DestinyTurtle

Regular Member
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    213
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DestinyTurtle last won the day on August 4

DestinyTurtle had the most liked content!

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About DestinyTurtle

  • Rank
    Strong Minded

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    California
  • Interests
    Science, Art, and the various manifestations of honest creativity in general...
  • More About Me
    I was raised as a Calvinist. Needless to say I moved past it, now.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I am not attached to that word.

Recent Profile Visitors

664 profile views
  1. DestinyTurtle

    So this is the end

    Go get em'!
  2. DestinyTurtle

    Thank GOD I found this... Lol

    Welcome, @LizJackson! Trusting people is hard, especially when your very sense of reality has been screwed with! I'm glad to hear you found someone that treats you like an equal! I definitely explored and experimented with my beliefs during my deconversion process. It can be exhilirating!
  3. DestinyTurtle

    This Wyld Child Witch...

    Welcome, @Cher! The emotions you are experiencing is a completely normal part of the process and it will definitely take some time to get passed those feelings - which were programmed into you at a very impressionable age. I think coming to this website is helpful in this sense, since you can read and receive validation of your experiences and perception, instead of being constantly gas-lighted by Xians out in the brainwashed world. I'm glad you found or are finding a spirituality that works for you. I think one of my favorite part of the deconversion process (which was otherwise very painful but it wasn't all about pain) is the opportunity to really learn and see new perspectives and shift the way you see the world in a deep way. Cudos, and I'm glad you're here!
  4. DestinyTurtle

    Leaving religious family

    In my experience when you grow up with an authoritarian father it's natural to internalize the attitude you faced and unconsciously be really hard on yourself all the time. Take it easy on yourself! We all have to learn to be the parents to ourselves that we needed when we were little.
  5. DestinyTurtle

    Jesus-free and loving it

    Honestly I can't exactly tell whether he's intentionally being mean spirited or whether he's so caught up in the nonsensical cruel dogma that he doesn't know what he's saying and just automatically doubles down on his beliefs whenever he has a chance. I'm trying to compartmentalize it as like tourettes at this point.
  6. DestinyTurtle

    Emotional Health While Leaving Christianity

    Recalibrating your whole world view is an extremely difficult process. I know what you mean and I assure you it doesn't always stay that way. There are practices that are useful for maintaining a mental/emotional balance without retorting to religion. Meditation or some kind of yoga practice can be a good way to do this - also exercise in general. Some people develop a spiritual worldview that is independent of institutionalized religion - but that is a personal choice and not necessary for everyone. Oh, and in my life doing art has been integral in restoring emotional balance and making sense of a senseless world.
  7. DestinyTurtle

    Glad to be here

    Welcome to X-Xian, @jenstar! I'm glad you're here and you are absolutely asking the right questions. The amount of hostility you can face for changing/leaving a religion can be a lot to handle, and it takes enormous courage. Cudos!
  8. DestinyTurtle

    Jesus-free and loving it

    Welcome, @HeartFromTexas! I'm glad you're here. I'm really sorry about 2). My dad basically gloat about how much he's going to enjoy watching me burn in hell while he rejoices in heaven, too. The mental/emotional pretzel is hard enough without feelings about family getting involved in it. In any case, I'm glad you made it out of the brainwashing and I hope the website and the people here help!
  9. DestinyTurtle

    How Did YOU Think About Hell Back Then?

    Completely. How much energy is wasted in this world trying to make sense of things that are inherently nonsensical?
  10. DestinyTurtle

    HAWTHORNE Intro

    Welcome to X-Xian! Glad you're here! Hope this place helps
  11. DestinyTurtle

    How Did YOU Think About Hell Back Then?

    Thoughtful question! Growing up Xian I was made to believe that there was only one true doctrine about hell - which of course is absolutely false. I am curious too what other people thought. The way I was taught hell was a place of unimaginable torment inflicted on the unelect for eternity for God's glory. It was definitely not punishment in the traditional sense of getting someone to atone for a mistake - there really is no repentance or atonement in Calvinism for any practical purposes. God really does enjoy torturing people for the sake of enjoyment, and he created most people specifically for this purpose (the 'unelect') and revels in it. The nature of the torture was unimaginable by design, so there wasn't a specific description just vague imagery of horror (i.e. our imaginations would just go wild). Johnathan Edwards famously evoked the image of a spider dangling over a fire as a symbol for God dangling a human soul over hell (I wonder if good ol' John killed spiders for fun?). Since there was no way the elect to go to hell (and everyone is so sure they are one of the elect until they are next to be ostracized), and no way for the unelect not to go to hell - the belief in hell wasn't so much about being scared out of doing anything bad but more about loving how awesome and powerful God is that he tortures people for fun. You're supposed to admire this character trait of him and praise him for it (why wouldn't you? you're not one of the unelect ARE YOU?) Pretty much 99% of the human race: anyone who doesn't agree 100% with your personal preacher's increasingly specific and eccentric beliefs. The number of people who were considered 'true Xians' kept growing smaller over time. It kept getting smaller even after I left, to the point where I wonder whether my dad considers anyone other than himself (and maybe my mom) a Xian. Most family and definitely all friends go to hell. Interestingly, my aunts, who are more moderate Xians, have only started to realize in recent years that my dad have always considered them evil fake Xians (he's pretty good at hiding his true feelings). Interestingly, if you were a Xian and did not adhere 100% to the 'correct' belief (and hence a 'fake Christian') you were supposed to burn in an even hotter and more horrible level of hell than anyone else. Basically, in the implied hierarchy of hell atheists oddly are tortured the least. So the weird cumulative effect of all this as a kid was that I was afraid to make friends with Xians, because my dad said the most horrible things about them behind closed doors. I felt more comfortable making friends with atheists, because they didn't care about or think about them much. I also had a hard time going through life interacting with people and casually thinking "and *you* go to hell, and *you* go to hell, and *you* and *you* and *you* go to hell!" like it didn't matter to me one bit. How my family go through their life thinking this way beats me. Wow this post turned out longer than I thought I guess I feel strongly about this! Anyways, I'm guessing it's a bit more extreme than many other Xian perspectives on hell! I hope it provides interesting perspective!
  12. Well, I'm glad you're here!
  13. DestinyTurtle

    Monkey see monkey do

    When Xians start talking about different levels of maturity, or genuineness, of faith, they magically somehow end up putting themselves in the more elevated position. I'm glad you're not being disingenuous in your compliments or anything...
  14. DestinyTurtle

    It's getting a lot easier to tell old friends...

    That is what happened to me in the end. My mom told me "We suspected for years you weren't a real Xian" - even including the years in which I was actually earnest. Even when you're no longer a believer it kindof actually hurts - having all that energy and time you spent seeking the Xian god be dismissed. It's a mixed blessing though, because when they retroactively dismiss you like that there's less chance that they'll persistantly try to reconvert you - which seems to be the situation of some of the other members here. There are unique pains and hurtfulness associated with that, too.
  15. DestinyTurtle

    It's getting a lot easier to tell old friends...

    I can completely relate. It's a nice feeling - a strange kind of freedom. I also think it's completely reasonable to be scared at first. I don't know your specific experience but in my experience of Xianity love and support was always conditional - conditional on the unconditional validation and agreement on my group's beliefs. Challenging that was a cardinal sin. Telling a family member that you don't believe - at the wrong time - could lead to homelessness and financial crisis. I think the comfortability of telling people about your unbelief can depend a lot on a careful re-balancing of other aspects of your life (financial and social) in such a way that it can't come back to bite you. In any case - glad you're in a good place!