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Everything posted by DestinyTurtle

  1. I've gained a lot of valuable friendships since deconverting (you guys definitely included!). My childhood best friend was actually a friend of mine since before my deconversion (surprisingly enough, I was nuts back then!) but my friendship with him definitely reached new levels when I was finally able to converse with him as an equal and as an X-Xian. I'm in an excellent relationship with my girlfriend who is someone I could not have imagined ever being with while I was a Xian. In fact, I think I would have been forbidden from having any romantic relationship at all as a Xian! Weird to think!
  2. Don't be afraid to feel. There's no roadmap largely because this is you learning how to be your true self, and by design no one can show you a roadmap for that. You've probably seen how people cling to religion partly because they are afraid of what it would entail if they gave themselves permission to be themselves and think for themselves. It's a difficult responsibility but a rewarding one in the end.
  3. Welcome to X-Xian! Yeah the insincerity that permeates Xianity is a lot to wake up to...
  4. Similar experience here. Much later I realized that that attitude of anger and fear towards my questions were themselves proof that they themselves didn't really believe. Anyways, glad you're here and hope the community here helps! Welcome to X-Xian!
  5. You're welcome! You know it took me many years even after my deconversion to realize my parents were narcissists? I *knew* something was off about them but I didn't have the vocabulary, or I didn't allow myself to have the vocabulary... to describe them. They really effectively conditioned me to rationalize and defend their behavior, even after I learned to disagree with their beliefs. Anyways, once again, glad you're here
  6. It's a pet peeve of mine the selfishness and hypocrisy of people who raise their kids this way - depriving them of ordinary everyday joys and relief - when they themselves never had to endure that level of asceticism as kids, because they conveniently got to choose the "true" faith as an adult after they "got it out of their system". Thank you for sharing your story, @mrspearl! It really spoke to me. I think you have tremendous courage and strength of character to stand up to that! I'm honored to be part of a community with people like you
  7. Really? Wow. I didn't know that. These people really thought that abandonment was a just and holy thing?
  8. Also notice that Paul never actually met Jesus... he simply had a vision of him once during a particularly intense nervous breakdown, and yet he has the gall to consider himself equal to the Apostles. This is actually a glaring hole in the bible canon and you might notice a lot of theologians make a special point of insistently calling Paul, "The Apostle Paul" over and over... (whereas sometimes they'll call Peter or John simply by their first names and assume you know they're apostles by context) because they know Paul's apostleship is questionable and they have to push this belief through the brute force of the power of suggestion. On close inspection he appears to be just some guy who claims he met a famous person he never met and hijacked an emergent religious movement with his own personal beliefs, and later organizations found his writings useful for promoting things like authoritarianism and misogyny.
  9. It's not supposed to make sense, it's supposed to make you teary-eyed because of some kind of "sacrifice" it represented. Seems to me Jesus was just a kind guy who spoke his mind, and people got mad and killed him. Now many people quote him, backed with two thousand years of theologizing to rationalize why it's actually a good thing to punish and kill innocent people who speak their minds.
  10. Religion made me believe that living in constant, overwhelming fear was a natural and good way to be.
  11. Welcome, @Tripqing! It's rough coming out to your family as X-Xian! Glad you're here!
  12. Damn. Thank you for sharing that story with us. It's completely out of line for them to interrogate you like that - church leader or not.
  13. Welcome to X-Xian! Seems you're starting to ask yourself a lot of questions about the bible... that's a big no-no for a Xian! :P I hope we can help! I'm glad you're here!
  14. Nice. It often occurred to me that Xians are either woefully ignorant of the genocide-promoting passages in the bible or they are despondent fundamentalists who would defend anything insane or cruel just for the sake of it. This pamphlet is straight to the point. I like it!
  15. Welcome to X-Xian, @mrspearl! I hope this website helps! Although my circumstances are different than yours I certainly struggled with recovering from abuse from a cultish family. It's super courageous to distance yourself from all the abuse despite the tidal wave of societal judgement!
  16. As I recall from when I was fresh from deconversion I was always constantly plagued by guilt. Actually, the feeling guilt came from before the deconversion, so there was no freedom from it even if I stayed in the confined of the religion. I kept rationalizing why I was feeling guilty and finding reasons for why it's one thing or another thing that I'm doing that's wrong and making me feel guilty. There was no end to it. Eventually I realized it wasn't anything particular that was making me feel guilt ; guilt was a feeling instilled in me deliberately so that an authority figure can use it as leverage whenever he wanted. Once I broke from that authority the guilt persisted because it wasn't attached to anything ; it was an artificially instilled feeling. Like a lot of repressed feelings I found other ways to process and channel it so that I eventually healed over time.
  17. I distinctly remember that back when I was a Christian I sincerely believed that losing my faith would automatically mean I'd lose by bearing on morals completely and that I would do something terrible, like murder or robbery or whatnot. I was told it was 'in my sinful nature' because of original sin, to do the most horrifying things I can imagine, and that faith in Xianity was the only thing keeping me from doing those things. Fortunately, I hung around enough atheists growing up to have time to ponder as to why non-believers seemed to in control of themselves. Sure enough I didn't morally implode when I lost my religion ; I had only been lead to believe that I would. It's kind of the point of a lot of toxic religions to convince you to hate yourself and doubt yourself so much that the idea of trusting yourself to leave the religious authority's grasp of control is too scary to follow through on. It is always all about control.
  18. Thanks for sharing, @DarkBishop! Remember that character in The Matrix who made a deal to betray everyone in the ship so he can get plugged back in the matrix and live the lie again? Screw that! Once you know the truth you can't very well go back into willful self delusion It wouldn't be the same anyways.
  19. Thank you so much for sharing this, @Bug! I really appreciated it. Reading it helps put into perspective and help me cope with complex family-related feelings in my own life as well!
  20. I actually did this. It's rough for millenials because of the 08 crash and other difficulties pertaining to the modern job market - but I actually made it happen despite everything. Financial independence and living in your own apartment far away is golden.
  21. I'm with @Wertbag above. I would avoid discussion if possible. If they keep bringing up religion in a way that makes you uncomfortable then you can set a firm boundary simply by saying would rather not talk about that, and you should not have to explain yourself.
  22. Amen! The parallels between some of Jesus's teachings and buddhist teachings is remarkable, but I tend to think this is the side effect of whatever spiritual rebel is showing through all the historical corruptions and deliberate misinterpretations empires and religious institutions imposed on the bible (and its interpretations) to justify cruelty and exploitation. I don't think Jesus was a Xian.
  23. Welcome, @Bug! I feel the same way... The baggage of horror and despair that comes with many forms of "Good News!" Xianity and evangelicalism is just poisonous. Sounds like you're on the right path and I hope those of us here can help Deconversion can be a long and difficult process and it helps to have support from people who understand.
  24. I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather but but seems like a wonderful way to say goodbye! Sometimes it's not worth it to try to explain your own angle, and you have to perform whatever it is in their social language they do to express acceptance and gratitude.