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About KNC

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    spirituality, theology, writing, coffee, acts of mercy
  • More About Me
    at a theological crossroads

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    still believe in Divinity, in Jesus

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  1. KNC


    If you've found the peace you were seeking, I wish you all the best. I've discovered, since joining this forum, that I am still not an ex-Christian. My time here, thus far, has only affirmed my belief in Divinity. I still call myself Christian because of the Jesus I've come to know, not a particular church or doctrine I've come to know. My "encounters" with Divinity, with God, with Jesus, have been seeded and rooted inside. Right now I'm just walking without an institutional church. I also have a peace about this. Take care! "While man may prepare for many important events in life, the ultimate and most important readiness relates to man's encounter with God." (Kyle M. Yates, Jr.)
  2. Okay, I watched the video. I thought it was very interesting and the hosts seem like kind people. I was impressed with their interaction with the caller. However, nothing I've heard so far explains how my journal flew off the table, the being I saw, the things I heard and felt. In fact, when some of this was happening and I confided in some priests that actually believe in the spiritual realm, they thought I was crazy. Nevermind all the books they have on their shelves from the lives of the canonized saints who, some of them, had some pretty far-out, wacky things reported. I heard and felt some type of beings and saw one that made me feel something from a distance. Neither science nor the church has answers for me. Well, some in the church said I must be doing something wrong and I attracted those beings, even after a season of penitence. Needless to say I stopped telling them things because they made me feel worse. I am looking forward to Easter this year. I am looking forward to NOT sitting still and listening one more time about a bloody crucifixion. I really can't hear it anymore. In fact I asked to work that day. But I do have this love inside that grew only when I pursued things of God, or things I thought were of God. If pursuing God made me a more compassionate and loving person, then I am okay with that. My favorite verse is probably I John 4:16, which states God is love, and he that loveth dwelleth in God, and God in he. Now that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Love incarnate. Our love and our degrees of love can be "god-like." I also really appreciated a book by a Roman Catholic priest, Thomas Dubay, entitled "The Evidential Power of Beauty: Where Science and Theology Meet." I don't agree with all the theology, but it is a wonderful book weaving science and theology together.
  3. I do have that photo and made postcards and gave them away. I actually did try to upload it for my profile but it wouldn't upload.
  4. I will try to look at this over the weekend. Thanks. By the way, I thought somewhere in all this writing I made it clear I was no longer worshipping? I don't believe my God commands me to worship Him. The God you keep referring to is not the one I buy hook, line, and sinker.
  5. QUESTIONS: Dualism: Based on my understanding of dualism, I'm not a dualist. I don't believe there is ultimate Good and ultimate Evil that oppose each other and continuously battle things out for power. Battles of good and evil are fought, of course, but ultimately there is something outside of those battles. There is a higher standard outside of all the known standards. (1) I believe everyone has a Spirit/Soul, including animals. (2) I don't know what the composition is. It makes sense that my personal memories/beliefs/virtues/and/or flaws would be part of it. It is in real time and space. (3) I have no idea. I believe the Spirit/Soul returns somewhere or moves forward and evolves. (4) As a hypothetical, I believe my Spirt/Soul moves on and continues its journey. What is its meaning and purpose? I believe we are here to work on our Spirit/Soul. It is what goes on when all things physical pass away. We see life spring up all the time, die, and return. We see it in the plant kingdom. And that's just plants. How much more sophisticated are we? Why is the resurrection of a Soul difficult to believe? It is exciting to me to think of the possibilities.
  6. Thanks for the reply. I'm working on this one.
  7. First, I never said I wanted to be validated by the world of science. I believe in science. Science uncovers what's already there. I don't believe science and theology are enemies. They both question and desire to know what is true. My worldview can hold your worldview but yours can't include mine. My worldview presupposes that there are other realms/realities we cannot understand or measure at this time. What am I suspending if I am reporting the truth? I would love to know how my journal flew across the room. Is there a scientific law that could help me with this? I'll be glad to check it out. I was in my bedroom, no windows open, nothing crazy outside going on. I know you will immediately dismiss this, but it was after a night of spiritual warfare. Warfare in the unseen realm I've been writing about. It was like the being was angry and he/she/it "lost" the battle and so it picked up my spiritual journal and threw it across the room. That's only happened one time. I can't deny this experience or say it was a delusion. That would be dishonest. If someone came along now and demand I reject the whole unseen realm experiences or else they'd end my life or lock me up somewhere....well, I would not take anything back because it's all true. We accept that the sun rises and sun sets everyday. It hasn't changed so far. But if and when that changes, we will have to work with the new reality. I am working with a new reality and I don't expect anyone to blindly accept what I say. I totally understand the disbelief.
  8. I don't see the problem? I am open like a scientist, but when real experience becomes a variable, I have a new equation to think about. When the new experience comes along, I have to review my previous work and consider it honestly. I'm still in that consideration stage. I think the fact I was willing to be examined by mental health professionals, to honestly see where it lead, shows my commitment to being open. The white coats said I was sane and nondelusional. Should I now discredit that branch of science?
  9. The KIngdom of God is a hierarchy of another realm, of heavenly beings. That's what I've been shown. Jesus talked about us coming to God as a child and being born again in the spirit. He also spoke of the Kingdom of God as being within you. ("It doesn't come with your careful observation...") I asked God about this on Palm Sunday 2011. I was driving to a coastal town to visit a relative. At that time I was still married to an Episcopal priest and attending church. I "talked" to God during the several hours drive. I asked about church because I've never really been "churched." Later that day I went out to the beach by myself to take some photos. There was no one nearby and no trees or power lines or anything. I looked down in the sand and saw a perfect Gregorian shadow cross, with my own body as the vertical part. I took the picture and I got chills, for that it is when I "heard" a reminder that I, myself, am the temple (Corinthians). I grappled with the Bible quite a bit. I am mostly attracted to the prophets (principles and truths) and do believe there are sweeping metaphors and symbolism, not a bunch of literal craziness. You gotta love Micah's What does the Lord require of thee but to seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God? I see the Bible more as a bunch of notes of peoples' experiences. I am a writer and if someone collected all my writings they would clearly see that my body of work is not seamless. That doesn't make it less true or discredit me or mean I didn't write all of it. It would clearly show I had different styles and voices and techniques at various times, but all of it is authored by me. During the height of some of the spiritual warfare I encountered (like when my journal flew off the table) I found a lot of Paul's words to accurately describe what I was seeing. (rulers, principalities, and spiritual wickedness in high places) Is my god a capricious god? Well, I am open to where the truth leads. If it appears God is capricious, then I guess that could be true. It may not seem fair why God "shows" some people and not others, but then again, do you confide in every one you meet? To whom does God confide and why? To whom do you confide and why? I learned that the Kingdom of God is filled with three major groups: servants of God, friends of God, and lovers of God. I was a servant and then became closer and closer. As I was more and more open to growing spiritually, the more I "saw" and "heard."
  10. "You do have to explain why all valid scientific statistical studies..." Nope, don't have to explain what men and women in white coats and goggles are doing with their lives. They do what they do, surmise what they surmise, and I stick to the truth of my own life. No scientific study can measure my Soul. No scientific study can explain all the "coincidences" I've experienced. Once I prayed in a hotel room, sick as a dog, could hardly lift my head, and I fell down by the bed and opened a Psalm. I read it and prayed and immediately I was made well. Must've been something in the water. I don't really need the white coats to validate the truths of my life so far. I'm not seeking validation. You take randomness, I'll take the Kingdom of God.
  11. I'm determined to be a good scientist and go where the truth leads. Your premises are different from mine so we won't merge anytime soon. I still begin with a premise that what we see is not all there is. I have experiences that have not been satisfactorily explained yet, so I am still open and in the lab of life. The translucent being I saw appeared during a very normal afternoon. Nothing going on and there it was in the house. I was not afraid of it and it made its presence known in a way I do not wish to talk about yet. In 2010, when some of the experiences intensified, my ex-husband sent me to a hospital. I was there seven days. No one who saw me in the unit, the entire week, could find "anything wrong." Their exact words were: "We can't find anything wrong." No one in nine years, with several mental health professionals, has diagnosed me as being delusional. In fact, the last one I saw said she'd worked with schizophrenics most of her career and I was not schizophrenic. When I told her about the being I saw, about the book flying off the table, and other experiences, she believed me. I disagree with you that I have to explain why some prayers go unanswered. I absolutely do not! Why would I owe an explanation? I'm not claiming to be God or explain all the ways of God. I don't expect a good scientist, or a good skeptic, to explain everything that is not understood yet either. I don't dispute you when you write "these claims are made by people all over the world from different religions and gods." EXACTLY!!!! that is what I am open to...the truth. If it leads further from Christendom, then so be it. That is the scary part I had to submit to. I made up my mind to be honest when a theological teaching didn't coincide with my reality. I'll have to think on those other questions. Meanwhile, I look at the picture of the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains on my refrigerator. The mountains where I first encountered a deeply moving experience. On the back I have this quote: "I don't think you can be up here and look out the window as I did the first day and see the Earth from this vantage point, to look out at this kind of creation and not believe in God. To me, it's impossible--it just strengthens my faith. I wish there were words to describe what it's like." John Glenn (in a 1998 broadcast from the Discovery Space Shuttle)
  12. Glad you brought this up. I don't agree with that view of sexuality. In fact, in all these experiences I've had the past few years they have pointed to the beauty of sexuality and real intimacy. I don't want to explain yet or share some particular things I learned and how I learned them through this spiritual walk. I spoke earlier of the one time I was enraptured and the pleasure I felt is indescribable. A deep, deep communion that tingled all my senses and gave me total peace. I won't say more about this except I don't hold such a negative view of sexuality.
  13. I haven't thought about this in awhile. I used to read a lot of theology and I know there are all kinds of definitions, biblical and non biblical. What do I mean by it? I am pointing to Spirit as an immaterial reality. Some type of life force within us. There is the flesh/body and there is a spirit within that will go on when our bodies expire. I don't really differentiate Spirit from Soul, but I know some people do. C. S. Lewis said we are not bodies with souls, but a soul with a body. I believe we have a soul that will go on and what we do here matters. I have seen a figure, very translucent, in front of me. I don't know if it might be called a spirit being, an angel, or whatever. It didn't speak. I've only seen one. Not sure I answered the question very well, but I mostly mean Spirit as an immaterial reality within us. But that still doesn't sound quite right, what I mean. I'll have to think on that some more.
  14. That's really cute:) I have heard of spontaneous combustion. Is that fact or myth? I guess I joined here prematurely. I guess I am not an ex-Christian yet. At least I'm not abandoning Jesus Christ yet. Or he hasn't abandoned me. Today I thought about the miracle of my golden retriever. His vet was a top vet in Columbia, SC and he was Jewish. It's relevant he was Jewish because when he couldn't explain the "miracle" (he was about to put my dog to sleep for a serious health condition). The vet spent weeks calling all his colleagues, trying to find an explanation, rather than accept a possible miracle. He finally stopped calling us. We told him we had cried over him and brought it before the Lord and he was healed. I didn't pray a formal prayer or go to church or any of those things. I simply cried and in a very personal way talked about how much I loved him and he was still young and I didn't want him to die. Early the next morning he stood in the kitchen, wagging his tail, completely healed. We called the vet and he had us bring him in to do exploratory surgery to find out what happened. The vet could never find anything wrong. It really bothered him. Now, why God heals some and not others I have no idea. A skeptic would ignore the timing of it...the fact that for weeks the dog's condition had only worsened. There were no ups and downs. Just down, down, down. But only after that prayer, almost immediately, did something extraordinary happen. Coincidence? The first few experiences I (since 1999) I might have considered coincidences. But after so many I just can't follow the skeptic road. (Especially after I saw some kind of being in 2011/12). Nope, I can't say I'm a total ex-Christian yet. I'm not satisfied with the skeptic road, the secular humanist road, or the atheist road. I can say, however, that I am not a John 3:16 Christian and I do not believe I am commanded to worship and I am not sitting around wondering about the Second Coming. I don't really fit in with a lot of other Christian teaching. But Jesus? If he's the one who whispered Lord Sabaoth to me one night, he's still got me.
  15. P.S. In reference to hierarchies/creatures: why do we have National Wildlife Funds and other things set up to "help" the animals below us? Do we not come together as a people and try to help them, make their time here better, build shelters for them, etc? Do the animals understand all this? Did my beloved golden retriever know everything done on his behalf? It makes sense that it is possible there are higher entities who feel the same about us. Do we understand what they may try to do on our behalf? How and what their limits are and how it all works, we just don't know. But I do know I have communicated with higher beings without understanding it all.