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PurpleLilac last won the day on November 17 2018

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About PurpleLilac

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    North TX
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    Wife,mom of three.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Sometimes I still talk to God,whoever that is.

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  1. If you were exposed to Adventures Odyssey growing up,the Christians were kind and well-mannered,honest people. The non-Christians were rude,dishonest and rationalized immature,selfish decisions with phrases like “if it feels good,do it.” That taught me to avoid anything that felt good (is it any wonder Pentecostals lost their mind during worship in an effort to Feeeeeeel Something?) My parents always hired Christians to fix their house,babysit their kids and anything else they needed. I did the same thing up until a year ago because all that brainwashing convinced me Christians were safer. Catholics were a tossup but at least better than those lost non-religious people. I remember telling my parents in my early twenties that the family I nannied for were so kind and good to me but not Christians and “that’s really surprising to me!” My parents looked *worried*. And now their worried faces make sense in a twisted,terrible way. Once a fundie gets a glimpse of good,kind people outside the cult,they are a step closer to getting free.
  2. My family lives in a northern state. Dad: We’re the frozen chosen,we get another 5” of snow today. Uncle: Well,we thaw out quickly in eternity. Dad: I’m so glad I belong to Jesus. Me: *posts screenshot of weather* Jesus loves TX more.
  3. Well. We went to the initial meeting where we talked about our backgrounds and our marriage for an hour with a counselor. When it was my turn,I could see the man trying to hold compassion for me and take in my trauma while also holding onto his own worldview. I remember doing the same on occasion. My husband feels that when he talks about his faith,I attack him. And that’s important for me to know because I thought he was simply listening to my impassioned thoughts on whatever it was. Young earth creationism briefly came up because it’s very important to him. I commented that I feel like I need to protect my husband because it means so much to him but at the same time want my children to learn about modern science and want them to be able to see the world from more than one perspective. Sigh. So our real work begins with a local couples therapist next week.
  4. Weezer,your comments tie into an above poster who mentioned that I am my own god now. I’m learning to be kind to myself. To trust that I can make good choices. My husband is still tied in at least some way to the doctrine of “you are broken” and sin nature. He can’t fully trust himself under that weight. How can he be at peace with his wife deciding I can trust myself?
  5. Your replies are very helpful and I carefully took it in. There is so very much we share in our marriage beyond religion. Meanwhile,I continue to learn how to be kind and patient with myself. My fear has been growing as well as his. He believes in the slippery slope fallacy that if I have no foundation,I am suspectible to doing anything at all if I think it’s my truth at some point. He said that one night and I saw the fear in his eyes. It doesn’t help that my best friend is going through a divorce. I long for the rebuilding of trust between us.
  6. I want to resurrect this as it’s been over three months and I think my husband’s grief and sadness is just growing. We start marriage counseling on Monday because I want to grow old with him. I watched Seth’s “letter to Christian spouse” again above and it just tears at my heart. Last month,my daughter asked me about hell and Satan and I sought to soothe her fears and hopefully hand her a more peaceful,progressive version of Christianity (that she can leave or take as she wills). The tension between us grows as 2020 begins to come into view and politics and Christianity intertwine for my husband. It’s just so much. It’s sitting in church (when I go) and inevitably the trauma,the memories come for me. I described it to a friend as “Escaping a slave owner and having tea with him every Sunday for an hour.” I don’t think I can bear it much longer.
  7. Reading this thread helped me today. It’s been about nine months since I woke up and realized I wasn’t a Christian anymore. The main thing that has helped me with full deconversion is that life is pretty normal. People don’t turn into salt. No one is manifesting demons. Really bad things happen in this world regardless of your religion. People are kind and caring and atheists. People are terrible and narcissist and religious. Normal,everyday life doesn’t line up with all the bullshit I was taught. And my increased happiness is undeniable. Lack of guilt and shame and depression and anxiety. My closer relationships with my kids and husband. Real life daily reaffirms what I know. That a very old religion is just a very old religion.
  8. It was an A/G college as well,yup, Still paying it off.
  9. Wow,I selfishly wish you were still in TX,I would love to hang out with you. I too had a slow deconversion and shed pentecostal xianity last year. I hope you post more often.
  10. I am so ready to never walk in those doors again. But I love my husband and it’s a slow slow ripping of the bandaid. I go most Sundays with him. He knows I can only handle so much. Our family is our shared number one priority and it’s a delicate dance on Sundays.
  11. This is heavy duty. But helpful. I think you’re right. I was a “true believer”. The real McCoy. It must be deeply unsettling to see the fact that someone can walk away. Change their mind. Reject it all. I will take comfort in this the next time I see them. I can be me and let them be unsettled. And maybe think a little bit. i know my husband is facing the reality that I’m much much happier now. That our marriage is closer. My kids are happier because Im not depressed. The facts deeply matter.
  12. Thanks,Margee! I have always valued the older,btdt voices in my life and now there are ridiculously few older voices I’m willing to take advice from.
  13. We went to my inlaws yesterday for a birthday dinner and there was this odd feeling,careful pauses and rewording...the feeling that my inlaws think I’m someone else. That their one and only daughter in law of many years has been kidnapped and replaced by someone they don’t quite know. I’m wondering when I can expect this sort of thing to lift. For reality to make its way into their consciousness that I’m still me. Church this morning was similar. Some people look down and don’t acknowledge me at all. Because I asked to be taken off the children’s ministry team. Because I’m not always at church anymore and I am there,I often leave midway through the sermon. Invisble apostasy I suppose because stoning me is no longer in vogue.
  14. I enjoyed reading these. I remember being in the shower as a young adult and the hot water gave out (probably because we had a small well). Anyway,I cried out in frustration for more hot water and I was alarmed and surprised when hot water started up again. It’s funny to me now,but I still think about it when I step into a shower.