to believe that these experiences just happen because we are humans who exist, and they can happen to anyone, rather than believing some God is watching our pain over and over, who could answer prayers or act to stop tragedy and simply...doesn't. I should note that last year, the sister of my best friend also passed away, tragically. I was a pallbearer at her funeral as well. Her parents, devout Church-of-Christers, have now lost two of their four children. I want to tell them, "guess what? You have now lost more of your children than God did." But I know it would not be well received. My wife said that about us--now with four losses of the unborn--that we have sacrificed more children than the supposed creator of the Universe. To wrap this up, I'll say our second round of IVF has been a success so far. My wife started the second trimester yesterday, and everything is going well so far. The kicker? I haven't prayed a single prayer. And in that time, I've been reading these forums, the Godless in Dixie blog, reading and listening to Sam Harris, Bart Ehrman, Dan Barker, and others. I'm in the closet with my family, except for my sister (who is a liberal Christian, and while still a believer is supportive of my position) and my wife (who wasn't raised Christian, and has been "on the fence" for a while herself). I am unsure of whether I'll ever *really* know the truth, but I am working on becoming more comfortable with just, "not knowing." I've concluded that there just is no way for me to really know whether there is a God or not, but the more I read and watch, and the more I experience the world around me, the more I become convinced that Christianity is garbage.