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Everything posted by TruthSeeker0

  1. ^^This. However, I just don't care, most of the time. I know who's being foolish and it sure isn't me.
  2. All of my friendships besides one, and they don't even know I'm an atheist, because I don't need to become the focus of the church gossip circles. We just have nothing in common anymore, and I don't need interventions or to be told that I've gone over to the devil. Some family relationships are strained. Other more distant family relationships I've broken off because they were toxic to begin with. It requires building a whole new support network.
  3. The blame game is never any good. I'd drop him and run. You deserve so much better.
  4. Red flags. This is controlling behavior. In any healthy relationship you are allowed to say I and me when discussing how you feel etc. Why the fuck is this dude telling you you have false leaders and don't know your savior? Religion and brainwashing. My only advice is run, and run fast. There will be better things and someone that values you for who you are, trust me. I'm sorry to tell you this but people who are involved in xtianity are children in many senses of the word and haven't grown up - how can they be when god and Jesus are leading them and they're told they're not allowed to trust themselves and practice self responsibility? I would highly recommend reading Marlene Winell's Leaving the Fold so you understand what exactly is going on here.
  5. Reason number 1 I will never date anyone of any religious persuasion: all of them can turn into monsters overnight if they fail to use logic and reason. Yes, even the most kind and loving of them can do awful, horrific things if they lack those faculties or don't know how to use them.
  6. Girl, count yourself lucky. You do not need that patriarchal crap and yes, that's what you would be getting, even with the most loving of men, if they are religious. In other words, you would be beneath him in every way that matters because his christ is above him and he's above you. You don't want that. You need an equal. Let him go and go after better things.
  7. If you're referring to me, I'm not "looking for offense" - I'm saying don't associate qualities or emotions with beliefs.
  8. It took me a long time to get to where I am. Plenty of people walking over me and taking advantage of me. Years of frustration and resentment. But then a very good thing happened - I left the god delusion and the church, and grew up finally. So I'm just trying to tell people how it is - leave these kinds of people instead of wasting your time with them.
  9. Well then he should have been more clear. As it is, he seems to be implying that male feminists are highly emotional people and can't handle debate.
  10. You didn't actually answer my question, why did you mention "breaking down and crying" in association with feminism? Feminism: the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. Nowhere in that definition do I see specifications for expressing emotion such as crying.
  11. Which is exactly why I wouldn't be friends with them to begin with, they're the kind of fair weather 'I'll be your friend as long as I don't hear about your real shit in life' friends, and what does that say about them? Completely non supportive. I'd move on, upwards and onwards and all that, and if they want to know why, tell them it's because they can't deal with the shitty side of life in a realistic manner.
  12. What's the assumption here - that people who 'break down and cry' as you put it, are feminists? Sure sounds like it. Otherwise, I really can't see why you had to associate the two of them in the same sentence.
  13. Personally, I haven't, the types of people who tell me to toughen up with that meaning take the revolving door into my life and the revolving door right out of it as well. I've had enough of their kind and they're no longer welcome. You're a guy though, so I'm guessing you could be dealing with some typical "don't talk about your shit" machismo. Which is never productive in the end anyhow, imo.
  14. It's better to be left unsaid in that case, and "I don't know what to say, so I won't give advice" is the proper advice. This "toughen up" shit just makes some scenarios ten times worse (by piling guilt on people and making them feel inadequate, when they may have enough to handle as it is).
  15. More context required. "Potentially harmful", in what way? Why are you afraid, possible physical violence, emotional abuse, another reason? Also if you know another person might do you harm, and are afraid of them, I'd ignore any and all 'toughen up' comments and do what's best for me - avoiding or getting away from the threat altogether. You don't require any kind of validation or advice from another human to do what's best for you (that's how they can control you), just do what's best for you.
  16. Aw shucks, keep on going, this is entertaining stuff.
  17. This is not necessarily a bad thing. For example your husband may eventually end up leaving fundamentalism, and joining a more liberal church if his beliefs change. This alone I'm guessing would be of major benefit to you, it's certainly easier to accomodate than very rigid, judgemental black and white thinking. Some people for some reason find letting go of god impossible to do, and compromise is necessary. It is natural that he is coming up with explanations that allow him to ignore contradictions - xtians must do this out of necessity. And he may not be comfortable with facing the really big difficult questions. Facing the possibility that your whole worldview may be a farce, and that your god may not be, is very daunting. If he shows any interest over time in exploring this I would casually mention books or authors that you have read.
  18. If they are strong independent thinkers I wouldn't be very worried about them. They may feel they have no "permission" to explore their beliefs (or let on they are) if their dad is authoritarian about religion, but if they want to do so, they will do so (speaking as someone who did this and dropped a complete bombshell on my parents). They have you as a great example which is really important and from what you've said about your son, you have an important ally. Your husband may feel increasingly on the defensive since the power dimension has changed in the household, so I would just keep open communication and be patient, this is major change for him and probably threatening if he's the 'man of the house' type. A few statements here and there such as the ones you gave him that left him at a loss for words may be all that is required for things to begin to gradually shift in his mind.
  19. So must lost potential here, and so many potential followers to be had
  20. @Justus What's Phasmalogy TM? And why is a holy ghost your god?
  21. Well, you go into things in more depth than I do, I'm sort of lazy with stating this is all situation dependent and that one should act within reason and that if your emotions get the better of you go take a time out and then return, as I just said in another thread. I tend to think things through a lot in my mind but am not as good at expressing exactly what I mean whereas some people on here particularly yourself and disillusioned, have a precise way of picking ideas apart into in a clear way that is easily understood. As a result I think I get misunderstood on here sometimes, particularly when I'm not sticking to the original parameters or point of the discussion and am veering off. I really have to give hats off to the types on here who are here for discussion, not out for reaction, trolling, baiting, trying to prove that they are correct and you are wrong, patronizing people, or playing the team sport game.
  22. Both. And they should have a reasonable conversation about it, instead of it turning into outrage to begin with. Reasonable conversation with the end goal of trying to understand where the other person is coming from, is always the best option, imo. The problem is that people don't always notice things like "this waitress is just doing her best" (particularly people high in the feelings department, who, when they are hurt or offended enough, forget to use logic). On the other hand, other people may easily dismiss hurt feelings as being sensitive or unreasonable, without inquiring where they came from. Which is why I said they should have a conversation, and then maybe they could actually avoid the shit slinging contest/outrage that occurs on the internet.
  23. Something along the lines of "I noticed when I was religious that the polarized us vs them, religious vs non religious view of the world was bothering me (if thats the case), and I began to question why" in that letter might help enlighten him a bit. Anything that might help him relate to how you felt or are feeling. Perhaps it's not so much repression as denying responsibility for creating one's problems and responsibility for solving them, because with xtianity, everything is god-given, solutions included. Personal responsibility is something that is difficult with fundies. I highly recommend reading Marlene Winell's book Leaving the Fold, this is what she has to say about responsibility and avoiding problems: Edit: I denied my own problems when I was fundie, I had a real struggle with how much I absolutely hated and was angry about everything that had been put on my plate because "god is love" and "all things are good with god." You are not supposed to question that. If there are solutions, those as well will be god-given. Thus, people end up sitting there passively, thinking shit like "god will heal me" or "god will heal my marriage." It's crazy.
  24. It depends what he was yelling about, was he just venting frustration over the issue? Or was he yelling at you that you're going to hell, in a dominating way? I'm curious, because domination is all part of the patriarchy thing, ie "you're my wife, you should be listening to ME, because MY opinion matters." First off the bat, if yelling starts, I would wait until he's finished, calmly tell him you both need a time out and you should return to the discussion when you've both calmed down. But before you do that acknowledge each others frustration etc. Geez I'm starting to sound like a counsellor here etc, I'm just thinking what I'd do in this scenario, because I know yelling is a major trigger for me and I easily yell back and no that doesn't help.