Kat34

Regular Member
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    89
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About Kat34

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    UK
  • Interests
    Spending time with my family, reading, psychology
  • More About Me
    I’m 34, live in the UK, have a toddler and a newborn.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Not actively. I’m now agnostic.

Recent Profile Visitors

187 profile views
  1. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Ah... I’m in England.
  2. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Yes I think you’re probably right actually. And by way of reassurance the Holy Spirit would tell them they are a child of God. Whereabouts in UK are you btw if you don’t mind me asking?
  3. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Oh okay I see - yes totally - as some Christians (like John Wesley maybe?) argued, that view of God made him worse than the devil. In a different context, C S Lewis said his fear wasn’t “So there’s no God after all” but “So this is what God is really like”.
  4. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    In what way do you guys mean? I know a bit about it and that he developed some of Augustine’s ideas - and that this view wasn’t known in the early church ie pre Augustine. It seems lots of early church ideas were much more inclusive eg the idea of universal salvation. From what I gather, Calvinists subscribe to once saved always saved. They have to, because everything happens according to God’s will. So surely all those kids who pray the sinners’ prayer then later change their views are actually still saved. And in that case, given how impressionable young children are, surely any child could be convinced to pray it and mean that prayer genuinely. Totally unethical but we could all choose to get our own children to do that and be saved. But that would potentially contradict the idea of them being chosen from the beginning of the world.
  5. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Yes this must be it. Of course according to Calvinism we are so corrupted by original sin that our reasoning is faulty. This is what I mean about it being a mindfuck.
  6. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Seriously? How can anyone live with that fear long term? It would drive you literally insane...
  7. Kat34

    OH, the irony of my apostacy!

    Calvinism and predestination is a complete mindfuck... the past 2 days I’ve been almost convinced that the reason that I find God to be silent is because I’m not one of the elect, rather than it being because he isn’t there. The trouble is it’s almost impossible to find a way out of this way of thinking because the experiences of other non- or ex-Christians can be explained in the same way. All the objections we have to the bible and to faith? Same reason. Believers are those whom God has chosen and given faith to and there’s nothing we can do to change our fates. How do you find your way out of this view?
  8. Kat34

    Dealing with uncertainty

    Thanks so much @DestinyTurtle - yes I was a child and a particularly anxious one at that with a particularly authoritarian mother - not a great combination maybe. And what you say about thinking makes a lot of sense! Btw I remember reading your extimony and it made me sob. I’m so glad you are doing better now and I’m sorry it took so long - but can completely understand why it did.
  9. Kat34

    Dealing with uncertainty

    Thank you @Margee - I’m actually really lucky in a way as I’m in the UK which is very secular on the whole and most of my friends aren’t Christians. However like you guys, it means there’s no one I can really talk with about it as no one else would really get where I’m coming from! Also the Christians I do know (with the possible exception of my mother) do believe in the Big Bang and evolution etc so seem a lot more reasonable - and that makes me second guess myself too! Thanks for the support on this site x
  10. Kat34

    Dealing with uncertainty

    Thank you @DanForsman... I haven’t actually attended church regularly in years and didn’t have bad experiences there, my programming is all from my mother... you’re right about how atheists have been portrayed and I’m sure that must be part of it. So much of her voice to try to overcome.
  11. Kat34

    Faith healing

    Thanks all. To be honest it’s something I know very little about, and I’ve not looked into it, I just remember reading a few examples in the past that struck me. Also not healing as such but I remember reading about C S Lewis praying that he could be with his wife in her suffering from cancer and he started to get pain in his bone marrow and then another time he prayed for her to get better in some way and her body started producing more of whatever this thing was and he simultaneously developed a deficiency in it so he thought God was taking from him to give to her. I can’t remember the details but stuff like this always seemed like evidence for little miracles. That and things like people praying and then receiving the exact amount of money they needed to keep their home for orphaned children going or whatever!
  12. Kat34

    Dealing with uncertainty

    Did anyone else find the period of uncertainty once you strongly suspected (but weren’t sure) that Christianity wasn’t true even harder than trying to reconcile the difficulties you had within Christianity? I keep thinking of objections to the way I’m thinking e.g. I’m being overly influenced by a hard rationalism approach to what’s true and maybe this is unreasonable. What’s really frustrating is that I’ve been pretty confident for the best part of 5 years that it isn’t true before suddenly fearing again that it might be (I say fearing because I focused on hell, a teaching I always struggled with). Last time a friend had done all the thinking for me but perhaps everything was still there deep down somewhere, ready to be re-triggered. I start wondering maybe God is trying to reach me but have to remind myself that all I’m feeling is fear and surely that’s not how God would be reaching out. Plus I feel no peace or comfort after praying. How do you get to the stage where you can trust your own thinking?
  13. Kat34

    Voices from the past

    I’ve heard that Dan’s book is really helpful for former fundamentalists but possibly less so for people from a less literalist tradition who were allowed to believe in evolution and an old earth etc. If you think it addresses issues pertinent to Christians of any flavour I’d be happy to check it out?
  14. Kat34

    Voices from the past

    Mine genuinely are... while most of my friends (like most of this country) are non Christians, I have two very close friends I grew up with who are Christians. Neither of them really focuses on the hell stuff (and they also might have more moderate views on what hell is than what many members of this site would’ve been taught). I think Christianity gives them a sense of being looked after and they derive comfort from it, as well as lots of friends and a community. I’m almost envious of them but I just can’t make peace with its key teachings. I don’t see a lot of good news in it.
  15. Kat34

    Voices from the past

    Yes I like the last sentence of the Dan Barker quote especially. I’ve not read his books so I don’t know the context of the quote and to what degree fear was part of his experience but it was a central part of mine - probably more because of my personality and tendency towards anxiety and therefore the way I interpreted and internalised certain messages. My friends who are Christians are not fearful but full of peace and happiness. I can definitely understand the idea of coming back to Christianity in order to feel safe, particularly because I have two young children so really it’s mainly for them that I worry about being wrong. One of my main fear triggers at the moment is thinking about highly intelligent people that are Christians. There are people that are very intellectual and well educated, people who are aware of biblical difficulties and can harmonise them at no cost to their faith and there are people that are aware of confirmation bias and of the psychology of belief etc yet still believe. It makes me wonder if I’m missing something after all. Re the songs - I constantly have hymns and Christian songs playing in my head these days. Sometimes I’ll realise that this soundtrack has been playing and not know when it began!