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mandyjane

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About mandyjane

  • Rank
    Curious

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Bristol
  • Interests
    Nature, animals, creative writing.
  • More About Me
    Lost faith 4 years ago and gradually sorting out the mess caused by almost thirty years of confusion, poor decisions and relying on god to sort out my problems as a result of christinaity. I am now deeply content and alive, learning all the time and getting to know myself having been lost for so long.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No Gods but respect for some buddist practice.

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  1. Jesus Loves They told me Jesus loves me But I never had an orgasm Not when I was with him. He is not a good lover. The foot of the cross It seems that people bury their potential At the foot of the cross.
  2. I am comming to the end of my marraige and feel deeply embittered by what a con this part of my life that lasted 20 years. I have DID and my religious identitys isolated from the man I loved and felt inspired by God to marry a complete prat. i have sufferred in a coersive controlling realtionship since. Thank myself that it is nearly over. So I feel bitterbut glad that I can allow myself real emotions an dnot feel gulty abount having them, that I can be as bitter and twisted as I like this evening with out some idiot trying to lay hands on me to cast out demons or make me forgive.
  3. I have since leaving the church maintained relationships with a couple of Christains and struggled to make freinds outside of the church. I lost the social skills I need for secular freinds. It is one of the distortions church caused in me. But I realsed a coupleof weeks ago when one of these freinds let me know that they were praying for my child thatI had to say good bye to them. I found the idea of them praying for my child abhorant and distressing. They had been asked not to pray for me on numerous occasions and i suppose it was niave of me to think they would not wheedle thier way round this. I realsied that when I phone these people or invite them to visit I am inviting Jesus back into my life. I am accepting him back and maybe getting rid of these people by nolonger having contact I will be making room in my life for new people. I have stopped contacting them and hope that is enough with out me having to inform them that they have to go. Does this make sense.
  4. I wanted to share the significant insights that led to my rejection of Christainity and how I am now. Every church I ever went to blamed all the faults of christainity on the church or the individual people and never the founder of the faith. Always the excuses. I was part of a twelve step programme for a couple of years before I lost my faith and despite its spiritual emphasis that I can no longer deal with, I loved the democracy, the equality, the structure of the twelve step organisation and still do. It was clear to me that Bill W had done a much better job than Jesus or st paul in founding of a spiritual group and I realised that it would be wrong for me to ever hold a position of spiritual authority, to lord it over others with so called wisdom at the front of a meeting or church.I then reaslied it was wrong for anyone to do this. I ponderred church leadership realsing that most people in church were there to be seen and not heard and that thier self esteem must be utterrly in thier boots to sit through a service being told how to live thier lives by one enflated ego at the front. Then I realsied (this all took months) that Jesus was the biggest inflated ego of the lot and that he was a creep and a show off. Big time esoteric show off with all those public miricles and great I ams. No wonder the romans had the good sense to kill him, shame they did it so dramatically. They used to accuse me and many others of bitterness in the church, any menton of injustice and the words forgiveness or the accusation of bitterness was quick to silence people. I am these days deeply contented, , loving myself, discovering the self that was so distorted, so unauthentic due to religion, emerging and beginning to acheive. I love the birds in my garden, the walks in the park and my bedroom sanctuary. I am strong and unlike during my christain years free of confusion, depression and poor judgement. I am who I am. Am I bitter? YES Do I forgive? NEVER.That creep took the best years of my life, filled them with false promises, lies and critical people. The happier I become without him the more I hate what he did to me . He will never silence me with words about forgiveness and bitterness again. I am now free.
  5. Thank you. It resonates.
  6. Geezer. I have a horrible feeling that something exists with an over interest in humans and creation and a strong desire to ruin them.
  7. Hi not sure if this will help but it is a challenge somebody very wisely set me some years ago which I am sure was the beginning of my starting to question Christanity and to lose my faith. I was encouraged to make a declaration similar in its own way to the converstion prayer so many of us said at one point. The declaration was this 'What belongs in me must stay in me and what does not, even if it is Jesus must go'. The impact of this declaration in my life was I seemed to stop being fed all those strange ideas and started to question what I was hearing from Christain circles. It was put to me that the declaration was in its way an act of faith and that if I really belived that Jesus belonged in my heart then I would have no worrys about saying it. I am very grateful to the person that helped me in this way and I wonder if a similar declaration would help you wife let go and if you could find a good time to suggest it.
  8. If Gods exists he will not be found in Grim Churches or dusty volumes full of both chapter and verse. He has no part in unfulfilled promises or strange visions that isolate and confuse. He is not in the laying on of sweaty hands or the droning voice of inflated male ego at the front. If God exists he no more comes in human form than in the splendour of a garden worm. If God exists he is not he or she but it. The it that is a tree or river The it that is the universe in which we all stand The it that is a single breath of mine. The Its that claim nothing and just happen to be.
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