PurpleLilac

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Everything posted by PurpleLilac

  1. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C

    It’s very strange. Trimming the tree,stringing the lights outside and hearing the music on the radio still makes me happy (if Mary,Did You Know comes on,that’s a different story). I light my gingerbread candle and look around my house. Advent calendars (I got a Lego one to add to our nativity one). Two other nativities,an angel that plays Silent Night....the Christian holiday is everywhere I look and most of it holds warm,happy memories for me. Aside from “Santa is from the devil”,Christmas was one of those rare areas my parents didn’t completely fuck up with fear and sadness. I still go to a fundy church with my family most weeks and I cannot believe how shaming the sermon was yesterday. UGH. And that mixes with Joy to the World and the decorated stage. Im trying to just *chill* and enjoy all the good moments and there are a lot. But it is weird to keep hearing about Jesus,someone I don’t believe in at all anymore. And the stars and nativity scenes is kind of like seeing storybook figures everywhere? If anyone has stories of their first one or two Christmases as Ex-C,I welcome them. I feel strangely alone in this surreal month of December.
  2. Not really sure what to make of that. Crazy people will spend time praying about it in loud voices. Most people will roll their eyes and ignore it.
  3. Yup. Lots and lots and lots of talking to myself. And since the voices were encouraged to be Scripture (from both ends of the conversation),eventually all that I could hear was “You’re worthless”. But thanks be to progress for good therapy! The other day I was feeling anxious about something unfamiliar I needed to do and the words came unbidden “God,please help me..” and I abruptly stopped and said to myself “I can DO this! I have the skills and the intelligence and I can do this well.” And fuck yeah,I did.
  4. PurpleLilac

    Mistakes you made thinking it was “non-Christian”

    I remember throwing out my favorite VHS at 12 years old. Annie,the musical. Because Ms Hannigan was trying to be slutty with Oliver Warbucks. By far,my greatest regrets are not allowing my kids to trick or treat (we all went for the first time this year and it was awesome) and interrupting/turning off the tv everytime my oldest child heard “millions of years ago.” And then drilling into her head it was a lie and God created the heavens and the earth. I am still paying for this and so is she. Going on a missions trip and drsssing as a clown to hand out candy to impoverished kids and then sleeping in a hotel at night was pretty awful too.
  5. PurpleLilac

    Hi from TX

    The land of enormous flags and women with perfectly coiffed blonde hair. I wasn’t born here though. I’m from the north east and it was me,my younger brother,mom and dad. We moved a lot and didn’t have much. Focus on the Family came with us and blared from moms kitchen radio wherever we went. Dad’s narcissism and listening for the Holy Spirit on every detail of my life was just normal. We were charismatic,speaking in tongues,fundies with no Santa or Easter basket, or god forbid trick or treat. I just feel sad now remembering it. I grew up,went to a small Bible college,met a good man and married him my senior year. I found a gentle parenting internet site and told my dad “women aren’t less than” and “god isn’t punitive”. That was my first big step away. I had three kids and suffered anxiety and depression while trying to read the bible to scare it all away. I prayed so hard. I guess maybe this all would have continued for much longer but for two things. 1. My brother is gay and I couldn’t deny the conditional love he got from my parents. 2. Trump came on the scene in 2016. I watched the map turn red Election night and realized I didn’t want to be associated with evangelicals anymore. Two years of depression later,I went to therapy. It took about a month for everything to just crash down to my feet. My brother and I talk every day now. My kids went trick or treating for the first time this year. I dressed up as a red devil and it was awesome. A lady invited me to her church. This is Texas after all. So that’s my story. I guess I’m a hopeful agnostic. I like the idea of a higher power in nature or something like that. But mostly,I love my freedom to live my beautiful life.
  6. PurpleLilac

    Hi from TX

    Yes. Crazy relatives for the win,I understand. My dad and grandfather lived to discuss whatever was in the paper was a sign of the end times. When my grandfather died six years ago,I remember thinking “he escaped. He made it to heaven without seeing the tribulation.”
  7. PurpleLilac

    Hi from TX

    I opened his amazon wish list today and the top two are books on training to be a prophet. I wish he would just like Harry Potter like a normal person.
  8. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C

    Yes,I think nostalgia is a good word. And I can stand in my space and feel things while still being relived and happy to not be trapped in fairytales for my personal worth anymore. Wow,it felt great to type that. I told my boys that a lot of holidays are in Dec because it’s cold and dark this time of year and celebration with lights and food and family help keep people cheered up and warm. I loved explaining things that way instead of heavily emphasizing Jesus to the max and barely skimming the fact that most of the world is also celebrating this time of year as well.
  9. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C

    https://www.citizen-times.com/story/entertainment/2018/12/04/ask-john-im-atheist-and-im-struggling-christmas/2163775002/ I found this today and I really love it.
  10. PurpleLilac

    Dinosaurs and Birds

    I went to tiny Christian schools where my science education was mostly garbage. A few months ago,I left Christianity and I’ve been listening to all kinds of YouTube trying to learn science. Paulogia,AronRa,Purple Dan and the Thinking Atheist have been my main places. Anyway,I was listening to AronRa today talk about dinosaurs and birds that are indistinguishable from each other in the fossil record. And because I have a couple of decades of Ken ham in my head, he just sounded very stupid to me. I guess because the delicate birds of today are nothing like the dinosaurs in movies? This is coming from a person with zero background in science but three decades of brainwashing. Does anyone have a suggestion for how to go about learning how all living things came from a common ancestor? And how to grasp this link between dinosaurs and birds that sounds absurd to me?
  11. PurpleLilac

    Voices from the past

    Which book is the overall best for former fundies? I see a handful by him on amazon.
  12. PurpleLilac

    Voices from the past

    Reality is very new to me. It’s like waking up and still being half asleep and you slowly come to awake and reality as you lay in bed and realize what day it is and what time it is. And as a Christian,most of my life,I found my solace in Psalms and Proverbs. I stayed there most of the time and occasionally ventured over to Romans-Jude because I liked those best. The Gospels were mostly dry and boring to me and I felt guilty about that🙄.
  13. That was the huge crack in the wall for me. Sitting in the therapists office spilling my story about a narcissist father who was always hearing god for my life. And I realized that the bible is mostly men hearing from god who then tell people to go do stuff or stop doing stuff. The next big ah ha moment was when my oldest child tried to tell me she heard from god about a minor decision that needed to be made. I jolted back in my chair and barked at her to not say that to me. Took a deep breath and explained that if god told her something it was for *her* and not me. And again...I realized my words were in total contrast to most of scripture. I got on YouTube,fairly convinced whatever I found wasn’t going to stand up to thirty years of my religion and four year degree in bible college. I was wrong. It fell like a house of cards,the damn broke and I couldn’t take back what I had learned. The most important fact to me was finding out when the gospels were written in relation to the books supposedly written by Paul. I watched documentaries,Dawkins,Richard Carrier. Part of me felt like I was experiencing a death of someone I knew for my whole life. Part of me was so relived that hell isn’t real,that satan and demons aren’t real. That conditional love is damaging and destructive and wrong. I threw it all in the trash and started listening to “secular” music for the first time in my life. What was amazing to me at first was how god didn’t send me dreams or people or anything to woo me back. I realized that wasn’t going to happen. It’s only been six months since all this happened,so I still wonder about a lot of things. But I am So Much Happier now. I can be me and find out who that is and has been all this time.
  14. PurpleLilac

    god speaks...or does he.

    Okay, @Lerk I looked online for “atheist” and “song of Moses” but I don’t see your aha moment. Can you post a link,please?
  15. PurpleLilac

    god speaks...or does he.

    My “what now” these past few months have been Listening to Music (other than christian) and dancing around my house with my children. They see me throw my head back and laugh a lot more. I picked out a cleavage baring bathing suit and felt amazing at the pool. We went trick or treating as a family for the first time! I watched a Harry Potter movie! I can choose my profession because I’m not straining to hear a still,small voice from let’s face it,my own damn head. My husband got into a car accident and we have to replace his car and after the initial heart-pounding minutes of anxiety,I sat and took deep breaths in and out with my eyes closed. I didn’t wring my hands and pace the floor and cling to my husband that night and beg him to pray with me “because God listens when we pray together as husband and wife.” Hell,No. We calmly discussed our options and made our choice. We are strong,competent adults and we can do this shit! Moderators,newbies,all of us. We’re much stronger than we think.
  16. PurpleLilac

    Voices from the past

    There a lot of verses in Psalms and Prov about wise men who do such and such have a generally happier,less worrisome life. And also verses about people who follow Gods laws and principles flourishing,finding help and safety,wisdom,longer life etc. For me,those verses spoke louder than the “it rains on the just and unjust” verse. I think religion is a more difficult sell if you don’t get extra heaven-sent help for choosing it.
  17. PurpleLilac

    Voices from the past

    I’ll be more specific (and vulnerable). I wore a True Love Waits ring,dated one guy before I met my husband (and I was too afraid to do anything other than kiss). And my first kiss with my husband was at the altar (super awkward). Meanwhile, I see my extended family member has kids,no wife (never married) and so much heartache. My fears and new,baby logic fight each other as I watch my tween daughter get taller. Purity shame toxic garbage hurt me in all kinds of ways emotionally and mentally. I just started wearing leggings *last month*. But somewhere down deep I still feel like all that crap kept me safer physically. And I know date rape can happen to the scared,insecure virgin who follows all the rules. I know the good girl can end up marrying a terrible person. But that didn’t happen with me. I wake up next to a really good man every morning and sometimes I think “would I have been able to find a good man if I wasn’t a Christian back then?” Im being vulnerable so y’all can tear this shit down. It runs deep though.
  18. PurpleLilac

    Voices from the past

    One of the main ideas that I still struggle with is that less bad things will happen to you and your children (especially your children) if you follow strict moral rules or religion. I’m slowly working through the rules and learning to think for my own damn self. It takes time. What has helped me most in my very brief Ex-C existence has been the help and support of people who love me and care about me as I change and become who I am. They are like the training wheels as I learn to be a free thinker and find my own balance.
  19. PurpleLilac

    god speaks...or does he.

    Hi and thank you for the welcome. I’m curious what you mean by The song of Moses and I’ll be looking that up sometime after we get up the Christmas tree,lol. I was raised in a little cage of fundie Pentecostalism. In my teens,we left crazy cult land and went to an Aasemblies of God Church. Since it was more normal than anything else I had experienced,I figured we were mainline Protestants at that point. People falling over and yelling and prophesying rattled me occasionally but it was just my world. Listening for Gods voice on just about everything (what school to attend,what car to buy,how to put together a tricky bookshelf) was daily and I do mean daily drilled into my head. I went to an A/G college. My husband and I go to a tamer evangelical church now. I go because I love him and our children,but my goal is to get them at least to a more progressive church every so often. Not because I believe any of it,but if they are going to choose Christianity for themselves, I’m hoping they choose the more liberal stripe.
  20. Ive only been here for a couple of days but it seems mostly populated by men. Very wordy men. Am I wrong?
  21. Or my parents,specifically. I’m in my 30s, have a Christian (non-fundie) husband and three kids and I’m about 3 months post Christian. I was discussing with my atheist brother today how to set the new rules for my parents. He won’t be here to help me in person. Basically,I need to protect my kids from my dad. He is nuts. He fills their heads with things about the end times and angels and demons and sin. In the past,I just kept a close eye on him and softened his words behind him. This christmas is going to be very different as 1. I’m going to tell my dad not to bring anything like that up and 2. If he does (he will because Christmas) Im going to be telling my kids that is what grandpa/some people believe. My parents will fly in and be in town for one week. We haven’t seen them since last Christmas when everyone was still fundie. Any advice on how to set clear boundaries on a Christian holiday that includes magical stars and angels and whatnot? How to minimize the awkward? How to parent my children through this awkward af holiday? I’m going to be talking about magic and merry and solstice etc. But what to do with actual Christmas which is wound through our books and decorations and music?
  22. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C with Fundies

    This is fantastic,thank you.
  23. PurpleLilac

    Are All Sins Equal?

    This is such a surreal thread. Do y’all often debate scriptures on Ex-C? It seems very weird to me,like why not nit pick some other old book?
  24. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C with Fundies

    Full of cow cookies,lol. And yes,racist,homophobic,sexist,freaking crazy person who will undoubtedly tell me he can sense demonic spirits in my house at some point.
  25. PurpleLilac

    First Christmas as Ex-C with Fundies

    *nods* If only it was so simple. There’s no way in hell my dad is going to calmly accept my new boundaries,especially with the eternal souls of his only grandchildren on the line. Can y’all see the disconnect between “come for a major Christian holiday” and “I’m not religious anymore,so don’t talk about god or religion with your grandkids at Christmas.”