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offorrest

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About offorrest

  • Rank
    Curious

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Amsterdam
  • Interests
    Writing, dancing/music, crafting
  • More About Me
    Better late than never, I figured out what I am not to see what I am. I hope after making myself so small for years due to fear, to see the worthy human in me, to believe in myself.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No

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  1. @DanForsman that's really good advice. I have been thinking of something similar: “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” There was one thing that made me look back. Recently I applied for this private business school that I was so enthusiastic about and they adviced me to read a book by Napoleon Hill on positive thinking, who ironically references the bible. And it triggered me all over again and I doubt that I should get with their program which is led by Napoleons ideas. But you're totally right, I should just feel confident about my decision and indeed not waiste my valuable time trying to study every bit.
  2. Thank you for your reply. I'm glad it resonates with other people. I'm trying to make sense of that reasoning too. Thanks to all of you on this website I found the guts to explore the human psyche outside of guidelines of the faith. And I was just blown away. Most recently by this video:
  3. Hello everyone, It has been a few months since I've discovered this site and for the first time didn't feel alone in my frustration with the christian faith. I was familiar with different denominations. From megachurches to pentecostals. As a teen I simply wanted to understand the faith before choosing to be born again. But I was mentally weak and gave in to the pressure. With pain in my heart I consoled myself with so much punishment that would somehow make me a better person. I doubted my conversion because it wasn't my will. All I wanted was assurance for the end of my days. All I wanted was comfort but it never seemed to come my way. I watched everyone find consolance, meet Jesus. I was simply counting my days. My life was not that awesome, all the things I loved I had put it away. From music to expression, my curiosity which was endless, I made my life an oppression, my darkest pits seemed bottomless. I saw a light in my obsession for everything that made life better. I saw a life that could only be lived once. If only I knew better. Better than when I was 17. Now I am 23. I don't want the bible to be a good thing, a helper. I don't want my examples (idols) to say the bible helped them. I don't want the bible to be the truth. I don't want the bible to show me my identity. I don't want the bible to tell me what to do. I don't want the bible to represent true beauty. Because to me, the bible wasn't helpful nor a good thing. The bible made people's spirits enemies. The bible told me my thoughts&feelings weren't true. The bible told me I was unworthy. The bible didn't inspire me, it told me what to do. The bible made me fear my true beauty.
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