NeverHealed52Years

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About NeverHealed52Years

  • Rank
    Questioner
  • Birthday 06/20/1956

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Music, Art, AstroPhysics, Color booking, Sailboat Racing, Archeology
  • More About Me
    Short Version: Have decided to look at reality and stop blaming myself God ignoring and doing nothing about my physical suffering. And find the truth. Was Severely Abused Mentally, Physically, Sexually, Emotionally by both parents and was a very Neglected Child resulting in Numerous Social/Coping, Emotional, Mental and Physical Problems: Overcame all but the Physical problems to become an intelligent, productive, contributing member of society in spite of it all by my late 20's. Fervently and sincerely100%, all-in no matter what Pursued Christianity and God. Mostly but not totally just for the help with the whole mess. Especially overcoming, preventing, reversing, healing numerous physical problems that even my do all I can self care help and high quality medical help could not fix. Not one prayer answered and NO Help from God or Jesus or Holy Spirit in 52 years.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Not Sure Have Experienced Evil and Love Entities

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  1. Exactly....nothing new here....some o, same o....move on...
  2. NeverHealed52Years

    A Sermon for You Heathens

    People like you need to join the real human race... starting at conception, 24/7/365 rage, hate, anger, malice, manipulation, beatings for anything, everything and nothing, until the welts on my body would bleed and stick to the chair at school. A Texas Baptist preacher father and mother who think you have to beat out of children what you don't want in them; including an imagined look on their face that you don't care for. (teaching me a lesson? Being moved towards holiness?). And tells my sister to stop the temper tantrums and fits her severely autistic child has; there is nothing wrong with him he just isn't disciplined enough! This behavior can be whipped out of him. She needs to whip him more. And lets move on to adulthood...relentless physical challenges one after another endlessly and relentlessly(I still have every one of them) while doing EVERYTHING possible, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, medically, holistically, lifestyle etc. etc. To stop, prevent, reverse mitigate.....and the shit just keeps coming at me..(teaching me a lesson?).. WHILE serving GOD 100%, all-in, living for him, renewing my mind, building and keeping strong faith, loving and turning the other cheek , 100% forgiving my crazy and violent misguide parents and sincerely loving them anyway, helping them, helping others, giving money, food, clothes, furniture etc. to the poor.... AND not one tiny bit of healing or preventing help from the three stooges not even one time for one problem. (teaching me a lesson?). That my friend is the real world for real people...not the Christians who tell me crap like; God is perfecting me; teaching me a lesson; disciplining me for my sins; and must have a really GREAT and SPECIAL PURPOSE later on for me to LET me suffer so much; and I obviously don't have real faith or enough faith or the right kind of faith; or I must have deep sinful or wrong attitudes, wrong thinking; or seek only the healer not the healing (I did that for a decade or two); or I didn't plant enough seed; And my all-time favorite, I just don't know how to receive, he WANTS to heal me but I WONT LET HIM... all the Christian crap in some ways was worse then the madness and insanity my crazy maker (a psychologist told me that is what they call moms like mine) mom and harsh, critical, judgmental, violent, coldhearted, zero compassion for human suffering (he thinks sickness is in our heads we make it up we are faking it, buck up ignore it and keep going), dad said and did to me. I told God repeatedly, hey fine, OK, the upbringing from hell. Many people have to endure and go through things. BUT the relentless Physical problem hell for the rest of my life too? Good Greif, God give people one or the other if you think you need to ..But NOT BOTH. It is just too much to deal with both! Your evil God (who is really the devil, they are the same entity, the Warrior god of destruction named Yahweh) didn't give a dam and didn't hear one word of this. And there is more...this is the readers digest highlights only version of my life. And for the record, I did not cause my own problems in life like a lot of people do with their habits, choices, lifestyles, vices, abuses, neglects etc. I took actions and made choices and lived life in such a way to PREVENT, mitigate, reverse problems. I was very diligent and very careful and took excellent care of myself in every way. Still do. But in addition to a lifetime of health challenges, now I get to deal with ALL of the same health issues that getting old brings to people who took less care of themselves, who ignored/neglected or abused their health/bodies. Isn't life grand! End3, join the real world...if I see one more Christian who had such an easy life that they are beautiful, healthy, perfect and never have had a pimple or a cavity and they fall apart when they have a cold sore on their lip and say to me all upset and emotional "how do you stand it" (meaning my numerous relentless physical challenges) I might just have no choice but to resort to murder
  3. NeverHealed52Years

    A Sermon for You Heathens

    And that just pisses me off. Why didn't god let us know loud and clear and immediately, so we can hear and understand, during times of great turmoil and stress, when we tend to be foggy brained and not thinking well, that a different action is best. Noooooooooo he is totally silent while things are being f***ed up. AND, then later on here comes the flood of "dam" I coulda and shoulda done or said this or that and there would have been no or less hurt, suffering, permanent damage etc. God is always silent until AFTER things get messed up, THEN we realize and feel bad about the shouldas and couldas. Where were the three stooges DURING the important event? Off to the side taking it all in, watching the show and laughing at us stupid humans??? I started deconverting when I realized the help was never available, especially at the times I needed it the most!
  4. NeverHealed52Years

    Funny Pics Thread Part 4: Electric Boogaloo

  5. NeverHealed52Years

    How many people have fully read the bible?

    Yeesss....my thoughts exactly. Thank you for writing and telling it so well... I couldn't put it into words and especially not as concisely and clearly as you. I have pondered for sometime now that we are totally being duped...the BibleGod is really who/what we are calling Satan/demons/evil. The biblegod is the god of war, destruction and source of all evil. He has us all duped into worshipping and following him being falsely taught he is the good guy. . Maybe we should reverse it all and then a whole bunch of things about life makes more sense! To confuse us even more Jesus (if he existed at all) constantly referred to his Heavenly Father that had him healing everyone and being kind and having compassion and teaching love. That certainly wasn't the OT Biblegod. Had to be someone else.
  6. Sooooooo true. Even on Christian TV where they supposedly get the most talented singers/musicians who make a living at it and have record contracts etc. and are broadcasting it Worldwide....most of it is unbearable to listen to. Christian musicians have little to NO talent.. The Pentecostal larger gatherings would drone on and on singing repetitiously for 2-3 hours BEFORE any talking/preaching/teaching even started. Especially in the larger services and the more well known ministries. They were always freaked out about and strongly against meditation mantra chanting. (And meditation w/o mantras.) Or anything that involved repeating words was considered chanting to get the devil, demons, evil spirits to show up. BUT, their 2-3 hours of repetition singing hypnotizing and putting people in trances making it easier to brainwash and manipulate them was Ok ?? Crazy. They thought you had sing and worship until you were hoarse, mind numbingly braindead and exhausted to CONJURE UP the presence of the Holy Spirit, God and Jesus. You couldn't just sing a few words of praise, thank them for a couple things, talk to them and they would be there. Sorry if I repetitiously rant sometimes. I am in early stages of deconverting and still have some sensitive emotions about some stuff.
  7. NeverHealed52Years

    How many people have fully read the bible?

    Yes it was total insane madness....but desperate people will do anything to learn how to please and receive good things from God and find help and relief from the life of relentless hell they were born and raised in... especially when raised with, and continued on into adulthood, being told that all the bad things happening to them were because of their evilness/sin/wrong thinking/lack of faith. And my all-time favorite lie, God (and my severely crazy, extremely abusive parents) is punishing ( they say chastising) me to teach me and to "get the evil out of me". . The other lies that keep people reading/studying the Word is being told they have not " built up their faith enough" to receive Gods help, and the only way to hear from and receive from God is to keep the Word of God going into the brain and heart all day EVERY day. Plus, I just happen to be one of those folks who has a tendency to research and dig deep to understand and "get it right, do it right", whatever subject I am learning about. I love your statement "making things of it". That IS exactly what religion is.
  8. Me and my totally logical, rational, intellectual, well educated, not emotional, zero woo attitude and personality 100% atheist, never believed that there is supernatural or spiritual anything of any kind anywhere husband have had multiple experiences. We were not together, the experiences were unrelated, separate in time and place and without a doubt very evil and meant us ill will and real harm. We have both had multiple experiences of something/someone that was without a doubt flowing love and energy for lack of a better way to describe it. My husband has changed from how he was to now he knows (not just believes) that yes there is something/someone good and evil that exists out there somewhere but not sure if it (they) can or should be called Gods or Devils.
  9. NeverHealed52Years

    Do you still get emotional over your deconversion?

    Me to....slow, very slow loss of faith and being willing to realize then admit I no longer believed and face up to that it was all a sham. Then....BAM....sudden, abrupt, OUCH this hurts a lot. And I still regularly have days where I still feel various emotions (sometimes mild, sometimes very intense) about it all!! What helps me "purge out" all of the false beliefs, hurt, pain, fear and other emotions is to do very simple, short (10-20 minutes), mild, easy Mindful meditations. The guided (you can download it for free) Fear, Sadness, Labeling Emotions, Anchor Stormy Sea and Befriending the Changes (and others) meditations from this Harvard Medical School doctor/professor make it easy to do. He has you allow the emotion to build up as intense as you can, allowing yourself to totally experience and feel it and then letting it subside and then let it go. I only had to do this a few times and I got much better very quickly! http://mindfulness-solution.com/DownloadMeditations.html http://mindfulness-solution.com/About the Author.html http://sittingtogether.com/meditations.php
  10. NeverHealed52Years

    How many people have fully read the bible?

    I hate to admit it but I have read, re-read and studied it every way it is possible to read, study, dissect and analyze it. Memorized numerous verses/passages. Just some of the ways I studied it: as just great literature, as history, as end time prophecy, as a healing Team/Healing Rooms guide book, chronologically, by numerous major and minor topics/subtopics, multiple times sequentially read it in a year, the dispensations, the church/Christianity according to Paul, as a study of the culture, history, daily life, beliefs etc. of the Jewish race, how it compares to the many other manuscripts/fragments that have been found, how and why the apocryphal books were excluded, compare what they say to what bible says, just what Jesus said/taught - didn't say or teach, compared what Paul taught to what Jesus taught, the Greek/Latin/Aramaic to determine the "true" meaning of key verses, compare it to other spiritual beliefs/religions, compare what Jesus said to what Buddha said ..... And who knows how else... .BIG REGRET, ALL THAT TIME, ENERGY, BRAIN POWER WASTED!!! I am trying to fit in all of the creative and fun pursuits I can now !!! Better late then never. I still have intellectual pursuits but totally different subjects.
  11. NeverHealed52Years

    god speaks...or does he.

    I was all-in 100% into Pentacostalism where we all are told that God Speaks, Jesus Speaks, Holy Spirit Speaks, Angels can sometimes show up and speak to us (I was totally confused the whole time which one I was supposed to pray to, which one did what function and how to tell which one was speaking!!!!! Crazy Nutcase Religion). They are there to guide us EVERY step of the way and to keep us from harm of any kind! As soon as I started seriously questioning everything the voices stopped. Soooo the voices were who or what? My own mind? Other spiritual entities (Devil, Satan, Evil Spirits, The Great Spirit, the Creator of the Universe, aliens, other spirits???) Who knows. I may never know who or what it was/is. I observed every time that the "Still Small Voice" of God (the can barely hear him rubbish they taught) would NEVER speak up, clearly, loud, intense and persistent enough to be heard, during times of stress, the really life/health threateneing decision times when my decision was very important and even critical; times of danger, scary things, harmful to physical health or safety times. The VERY time I needed help the most to steer me clear of anything life changing, permanently damaging, negative. Seems to me that a loving, compassionate, heavenly father would be there when the going got tuff. After this happening a gazillion times it started the beginning of the end of my belief in a loving God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. Sheesh why did they have three entities for us to try to deal with, communicate with, understand? Good god ONE is sufficient!!! The fact that they need to have three should be enough to cause people to say WTF? OK, rant over,. Just had to get that vented out instead of keeping it inside stewing!
  12. NeverHealed52Years

    Ex Christian Spirituality: The rough treatment

    Great comment! Love it! Can I borrow "you bunch of magical woo people" ? I would really enjoy saying this to some people ! And it sooo fits what they do and believe!
  13. NeverHealed52Years

    I believe in Jesus again

    I sooooo wanted to put a LIKE AND a THANK YOU on this statement but can't do that yet. I'm still in the newbie category! Darned and Danged....Love It
  14. NeverHealed52Years

    Thank GOD I found this... Lol

    Just want to say Hi. I have had a life of total hell in every other way, but one thing I had that helped me get through was a husband who didn't buy into the women are servants and men are the master of the home, totally in control of everything and everyone crap! Sounds like you found a keeper. Hang on to him good men are hard to find. Or like me just dumb luck accidentally stumbled across a good one at age 20. Didn't know what I had for a lot of years, but that is a long story!