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Everything posted by Myrkhoos

  1. Ok maybe I exaggerated here. Not having enough funds for medical expenses does tend to make one feel pretty emotional though :). Soo yeah...
  2. Welcome. Could you present in more detail your conversion experience? And what you think of it now? I ask because it is a very interesting subject and one I grapple with to this day and something you often see in christian testimonies. Personally, that bit in St Paul always struck me as strange, about women being silent in the church given that the Orthodox histories of saints comprise women missionaries and some orthodox romanian preachers greatly emphasized the role of women and especially mothers in educating their children. And that obedience thing...but as everything in church theology I cannot help but be puzzled at the moment.
  3. I know these tactics, that is why I asked about medication. Thanks for the resources, will check them out.
  4. I get that. I really do. It s still a pity though. You can help people who can only afford it , like one doctor said, the worried well or become bankrupt in order to acces healthcare. The money is there but the world spends a lot more on weapons to destroy than medicine to heal. But that is modern capitalism, a system based on greed delusion and hatred. In my country there is basic universal healthcare but the state funds are squeezed by corrupt and ignorant individuals with no general vision of healthcare in general. Or bad managers. They are now in political crisis where governments fell to the rate of 1 per six months or so or fast replacements of cabinet ministers. This what truly makes me sad. It is not always a matter of lack of resources, but a matter of corruption and bad management. The Romanian Church seems way better at managing its funds anyway, strangely enough ☺
  5. Hmm, funny thing there was a huge scandal involving ayahuashca in my country with some high ranking publolic servants illegally using it inside the country. Even an ex secret service guy. Thank you for your input. It is vaIuable as you have personal xp. have some big reservations about hallucinogenics though. Do you have any research material, or smth like that that I could look at? Even a library of testimonies. Sadly weed is illegal in my country. What a hypocrisy alcholol is legal although the death toll of it is obvious but weed is considered a dangerous drug.I would like some drug with sedating, calming and just slowing clarifying properties. By the way mental health help is sooo expensive . I mean really do you need to further burden and amplify the anxiety of some struggling with already too much mental hype?
  6. I seriously have a lot of trust issues with psychiatrists not familiar with religious/cult indoctrination to make that evaluation. I have read too many cases of cult related trauma regarded as full blown psychosis and that in a more developped country. Agree with the therapy thing, but was searching for something to help stabilize a bit while through something like that.
  7. Hello all, I have been considering psychiatric medication, especially something around anxiety, I went to some psychiatrists some time ago, but they did not really understood what was my problem and anxiety from some of my experiences from some traumatic episodes in religious settings. I am also searching for other means of coping , but was looking at this as a means of help. Has anyone used, uses them? What kind, side effects, how did you explain it to the psychiatrist? My biggest concern is that the doctors, not recognizing my issues, are going to give me wrong/innefective medication that will cause bad side effects and/or addiction. Thanks
  8. Hello, Mormonism...to me it seems like the movement and leader have a lot in common with Islam, but just a little more close to the original Christian notions. As you might know, early Christian thought Islam, and I agree, was a Christian heresy. Even such close watchers of Islam, as John Damascene, ex member of court of a caliph in the 8th century I think. Both meeting with an angels, both a quite military vision, both reclaiming poligamy at the beginning. Modern Islamic countries like Turkey also banned poligamy, by the way, from what I know.
  9. Douglas Murray madness of crowds. He also makes the argument that sjw type extreme thinking is the first new serious contender for a systematic replacement of religion. I mean safe space equals sacred space in a way. PS. It has been the warmest ever summer in recorded memory for me, in Romania. Was getting worried. Aske my grandmother of 86 if this ever happened before expecting a sure no . Got a yes. Go figure.
  10. And I think you are right about the gay issue. Why would God allow 99 percent of the christian tradition to agree for 2000 years , and more if we count judaism , that homosexuality is wrong and a grave sin if it wasn't? That is the basic argument I had. The argument from tradition, not just from Scripture. That is why I said it seems highly improbable to fit the two together.
  11. Well of you cannot accept that what you feel is inherently wrong you sure as hell cannot be a Christian !!! :))This in general not just for the sexuality side.
  12. The best rebuke and most funny rebuke to this was - I want to sin and not go to Hell. Who forces me to go then , against my will/ choice?
  13. One of the most important problems I ran into and still have not found any convincing answer. Proper testing methodology.
  14. This does lead me to think deeper about the nature of experience -. I sure would have like to have the necessary tools to conduct some studies - sadly , I do no own a rich fortune and university. sad face. I think I would to study something like biophysics or medical physics.
  15. I think saying you are spiritual but not religious usually means non affiliated religion. . It is a lot of semantics. Atheists believe in higher powers. I think most atheists believe that jupiter, the planet, not the god, has a whole lot more power than the entire earth. I mean it has moons similar to earth, no ? By the way jupiter the planet seems way more powerful than jupiter the god. Religion means many things so non religious also means many things. Note to self , more study of linguistics and philospphy of language.
  16. By the way, Just because scientific knowledge is lacking is not necesarilly an invitation or confirmation to do something. People did not know about sperm , dna , embriology to the level of now but they still procreated massively. I say this because I did not want that statement to be taken as anti anything. Things in reality tend to be more blurry and grey than we would like. But activists in many areas seem to be filled with fervor than they are with knowledge. Like many religious people. So it is a good idea to be aware of that , regardless of the area , religious or not.
  17. Ok , I was part of a tradition that puts higher emphasis on tradition and the interpretation of the church fathers than the text itself. It sees the text as a product of tradition , as in the oral transmission and continuity of the community of the revelation of the Holy Spirit. So probably that is why I still think of christianity in terms of its tradition more than the text. So in the EO tradition and the catholic ones which have the greatest argument for historical continuity homosexuality was and is obviously seen as a sin agains the nature of man I will leave it at that as I am not an expert on ancient languages. There is a clear commentary on that verse in Paul by revered EO bishop and saint from the 4th century John Chrysostom. To say Paul was not "aware" of the modern ideas of homosexuality which have not that much science behind them anyway but a whole of rhetoric( like many other talks about ethics anyway)- no gay gene discovered, no clear neurological findings as even said by gay writer Douglas Murray - this idea is plain false. He thought we were BORN with evil tendencies in our soul of which homosexuality is a small subset. He thought idolatry and stealing was the sign of the same fallen nature. The argument well why do same people experience same sex attraction if God does not want that is a no brainer for a christian - fallen nature of man. Also the influences of the devil. So thinking it is ok is , at least, a clean break with most christian tradition as far you can know. And again look at the other abrahamic religions , judaism and islam in their most traditional religious form. The same condemnation of homosexuality. I mean if this does not tell you the general view of christianity on the subject and the " acceptance " of homosexuality is a modern thing I do not know what will. But that is not even the issue at hand. I started a thread on interpretation and people have twisyed the scriptures to say anything they want. Putting in gay rights would be a minor variation compared to other things. So I will remain silent on the subject on this thread. I am sure there are entire books on the subject anyway. And I think you are interested in the main things not the minor ones. If not you would already have probably searched and went to a gay friendly church. And I do say it is a good thing first to check the basic stuff and then the rest. But hey , churches have split off because of the gregorian calendar. So much minor stuff have caused great ruptures it seems. :). I mean you could look up the nicene creed and say : what of this I believe? Deconversion is a wildly different process. There are similarities but some people feel free then aftr a while depressed some the exact opposite. Or none. So does conversion feel.different.
  18. You did not give him grief, his religious views did. If a man has a bad stomach and he feels a food is harming him, it is not the food it is his digestive system. I know, I had my fair of digestive issues. But he does want to heal his stomach just avoid eating.
  19. 1 Are you aware that the main christian denominations - catholic and eastern orthodox, but also this could apply to others, would consider your position heretical and actually they consider one another heretical ? Are you aware of the vision of the these churches on heresy ? They consider sin against the Holy spirit. Are you aware that is forbidden for an orthodox to pray with heretics or to participate in heretical worship services even ? Are you aware that there are multiple cotradictory understandings of the trinity and how salvation works inside the christian circles? About the Bible. Are you aware about the history of the text and about the huge history of its interpretation? Are you aware in general about the history of theological explanations, the seven ecumenical councils and so forth, the reformation, etc ? If so, why do you trust your interpretation better than hundreds of bishops from the early centuries of the church that would say your interpretation is demonic and heretical ? Do you believe in the concept of heresy as a distortion of christian doctrine? If so, how do you draw the line between a truthful and a false interpretation? Are you aware of Jewish interpretations of Scripture. There is a very outspoken and educated critic called tovias singer on it that says christian interpretations are a distortion. Are you aware that Mohamed had a clearly different idea of Jesus? Why do you not believe that? About experience and philosophy. I recommed a christian bishop and polecimist who argued for the truth of the experience of mystical monks in the 14 century, Gregorios Palama, a huge character in EasternOrthodox theology. I am curious to your answers to these. My previous church had some of course, but I am curious on where you stand on these issues. All these questions are just things about general christian culture, i am not trying to refute them or your position. Have a nice day!
  20. I might have not caught it, but are you part or consider yourself part of any official or less official Christian denomination? If not, what are your main beliefs and, if you can, say, where do you get them from? How did you reach those conclusions? Solely from personal inner experiences? Are there different types?
  21. First, I personally think it actually is harder and more schizophrenic to be openly gay and Christian than just openly gay and other things as secular of some sort. It is extremely clear, for me, that Jesus and probably Paul as seen in the Gospels were against ALL acting out sexual impulses. Paul clearly states that he desires that everyone be like him. Jesus said even a lustful desire is sin. And acting out sexuality is seen as a sort of compromise, in a heterosexual marriage. There was not and is not any early Christian school that I know of which considered homosexuality ok. And Jesus from the Gospels did not say anything about homosexuality because it was such a no brainer for the Jews at the time. He did not have to say it is not ok to rape women. It was clearly understood. He should have said something if he was FOR it. Make no mistake, 99 percent sure that Christianity thinks homosexuality is a perversion of human nature, and would have never been named "love". I feel only pity for the Christians that try to squeeze gay rights into the Bible/Christian doctrine. They have to be world class mental gymnasts and denialists to do it. In general, to try and mend together some modern rights issues with Christianity just gives birth to MORE contorted thinking. Gay-friendly Christian churches seem the most self deceiving part of the Christian world. Second, the general Christian idea is that we live in a fallen world, so most of our instincts are kind of poisoned and corrupted, in general. So its not just sexuality, it is everything, from the way we eat, talk, everything. We are taught to despise and try to tolerate/destroy this fallen nature, while waiting for the general ressurection. And a general disgust with this life. So, in the Christian sense, your life here, on this earth, means almost nothing in itself. It is a life of torment and the cross, in different ways, and those that dedicate themselves to happiness in this life will be severly punished - another contorted weird version is the prosperity Gospel which is like the anti-Gospel. Christianity is NOT a religion for anyone seeking happiness in THIS life. It is an apocalyptic religion par excellence. It does deny moments of happiness here, but its main thrust is the afterlife. So, from its point of view, your battle to abstain from homosexual impulses is just part of your cross which you will be rewarded for in the afterlife. The more one suffers for Christ here, like martyrs and monks, the more he is rewarded - this a common thread in most Christianity. The promise of Christianity is a happy AFTERLIFE, not a happy life. To the contrary. Everyone trying to live in Christi shall be persecuted, says the Gospels and the letters of Paul. The fact that many Christians seek a happy life here, a Christian government here, and that stuff just shows you how contradictory their behavior is when confronted with their beliefs. Of course, it does not preach obvious self mutilation, and permits some happy feelings and moments, but only as fleeting secondary things, in no case as the main thing. Like peanuts in a waiting room. Nice for snacking, but in no case the reason you came to the doctor. My advice is try to have as less contorted thinking as possible. This usually brings some peace to the mind. Our mind seems to CRAVE order.
  22. I just hope you get to be well from all points of view
  23. I do not know if this poster is still here, but I advise reading the work or listening to podcasts by Yuval Laor. I am not saying he is totally right, but he does at least offer some important insights and theories about some types of religious experiences. He calls them awe and fervor. Also there is a neuroscientist andrew deikman I believe his name, who coined the term neurotheology in order to answer some questions about the neurogical aspects of religious experience. Just as a thing. Prayer, and especially for some people , does produce powerful experiences. No doubt about it. Some things you want come true unexpectedly. No doubt about it. What this means? I do not really know at this moment. But here is test, taken right from the Gospel. Say to a mountain to move and throw itself into the sea. Let me know what happens, with pics. Why do I ask this? Jesus from the Gospels proved his divinity also through numerous miracles unseen before in quality and quantity , in front of thousands of witnesses in the age where technology and even stage magic was primitive. I never saw a priest or christian with such powers although they are promised in the Gospels. And such powers could not be just trickery and random events. So this is the standard of evidence for answered prayer, given IN the gospel not by a skeptic. After the mountain thing go in a cancer ward and heal everyone there by a simple touch. And then walk barefoot on a sea in a storm. Then go in Africa and end famine by multiplying bread and fish. I doubt you can do it but I am of too little faith and admit it. So do it. Or at least get bit by poisinous snake and not die like the apostle paul. (.i actually hope you will not do this). Plus I concede that you might have had an experience that actually proves God. Ok. That means nothing to me if I do not have the same experience. Do you understand what I am saying? Revelation, mystical revelation is first person. In the end I could only speculate about what you actually felt.
  24. How can one literally interpret the teachings of Jesus when in gospels he speaks mostly in parables which are not meant literally is beyond me.
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