HoneyBib

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About HoneyBib

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    Female
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    Family, Entertainment, Wellbeing, Happiness,
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    Hello I am 17 years of age (as of writing this) and want to join this site to finally be able to connect with others who have also become atheists and can finally understand what I have been through, I have gone through a lot over the 4 years and am still dealing with grief, trauma, and anxiety.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Invisible Leprechauns, fairies and Unicorns.

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  1. I force myself to do these things daily, and I am aware that ageing could be 'cured' within my lifetime, but at the same time, I am worried that I could either become too age-degraded or even be dead before a 'cure' arrives, I know that these enjoyments, whilst they do provide me distractment, they fly fast like time itself does. I am not afraid of death itself, but I am afraid of the unknowns of Space-time and the possibility that if I do die, I may unknowingly 'find' myself back at the start of my own life to unknowingly repeat all the experiences described above including this post. Think of Nietzsche's Eternal Return/Reoccurrence thought experiment, but instead of it being philosophical it is an actual reality, and this makes me cry knowing that I cannot change the past and I may never know if the Universe's history or my own conscious experience within my history repeats or not, this makes me feel trapped and depressed since I may be doomed to re-experience my anxieties, mental illnesses as well as my lack of quality time with my cat, forever.
  2. Thank you all for the support, I simply do not know how to cope with a seemingly scientifically plausible fear that I have no scientist knows is real or not, as well as being unable to let go of my cat, she was what I considered as important as another human was to me, after all, cats, like most animals, have been scientifically confirmed to be conscious, and cats have the intelligence of a 2 year old child, and to me, that makes a cat even more adorable since it is just like having a 2 year old child. I also have memories of being 2 years old, and I remember how basic my thinking used to be as a 2 year old. All the more reason I miss my cat.
  3. I really do hope that one day I do recover, but I doubt I will ever be my old self again.
  4. the mental illness My issues are trauma from the years of my anxiety especially the anxiety I had when I was 13, and because I am a slow griever, I am still grieving my cat who I lost on New years day 2018.
  5. My fear that affects my ability to recover is my fear of the possibility that universe's history will repeat and so will my actions, thoughts, feelings, reactions, mental health and experiences. I am very deep into physics, and science, and so my reason for my fear is that the universe is deterministic, hence many cosmologists and physicists know that the past, present, and future all exist and are unchanging static frames, and the seeming flow of time progressing is a result of entropy (the arrow of time). The 2nd Law of thermodynamics (entropy cannot decrease) has been broken in experiments, but not only that, other theorems and theories such as poincare's recurrence theorem, the big crunch model, cyclic cosmology models, and mirror universe model also, have me stressed out by worry as well. Therefore I am fearful that everything may go back to the beginning of time where the same events fold out again and therefore so will my experiences, my religious upbringing, religious/superstitious paranoias, and my outright horrible mental illness I had when I was 13 years old. But even if it is impossible for the universe's history (and therefore ourselves) to repeat, the biggest issue with my recovery is the trauma religion has left in me alongside my constant sadness over the fact that I turned out this way when it could have been different. The biggest punch in the gut from this was that I could have spent quality time with my cat who I had grown up with and had the strongest connection with. The pain of all this is the fact that I wished my cat was still here so I could spend time with her, cradle the fluffy girl in my arms, as well as acknowledge her existence, if only I had become an athiest before I had lost my mind, which will NEVER be a reality.
  6. I made a similar post last year, but it was practically unreadable as I typed it in a teary rush. For me, I became an atheist too late, religion had driven me insane when I was 13 and I am no longer the stable individual I was, I am numb, lonely, and find it hard to feel the emotion of happiness, I unconsciously compare myself to my pre - 13 year old self where I had a healthy cat who I did not turn away and used to spend time with, and then I look back at my 9 year old self and wished I had not had all the rapture, hell, and biblical rules shoved into my mind at home, church, and school. I have no one to talk to but myself, no one who shares a similar or same mind as me, or similar fears or thoughts as I do, no one who shares a similar understanding of my fearful possibilities about the universe, physics, space-time, and philosophies as I do. Ever since I was 13, I have to always try to soothe myself as I am always blamed for my mental illness by my religious family, and religious people at church, I have no one who would understand, and no one outside my family who seems to give two shits about my circumstances, I have had no friends since I was 13, I am no where near as mentally stable as I was when I was much younger, and to me, counsellors are no good as they are people simply doing their jobs, I am always alone to cry in silence in my loneliness.
  7. I have already rather recently given up on deconverting my mother, after I was thinking about the concept of death for a while I am starting to think that perhaps it is better for her to believe in an afterlife even if her religion is a mental prison for her that she is unaware of.
  8. I am currently seeing a therapist every couple months, the problem is my mother is also present which makes it harder for a one on one conversation with the therapist because my mother gets defensive about her religion, at least my therapist seems to understand that the religion I used to believe in had a major component in me developing anxiety and depression. I am also hoping that one day I will successfully deconvert my mother where she can be an atheist/agnostic too and see all the nonsense that she-too believed in and realise that the chronic anxiety that she also suffered herself as a teenager was not because she was a "bad" christian but because she is a christian.
  9. I developed severe anxiety and depression due to the years of believing the nonsensical insanity that was the rapture, hell, signs, what to think and what not to think, how you should think, etc. Ever since I was taught those things at the age of 8 I had lived my life in constant fear, praying, blocking my own critical thoughts, and asking for forgiveness for uncontrollable thoughts that may insult God; as a result I developed poor thinking patterns that lead to me at the age of 13 forming a severe case of chronic anxiety and depression where I had panic attacks from the feeling of being trapped in my own existence and made suicide attempts to "escape" from my existence. I am now 17 and still recovering from those horrible memories of my experience but I still suffer from poor thinking patterns and am at high risk of anxiety and depression, my family (who also love me) blame the anxiety and depression on me and claim that I was not a "true" christian; no matter how much I reason with them and how strong my arguments are they simply jump onto the defensive bandwagon and then later pray for my supposed unsaved soul.
  10. Hi, can anyone give me a full list of Bible verses that will make my mother question her faith and embark on a journey onto deconversion? Thanks.
  11. the apparent "supernatural" experiences people perceive when doing whatever they are doing with the ouija board is actually caused by the person himself/herself unconsciously moving the necessary pieces in the ouija board, this is known as the Idiomotor effect, theres a Youtube video from the science channel Seeker that explains it way better than I currently can -
  12. Christianity like many other abrahamic religions are known to vastly increase the risk for developing Bipolar and Schizophrenia due to the religion requiring to reject logical reasoning, rational and scientific explanations to instead assume middle age beliefs such as visual and/or auditory hallucinations being visions and words from God, simple everyday occurrences being signs and wonders from God, random acts of kindness being only the works of God and many other irrational and mindless beliefs. What I am saying is that you are not hearing personal voices from God nor any visions from God, your brain is suffering from a misfiring of neurons and you are suffering from fear, hallucinations and delusional thoughts. Merely denying that you are hallucinating is not going to help your case and if you take action Now and seek medical help these hallucinations will go away and you will look back at your Christian beliefs as simply being in a state of madness. I have been where you were, although I never hallucinated I had very delusional thoughts when I had spent months of my life suffering from anxiety and panic attacks as I had convinced myself God gave me signs that I will go blind, but ever since then I look back at those days and wish I just stopped to logically think about it all and realise that the "signs" are really just my brain picking out random words overheard from other people's conversations that they had with each other, anyway I have never been on the type of medication that you are on but I am on Antidepressants as I suffer from depression from the traumatising experience that I had with my religious anxiety. Anyway, all we can do is give you advice, we cannot do what Doctors and Hospitals do, we cannot prescribe you medications nor adjust your medications, in the end it is You who is in the decisive power to say to yourself "This suffering stops today as it is now or never" and see a doctor to have your medication adjusted.
  13. The rewards in heaven are even more mindless worship, but instead of it being every Sunday it is every single day, but not only is it just that, they will be jumping around their super "loving" God who sits on his giant throne all day!
  14. I hate to see my family believing in the irrational nonsense that is Christianity, to me just sitting their and hoping for the best is not good enough, I want to be able to at least help my mother lose her faith in religion, I remember when she was stressing over something she was wondering if God was punishing her for a sin - it is sick how depraving christianity is and I want to so something that WILL contribute to freeing her from the religion.