Jace

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About Jace

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    Questioner

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Fitness, veganism, meditation, astrology, intuitive gifts
  • More About Me
    I was born and raised in a Xian household, became a rising star of sorts in the tradition, and finally allowed myself to visit the nagging doubts about the religion after a series of tragedies and betrayals. About a year ago, I admitted to myself that I no longer believed (and hadn’t for quite a while), and I’m now in a reshaping phase.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    We’re on equal footing as the rest of the whole

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  1. Me too, since I came out the womb.
  2. Jace

    No longer ashamed

    Thank you for sharing your story and happiness with us, and congrats to you for getting out!
  3. Exactly this. I mourn what could have been. I know what I would have done that I didn’t and what I absolutely wouldn’t have done, but did. My best friend actually lives in Oregon, but I live in China, so it would take me a while to get there. 😄 @Burnedout, mind fuck, indeed. @Ellinas, #2 is where I find a great amount of comfort. I like very much who I am, and already I’ve been a source for others who are coming out of the fog. I guess I’ll chalk that up to my purpose and detach from what I should or could have been. Lol @midniterider lol No, it wasn’t all bad. It was actually great, until it wasn’t. @Ann, acceptance. Shouldn’t it be easier than this? Haha
  4. Jace

    Friend dumped me over religion

    Right now I live overseas, so there’s no pressure. I have a big mouth and will probably eventually tell on myself, but I’ve seen how my family has responded to like situations in the past; I know my relationship with my parents from that moment on would only be their pleas to avoid eternal damnation and my pleas for them to cut it out.
  5. Jace

    Friend dumped me over religion

    This is why I won’t tell people. I’m more concerned with losing family than friends, but the fallout would be horrible.
  6. Definitely annoyed, lots of regret and wondering what routes I’d have taken otherwise. Sometimes I wish I’d have had the course to explore those nagging questions instead of relenting and having “faith.” I push the envelope in every single other area of my life, but I didn’t with this.
  7. You guys are right. @Storm, I think I’ve narrowed it down to pure fear. I’m from Mississippi, and since hell is hotter than that, I wanted no parts of it! Also, I’d seen so many answered prayers that, at the time, I couldn’t attribute to anything else. I tell myself that my experience was for the help of someone else; someone will walk away and need somebody to help them out, and I’ll be there. In fact, it’s already happening. But you know how many people I led to Christ and helped mold into godly young women? A bunch. @MOHO not looking back is key. Everyday I’m reminded of ways in which that lifestyle was my default. I’ll bow my head to bless my food or react to pray in a bind, etc. We’re creatures of habit, so I’m working on mindfulness.
  8. Stopped going two months ago (ironically, my Xtian husband is the one who halted it), and found out this weekend that we’re on the prayer list to come back. 😄
  9. I’m struggling with this right now. Today, I was teaching Roman mythology to my students. I teach at a Christian school and will until the summer. We were talking about similarities and differences between mythology and Christianity, when one of my students shouted, “If God is good and kind, and Jesus is alive and can do anything, why is there killing, and pain, and hunger?! I no longer believe!” This led to an awesome conversation, of which I’ll spare the details. But man, that, plus what’s going on in Jerusalem right now, has me feeling like an utter moron. Why did it take so long to come out of Christianity? Deep within, I KNEW better—I knew it didn’t add up! My student wasn’t asking trick questions, and his questions have simple answers! I’m not stupid. I’m very independent and have an impeccable bs meter, but damn, indoctrination is real, and I feel like I missed out on so much because of it. 😖 At the same time, it was over 30 years of my life, and I feel like I’m on the tail end of a breakup. Ugh. Dammit. My mantra, lately, has been, “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know when you didn’t know it,” and that’s where I’ll sit, until I get past this.
  10. Jace

    I’m now one of you

    @SkipNChurch We live abroad. Right now, we’re in China. In addition to what they learn in their international school, they get another few layers at home. School in the U.S.? Hard pass. Lol
  11. Jace

    I’m now one of you

    @HoustonSeeker, we followed like paths. My husband and I have been in an evaluation phase in our marriage, and the religion conversation was the latest of other major ones that would determine if we’d see year 12 or part ways. Ultimatley, he told me that he loves me for me, not my beliefs, and that we need to focus on the now to make our marriage what we want it to be. The tricky part is how to raise the kids. He’s a preacher with a masters in theology. I don’t ever need to go to another church again. Our kids are 8&4, so Christianity is all they know. Also, we presently work at a Christian school (not much longer), and I’d rather not make a PSA. Maybe once we move, we’ll sit them down and explain their mother is a heathen. 😆 I truly want them to be open as children and come into their own in their own time, not in their mid-30s bc it took so long to move away from the fear and indoctrination, like me. Once they know, though, my parents will know, and my community back home will know, and the tornado will ensue, so for now, I’m just enjoying the peace of finally being transparent with my husband and realizing my own beliefs.
  12. Jace

    I’m now one of you

    😄 Thanks, guys.
  13. Jace

    I’m now one of you

    Wow, I appreciate the warmth here! There’s so much to say, to file through. Right now, I’m enjoying the freedom that came with sharing this truth with my husband. It was killing me, as I value authenticity above all else in this life. The layers run deep. I was raised in the Bible Belt, wrote a book on Christianity, and gained quite a following over the years. Now, none of that exists. Well, people’s ideas of who I am exist, but the foundation is gone. As a child, I inherently believed certain things about the world, until I was told those ideas were satanic/demonic/insert other extreme adjective here. Think animism/energy/love/we are all “god...” I’m listening to my spirit again. I kind of feel like someone dropped me into the Pacific, but I found my stride and am swimming towards a shore that leads to a beautiful world somewhere, home, no longer begging the self-proclaimed life saver who claims to love me to show up, hoping I’m pleasing him enough and asking the right way for him to come before I’m devoured by the sharks. When I realized he wasn’t coming, and I quit being mad about it, I REALLY started to realize my power. Since I admitted that truth to myself a year ago, some wonderful people have just been appearing in my path. When we seek truth, it seeks us back. Anyhoo, I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad for you guys...apostates. 😁
  14. Jace

    I’m now one of you

    I remember the first time I stumbled onto this website. I was deep in ministry, saving souls for Christ, and left the site in prayer for the souls of all those who’d turned away. Today, after 30 years of devotion to the faith I proclaimed as a kindergartner, I revealed to my husband of 11 years that I’m no longer a Christian. This five-year deconversion comes as the biggest part of a life change I’m going through. Personality-wise, nothing has changed, but as far as beliefs go, everything has. It’s challenging and unnerving, but necessary. My husband, who’s been in ministry for several years, who I built a life with on the foundation of Christianity, was more understanding than I’d anticipated. I’ll spare the details for now, but man, I don’t really know how we can make this work. Anyhoo, I’m glad this space exists, as opposed to a few years ago, when I wished it didn’t. Irony. 😏