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About Questioningone

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    Trying to find some.. I lost many
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    I’m female and was once a strong Christian

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Questioningone

    Basically every response I’ve had if I’ve had questions

    This was a joke post. The bottom part about hating especially. But it is the gist of what Christians have said to me (without the hate bit)
  2. "There's no such thing as an ex-Christian. You were just an atheist who went to church and sang hymns and read the Bible and prayed. How can you stop being a Christian after reading the Bible and learning about how Jesus died for your sins. TRUE faith doesn't just UP and LEAVE you. God didn't answer your prayers? It's because you prayed wrong. Learn how to pray correctly and try it again. It doesn't matter that you can't make it to church because your car broke down. You can WALK ten miles every Sunday morning. It doesn't matter that you can't attend church two blocks away because it's old and the mildew gives you breathing problems. I have breathing problems and I still go to that old church, because I love Jesus. Yeah it makes me cough like crazy but I don't care because the only thing that matters is Jesus. It doesn't matter that going to church makes you anxious or if the sermon is depressing. I don't care that you found scientific evidence that we evolved from other hominids and weren't humans to start with. I don't care If another religion better suits your lifestyle and makes you feel mentally and physically good. If you focused more on Jesus and less on yourself, you would still be a Christian. If you're an ex Christian I hate you." someone wrote this and it is so familiar to me ... had several of these told to me... always guilt tripping me when things weren’t adding up to me, unanswered prayers constantly or other stuff which was confusing me
  3. Questioningone

    Sh** christians have said to you

    “You’re selfish” (for just asking for prayers using “me” a lot) “God doesn’t answer prayers if you have unconfessed sins or unforgiveness in your heart” ... don’t think he answers anyway.. by the way don’t you need to pray to get help with that first? How does that work? ”God deals with those who have done you wrong.. or at the judgment... don’t take it in your own hands” (in so many words) ... load of crap! “This is God’s will” hahaha lol yep evil and murder and missing people.
  4. Questioningone

    “Why isn’t God helping you more”

    Wow that is just shit...honestly. Someone has to die for others to have happiness. Sick type of god...
  5. Questioningone

    “Why isn’t God helping you more”

    I am reading the journeyfree article and relate. I can’t read well due to concentration issues.
  6. Questioningone

    The Survivors of Noah's Flood

    I was a staunch believer of the story....questioning it now
  7. Questioningone

    “Why isn’t God helping you more”

    I feel like I wasted so much of my life, pocket, time and energy over something that I can never get back. All the fruitless nights praying, begging, crying... endlessly. All was wasted. All to someone who doesn’t exist. I’ll never get back those years or take back those mistakes. I still feel inside I’m doing “wrong” over silly things and need to get this out of my system for good. I have stopped praying and am no longer seeking help from God from prayer. I tried that for years it did me no good. God didn’t heal me of any of my problems and illnesses. I never thought I’d become an “ex Christian”..... I scrolled this site like a year ago..I was questioning then. I thought these people here were never real Christians, I was told all ex Christians were “never one to start with”, I don’t believe this anymore. I believe they tried it, had the whole heart for it, loved God but something just didn’t “add up”. The questions were never answered, the fact I was unable to read much, concentration, physical pain, mental torment, the prayers felt fruitless, the emptiness continued... the void was never filled.. so much. Something just wasn’t “right”. This was me but I fought it internally, blamed myself and sought help online on christian forums. Initially I was on a “high” with God, I learnt much about the bible and felt so much warmth and love in my heart. I loved others. Slowly it just..died. I wondered why I stopped doing things. I tried to get back to them but somehow I just couldn’t. I somehow couldn’t master forgiveness. I tried and tried. People on the internet were so perfect over forgiveness and I got kind of attacked. No one seemed to understand. I felt i have lost lost myself over the years. Interests and somehow a “sense of self”. I gave this up as I felt in my heart lead to do. The bible talks a lot about sacrifice and denying yourself. If there is a “god” he isn’t the biblical god. I’m agnostic currently as I believe there is “something” but I don’t believe the Christian god is correct. Reasons being there is lots of unanswered questions and unexplained spiritual experiences I have had in my life. It’s possible the bible is not the creator of this world. I still believe there is a creator. I hope this doesn’t offend but it does say this is for “ex christians” not atheists alone. I have a longing for something other than humans and soemthing other than this sinful planet. Surely this isn’t all there is? I do believe in angels and believe I was visited by them. Someone had prayed for me and at that exact time I reported what I felt back to them. There is no explanation. They told me the time, it matched. If there was a Christian God I believe he left my country of New Zealand. Either that or he didn’t “chose me”. The bible talks about pre-election. If this is true, I certainly wasn’t chosen. I constantly felt this in my heart. A gut feeling I wasn’t chosen by god. I always had this sickly gut feeling I didn’t truly love God or was one of his children. It makes sense now. I wasn’t chosen. Maybe we don’t really chose god..he chooses us. Making my own decision doesn’t matter I guess. I don’t know what there is out there. I don’t know. But something I did must’ve been wrong. I dont know what what to do right now. I can’t explaon the past and I can’t explain things that happen to others. Maybe the bible is wrong? I fought and fought to hold onto my faith that god cared about me, he would hold me up, keep my faith fact I had a song I sung over this. I prayed about it. It didn’t work. I prayed last night a little I admit. I asked God for one last time to help me..if he was there. Obviously I’m still on this forum so he isn’t. I guess this is “testing god” but I’m desperate and wanted to try one last time. I have depression and have had no success in that. I constantly feel empty, strange and different from others in a sickly awful way. I am treated like I am below others and can’t connect wit others. Treated bad everywhere I go. I was raised by a narcissist mother, non existent dad and abusive stepfather. Two brief friends my entire life. I haven’t had a mate in 13 years. I thought Jesus was my friend and that was why I had nobody. I always considered myself a Christian till I was about 22 when I discovered what a Christian was. I just called myself it because I had gone to church! That doesn’t make one a Christian! I thought that was why I had no friends and felt odd to others around me. I felt an emptiness and longing but I was badly bullied instead. I thought I had a friend in the song goes when I became a Christian around 2013. But no friend treats someone like this. I loved him so much... Im lost
  8. Questioningone

    Mistakes you made thinking it was “non-Christian”

    Oh I also was against playing non Christian video games and swore off Disney...threw out all my Disney stuff! Apart from one box to keep my Christian books in! The irony. I also wouldn’t download the wizard of oz match game as the film was wicked... same for pokemon I claimed was “wicked” due to stories and the violence in it. I still do think pokemon is appropriate to the creatures fighting but still downloaded the game as I’ll always have a place for pokemon... was a large part of my life oh and I just downloaded the wizard of oz game. I feel free!
  9. Questioningone

    Mistakes you made thinking it was “non-Christian”

    Oh I also was against playing non Christian video games and swore off Disney...threw out all my Disney stuff! Apart from one box to keep my Christian books in! The irony. I also wouldn’t download the wizard of oz match game as the film was wicked... same for pokemon I claimed was “wicked” due to stories and the violence in it. I still do think pokemon is appropriate to the creatures fighting but still downloaded the game as I’ll always have a place for pokemon...
  10. I used to like the vigilant Christian a lot... but was sceptical and something didn’t add up. Watched videos against him and he was a real jack ass towards others (evidence I saw of what he told people) even one of his video mates (forgot the channel name) who makes”Illuminati”videos of social media he was really awful to some people too. I also don’t believe the vigilant Christian is genuine. Something regarding a Pokémon video he made and being against it and then on another video wanting to play it or something..... also my gut feeling screams NO. Think he does it for money. There was something regarding a shirt scam regarding him. Im glad to be an ex Christian. I’m not watching anything to trigger any panic attacks. I’m still traumatised by years of Christianity. Apparently Mario (vigilant christian’s) ex girlfriend claims he is fake too.
  11. Questioningone

    “Why isn’t God helping you more”

    I was under panic, confusion and terror over all the different beliefs of verses... i was terrified of those “I visited hell” videos and then these contradicting arguments in groups if I asked a question.... I’d be so confused and tossing in my head. I was under terror for bible versions.. I felt evil inside me if I tried anything other than the kjv and go back to it and then not be able to read it. Others attacked me for not being kjv only. Studies said they were kjv only.. a board game was niv based... I got blasted by others for even reading any other bibles... I even got questioned over a non kjv verse in my fb header! I wondered what pastors were fake or real. Then they made me into a monster as I wasn’t yet “achieving my highest Christian self” and being like Jesus. I made notes to improve myself. I wondered why I wasn’t as smiley as Lysa Terkurst... (can’t spell her name) or glad as paralysed Joni Tada..or blessed like Corrie Ten Boom or successful as Twila Paris. They all spoke of the joy of God. I wondered what was wrong with me. I questioned constantly. I never got a response from God. I cried in bed at night. I got several self help Christian books I still own. Nothing helped. Basically they all just say how Jesus suffered... we must too or like my wealthy ex catholic psychologist “this is my allotment, deal with it” or point out just suffering verses. I have so many of these useless books. They don’t give real answers. I feel traumatised... I feel sick. I no longer have spiritual nightmares though. My abusive stepfather still watches Christian tv. It’s so contradictory it’s almost funny. He even prays. I had to endure “The Christmas candle” last night.
  12. Questioningone

    “Why isn’t God helping you more”

    I got accused of treating God like a genie, not having enough faith and just some really rude responses. Basically saying God doesn’t work the way I want and I need to keep waiting and stop being selfish. The good ol “Job response” is popular. Like we are all Job right? I tried having faith, praying and asking God for mundane ordinary things. Nothing was responded to. I didn’t treat God like a genie, I treated him like the bible says, to ask in faith and just ask if you need anything. I listened to healing scriptures, read scripture (that ceetain verse Christians exploit annoys the heck outta me.l the one where Jesus healed our diseases... totally not why it means) oh and Jeremiah how God has a “plan for you” ... oh yeah.. so he has a plan to not fulfill all he tells me he will do for me in the bible? Give me a support system, health, joy... fruits of the spirit etc? That Jeremiah verse wasn’t even meant to be directed at Christians. I felt stressed after praying, trying to pray earnestly...wondering why after faith nothing happened. I asked for others healing too! I wasn’t selfish as soooooooooooo many Christians accused me of... I’m not joking! I didn’t understand why with all the love I had for God in my heart I wasn’t hearing from him at all. I tried hard. I sought help and even baptism.. when I did try it didnt eventuate then was told in so many words I’d go to hell for not being baptised. I couldn’t finish the bible or somehow keep reading... with reading issues and concentration issues it was impossible. I felt attacked spiritually within myself if I tried to do more than a line. I felt pressured to read the bible. I recently saw some posts of mine on worthychristianforums from like 2013 and I was suffering and needing help. More blame back on me. I was under stress in my heart so much...I wrote about that and accused then of “works salvation”!! Someone even said I wasn’t even saved. Even a pastor online made me more confused and questioning. I was constantly empty and unfilled. Churches were cliques...women snubbed me and even a high-up leader did. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I gave God my all. I did it with a true heart... not for anything from God. Now ive given up God I no longer have these spiritual panic attacks and ocd over it. All day I’d fret I was sinning and then have a guilt like feeling in my heart... sometimes I’d go to read the bible during one and then have another attack. I recently had listened to Christian music and went into a sweat...some sort of panic attack. I felt like I was dying. I feel so free from the pain but lost all sense of hope now.
  13. Questioningone

    How many people have fully read the bible?

    I don’t know but I feel relieved I don’t have to bother anymore. I didn’t know why I felt that way....
  14. Questioningone

    How many people have fully read the bible?

    I tried with all my power to read it all. I tried for years. I only successfully finished genesis, about 35 chapters of exodus, about half of Joshua, the gospels and verses from other books. I did bible studios but wasn’t really “reading” it. I got good marks. I have residing issues.. not dyslexia but something else. Maybe depression... I couldn’t find it in me to be interested in the boring law, prophecy books etc. I tried with all my power to pray over reading, pray before reading... audio tapes. I just couldn’t do it.. it hurt me internally for some mind would drift. I even tried hiring Christian books. Nothing ever worked.
  15. Questioningone

    On narcissistic Christian parenting

    My mother is a Christian narcissist. It’s sick how she twists and turns the bible to suit her