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jupiter789

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About jupiter789

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    Questioner

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Kansas
  • Interests
    martial arts, computer games, science, history, music, frisbee golf
  • More About Me
    I am a 38 year old native Kansan. I've always been a thinker, but I'm also an intense feeler. My feeling side has brought me to this website. I feel lost in a sea of delusional people! I guess I'm looking for some kind of life raft? I think I'm just here for catharsis and, maybe, to confirm I'm not the only one.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    agnostic

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  1. Really good point! Yes, Christianity is truly a collage of older religious thought. Hinduism is, what, 4000 years ago? Christianity is less than 2000. C'mon!!!! The real mystery is how the hell they cobbled Christianity together and forced it on the masses successfully for all these years.
  2. The short answer is YES. I am so sorry for everything you are going through! Truly welcome! I hope you find comfort and more answers here! I understand being angry. My reasons or I guess, personal situation is different from yours, but I do understand the anxiety. Have you looked into the concept of Scrupulosity or Religious OCD? I'm not suggesting you have OCD - I am definitely not a medical professional. From someone who has OCD, I think you might find the information useful, though, in regards to the source of your anxiety. I also grew up in a very conservative, fundamentalist family. Most of my life I went to Christian schools, too. My miseducation and also the influences of my family kept me from being able to properly deal with my anxiety and obsessive thoughts and compulsions. Ritual is such a part of these cults! Obsessive prayer is also encouraged even when it could be seen as a bad thing, damaging especially a developing minds psyche. The biggest kicker for me happened after I had graduated from college. I majored in History. Ok, so, I decided, if Jesus was a real person, I could do a legitimate research paper on him. Right? Wrong. There are no legit, citable sources that give us any information about a real person, Jesus Christ. If anything, there is more evidence showing how the religion was cobbled together from existing spirituality cults of the time. They just rewrote and combined old stories. It's really incredible! I never thought I'd discover he never really existed. I mean. At this point, I didn't even believe in hell, but to think that all of it is bunk!!!! None of them were real!!!! I was super super angry. Still am. Working on it. But I have made major breakthroughs with my anxiety and OCD. It's pretty remarkable. It's like my brain was fighting itself. I mean, to be in a state of constant cognitive dissonance was incredibly painful! I'm still struggling, don't get me wrong. But now, I no longer worry that I could actually be possessed by a demon. I no longer care about things I did in the past that other people viewed as sinful. (and I have stories that would curl your hair, lol) Because their opinions are absolutely not based on 'God's word.' That is misguided man's word. Christians have twisted most of the good out of it, too, if you ask me. About the only person I see acting truly Christian these days is the friggin Pope. (and he believes in climate change) (also, no I was never Catholic) At any rate, I truly get how your mind can twist in on you. However, the more you view their ways as arbitrary and pointless, the better off you will become. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong! You are on the right path! You're on your path.
  3. Hey that's pretty cool! I did about three years CRCA style Wing Chun, a year or so of Karate (I wanted to learn staff), and I used to do Tai Chi. My significant other has been training for years. He's into Aikido, Wing Chun, and general MMA style fighting. It keeps us in shape
  4. I had an experience with Mary Kay. Freaked me out. They wanted me to take out a loan to pay for the starter package since I had no income at the time. All I can say is the lady that brought me into it had such a greedy look on her face when her supervisor (or whatever) tried to get me to get the loan. I ended up agreeing just to get out of there, and then I ghosted them :). I thought it was kind of sick.
  5. Hey! I took this survey yesterday! It popped up in my Twitter feed.
  6. I convinced one of my friends that she needed to tell one of our other friends that she thought she was a lesbian. We all went to a fairly conservative protestant Christian high school. I didn't even go to school with them anymore. I went to public school my senior year. (one victory I did win with my folks, but that's another story) Needless to say, I was much more open to my friend being a lesbian than my other friend turned out to be. It ended up ruining all of our friendships and it actually got my friend in trouble with the Christian school. Good times! I seem dispassionate now because that was twenty years ago for me! Would I have done things differently? Oh, probably. Hindsight, twenty twenty and all that. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. As for the God thing...I am adamantly not Christian anymore, but I at least accept that there is a concept of "God" that my psyche interacts with thus comforting me some of the time and "moral compassing" me at others. I'm open at this point to the idea that this "God" concept is possibly a figment of my said imagination, (I mean psyche!) therefore making me essentially my own God??? I can say at this point, it doesn't matter to me how we came to be the emotional, thinking beings that we are. We are incredible! If you hold an idea of God or feel God in nature, then I think there is some interaction there. Whatever conclusions you find, do try to forgive yourself. (remember, you could be God) Try telling yourself what you used to tell God. See what happens. Best of luck, you wised up a lot earlier than I did. I take it as a sign of encouragement for our society.
  7. My family still is a cult. Somehow I get to sit on the fringes. I get by with pseudo spiritual cross talk or outright deflections. Sports works every time. I think I am allowed this freedom because deep down my Dad knows he's really really wrong. That said, I've never plainly told them I don't believe anymore. I let them assume what they will. I'm terrified of the fall out if I do plainly speak out. It's not my job to save them. I had to come to terms with that realization. Don't think I quite have yet. A child shouldn't have to teach their parent.
  8. I have kept three. I have one I never open and feel I should burn from when I was a child up to early teens. I have a second one that my folks bought me when I started high school. It didn't get used nearly as much as the first - I figure by high school I was already on my way out, lol. The blank pages at the back got used to roll joints, though, in desperate uh, recreational moments during college. The other copy I have is one that contains the Apocrypha because at some point during my high school years I thought maybe the Catholics had info that I hadn't encountered yet. (They did not.) Anybody else have to get rid of scads of those little Gideon Bibles. I started refusing them even before I quit believing because I knew I already had a dozen. Ha. Good times.
  9. Welcome!!! I hope you find comfort in our posts on this site. I remember coming on this site and reading posts well before I fully deconverted, (skulking in the background ). Last year, when I did finally come to my own very drawn out conclusion that Jesus never existed, Christianity is a man made myth, and man, himself, really really f'd things up, I joined this site. I was so angry the night that I joined! I remember freaking out because I had to wait to post (totally understand guys, I was just in the moment). It was a good thing that I did have to wait. The post I would have wrote that first night would've been awful! Once I was able to post, though, I tried three different times before I could actually write anything! I just sat at my computer and cried. My initial elation at realizing the religion is bunk, had quickly turned into a white hot anger. I feel so deceived!! Like most, I was only a child (barely remember) when I "accepted" this religion. I think we tend to put on blinders (that for me never really worked) and, like you clearly illustrated, play along with our Christian families. My Dad thinks he's a prophet for crying out loud. I am really proud of you for telling your family. Unfortunately, I am a total chicken shit and can't even fathom that discussion. I know how they (ok, mainly my Dad, but my family always backs him) would react. I've tried to broach other controversial topics tentatively in the past and it has gone over like a ton of bricks, really angry bricks. I haven't believed there actually is a hell for years now. I also had rationalized that the Bible couldn't possibly say what it does about the LGBTQ+ community, man had messed that up, too. It did make some sense to me. Hell seems to come from older religions. The Jewish people didn't believe in hell until they were influenced by the Zoroastrians. Pretty sure some eastern religions have a hell concept, too. Gay people could have been a target because of the excesses of Greece or Persia? Maybe? Historically, if you wanted to get rid of a minority group - you demonize them and make their practices illegal (and often worthy of death). Kind of fits along with the history of Christianity (the actual history, not the bullhonky they like to spout), at least that's what I have come to think. Anyway, I wanted to meet my family on middle ground. I've realized with sadness that I don't think there is one. My family still definitely believe in a hell, and gay people are possessed by demons. Yeah, that's just great. Try to be patient with yourself and how you feel your upbringing has held you back. I'm sure a lot of us can commiserate. I'm hoping this will all get better with time. Maybe time will help me figure out a better way to express myself more authentically to the world. For now, there are these forums. YouTube has some really good channels also. I personally enjoy AronRa, The Thinking Atheist (Seth Andrews), The Atheist Experience (Matt Dillahunty) and Mr. Atheist (Jimmy Snow). There are many others! Ok, sorry, now, I've wrote you a book. Hang in there, though, and good luck!
  10. Yes! Well put. My Grandfather is WWII vet, Midwestern Christian, Republican. However, the actions of his lifetime would prove him a staunch moderate. He once told me "I don't know what's wrong with your Dad. I surely didn't teach him all that..." My Dad is a fundamentalist conservative that found his calling as a self-proclaimed prophet and teacher to all man kind. None of us, according to him, know better than my Dad. I'm being a bit dramatic for the sake of humor, but the mind set is truly terrifying. He'd be all about this "Last Reformation."
  11. My first inclination is to scream YES and run around the room crying "they're all complicit, they're all complicit." After I take a step back and admit that I was in fact scarred by fundamentalists I present you with this working theory: A lot of people follow the ideological/theological lead of the majority of the persons that surround them. There are a lot of Christians in the United States (I think less so? in UK - seems more secular, anyhow). The larger the number of people in one main group/religion, the greater the likelihood that fringe groups or radical factions will form around said main group/religion. Thus the bad apple fundies. Most "normal" Christians are societal chicken shits that would rather just go along with things than really think about what they are doing. So the main-streamers don't ever really confront the fundies (unless someone shoots the abortion doctor, killing is wrong and all that). To be clear, I view all fundies as bad apples, but they are the apples that fell first from the damned sacred tree, and all Christians are still looking at that same damned tree. So are all Christians really fundies?
  12. Hi Fuego! I was just looking over my old posts, and I reread yours. I recently spent some time with my significant other's niece. She was raised in Texas, super conservative, too. We hadn't seen her for about 8 years or so, as a teen, she was very Christian. She's about 22ish now - still young and now AGNOSTIC. She found her truth. I have hope! (especially if they are readers, we can't help ourselves :) )
  13. I thought my family had some integrity until this stupid election cycle. The thought that my uber-conservative evangelical father voted for Mr. 'Grab Em By The Pussy' is a literal affront to my sanity. I can't believe I had a conversation with my Dad where that phrase could even be used in context!! (it would've been really funny but it wasn't) Now he tries to convince me that Trump is different, he found Christ (not God, but Christ - it's always Christ. Christ, Christy cult!). I do apologize, friends out there beyond our shores!! America has sort of lost their heads politically speaking. I don't know when we will be putting them back on right. It's very up in the air at the moment. Half the country refuses to do anything but speak out of their ass, and unfortunately that side seems to be in charge right now. The other half is frankly all thumbs it appears - they're there, but not much more than a bulwark. Gotta hand it to American politics, though. Without the fail safe of the House of Representatives, this country would be going completely off the rails. Silver lining I suppose :). So pop some popcorn and pull up the internet because it's presidential primary season and here we go again! (Andrew Yang for President 2020!!!!!!)
  14. It's amazing how once we allow ourselves to really think it out the blocks kind of fall into place and spell it out for you. I feel like I knew something wasn't right for a really long time. I was just too afraid to allow myself to look into it. (Ahem, yay internet!) It's bigger than the advent of the internet, though. The internet just gives us access to the correct information a lot easier. I mean, I got a degree in history at a real brick and mortar school with a good library. I had great resources. I researched topics that danced all over the ancient world and I never looked that way. It took me eight years after graduation basically to let myself use the skills I learned to show myself what I already knew. Welcome to the group! I hope you find any answers you still seek and some comfort in numbers at least. Hang in there!
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