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About TruthSeeker0

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    There are a lot of them. Living in the moment is the main one.
  • More About Me
    I'm an ex-fundie going on two years, navigating this thing called life.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. TruthSeeker0

    Recurring fears

    You're going through a normal phase, so I wouldn't worry. Winell writes about the stages people go through when leaving religion in her book, and by my estimate I'd say you're in the confused stage, and no wonder, because it's a massive change. I recognize some of the thoughts and fears, and irrational thinking, like 'god is being subtle'. It's just your religious training/indoctrination in action, it won't disappear overnight, and the best way to tone that voice down and eventually shut it up is just keep reading, keep learning, keep developing critical thinking skills, and one day you'll look back and laugh at what an utter pile of crap you believed. Here is what Winell says on the confusion stage:
  2. TruthSeeker0

    Thank GOD I found this... Lol

    I struggle with this, with the distrust. A lifetime of fundamentalism and judgement and watching christians be anything but christian to each other, let alone others, will do that to people. As a result, I find it hard to reach out and get to know people. A lot of former fundamentalists, at least from my sect, are very familiar with the "I am an island but don't want to be" mentality. Also, you're really lucky to have found someone who treats you like a real equal. Welcome to Ex-C!
  3. Sheesh. Men, once again telling women what is and isn't their reality. Enough already. I'm done here.
  4. Maybe try actually listening to women then, instead of intuitively tending to agree with men. Women can talk until they are blue in the face on this topic but it doesn't make any difference. Maybe the only option we do have after all is just banding together as women, and getting mad about it, and protesting etc, because it does appear that things fall on deaf ears, (or if not deaf ears, then ones that ask for evidence, and since there is no evidence, disbelief). It's an area where I'm incredibly cynical of any cultural/societal change actually occurring, for these very reasons. It seems it's too much to demand respect for our bodies. And again, I say that based on experience. Anyway, this is a topic over which I get sarcastic and upset quite frequently, so I'm moving on.
  5. TruthSeeker0

    Recurring fears

    👍 If you found Winells articles helpful you will certainly benefit from her book. I hear you on the being sensitive part. Unfortunately parents aren't always attuned to these kinds of characteristics in their children, particularly if they are adept at covering them up. That was me, and continues to be today. So many people tend to view sensitivity as a negative thing. I certainly did until I read Elaine Arons book on highly sensitive people, and things clicked for me. Your moms dismissal is unfortunate. It doesn't invalidate the impact that had on you. Therapy is an excellent idea, that helped me a lot.
  6. TruthSeeker0

    Recurring fears

    The most effective method to banish all this fear that it might be true for me was completely debunking the bible as the ultimate word. Educate yourself on who wrote the bible, how it reflected the times it was written in. How completely human of a book this is. The god of the bible is only a reflection of us humans. Some authors are Dan Barker, Bart Ehrman, Elaine Pagels, and if you want a psychological perspective on indoctrination and fear and understanding how it has impacted you, Marlene Winell (Leaving the Fold). You'll get to a better place when you consciously make an effort to understand how it impacted you, and how you can combat it. Winell discusses control mechanisms, many of which are invisible to former believers. It can take a long time, this process, so have patience. But freedom will come, and I say this as a former fundamentalist who was truly among the wackiest versions of fundyism.
  7. Fine, we shall insert little/some/many in all of the above, based on personal perspective/opinion/stats/whatever. I choose many, because I speak from personal experience as a woman. I wasn't referring to rape alone. There is a lot of stuff that falls in the assault category. Groping for one thing is common, and it happens in the most mundane of circumstances, like having your butt grabbed from behind in a cemetery in the dead of winter, by a passing cyclist. Or having the guy next to you on the train place his hand on your leg as if it's of no consequence. A good many of us women pass these off of as nothing worth reporting, and I'd bet the majority of us do, because it's just seen to be 'silly'. The level of tolerance women have for this kind of behaviour, letting it pass, is way up there. And because guys get a pass on this, I'd venture to say a good many of these dudes then test the boundaries and see what else they can get away with as a result. In this discussion people are pointing out there are different levels of severity of assault. Yes, there are, and I recognize that. But the problem I see is that there isn't only a need to penalize the severe ones, there is a need for men to recognize that verbally harassing, assaulting, or raping women is part of a wider problem that needs attention. Yes, there are many of you here who are all too aware of this. It's the DJ Trumps of the day that need this education. This is the equivalent of saying, look, it's worse elsewhere, therefore we don't have a problem. Maybe you didn't intend it that way, but that's how it's coming across. As it stands now, we have a problem with a good many men (again, insert your own perspective here regarding 'many') in western society understanding where the boundary is. That's fine. I was pointing out that there are cultural differences, not making a case that it's the same everywhere.
  8. Why is the onus on women to protect themselves and make sure they're not stuck in situations with men that are potentially dangerous? Why is the onus not on educating men and changing this male culture that objectifies women, making sure they get the message that abuse/harassment/rape isn't acceptable? Take the problem at its root and fix it. Yes, there are men that will always abuse regardless. But there are also many that are influenced by the myriad messages of society and culture, those sent by the current President himself. As long as society continues to question why a woman went out to have fun, got drunk, and got raped because she couldn't defend herself, and blames her for being in that situation instead of the male who actually raped her, we have a problem.
  9. TruthSeeker0

    How can I deconvert my mother?

    It isn't for us to decide what's better or not for someone to believe. What they believe is their choosing. Theres a difference between talking to someone about beliefs if they are open to doing so, and trying to force your own on others.
  10. This is the problem we face today, with most rape and sexual assault cases. And this is why most victims suffer in silence, and most do not get justice. In some countries, this is also a cultural issue, in that if the woman brings it up, shame and guilt are heaped on her and she's called a whore etc, and in some cases her own family may abandon her as a result. Cultural and societal factors also enable rape.
  11. In this case, politics under the Trump reign happened. They weren't interested in any kind of investigation or evidence.
  12. TruthSeeker0

    Article dismisses the notion of Ex-Christians

    This is nothing but a defense mechanism on their part. If they admit there are ex-christians, their beliefs are on less shaky ground, because they would have to actually start listening to all the many reasons why people left the faith, and considering them seriously. This is just a handy way to dismiss people outright. It would have really pissed me off a year ago. Now I'm like, keep your group think. I pity these people.
  13. TruthSeeker0

    Glad to be here

    Welcome Jen!
  14. TruthSeeker0

    My Tongue Is Sore From All The Biting.

    That is so patronizing and condescending. I noticed that attitude towards missionary work in my ex church. What pisses me off most about the attitude of a great many white people in the developed world is that they think their life style is superior. So called third world countries may be economically disadvantaged but who are we to conclude they are socially and culturally disadvantaged as well. Sometimes I think the point would go across if people of color started giving these kinds of outlandish sarcastic statements to whites. Something like "I have always been partial to white people, they have done so much to ensure that African nations be able to benefit from their natural resources." The sad thing about the statement is that many people would take it as a compliment.
  15. TruthSeeker0

    Emotional Health While Leaving Christianity

    First of all, Id like to say all those feelings are rather normal because your entire worldview has changed. It's a challenging process mentally, rebuilding how you see the world and finding purpose. Id like to ask what kind of community and social life did you have in the church, was it very supportive? Because it can be relatively easy to confuse where the source of the anxiety/hopelessness lies. What I mean is, if you've lost a supportive community, this can easily result in feelings of hopelessness as well. So you should examine all the contributing factors properly so you can decide how youre going to remedy it. Another thing that may help in finding purpose is finding either new or old hobbies and interests that you can focus on. Do you enjoy helping other people? If you do, this can really provide a sense of purpose. It's challenging because your sense of purpose was just imposed on you by Christianity. Now you are responsible yourself for finding something that inspires you. I'd like to say that having a sense of purpose doesn't have to be related to that question that's likely in the back of your mind: why are we here and for what reason. Perhaps it would be easier for you if you were a bit more gentle on yourself: you don't have to have the answers to those questions at all. What you can do is be more selfish than Christianity has trained you to be (afterall, it taught you you're a worrhless sinner), and perhaps rephrase the question this way: what do I enjoy that makes me happy? This can change. A sense of purpose can also change. Your mind has been trained to think of that purpose as written in stone and it isn't, you have the power to rewrite this story. That's a great freedom and opportunity to have. I can share with you what has best helped me. I enjoy learning, I'm a really curious person. So I see this life as opportunity to learn and experience as much as I can about life, the universe, and other people. We are incredibly lucky just to be existing in the here and now. Statistically, when you consider the odds, you feel incredibly privileged. So if you're able to cultivate an attitude of wonder and curiosity and focus on the experiences that provide you with purpose and build relationships that give to you instead of drain you, you're on a good road. I'm just wondering what other things are contributing to your hopelessness, because there may be. Community? Relationships? Employment? Health? Finances? Maybe keep a journal and write down when you're feeling particularly hopeless and consider what occurred that day, to find some links. All these are major factors in regards to happiness/hopefulness. One thing that helped me a great deal in deconversion was reading. I think a psychologists perspective on deconversion may help you so I'd recommend Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. The more you understand how Christianity has trained your thinking and disabled your ability to be autonous, independent and responsible for finding who you are, the faster you can focus on undoing the harm and finding yourself. Therapy with a secular therapist would help too, personally psychotherapy really benefitted me. I would say imo the number one challenge with those leaving Christianity is this, rebuilding/reconfiguring your worldview. Give yourself time. Don't be harsh on yourself. It's ok to have questions in this life with no clear answers. I think when you start to explore your interests and goals and finding what excites you, you'll start finding what gives you purpose.