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DestinyTurtle last won the day on August 4 2018

DestinyTurtle had the most liked content!

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About DestinyTurtle

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    Strong Minded

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    Science, Art, and the various manifestations of honest creativity in general...
  • More About Me
    I was raised as a Calvinist. Needless to say I moved past it, now.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I am not attached to that word.

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  1. I think in a crisis many people, as a coping mechanism, cling to false explanations and narratives just for the false gratification of feeling like you "know" something and therefore have some kind of a "handle" on the situation. It's really tempting for many people to even believe in a cruel god and a horrifying apocalypse if it helps them feel like they "know" what's going on. I think it's a petty and desperate place to derive a sense of security from, honestly. People really have a hard time just coping with the fact that we don't know what's going to happen. Honestly? Given recent events it makes sense it's a struggle.
  2. I grew up in a fierce hell-fire-and-brimstone fundamentalist family, so yeah it took a decade or more to get passed some very deep rooted fear that God hates me or that I was destined to go to hell. It was a long journey but I slowly worked through my childhood fears of annihilation/abandonment, and was able to see their theology as insane and self-serving as they are. I also studied a lot of religions and beliefs along the way - which helps even if you don't adopt one of those other belief systems. It helps see the commonalities of these beliefs and elements of the basic human condition they represent - not some "grand" singular TRUTH that will will be punished eternally if you don't adopt it NOW. It also helps that I worked hard, got lucky, and managed to become financially stable early on so my parents couldn't continue to flaunt potential financial/social abandonment in my face. There isn't anything left they can take away from me. My self esteem comes from my own life and my own accomplishments now. I have friends who accept me for who I am. A couple of my closer friends effectively form my 'de-facto' family. I am no longer afraid of God or Hell. Christianity has definitely affected my life and my relationships. My relationships are better and more meaningful now that I am no longer Christian. My purpose in life is to be the best me that I can be, and, to the best of my abilities, embrace the multitude of opportunities and experiences my life offers. My purpose is also to be as kind and as wise as I am able to be, and also to watch out and care for my own self that was so un-cared for by people who were supposed to during my childhood. I hope to extend this care to people who have likewise been deprived. This gives me gratification, because it helps me feel as though I was able to win back what I have lost. Cheers on the courage you showed by taking a step into this path. I hope my replies help
  3. I think I had some good teachers that were great role models for me. Maybe that's part of the reason I prevailed despite everything. So grateful for them!
  4. Hi @DarkLordPhil. That wasn't rambling at all I hear you and yeah it's hard to process how messed up it is even after you're outside of it. The level of fear and anxiety they put kids through is just not humane. I've gotten so much gaslighting and emotional whiplash from the back-and-forth of "god loves you" and "you are depraved, disgusting, and worthless". None of it makes any sense it's just tactics to batter you down emotionally so you will submit to authority. Good to hear you got out. I hope you find much fulfillment and healing from your newer spiritual pursuits!
  5. My dad really liked the Doctrine of Total Depravity, which is a fundamental principle in the theology of Calvinism. Basically it says that humans are absolutely incapable of doing anything positive or good, and that everything is constantly in a state of increasing depravity and deterioration. He frequently taught me, while I was a child, that no good progress will come from my time and that the future will always be worse than the past. That's really devastating to a child who has hopes and dreams for who he wants to be or what he wants to accomplish. None of that mattered to him, though. He was more interested in proving that he's right.
  6. Hello @ZenPaladin. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience back in the day with someone (who of course) was a very vocal Xian, and wouldn't shut up about "forgiveness" when he has no intent on stopping the abusive behavior (man looking back he had this sh*tty grin on his face every time people forgave him - he must have thought of everyone are such huge suckers). Anyways, I won't bore you with the details but he's dead now (no I did not kill him). He very much deserved the way he ended, but it did not undo the damage he did to people in his life. Stay strong and take time to heal.
  7. I totally understand. That's part of why I don't usually get involved in the theological discussions on this cite (even though I super respect the people who do). I used to read the bible obsessively and follow all kinds of detailed theological arguments, and for me personally the headspace is too closely associated with how I was back when I was a Xian (full of fear and anxiety). I rather spend my time thinking about delicious food, comfortable cats, and good music (etc.). I earned my right for my life to be about something other than the distorted interpretations of an old authoritarian text. It took me a long time to stop thinking, for the most part. in terms of biblical passages.
  8. Welcome, @SarahJaneSmith! It took me many years to get over the fear of hell after deconversion, but I did get passed it eventually. I think it's important to remember that it's not a rational feeling and is a residual of all the brainwashing/abuse. I recall how I felt when I was a devout fundamentalist Xian, and I was plagued with the fear of hell even then (the whole point is to make sure you're never secure enough that you feel safe about the afterlife). With that in mind, the fear of hell after deconversion isn't a new fear - but an old fear that you are now facing head-on, bravely.
  9. Welcome to X-Xian, @Disgruntled! I feel like everyone's already answered your question in all the important ways and I hardly have anything to contribute. My main advice is to look inward and come to your own conclusions! Petty theological justifications aside, clearly most (if not all) Xian religion and institutions don't reflect biblical teachings. If you want to broaden your spiritual language and scope you might find it eye opening to read the scriptures and teachings of other religions, too.
  10. Hello @LeiaBryant! Welcome to X-Xian! Nice to meet you!
  11. Welcome to X-Xian! I don't have a degree in bible studies but I've read the bible a few times and studied it furiously back in the day, which probably contributed greatly to my deconversion!
  12. I think you're being super responsible by approaching relationships as a series decision based on where you are in your life (and not as a bullet in some to-do list). @freshstart's response above mentions that a lot of guys don't have girlfriends at 19 and I think that's completely true. I didn't have a girlfriend by 19 and I think it was because I was responsible and didn't blindly jump into things. I'm in a great healthy relationship now and everything pretty much turned out. I'm glad you have a good therapist that's reassessing your sense of reality through all this.
  13. People are very good at inventing statistics that seem to support their universal claims. This is especially true of Religion where most claims are unverifiable yet somehow pronounced with absolute conviction.
  14. Damn, that's rough. In my experience Evangelicals are similar. I always found it weird how in USA the Christian religion has become a stronghold of extreme views about capitalism and the economy, and it feeds into their cruelty and selfishness. In any case, welcome to X-Xian! I hope you find this place helpful!
  15. I can't tell you how to feel... but if it gives you any perspective many of us have had angry/dark phases of our deconversion, and aren't too proud of the things we said or did during those periods. I mean, think about it... the paradigm shift of realizing everything you've been told is a lie is kind of a lot to process and handle. It's normal to bug out. That being said, glad to hear you feel more internally at peace now! Everything you've said is clear and meaningful and not incoherent at all.
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