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godisthedice

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  • Content Count

    4
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About godisthedice

  • Rank
    Curious

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://www.pillowfort.io/oracle

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Missouri, USA
  • Interests
    Writing, psychology, tabletop gaming, folklore, comics,true crime.
  • More About Me
    I'm a Board Certified Behavior Analyst from the Bible belt, deacon's kid and former performing monkey in a General Baptist church.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No gods, nothing I feel the need to label.

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  1. Read this and then immediately linked it to my husband and two of my best friends with the note that it's like it was being written about my dad... thanks for sharing it! @mrspearl I'm with you, I have no idea how to approach my parents, even my mother who is the less entrenched of the two of them, and I'm afraid of acting like the person I really am where they can see me. My father doesn't even know that I've ever tasted alcohol... he threatened to never speak to me again over getting my nose pierced when I was twenty! It's all about how it reflects on him in front of everyone at their church.
  2. Religion made me believe that my only worth was what I could offer to my parents' god. Religion taught me to follow blindly, without question, and without any explanation. Religion made me doubt my own sense of right and wrong and especially logic. Religion taught me that I couldn't say 'no' to a man in a position of authority over me, because he'd been given the right to tell me what to do.
  3. Thanks for the warm welcome, y'all. I'm still not so great at conflict (still unlearning that conditioning that disagreement results in punishment), so I'll probably stay away from the politics part of things for a while! Being afraid of the consequences sounds accurate, and I think that facing that fear is something I'm going to have to come to terms with before I can finish unfucking my mind. Those hooks are still in pretty deep, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you all while I'm getting to know myself better!
  4. I made my account almost a year ago, but social anxiety is real even on the internet. It's been comforting for me to even just know that this community is out here, and that I can come and read testimonies of other people who've left Christianity and feel less alone. I've started to realize recently how very damaging religion was and how much my mental health has suffered because of something directly related to religion; late's better than never, right? It seems like the right time to try to join a community of people who understand and have been through similar traumas. The first time I went to church was when I was two weeks old, and missing a Sunday between then and when I left for college was extremely rare. I was raised General Baptist in a very small town, and I'm not sure exactly when I was pushed to start singing for the church but I was doing it before I really have any solid, conscious memories--one of my first is my mother asking me if I was going to sing "Jesus Loves Me" or "Whisper a Prayer" that week. By the time I was ten I was leading the singing. By the time I was twelve I was the church piano player. My father is a deacon and my mother is the church secretary. Church was my entire life until I got old enough to start asking questions that no one could give me a good enough answer to. Obviously I was punished for asking them in the first place and I learned to keep my mouth shut, but I never learned to stop wondering. My issues with Christianity and the ways that I still struggle because of it could probably fill a whole novel, so I won't get into it here. I've been happily free for over a decade at this point, but it still impacts me every time I look down and keep my mouth closed when someone starts talking about church instead of being unashamed of the fact that I don't believe. Then, of course, there's the fact that church is still my parents' entire life... it's amazing how hard it is to actually escape.
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