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About jupiter789

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    martial arts, computer games, science, history, music, frisbee golf
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    I am a 38 year old native Kansan. I've always been a thinker, but I'm also an intense feeler. My feeling side has brought me to this website. I feel lost in a sea of delusional people! I guess I'm looking for some kind of life raft? I think I'm just here for catharsis and, maybe, to confirm I'm not the only one.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. My family still is a cult. Somehow I get to sit on the fringes. I get by with pseudo spiritual cross talk or outright deflections. Sports works every time. I think I am allowed this freedom because deep down my Dad knows he's really really wrong. That said, I've never plainly told them I don't believe anymore. I let them assume what they will. I'm terrified of the fall out if I do plainly speak out. It's not my job to save them. I had to come to terms with that realization. Don't think I quite have yet. A child shouldn't have to teach their parent.
  2. I have kept three. I have one I never open and feel I should burn from when I was a child up to early teens. I have a second one that my folks bought me when I started high school. It didn't get used nearly as much as the first - I figure by high school I was already on my way out, lol. The blank pages at the back got used to roll joints, though, in desperate uh, recreational moments during college. The other copy I have is one that contains the Apocrypha because at some point during my high school years I thought maybe the Catholics had info that I hadn't encountered yet. (They did not.) Anybody else have to get rid of scads of those little Gideon Bibles. I started refusing them even before I quit believing because I knew I already had a dozen. Ha. Good times.
  3. Welcome!!! I hope you find comfort in our posts on this site. I remember coming on this site and reading posts well before I fully deconverted, (skulking in the background ). Last year, when I did finally come to my own very drawn out conclusion that Jesus never existed, Christianity is a man made myth, and man, himself, really really f'd things up, I joined this site. I was so angry the night that I joined! I remember freaking out because I had to wait to post (totally understand guys, I was just in the moment). It was a good thing that I did have to wait. The post I would have wrote that first night would've been awful! Once I was able to post, though, I tried three different times before I could actually write anything! I just sat at my computer and cried. My initial elation at realizing the religion is bunk, had quickly turned into a white hot anger. I feel so deceived!! Like most, I was only a child (barely remember) when I "accepted" this religion. I think we tend to put on blinders (that for me never really worked) and, like you clearly illustrated, play along with our Christian families. My Dad thinks he's a prophet for crying out loud. I am really proud of you for telling your family. Unfortunately, I am a total chicken shit and can't even fathom that discussion. I know how they (ok, mainly my Dad, but my family always backs him) would react. I've tried to broach other controversial topics tentatively in the past and it has gone over like a ton of bricks, really angry bricks. I haven't believed there actually is a hell for years now. I also had rationalized that the Bible couldn't possibly say what it does about the LGBTQ+ community, man had messed that up, too. It did make some sense to me. Hell seems to come from older religions. The Jewish people didn't believe in hell until they were influenced by the Zoroastrians. Pretty sure some eastern religions have a hell concept, too. Gay people could have been a target because of the excesses of Greece or Persia? Maybe? Historically, if you wanted to get rid of a minority group - you demonize them and make their practices illegal (and often worthy of death). Kind of fits along with the history of Christianity (the actual history, not the bullhonky they like to spout), at least that's what I have come to think. Anyway, I wanted to meet my family on middle ground. I've realized with sadness that I don't think there is one. My family still definitely believe in a hell, and gay people are possessed by demons. Yeah, that's just great. Try to be patient with yourself and how you feel your upbringing has held you back. I'm sure a lot of us can commiserate. I'm hoping this will all get better with time. Maybe time will help me figure out a better way to express myself more authentically to the world. For now, there are these forums. YouTube has some really good channels also. I personally enjoy AronRa, The Thinking Atheist (Seth Andrews), The Atheist Experience (Matt Dillahunty) and Mr. Atheist (Jimmy Snow). There are many others! Ok, sorry, now, I've wrote you a book. Hang in there, though, and good luck!
  4. Yes! Well put. My Grandfather is WWII vet, Midwestern Christian, Republican. However, the actions of his lifetime would prove him a staunch moderate. He once told me "I don't know what's wrong with your Dad. I surely didn't teach him all that..." My Dad is a fundamentalist conservative that found his calling as a self-proclaimed prophet and teacher to all man kind. None of us, according to him, know better than my Dad. I'm being a bit dramatic for the sake of humor, but the mind set is truly terrifying. He'd be all about this "Last Reformation."
  5. My first inclination is to scream YES and run around the room crying "they're all complicit, they're all complicit." After I take a step back and admit that I was in fact scarred by fundamentalists I present you with this working theory: A lot of people follow the ideological/theological lead of the majority of the persons that surround them. There are a lot of Christians in the United States (I think less so? in UK - seems more secular, anyhow). The larger the number of people in one main group/religion, the greater the likelihood that fringe groups or radical factions will form around said main group/religion. Thus the bad apple fundies. Most "normal" Christians are societal chicken shits that would rather just go along with things than really think about what they are doing. So the main-streamers don't ever really confront the fundies (unless someone shoots the abortion doctor, killing is wrong and all that). To be clear, I view all fundies as bad apples, but they are the apples that fell first from the damned sacred tree, and all Christians are still looking at that same damned tree. So are all Christians really fundies?
  6. Hi Fuego! I was just looking over my old posts, and I reread yours. I recently spent some time with my significant other's niece. She was raised in Texas, super conservative, too. We hadn't seen her for about 8 years or so, as a teen, she was very Christian. She's about 22ish now - still young and now AGNOSTIC. She found her truth. I have hope! (especially if they are readers, we can't help ourselves :) )
  7. I thought my family had some integrity until this stupid election cycle. The thought that my uber-conservative evangelical father voted for Mr. 'Grab Em By The Pussy' is a literal affront to my sanity. I can't believe I had a conversation with my Dad where that phrase could even be used in context!! (it would've been really funny but it wasn't) Now he tries to convince me that Trump is different, he found Christ (not God, but Christ - it's always Christ. Christ, Christy cult!). I do apologize, friends out there beyond our shores!! America has sort of lost their heads politically speaking. I don't know when we will be putting them back on right. It's very up in the air at the moment. Half the country refuses to do anything but speak out of their ass, and unfortunately that side seems to be in charge right now. The other half is frankly all thumbs it appears - they're there, but not much more than a bulwark. Gotta hand it to American politics, though. Without the fail safe of the House of Representatives, this country would be going completely off the rails. Silver lining I suppose :). So pop some popcorn and pull up the internet because it's presidential primary season and here we go again! (Andrew Yang for President 2020!!!!!!)
  8. It's amazing how once we allow ourselves to really think it out the blocks kind of fall into place and spell it out for you. I feel like I knew something wasn't right for a really long time. I was just too afraid to allow myself to look into it. (Ahem, yay internet!) It's bigger than the advent of the internet, though. The internet just gives us access to the correct information a lot easier. I mean, I got a degree in history at a real brick and mortar school with a good library. I had great resources. I researched topics that danced all over the ancient world and I never looked that way. It took me eight years after graduation basically to let myself use the skills I learned to show myself what I already knew. Welcome to the group! I hope you find any answers you still seek and some comfort in numbers at least. Hang in there!
  9. Thank you and welcome! I completely agree about the letting go emotionally - I have some rage issues :) Getting it down on paper in a forum that wouldn't try to intervention me back to Christianity was really helpful!
  10. I fully agree. Perfect moment for the red pill, blue pill question. NO. I would not go back. Uh, "lean [yea] on my own understanding" is soooo much better! Cognitive dissonance is bad for humans. At the very least it causes significant stress and makes us do crazy things.
  11. I have many incredibly smart family members who have infected my facebook feed with Christian nonsense. I almost never go on the site. I have a disguised twitter account I hope is never discovered. I am utterly taken aback, though, by the huge blind spots and logic holes in their arguments. My best example is how my family views evolution. I was actually raised by Christian parents that believed in evolution. God directed it, but I was allowed to accept science like the rest of the educated world without being berated. Now, though, if I try to discuss climate change with them??? Sigh. Shoulder slump...I don't get it. They're not dumb, but they're acting rreeaaallly dumb. It's a type of willful ignorance that is quite dangerous as we can all see. Hello Facebook! Great post!
  12. Hey all! I fully realize it is February 21, but I think I'm ready to talk about Christmas. I finally posted on this site the first week of December last year. It was an emotional, rambling post that pretty much said what I wanted to say. I'm sure some of the rest of you can relate to how you felt trying to articulate your feelings after realizing how many lies you had previously swallowed! I didn't mean to let two months go by, though, before I posted again. But, as we got closer and closer to Christmas, that gawd-awful American tradition of Christmasing everything to death just about did me in! Everywhere I looked people were "in the Christmas spirit" and "put the Christ in Christmas." The problem for me, to be quite honest, was the "Christ" part of Christmas! I used to LOVE Christmas! I already knew the origin of Christ Mass and all it's gory history. I know the pagan stories of the death of the God. I absolutely love Christmas trees and mistletoe and caroling and all the rest of the fun pagan traditions that you can celebrate under the guise of conventional religion! However, when my brain fully clicked that Jesus Christ was a man-made work of fiction, it was like I pulled the wrong piece in Jenga and the whole damn tower came tumbling down. See, I had allowed myself to sit in the middle ground between belief and total disbelief for way too long. I believed hell was bogus, the Bible was a disaster, and man had gone way too far mucking up Christianity for me to take most of it too seriously, but I did believe Jesus was real. I didn't even really think he was supernatural exactly, but I thought he was blessed somehow. I never expected his story to be a totally fabricated collaboration for the masses. I thought my current "beliefs" about ancient times were tempered with actual knowledge. I studied anthropology and history at a public college. But, I didn't really allow myself to fully look into the taboo topic until this last year. I kind of went along with my half beliefs and pushed my skeptics curious voice deep into the back of my psyche. Ha, maybe Trump was good for something. I think watching this country devolve into some sort of psychotic fifties flashback sent me straight down that theohistocratic rabbit hole. I no longer cared what I found out. I just wanted to look for myself. So I started digging, and I found nothing. Nothing. Nothing that you could legitimately use as a historical source. None of it holds up! For crying out loud, I could've done a historical paper on Dracula before I could have done a paper on Jesus Christ. At least Vlad, there, was based on one, real person! Sure you could possibly blend together one Christ out of all the Jesus Christs, Christ! Not really. I feel like my scenario is why a lot of Christians don't like academia. When I applied the knowledge I gathered as a History major to a topic that should have sources out the wazoo for how big of an event it supposedly was... "And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose..." (Matthew 51:52). Uh, just the temple thing is a pretty big deal - the Jewish scribes would definitely have written that down - but earthquakes and zombies?! Those zombies would've been mentioned by somebody else. We did know how to write back then. Not a lot of people did, but I think zombies would've made it onto a plaque or scroll or something. What is it with humans and zombies. We do seem to have a strange obsession with the dead. So the reason for the season so to speak became a figment of my imagination. Christmas got really hard to deal with for me all of a sudden. I had to wear earbuds in stores because I could not stand the Christmas music. I mean, yes, it's annoying every year, but I felt tortured. All those stupid sayings and religious decorations seemed to be everywhere. Of course they were everywhere. It's Christmas in the Midwest. I did put up a Christmas tree. I played Scottish music while I did. It was nice. The year before it was Manheim Steamroller, but this year I didn't want to hear any of those familiar melodies. At least I wasn't really expected to go to church! (I haven't gone in years, but I used to show up on Palm Sunday - I like the procession of all the kids - it's cute! It made my Mom happy. I won't be doing that this year.) Years back though, the minister of my parents church ruined the Christmas services for me. At the Christmas Eve service where we're mostly supposed to share the Christmas story, light candles, and sing Silent Night - he decided it would be a good idea to do the sermon "What if Mary had decided to have an abortion?" I kid you not. Seeing my family ended up feeling like an obligation to go to an event I didn't want to be a part of. It wasn't terrible, but it felt so hollow. I felt like an impostor. I felt like I was pretending to enjoy something for the sake of those around me. Because that was exactly what I was doing! I didn't want to celebrate Christmas. I could've celebrated Yuletide with my Yule Tree and been completely happy not saying Merry Christmas to anyone around me. But instead, I fakely participated. I think a lot of my emotions (or lack there of) were caused by the freshness of my recent and devastating realizations. It wasn't all bad, though! Have you guys listened to "A Skeptical Christmas" with Seth Andrews and Matt Dillahunty? Great information and highly entertaining! So, did anybody else have a weird Christmas this year? How did you guys cope with the fallout, I mean festivities? At any rate, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Sincerely, though, I hope the rest of you had a good holiday season! I'll try not to wait two months before I post something again. Take care everybody!
  13. Hi Derek, Glad to be here! Sorry to respond two months laterish - I absolutely agree about weight lifting. We also have a heavy bag I've used that a bit. Thanks for the response!
  14. Thank you all so much for your replies!! I appreciate the link to Journey Free, TruthSeeker0, and all of the other recommendations. It looks like a lot of us have googled our way to the same sources. It's really comforting (and infuriating - there's that anger again) that so many of us have had such similar experiences. My heart aches for some of you all that are in a much worse place than I find myself. I feel like I'm stuck in the "Christian" closet even though I long ago stopped going to church. My family hopes America becomes a Christian Theocracy. That dystopia would be my worst nightmare. Anybody else who's new feel suspended or detached or not so much out of body but outside of everybody? I do live in the Midwest. It's Christmas time, so, I'm surrounded by it. I guess that could be part of it. Anyway, thanks so much guys, it means a lot!
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