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Questioningone

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Everything posted by Questioningone

  1. Yeah it’s just I have no support system they all just let me down..
  2. I’m still praying nightly and daily despite no answers. I ask for help and to stop things from continuously happening.. to stop the pain.. I ask for god to respond..I ask him to comfort me. Of course none of this happens .... I feel desperate and still somehow still believe inside. I just can’t stop this. What can I do..?
  3. “God loves you” in some form of another. Sends off anger inside me
  4. “Be patient in suffering” tick tock tick tock..one year..two years... thrifty years of sexual abuse etc. Still. Be patient! This fucked me up
  5. Taken an interest crystals. I bought a rose quartz necklace. I tended to avoid crystals as I thought it was witch-ish but even during my Christian days I did buy a rose quartz bracelet. I wore it today. I’m also researching crystals in healing andtried to see my own aura. Yesterday it seemed blue and today bluish, pinkish and purple. I’m practicing. Going to buy a chakra bracelet sometime. I’m looking at it for healing. Probably waste of time and total bulls*** (ok yes it is) but I am experimenting. I’ve found the “mystical” world interesting since I was a kid. I also have been looking at my own birth chart. I used to be into those a lot and palmistry and graphology. If I had my own home I’d buy chimes, candles and crystals and dolphin ornaments and stuff like that. I’ve been drawn to rose quartz since I was a teen.. think because it’s my favourite colour. Actually it is a stone of my star sign too. Also found a neat kpop song I’m totally into.. listened to it on repeat
  6. Update. I’m finding it hard to remove god from my life. God filled a deep void I had in my heart a lot and nothing fills that now. I’m trying to find hobbies but nothing is working. I can’t be a Christian, it made me miserable every day and so upset. I’ve also been wondering what to do with all the bible studies and books, posters..etc I have got. Including bibles and posters even. Seems a waste to throw out. I had achieved a certificate as well.
  7. I’m sick of gmail, Facebook and everything like YouTube right now.. because I was subscribed to hundreds of Christian stuff and I’m bombarded with it daily. I have no energy to unsubscribe to them all. Get daily “memories” on Facebook of Christian stuff I posted, daily devotional..etc. I don’t know what to do....
  8. For me it was a lot of unanswered questions I pushed at the back of my brain and what you wrote about ... same for me. I just then suddenly was like “this is it” and overnight I was no longer a Christian. I still think about god daily..fear he’ll and have guilt and stuff but feel such a weight off my shoulders now. It’s a load of bull. Nothing is consistent or matches up in the bible. I don’t believe god is loving or makes one happy at all. Didn’t make me happy.
  9. Those tv evangelists are the biggest con men..but they do it well.
  10. Christmas is so gag worthy. Stepfather watched some Christian stuff. Felt sick.
  11. https://bible.org/seriespage/4-elisha-and-two-bears-2-kings-223-25 ?? I mean..what? And this.. it triggers a sense of ptsd in me. Believe it contributed to religious ocd https://biblehub.com/matthew/16-24.htm https://biblehub.com/luke/9-23.htm And this it made me terrified and scared https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sheep_and_the_Goats apparently it’s good to be scared and terrified of god and shows a respect and you must be scared etc.. Some verses make me feel physically sick when I read them. It wasn’t ever a happy time for me.
  12. “Why do you call me good! There is none good but god” ”and Jesus cursed the fig tree” (all because it wasn’t in season) Oh and the 144000..... ?? If Christianity is meant to be fulfilling why isn’t it fulfilling and full of more questions than answers? That’s what I wanna know!
  13. I went around delivering those money notes with verses on them about salvation......
  14. One of my many confusions..such as Jesus being God in the flesh and somehow “praying” to God... I.E himself. Soooo much confusion
  15. I am unsure. I’m trying to get into jewellery making but can’t where I live due to chemical fumes. It’s something I’m into but seems very expensive. I want to make cute kawaii jewellery to sell. I thought about stamp collecting but I’m only interested in certain types of stamps. Japanese or floral designs in particular. I cant paint or do any Arty stuff... I’m clumsy!. I tried origami but I’m sooooo bad at that. I want to make cherry blossom crafts or something with a Japanese or a floral design if I can. Not into knitting or sewing I’ve had so many bad experiences with that. I did do dot to dot books and also have tried sticker by number which was ok but frustrating these two hobbies. Don’t find them peaceful. I am trying sticker collecting right now. Trying to finish an album. I have tried anime but it just doesn’t hold my interest. I’ve seen a few j movies which were ok. Not into Japanese movies apart from the ones I saw. I might see “your name”. I was never much into Studio Ghibli. I used to like Kiki’s delivery service and Arrietty (was a big fan of that).i liked “when marnie was there” and “whisper of the heart” I used to like several movies and also period drama movies. I used to be huge into pokemon, digimon... I might see Mirai when it comes out. And might see Mary and the witch’s flower. I used to love barbie movies. I also tried “whipple” a craft set a few years ago.. went everywhere... looked awful lol. Never had luck with kits. The whipple originates from Japan.. no surprise there. I am buying a hemp bracelet kit or picture bracelet kit soon. No doubt going to fail. I like craft stuff but I’m no good at it! I also tried paper flowers years ago but it was a fail too. i did consider geocaching but not into that idea it seems kinda dangerous and I can’t travel. I play onlline bingo and the app of cooking mama (Japanese origin too lol). It’s casual and ok for me. Will delete cooking mama soon because it’s just the same recipes every day. If if anyone knows any Japanese games I’ll try them out. I seem to gravitate towards Japanese stuff for some reason As for exercise I’m very weak, tired and have trouble even moving due to exhaustion. I want to do it but it’s hard. I want to go for daily walks. I had planned an hour a day but it didn’t work. I also have tried learning japanese but I’m not a good learner and it’s incredibly hard for me.... just not interested enough either. I would like to know it but it’s overwhelming learning a language. I did attempt learning Italian which I did like..but abandoned that for my faith. I found it an interesting language. I used to own tamagotchis. I’ve been wanting to try animal crossing for a few years and Mario kart and Nintendo in general as I didn’t grow up with it and feel I missed out. I want to play something with princess peach.
  16. I worried daily I was being unpleasing and was angering god. I felt scared, ashamed and terrified. I thought if I sinned and died suddenly I’d go to hell. It was not a religion of peace.
  17. “Do good to your enemies” no.. just no. Doing so means you get exploited and people think you are gullible and a pushover
  18. That was one thing I always questioned..why doesn’t god speak like he did to people in the bible? They heard him audibly... and the healing! No Christian ever answers directly... all they say is “oh he does speak, you aren’t listening!”
  19. Hello everyone I’m trying to find myself after Christianity. I’m trying to find interests. I lost them all due to me thinking it was “idolatry” I suffer from depression on top of things so it’s making it hard. Also physical health issues. I used to be into several tv shows and some kpop and I have recently tried to listen to that again, after ditching it in forsake of Jesus. I like the music but it doesn’t make me feel good like it used to. I’ve lost that side of me. Jpop doesn’t appeal to me at all anymore and I was into that a lot. I have no desire to see the tv shows again as they make me feel sick to think about. I trashed the dvds, films etc and don’t feel right about it as they were huge parts of my life which did destroy me as well.. it became obsessive and one caused issues in my life I don’t care to discuss. I feel they are just not “me” anymore. I did try a tv show and finished the season but just..meh... you know? It just isn’tthere for me anymore. The elements in it that go against Christianity bug me inside. I also have started an online game I used to play which I find an average sense of enjoyment in. I ditched that and pretty much destroyed it due to me thinking it was an “idol”. It’s ok but can’t play it all day. I also have tried a film genre I was kinda into. Not a lot but I have seen two or 3 movies in full in this genre since my deconversion. I have no interest in anymore. Seen trailers and just the ones I saw were ok. I really want to find a tv show to binge on or something but it just isn’t working I’m really into Japan and want to find some Japanese interest.... I am not into anime at all. I have tried to find an anime , I just find it an interesting country and I like the politeness, cherry blossoms, scenery, shops, fashion, stuffed animals... I like Sanrio as well a lot. But these aren’t “hobbies”. I tried colouring books but they just frustrate me. I used to be into sticker collecting... which I will try to get into but I have a limited interest in stickers so it’s not something to spend lots of time on. I trashed many of my albums due to thinking it was “evil” what I was collecting (I thought Disney was 666 and wicked.. I had many Disney stickers I spent so much money on..hundreds!). A time long ago I was into pokemon but I think I lost interest in that due to the voice actor change. I tried to get into period drama movies but I just am not finding myself drawn to them. I was into them. I have an interest in healthy diets and do try to eat healthy every single day. Does anyone have any idea on how to find hobbies? I am meant to go walking for health but I’m really rundown and sick right now.
  20. Conflicting verses saying something is right there and wrong there drove me up the wall!
  21. I now swear releasing anger and feel I can now enjoy myself. I watched a cartoon with magic and feel I no longer have guilt and pain inside me anymore. I feel I don’t have to live a certain way or please God. I have stopped crying and screaming at God for answers. I have stopped praying and feel so liberated!
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