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Myrkhoos

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About Myrkhoos

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    Doubter

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    reading, philosophy, foreign languages
  • More About Me
    Film school graduate from Romania, wandered through monasteries, had and have some psychological problems.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I have no idea

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  1. The explanation I heard from the Orthodox is that God has pre knowledge, but he does not predetermine anything. A somewhat poor exemple would be you know your friend very well, and if he goes into a bar, you know exactly what type of drink he is going to have, even though he is free in choosing. Of course this has other problems, namely that free will is constrained as we can easily see. I cannot choose to grow wings, or even to instantly have a deeper voice. So people do not have absolute free will from the start. I suspect that could not even exist, as it means the non existence of anything, In order to be limitless, the choices have to be limiteless, but if something exists, even if it that is infinite, it still has some kind of way of being, as you have a way of being, so you are limited by that. Limitless in that sense means non existence, but that means you could not be in order to exercise will, so that will vanishes. I feel that practically, the kind of free will most christians think they have is an unexamined illusion.
  2. I would say that myths and allegories usually portray a lot of meaning. A myth without meaning is fruitless and frustratring though.
  3. Well, this might be something from childhood, but in the church the perfectionism and falsity I had to go through and still do tome extant was truly exhuasting. Always be bearing, patient, kind, etc, always being ideal, and always having to say I am the worst. I have a profound people pleasing stuff goung one, and I am horrified of rejection. Even here, saying what I think about some issues, what I feel sends out a death signal in my soul, like STOP STOP; PRENTEND everything is ok when it is not at all. No help from the community,, i am exaggerating but little helpt for th excruciating anxiety and pressure to satisfy the leaders and the almighty god figure. The always be pleasing to God stuff, be pleasing to God, God has to be pleased, God has to like you, got hates sin, you are sinner, so god hates you but he loves you and you drink the blood of a a god man in the form of magic bread and wine. Again, things might be other than this, but this is the image I was confronted to, not some mystical higher interpretation. Now seeing a priest or any kind of contact with christianity, only that thought seems terryfing and I feel the dread in my whole body. Promised eternal love and got PTSD. A fair deal, amirite? And even the idea of offeding or displeasing anyone, especially my parents or priests seems gruesome to me. So much fear bottled up, on top of enourmours rage and grief.I just to cry repeatdly How could this have happened?
  4. I am aware of that issue in a way it is not hypocrisy as a foetus has not done anything worth of criminal punishment. Anyway for me the issue of ethics is really complicated in general not inly on this issue. And Carlin is a comedian. I laugh but I don t get mu ethics advice from him. On topic. Religions have their own reality definitions. Bear in mind that modern egalitarianism had its own set of these. You, fuego, are acting like a guide or translator. Tough job. God speed to you sir
  5. I wanted to say something similar, but this is just a great thread. I tried to go to church today, as I try and this priest, commenting on the parable of the paralytic near Bethesda who did not have anyone to thow him in the miracle water commented that he was just trying to find excuses and not accept his own responsability and blame. I just got out. What in the name of...blaming a paralytic because he cannot walk to the holy water that just heals one guy and one guy only from time to time? And today, a friend suggested going to a monastery I wanted to go for a long time and ask some honest questions. Even now I can feel the anxiety. Before, I thought these were the devils attacking and not letting me go to church. Guess what, even with all the prayer, communion and repetence and confession and excorcism rituals, those devils did not go away! They were traumatised parts of myself. The level of anxiety and confusion is heart wrenching! Such cruelty as in the church of love and compassion I have seldom seen, such brainwashing and stupidiity in the church of the wise have I rarely experienced! And with such hipocrisy and pretensiousness! The absurdity, that feeling of a bad show and people just barely trying to hold it together on the promise of some future happiness...talk about phooey..The God that loves people with suffering! Take that, mister and figure that out! Such pain! Buddhists and atheists have been nicer to me. The guilting, the shaming, the scaring, the broken promises, the cognitive dissonance and bullshit, the getting everything you want from the bible, it is just astounding! I have developped such a radar and mistrust of ideology wherever it may rear its ugly head, from politics to lgbt, to muslims, to christians, to therapy, to everywhere. Stop deceiving me! I want to cry in front of the world, stop deceiving me, stop pressuring me , stop forcing me, stop making me believe aburd things, stop thought policing me, stop loving me like a rapist loves his victim and an abusive husband loves his wife! Christianity may be true, but this image of God, as an insecure abusive psycho seems the dream of a traumatised infant who later became an abusive narcissist. He commands you to love him for crying out loud! Commands you! And if you do not, he sends you to Hell. I cannot even stand this God, this criminal who is supposed to have created me just to please him...Zeus seems to be a good guy, and he also had a half man half god son, Hercules. I am so afraid, than when I see a priest, I flinch. I have been so abused and misued and even exploited by some priests, no wonder. I cam in the Church confided and afraid and alone, hoping to escape from a dreary and hyocritical consumerist society and family issues, and got more confused, more afraid, more alone, more close to hypocrisy and personal issues. My problems deepened and worsened exponentially, the did no heal. When I hear Christianity or Christian I just get nervous, like my body reacting automatically. It seems a lot of modern christianity has nothing to do with the weak and the sick, and a whole lot with empty talk and petty illusion and gratifications. Like giving some orphans some cake on Christimas. Good, now you can go back to your pretty comfortable family while the other people are taken care of by God...but those orphans can fight over those cakes right then. Such lack of reality. Dissapointed and hurt from the core of my being! Just cannot take the obvious stupidity! Like a priest hailing a miracle, when another priest after an accident that left him paralyzed for six months and with pain and a lot of depression, got magically healed , almost totally, during a service! Where was that God BEFORE? he let him torment himself and then acted? That is a sign of a mercy? He could have done anything, and waited six months? What the fuck? This is supposed to convince me?My God....the sheeple. Is it innocence or just plain self delusion? hard to tell.
  6. Well it is, on the surface, a very different value system. But just a personal note, as I previously said on the forum, I tend to be against anti abortion laws as right now I see that the foetus, at any age, is a person just like person. There are secular views on the issue as well. It is not a woman s right to choose over her body, it is about choosing about another human being s life. And society, in about just every culture on earth tended to hand over authority, political and military, to a group of men because, frankly, men are and were stronger physically than women and women had to take care of young children. So before the invention of technology, it would have been a great problem to actually have the time and strength for politics and military - with the notable exceptions like queens. But I do suspect a lot of wives did wield a whole lot of influence on their husbands and the state. This is my superficial view about this issue. I mean, until very recently, there was not even a consesus in the West about slavery and segregation of toilets for negroes in the American South. So....I would not just put this on christianity, and more on the state of nature at that point. I mean, in nature, usually the strongest gets all the authority, so...it is, to some degree, an issue of power.
  7. Hmm, you know what is interesting? In the eastern orthodox mystic tradition visions are to be regarded with utmost reserve and skepticism. They even claim that most of the time they are dreams, wild overworking imagination so a product of the human or demonic mind. They consider some visions real but if you had this kind of experience it would not be inmediately thought of, by experienced elders, as divine or supernatural. Interesting to see that these people in the desert and forests were well aware of the posibilities of the human nature to produce these experiences. I became somewhat skeptic of personal experience and interpretation fron such mystical writings.
  8. I still bear the marks of that in my adult stint of christianity. Guilty of being hurt and defending myself. But looking closely at the gospels the weird thing is that Jesus seemed quite assertive. Even in his crucifiction he was downright defiant of the higher authorities, of pilate and the pharisee leaders. And he seemed determined like a man on a mission. When he was hit he even asked why he was hit. This image of the sweet lamb is really against the story in the gospel. At times he seemed like a revolted mature ram not a lamb. There is a mixture of messages and behaviours that seem opposite to each other. I mean this sweet lamb type god threatens people to banish them if they do not believe and whatnot. The Jesus of the Gospels is no pushover, like the prophets of Israel. Pretty tough at times.
  9. My exact thoughts. Especially as self defensive violence has been used and justified in Christianity. That or I suspect that they do not have absolute value. Like they are examoles of principles as in be generous and forberearing , but reality is of course more complex. I even heard an interpretation that many times literally accepting evil just makes the evil grow so you use violence not out of spite or revenge but of care for your opponent. Like incacerating a criminal stops him comitting sins. Like most everything in the NT , it is quite tricky to interpret and apply. The more I study and think the more trickier that book and all ancient religious books appear to me.
  10. My feeling now is that people set boundarirs according to beliefs ( belief in a broader sense of value system) it depends on your value system and his value system. I would not go so far as saying what a friend is because again that is depended upon the valur system. You might decide to cut him off, or him you. Relantionships seem to be dynamic exchanges. How you manage them is up to you.
  11. Yes, well maybe not the best word as I am not a clinician but going through therapy has showed me that religion just added tremendously to my fear and anxiety to the point of becomibg insane. The extreme pressure to conform or else, the interpretation of nu normal feelins like anger fear sadness jealousy or hapiness as either demonic or heavenly causing a fracture in my personality, the blunt demand for obedience, the rejection if my suffering, the cognitive dissonance of a loving patents who shows how love by giving me pain and that trials and tribulations are a sign of a great love and feeling good a sign of being abandoned my god, the lies about church history and the libes of saints, the big number of psychologycally ill people in the church, the wanting me to be just like a child and believe naively like a child, the mental gymnastic theologian writers maje, the dangerous idealism and denial of reality and living in imagination, these left scars that only now I can feel. I searched for guidance acceptance love and growth and got the opposite and for six years the church was like hell for me 95 percent of the time. The it is a sin to defend yourself and protect yourself part and you are supposed just to take and turn the other cheek.The scars are deep and massive and I am shocked to see how my experience in these vsrious religious communities I was transformed a sensutive trubled and naive young 22 young man in an almost lunatic trying to fulfill unrealistic standards. I guess that there are numerous religious people who feel rather consoled and supported by their belief system and community. Not my case whatsoever.
  12. Yeah that story. Well, a lot of explanations seems to be about power. People wanted power, or independent power, and Adonai , the God of the Jews, showed them who was the boss and that they should rely solely on him. To me, the whole narrative of obedience/rebellion seems unfit for a supreme being. Really, the whole point of existence is recognizing who's in charge and obeying? That just seems so psychologically damaged, like a wounded control freak of a person. I would imagine God is a very pleasant being to be around, not a power hungry tyrant. That is also why the whole "servant - master " dynamic seems weird as well. Al these things that have to do with control as the main element in the relationship between man and God, and that love is manifested firstly by unflinching submission from the creature side , and undisputed control and authority from the Creator. This seems strange for me. The idea that we are unworthy servants seems appaling. The idea that a supreme being creates beings just to be his servants, when he does not need servants , being all powerful and self sufficient seems absurd on top of that. The absurdity that if there is no evil, people do not have free will. Well, we should then allow poisons near little children and just tell them not to drink from them, and if they do, well, that was their choice. The absurdity of the fact that a life without the ability to reject God is not valuable. Such speculation. That kind of freedom just seems an unnecesary risk and gamble. If freedom has these kind of consequences when bilions may end up in eternal punishment, why do that? Is that really worth it? I personally would refuse to procreate if I was not sure of the salvation of my offspring. It just seems a complicated game. And again this is about power. God gave man the power to reject Him or accept Him. Man used his power wringly, and did not submit to God's power. Such talk about power, who has the power, who has the biggest power, between the devil and God there si a power struggle. It's more like political intrigue, past and present, than the celestial realms.
  13. That is why I wanted to end the discussion. thx for the heads up, though.
  14. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I think you are wrong here. There have been paradigm shifts in science before. Like quantum theory after mechanical theory of physics. There have been paradigm shifts in medicine - cancers cured by psychotherapy alone. And before that, the discovery that germs can cause or amplify diseases. But this discussion is going nowhere so we might just as well end it here. At least I will end it here. Thx for the talk.
  15. I would repeat the same advices. Having a intimate and very close relationship of any kind is only possible when people share the same core beliefs. Because to be intimate requires sharing your core. And if those conflict...well then you have conflict not union. Of course other degrees of relationships are possible.
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